Dear God and Dave Ramsey:

Not that you’re one and the same or like you have the same address or anything, but you both live in the money department of my brain.

This is what I look like in the mornings. My eyes are sealed shut with monkey poop and they hurt, the lids are sore and red and the sinuses below them are full of fluid and puffy and swollen. I have to do a sinus wash and take a bunch of Benadryl before they stop hurting and itching and before I can breath. I don’t buy the Zyrtec, which helps more, because it’s a $50 copay and that’s not in our zero-based budget. The generic Benadryl is only $4 and it seems to help, but it wears off in my sleep and the window air conditioner blows everything I’m allergic to straight onto me all night long and I wake up in a swollen, itchy, painful mess.

My baby used to take a bunch of allergy medicine because he’s had a rattle in his chest since he was born. But, the Dr. said just forget giving it to him because it wasn’t even helping his constant congestion. So, now I take him for a lymph node massage and that’s only $10 and it helps him a lot. I usually end up using my blow money to take him to this therapy, Dave. In fact I rarely ever get to blow my blow money.

It’s the allergies. The pediatrician says it’s the mold in our tiny rented house and we should move immediately. Plus, the hay fever from having window air conditioners that blow all the pollen straight into the house.

Oh God, thank you so much for the money to buy a new window unit this year. It was expensive, but I just couldn’t take another year in the sweltering East Texas humidity at 103 degrees, Dave. It really will make you physically sick to sit in a house that feels like an oven all day long. I really would be perfectly happy with this solution if the pollen didn’t make me and the kids ill. Winters are a problem though, as the city has outlawed the use of the only heat source we have because it’s a serious carbon-monoxide risk (as the soot on my walls can attest to).

Dave, we finally paid off a ton of debt, around $8,000 probably. And we had a paid for, debt-free, we-own-him-outright, baby in the meantime. We took the crappy jobs and go without all kinds of stuff. But, I’ve still got a whopper of a student loan. My husband got a great new job with a big fat raise so we can finally make our minimum payments and get my student loan out of deferment. I graduated over 10 years ago. In college, they failed to teach me about how an interest rate accrues but they made me spend an entire year trying to figure out what the square root of something was. We’ve been “paying our professional dues” and have never made enough to pay the ever interest-accruing burden. My husband was pretty depressed that our actual lifestyle wasn’t improving with his new job. Who wouldn't be?

But, we’re afraid to get in over our heads with a mortgage. So many people we know are in a scary place with their mortgages. When you change jobs, that’s the only time you can cash out the 401K. We want to buy a house. That’s everyone’s American Dream isn’t it? After the penalties and taxes we’d have about $5,000 for a down payment, closing costs and moving expenses. It doesn’t seem like enough. But, it feels like this might be the only time we’ll ever have even that much all at once.

Dave, I know you say that $7,000 401K should stay in where it is and we should save up a 20% down payment and continue living here in this mold-ridden two bedroom house we’ve outgrown. Financial Peace Revisited even says we should save a real emergency fund of $20,000 before buying the house. Economically, that $7,000 is supposed to somehow turn into a million when we’re 65, or are they making us wait until 68 to retire now? And I guess we'll need it, becaue I just got a letter from Social Security saying they'll be paying me $335 a month when I retire and I certainly can't live on that. But, now that we have to pay that student loan it feels like we’re back to square one. There is no money left over to save. How are we going to save $80,000 to move out of here, Dave? Right now $80,000 feels a lot like never. (And Suzi Orman – where the hell am I supposed to come up with money for my own savings account?)

Thank you God, for our new mini-van. We HAD to buy a new car, the other one was dead, Dave. We drove the humiliatingly ugly thing around for 3-4 years but it really was finally dead and we bought the van with cash. Just like we’re supposed to, Dave. I have to admit, it really did feel pretty good. I felt like something brand new, only without any anxiety or burdens. It was definitely worth the wait not to finance a new car.

We gave up the envelopes after two years simply because it was ridiculous to carry around empty envelopes, Dave. We spend all our money in about one day – grocery and bill day – then the envelopes are just mocking us, empty as can be.

I haven’t gone home to see my family in two years because the price of gas is too much to justify. Like losers we’re letting my parents give us gas money to come home this year to meet my brother’s new baby. Two of my siblings haven't met my toddler either. My parents had to pay for the last trip too. It's too humbling.

