by Tracee Sioux

I am math retarded, I heard myself say in the car with my three-year-old daughter and my husband.

We were quarrelling about my refusal to participate in our family finances.

When kids are born they don't really understand so you can get away with shouting the F word or hissing a satisfying little damn it. It's not till they start talking that you clean up the toilet talk.

Same thing with putting myself down about my appearance and my ability to do math. I read this little book called Growing a Girl: Seven Strategies for Raising a Strong, Spirited Daughter and realized the consequences of saying that I, her mother and her feminine role model, was math retard was going to effectively shut her out of math. If I shut her out of math then I shut her out of technology. If I shut her out of technology then I shut her out of possibilities for high paying science related jobs.

That's a big consequence for a seemingly minor comment about my loathing of math.

I realized I had always felt shut out of math myself. I realized the entire time I had to take math in school it was taught to me by men to whom math came easily. These men didn't feel much like waiting around for me to catch up. And when I would ask question like, Why should I know algebra? How is this ever going to be applicable to me? They would site my need to convert a recipe. Since I had already resolved not to spend my life cooking and cleaning I felt math was something I could do without. Not once did I challenge myself numbers- or science-wise. In fact in college I made the argument that I should not be required to attend math classes as they only confused me further. I hired a tutor to help me pass College Algebra 101. I took a 6 week crash course for Algebra 105 and baked the teacher cookies for my C-.

I was single and managed my own finances relatively well for 10 years, but the second I got married I felt relieved of the responsibility of financial matters. Why shouldn't he do it?

Finally, I could just go back to hating math and all things related to it.

Unfortunately he didn't care for math as a subject either. We had too much in common. Surely it would have been better had one of us been a numbers-lover.

For my daughter, more than my husband, I decided to stop loudly declaring that I was math retarded. Turns out that though math doesn't come as easily to me as it might to some, I can get pretty passionate about it. By reading Dave Ramsey's book Financial Peace Revisited I realized how math really applies to me. Reading Suze Orman's Women & Money: Owning the Power to Control Your Destiny showed me how to value and protect my own financial interests, and The Millionaire Next Door gave me insight into how other people have so much more stuff than I do, even though we have similar incomes.

How do I define myself now? I am extremely competent in areas of math. Which means my daughter will be too.

Did anyone see that crazy woman on Oprah who sabotaged her whole family by having the appetite of a billionaire rock star when her income was upper-middle class? Now that woman is math retarded.

I mean retarded in the literal context: my development in the area of math was slowed, hindered or stunted. I do not mean retarded in the context of slamming those with mental disabilities.

I find it terribly unempowering when debt eats you alive. Going into debt is something I will teach my daughter not to do. But, really it's hard when we suffer so as Americans from stuffitis. Our girls are marketed to in an aggressive way and one of the best ways to teach them not to be so concerned with things is to learn how to manage our own financial lives.

There is a Carnival of Debt Management that I have posted my article, I saw Satan on TV, (and He's a Little Dork) on. I can't vouch for the soundness of all the blogs, but hopefully you'll find some that make you rethink debt.

Live within your means and become wealthy with The Total Money Makeover: A Proven Plan for Financial Fitness and Financial Peace Revisited. It's a hard plan to get rid of all your debt and build a sound foundation in your financial life, but it's a worthy one.

Really, I think Dave Ramsey should start paying me a monthly ad fee, don't you?

Also, Suze Orman has some great stuff for women specifically. How many of us are dependent? I am and it's a little scary, and probably more than a little stupid. I haven't read her book Women & Money: Owning the Power to Control Your Destiny yet. She's right that women are stupid not to have our own money, but right now I'm a stay-at-home-mom and I don't see how I can set aside my own emergency fund as she recommends. There's just not enough left over. But, that shouldn't stop me from telling my daughter that having her own money and not being entirely dependent is important.

By Tracee Sioux

I started a book club two months ago. A lovely woman showed up and suggested we call it Between the Covers. It implies something just a little naughty - I dig it.

I have always wanted a group of women that I hang out with on a regular basis and I'm a huge reader. I kept wishing this into my life. But, you know, I live in a small town and I never got an invitation.