We boycotted Christmas with the extended family and buy all our kid’s gifts and our clothes and furniture from garage sales. But, I confess to adding the expenditure of cell phones. I tried to say no, but my husband, well he HAD to have it. He said he could drive the ugliest car without a radio to work for the mileage, but he wanted to be able to talk on the phone during his 45-minute commute and he needed the “status” of something Dave. He needed it. It was a deal breaker. I fought it, I did. But, he deserved one thing for getting a new job, didn’t he?

We also kept basic cable. Dave, you can’t stick me in the house staying home with the kids, trying to get something done without a TV. We don’t even get ONE free station out here in the boonies Dave. Not even one. But, we cancelled the HBO so please, no one tell me what happened on the last season of The Sopranos and don't tell me about Big Love either. I did keep wearing makeup and doing my hair every 5 months and last week I bought Ainsley a brand new package of panties, as she’d been complaining for months. I snuck it into the grocery fund. We had to keep the Internet for work purposes, but we’re keeping our receipts for taxes. We’re taking the write-offs this year. We also added a babysitting fund of $20 every Thurs. We figure our marriage has to be more important than paying off my student loan doesn’t it? Never eating out or going to do anything fun pretty much ruins a marriage seems like.

So, maybe we’re not your textbook Gazelles going at our debt with what you would call intensity. But, we’ve paid a full tithe – that’s on our GROSS God, our Gross income – every single payday for several years now.

We’ve made a zero-based budget every single month, Dave. And we’ve stuck to it as well as anyone else without a crystal ball can. We’ve kept our emergency fund as close to $1,000 as possible. I’m working my butt off, writing from home, taking the leap of faith, just like you told me to God. My husband's taking every freelance job that comes his way. And we haven’t financed one single thing or put a single dime on any credit card, Dave. That’s something right?

Most days I’m optimistic and I’m so sickeningly grateful for this roof over our heads, cars that get us where we need to go and my husband’s job that provides a steady enough income to make our payments. I’m a huge bragger about the bargains I get at garage sales and as proud of being thrifty as anyone you’ll ever meet. I recommend the Dave Ramsey program to everyone I meet and I constantly remind my husband that we’re so close, so very close, just hold on one more minute, in 5 years this will seem like a blip, this is just what it’s like on the way up, just be a little tiny bit more patient.

But, then there comes a morning like this one. Where I wake up with allergies so bad my eyes are sealed shut from a moldy house with no central air, and a sick kid that I’m not taking to the doctor because I didn’t put the co-pay in the budget, and I’m having to mooch off my parents at the age of 33 to buy enough gas to see my family, and I’m kind of sick of it. I’m so totally OVER being the working poor and trying to live within our means.

So God, I’m ready for a major financial windfall any day now. In fact, NOW would not be too soon. And Dave, I’m working on Financial Peace, but sometimes I have to admit this feels more like pain than peace and it seriously sucks!

I find it terribly unempowering when debt eats you alive. Going into debt is something I will teach my daughter not to do. But, really it's hard when we suffer so as Americans from stuffitis. Our girls are marketed to in an aggressive way and one of the best ways to teach them not to be so concerned with things is to learn how to manage our own financial lives.

There is a Carnival of Debt Management that I have posted my article, I saw Satan on TV, (and He's a Little Dork) on. I can't vouch for the soundness of all the blogs, but hopefully you'll find some that make you rethink debt.

Live within your means and become wealthy with The Total Money Makeover: A Proven Plan for Financial Fitness and Financial Peace Revisited. It's a hard plan to get rid of all your debt and build a sound foundation in your financial life, but it's a worthy one.

Really, I think Dave Ramsey should start paying me a monthly ad fee, don't you?

Also, Suze Orman has some great stuff for women specifically. How many of us are dependent? I am and it's a little scary, and probably more than a little stupid. I haven't read her book Women & Money: Owning the Power to Control Your Destiny yet. She's right that women are stupid not to have our own money, but right now I'm a stay-at-home-mom and I don't see how I can set aside my own emergency fund as she recommends. There's just not enough left over. But, that shouldn't stop me from telling my daughter that having her own money and not being entirely dependent is important.

By Tracee Sioux

I started a book club two months ago. A lovely woman showed up and suggested we call it Between the Covers. It implies something just a little naughty - I dig it.

I have always wanted a group of women that I hang out with on a regular basis and I'm a huge reader. I kept wishing this into my life. But, you know, I live in a small town and I never got an invitation.

That's the problem - I was waiting for an invitation. Two months ago I decided I would extend the invitation and suffer the possible rejection of no one wanting to come to my book club. Cause really, that's what's hard about making new friends - the possible rejection.

I want it to be some place where an eclectic group of women meet and share something of themselves and let's face it - get out of the house without their kids or significant others.

The interesting thing has been the rejections. Yes, I've asked women that I've seen around town to come and they've not even considered the idea. Not even for two seconds. But, the rejection hasn't been about me (no I don't like you enough to hang out once a month).

It's been about the lack of time and money available to spend on themselves. Let's face it, to be in a book club you have to buy the book. I buy all books used at Amazon or at a garage sale or after a trade with a used book store because we're on the Dave Ramsey http://traceesioux.blogspot.com/2007/01/shut-up-john-mayer-stop-waiting-for.html zero-based budget plan and it must come out of my blow money. So, we aren't reading new releases at my book club. But you still have to be willing to spend a couple of bucks on yourself. Then, you have to actually make the time for yourself to read the book. Yes, take the book into the bathtub or to bed with you and stay awake long enough to read a couple of pages. You have to say, hey, I deserve some time to be off in my own head and read for a little while. And then you have to find a babysitter or make sure your spousage (stole that term off another blog - be flattered) understands that he must be home in time to watch the kids so you can actually GO to the book club for an hour-and-a-half. Knowing that childcare would be a problem I even arranged the book club to be on a day where babysitting is available at the local indoor playground, but then you have to decide that me-time is worth the $3 an hour it costs to leave the kids there. For some, that's a problem cause it's just not in the zero-based budget, especially if you're dropping off three or four kids.

Anywho. The point is that some women I've talked to have just said, no way can I afford myself all of that time and energy. Maybe they have other ways to take time for themselves and I truly hope that is so. But, it worries me to think that they have reserved nothing for themselves because if that's the case I think the messages they are sending to the entire family are negative.

The message is: Women don't deserve time or money to spend on themselves. Daughters grow up being the same relentless super-women their own mothers are and emulate the behavior of never taking time to relax and enjoy their own interests. Sons grow up and expect their wives to sacrifice every second for the family.

Robin McGraw actually wrote a whole book, Inside My Heart, http://www.amazon.com/Inside-My-Heart-Choosing-Passion/dp/078521836X/ref=pd_bbs_1/103-9541949-9891038?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1175357195&sr=8-1 about women needing to take time for themselves. Now, I haven't read it because I haven't yet found it at a garage sale and it would be a little too naughty of me to spend $24.99 on a book. But, the gist according to the one-hour advertisement on Dr. Phil when she released the book was, women are driving themselves to the ground by never taking time for themselves and perhaps it's best to be a little naughty and take the time to explore personal interests before you drive yourself into an early grave with all this self-sacrifice.

By Tracee Sioux

The intention of this blog is to give great advice on how to empower yourself and empower your daughter. Many times I'm writing as an issue comes up with my daughter. This means that I am putting my advice in to practice and I intend to update readers with the reality of how effective my advice has been -- for me.

I invite you to let me know if you have implemented any suggestions and to leave comments about whether or not my advice was effective for you.

Going backwards . . .

Yes, she's a Brat

Ainsley is a brat this season. I called and asked them to change her team and they didn't even call me back. They said it would leave her team with only 8 players and that's not allowed.

I could choose to pick up my ball and go home. And I guess that would be a valid decision to make.

But, Ainsley is a Superstar!!! She loves the game, she's getting great exercise and she totally ROCKS at soccer! She literally stopped the Grasshoppers from scoring, stole the ball and RAN it down the entire length of the field and she SCORED!! She did that 3 times on Saturday.

I've thought of making an acronym with the letters in BRATZ -- remember when we were kids and we used to say "Yeah I'm a PIG - Pretty Intelligent Girl." I thought about writing it downwards on the shirt. Brave, Radical, Athletic, Team, Zorro . . . (obviously, that's a work in progress - wordsmiths can come up with something better and email me suggestions @ traceesioux@yahoo.com).