That's the problem - I was waiting for an invitation. Two months ago I decided I would extend the invitation and suffer the possible rejection of no one wanting to come to my book club. Cause really, that's what's hard about making new friends - the possible rejection.

I want it to be some place where an eclectic group of women meet and share something of themselves and let's face it - get out of the house without their kids or significant others.

The interesting thing has been the rejections. Yes, I've asked women that I've seen around town to come and they've not even considered the idea. Not even for two seconds. But, the rejection hasn't been about me (no I don't like you enough to hang out once a month).

It's been about the lack of time and money available to spend on themselves. Let's face it, to be in a book club you have to buy the book. I buy all books used at Amazon or at a garage sale or after a trade with a used book store because we're on the Dave Ramsey http://traceesioux.blogspot.com/2007/01/shut-up-john-mayer-stop-waiting-for.html zero-based budget plan and it must come out of my blow money. So, we aren't reading new releases at my book club. But you still have to be willing to spend a couple of bucks on yourself. Then, you have to actually make the time for yourself to read the book. Yes, take the book into the bathtub or to bed with you and stay awake long enough to read a couple of pages. You have to say, hey, I deserve some time to be off in my own head and read for a little while. And then you have to find a babysitter or make sure your spousage (stole that term off another blog - be flattered) understands that he must be home in time to watch the kids so you can actually GO to the book club for an hour-and-a-half. Knowing that childcare would be a problem I even arranged the book club to be on a day where babysitting is available at the local indoor playground, but then you have to decide that me-time is worth the $3 an hour it costs to leave the kids there. For some, that's a problem cause it's just not in the zero-based budget, especially if you're dropping off three or four kids.

Anywho. The point is that some women I've talked to have just said, no way can I afford myself all of that time and energy. Maybe they have other ways to take time for themselves and I truly hope that is so. But, it worries me to think that they have reserved nothing for themselves because if that's the case I think the messages they are sending to the entire family are negative.

The message is: Women don't deserve time or money to spend on themselves. Daughters grow up being the same relentless super-women their own mothers are and emulate the behavior of never taking time to relax and enjoy their own interests. Sons grow up and expect their wives to sacrifice every second for the family.

Robin McGraw actually wrote a whole book, Inside My Heart, http://www.amazon.com/Inside-My-Heart-Choosing-Passion/dp/078521836X/ref=pd_bbs_1/103-9541949-9891038?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1175357195&sr=8-1 about women needing to take time for themselves. Now, I haven't read it because I haven't yet found it at a garage sale and it would be a little too naughty of me to spend $24.99 on a book. But, the gist according to the one-hour advertisement on Dr. Phil when she released the book was, women are driving themselves to the ground by never taking time for themselves and perhaps it's best to be a little naughty and take the time to explore personal interests before you drive yourself into an early grave with all this self-sacrifice.

by Tracee Sioux

I was watching a PBS documentary, Secret History of the Credit Card, when Andrew Kahr appeared on my screen and my first impression was, "Huh, that's not at all how I pictured Satan". I thought he would be a sexy and dangerous "bad boy." This little weasel was short and scrawny and a total dork.

Kahr, a credit card industry consultant, makes the Mafia look like Girl Scouts. He was touting some of his achievements: convincing credit card companies to drop the minimum payment to two percent, thus enslaving borrowers with more interest for much, much longer. He's also the evil genius who started the zero percent mass mailings that nearly everyone has fallen for at least once (you know where if you don't pay in full by the due date the interest goes up to 30% and is retroactive). Also one of his favorites is raising your interest rate arbitrarily on money you have already borrowed because of some obscure information they have received about other of your credit accounts, without having to justify themselves. He's also the little demon who kept thinking up great "fees" to appear on your bill and then gather still more interest.

Now, this bit of information doesn't directly affect me because I don't have and never will have another credit card as long as I live. Mind you, that's not because I'm exceptionally wealthy or particularly financially savvy. Mostly it's because I've tasted first-hand the bitter-bitter fruit of credit card debt and come out the other end of a bankruptcy. I've paid all the stupid tax to those loan sharks I ever intend to pay.