I really have to say though that it has given me a great opportunity to discuss why I believe Bratz are a bad idea with parents who never thought about it before. I've discussed it with my book club, with parents at a birthday party, with the parents and coach of Ainsley's team and we're only 3 weeks into the season. I believe the discussion is helpful to other parents, making them examine what they really think about it. Honestly, I believe most of them have a gut feeling that those Bratz dolls are a bad influence, but they really don't know that they can stand up to the mass marketing to our children.

Best of all, it's given me opportunities to teach Ainsley these lessons:

• Stand up for yourself, it's not that bad to stand alone.
• Never shut up to appease or go along with the crowd.
• We define our own selves, not our shirts, our team names or other people.
• Principles are important.
• Sometimes we have to choose between two principles
• Find the positive in a situation.
• Don't quit, be a good sport and handle yourself with poise and dignity.

But, next season we'll repool and find another team during enrollment or we'll change the team name to Happy Feet. I think I'll volunteer to coach too. http://traceesioux.blogspot.com/2007/02/go-bratz-go.html

Our Sin Beauty Bank is empty -- and that's a good thing

The Sin Beauty Bank has been hugely effective. It's empty - we spent the 75 cents that was in it. Ainsley has only said anything weighty about her body once and that was to get attention from some self-loathing relatives we were visiting.

Just the act of deciding that we would not criticize our bodies anymore was very effective. Even better, I've been extremely grateful about my body which has increased my self-worth.

I'm getting so strong and could actually run a mile now and I feel so powerful when I work out. It's increased health I really aim for.

Sometimes while I do Yoga I just pray, "Thank you God for this healthy and strong body. I feel so magnificently powerful - like I can do anything - when I am in warrior pose. This fantastic body grew two perfect, healthy babies, thanks for that miracle of an opportunity. Thanks for my breasts that held up rather well and for my abs which are finding strength again." http://traceesioux.blogspot.com/2007/01/self-loathing-sin-bank.html

Husband's education paid for

Through Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace University we have paid off around $8,000 in bills, including my husband's student loan. We are down to one bill - my student loan.

I still find myself envying what other people have on occasion - especially when I go to their homes and see all their beautiful and coordinated furniture and art. But, then I find out that it's all financed and they are getting ulcers from the stress of paying for all their pretty financed things.

That's when I thank God that we learned our lesson and we will never, ever finance anything but a home. So, when you come to my house and envy my things one day, know that I OWN it outright and I saved the money to buy it. It's a position of liberation.

Interestingly, that last two people I can recall envying have been more than excited to hear about Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace University and confessed that though they appear to have it all, they sometimes bounce checks or miss payments due to being overextended. http://traceesioux.blogspot.com/2007/01/i-saw-satan-on-tv-and-hes-little-dork.html

Not a Princess-Nazi

We still have a rule about no princesses, but today Ainsley was given some dress-up clothes with Cinderella and Ariel's profile on them.

I let her keep them. I reminded her that I don't care for princesses because Cinderella could have gone to law school and saved herself and Ariel shouldn't have give-up her gifts and talents or her right to speak to find a boyfriend.

She can't help it - she still likes those stupid princesses. She wants to please me, but she also wants to wear that dress. I don't want to be so strict about it that she loves the princesses even more, because my gut tells me that will turn out badly.

So, sometimes I conscientiously let her break the princess ban if someone hands something down. http://traceesioux.blogspot.com/2007/01/princess-ban.html

by Tracee Sioux

I was watching a PBS documentary, Secret History of the Credit Card, when Andrew Kahr appeared on my screen and my first impression was, "Huh, that's not at all how I pictured Satan". I thought he would be a sexy and dangerous "bad boy." This little weasel was short and scrawny and a total dork.

Kahr, a credit card industry consultant, makes the Mafia look like Girl Scouts. He was touting some of his achievements: convincing credit card companies to drop the minimum payment to two percent, thus enslaving borrowers with more interest for much, much longer. He's also the evil genius who started the zero percent mass mailings that nearly everyone has fallen for at least once (you know where if you don't pay in full by the due date the interest goes up to 30% and is retroactive). Also one of his favorites is raising your interest rate arbitrarily on money you have already borrowed because of some obscure information they have received about other of your credit accounts, without having to justify themselves. He's also the little demon who kept thinking up great "fees" to appear on your bill and then gather still more interest.

Now, this bit of information doesn't directly affect me because I don't have and never will have another credit card as long as I live. Mind you, that's not because I'm exceptionally wealthy or particularly financially savvy. Mostly it's because I've tasted first-hand the bitter-bitter fruit of credit card debt and come out the other end of a bankruptcy. I've paid all the stupid tax to those loan sharks I ever intend to pay.

Before you go thinking, well, of course you don't have credit cards they won't give you anymore after a bankruptcy - think again. We weren't two months out of our bankruptcy before we began receiving the same avalanche of credit card offers in the mail. We are actually their preferred customers, contrary to their statements (read: big fat lies) in front of the current Senate Banking Committee investigation into credit card practices.

We're exactly who they look for in a customer. We, and probably you too, meet all the desirable credit card customer criteria:

1. We want more than we can afford to buy.
2. We don't make enough to buy what is considered basic stuff for the American middle-class lifestyle like a house and decent cars.
3. We are gainfully employed and therefore have an income to pay minimum payments with.
4. We graduated from high school and college without an understanding of how they calculate an APR or any other interest. Also without any understanding of how much money we could actually make in our careers.
5. We are forever hopeful and optimistic about our future earning potential, meaning since we expect to make more money in the future and work towards that goal, we believe we'll be able to make future payments with greater ease.

The Senate Banking Committee is Examining the Billing, Marketing, and Disclosure Practices of the Credit Card Industry, and Their Impact on Consumers, in their current hearings on Credit Card Practices. I would love to be more optimistic about any legislative bills that result from this, but mostly I heard a lot of qualifying about how credit cards are good for Americans, even though there are some disturbing trends.

The chairman of this committee is headed by Senator Christopher J. Dodd, a Democrat from Connecticut. He makes a statement on his website supporting credit card companies even while he investigates their questionable practices.

"I support them. I strongly believe in the product and its potential to give consumers greater convenience and access to capital."

He goes on to warn:

"If you currently engage in any business practice that you would be ashamed to discuss before this Committee, I would strongly encourage you to cease and desist that practice. Irrespective of the current legality of such practices, you should take a long, hard look at how you treat your customers, both in the short term and the long term."

Wouldn't it be lovely if strong encouragement was all it took for amoral and emotionless credit card corporations to stop screwing the American family? Not to mention that Satan himself, Kahr, is a kajillionaire precisely because he could care less about the nightmare many families face every day at the mailbox.

Unfortunately, we live in a world where debt and credit card companies are the biggest reason couples get divorced. More than half the couples in this country are divorcing. Now, since I had to take College Algebra rather than anything useful like "how to manage your personal finances," I can't do the math of exactly how many actual families are destroyed by credit cards and their evil poster boy Kahr. But, I can tell you that if half the families are breaking up over debt and money problems then America is suffering from some pretty serious mental and emotional issues that center around money and we need to get a handle on it.

The average family living in the United States has over $9,300 of credit card debt. In comparison, the median household income was about $46,000 in 2005. So for all the people out there who find themselves in debt anxiety, otherwise known as hell - and statistically, that's most of you - don't hate your spouse, hate Andrew Kahr and the credit card companies that employ him.

Also, get some help. My husband and I took an invaluable course called Financial Peace University that educated us about personal finances and it's changed the way we manage our own money. Dave Ramsey teaches the course in little satellite classes on DVD that are offered in community centers and churches all over the country. The class costs about $100 depending on how many students enroll and I promise you will make up that $100 in your first year of Zero Based Budgeting.

To Dodd and his Senate Banking Committee, I think I'd like to see less strong encouragement and more actual LAWS to govern the corrupt credit card industry. I'd also like to see Andrew Kahr given a life-sentence to solitary confinement for the horrible crimes against humanity he has committed - the committee should at least fine him a kajillion dollars.

And for Heaven's sake don't click on all the Google ads that will pop up on this blog as a result of my writing about a credit card problem. You don't want any more cards, credit is not your friend, and I don't need the income from clicks to credit card ads.

To find the Financial Peace University course nearest you just enter your zip code at this link:
http://www.daveramsey.com/

To find out more about the terrible trauma Andrew Kahr has directly caused in your life:
www.answers.com/topic/andrew-kahr

To find out more about the Senate Banking Commitee Hearing on Credit Card Practices, maybe even shoot him an email:
http://dodd.senate.gov/