Before you go thinking, well, of course you don't have credit cards they won't give you anymore after a bankruptcy - think again. We weren't two months out of our bankruptcy before we began receiving the same avalanche of credit card offers in the mail. We are actually their preferred customers, contrary to their statements (read: big fat lies) in front of the current Senate Banking Committee investigation into credit card practices.

We're exactly who they look for in a customer. We, and probably you too, meet all the desirable credit card customer criteria:

1. We want more than we can afford to buy.
2. We don't make enough to buy what is considered basic stuff for the American middle-class lifestyle like a house and decent cars.
3. We are gainfully employed and therefore have an income to pay minimum payments with.
4. We graduated from high school and college without an understanding of how they calculate an APR or any other interest. Also without any understanding of how much money we could actually make in our careers.
5. We are forever hopeful and optimistic about our future earning potential, meaning since we expect to make more money in the future and work towards that goal, we believe we'll be able to make future payments with greater ease.

The Senate Banking Committee is Examining the Billing, Marketing, and Disclosure Practices of the Credit Card Industry, and Their Impact on Consumers, in their current hearings on Credit Card Practices. I would love to be more optimistic about any legislative bills that result from this, but mostly I heard a lot of qualifying about how credit cards are good for Americans, even though there are some disturbing trends.

The chairman of this committee is headed by Senator Christopher J. Dodd, a Democrat from Connecticut. He makes a statement on his website supporting credit card companies even while he investigates their questionable practices.

"I support them. I strongly believe in the product and its potential to give consumers greater convenience and access to capital."

He goes on to warn:

"If you currently engage in any business practice that you would be ashamed to discuss before this Committee, I would strongly encourage you to cease and desist that practice. Irrespective of the current legality of such practices, you should take a long, hard look at how you treat your customers, both in the short term and the long term."

Wouldn't it be lovely if strong encouragement was all it took for amoral and emotionless credit card corporations to stop screwing the American family? Not to mention that Satan himself, Kahr, is a kajillionaire precisely because he could care less about the nightmare many families face every day at the mailbox.

Unfortunately, we live in a world where debt and credit card companies are the biggest reason couples get divorced. More than half the couples in this country are divorcing. Now, since I had to take College Algebra rather than anything useful like "how to manage your personal finances," I can't do the math of exactly how many actual families are destroyed by credit cards and their evil poster boy Kahr. But, I can tell you that if half the families are breaking up over debt and money problems then America is suffering from some pretty serious mental and emotional issues that center around money and we need to get a handle on it.

The average family living in the United States has over $9,300 of credit card debt. In comparison, the median household income was about $46,000 in 2005. So for all the people out there who find themselves in debt anxiety, otherwise known as hell - and statistically, that's most of you - don't hate your spouse, hate Andrew Kahr and the credit card companies that employ him.

Also, get some help. My husband and I took an invaluable course called Financial Peace University that educated us about personal finances and it's changed the way we manage our own money. Dave Ramsey teaches the course in little satellite classes on DVD that are offered in community centers and churches all over the country. The class costs about $100 depending on how many students enroll and I promise you will make up that $100 in your first year of Zero Based Budgeting.

To Dodd and his Senate Banking Committee, I think I'd like to see less strong encouragement and more actual LAWS to govern the corrupt credit card industry. I'd also like to see Andrew Kahr given a life-sentence to solitary confinement for the horrible crimes against humanity he has committed - the committee should at least fine him a kajillion dollars.

And for Heaven's sake don't click on all the Google ads that will pop up on this blog as a result of my writing about a credit card problem. You don't want any more cards, credit is not your friend, and I don't need the income from clicks to credit card ads.

To find the Financial Peace University course nearest you just enter your zip code at this link:
http://www.daveramsey.com/

To find out more about the terrible trauma Andrew Kahr has directly caused in your life:
www.answers.com/topic/andrew-kahr

To find out more about the Senate Banking Commitee Hearing on Credit Card Practices, maybe even shoot him an email:
http://dodd.senate.gov/