by Tracee Sioux

Halloween has become S-E-X-Y. But, then so has innocence. If you deconstruct these costumes what about them becomes inappropriate? The pose? The make-up? The quantity of clothing?

I think it's the porn-star quality. Let's face it this photograph from a Newsweek article, titled Eye Candy, about how sexy girls' costumes have become.

I wouldn't describe it as sexy so much as it's quite simply a porn fantasy.

The titles of the costumes speak to pornification as well "Wayward Witch? You mean, the witch fantasy from porn? "Mis-Behaved" as in the title of a porno flick about a women's prison?

Is this commentary on our daughters or how sexualized girls have become? Maybe.

More likely, it's a symptom of how the porn industry has seeped so deeply into our cultural psyche that it no longer seems out of place to strip children of innocence. You're looking at the normalization of what was once considered deviant sexual fantasy (pedophilia) - it's just become normalized.

The scary part is - parents and girls are participating.

And it's almost impossible not to participate in some way. The fact is that virtually all girlness has become pornified. When deciding what the boundaries are for my own daughter I find them to be vague.

Do I outlaw the Dancing with the Stars oversized-sequined dress? What about the pumpkin leotard? Too much leg? A little too much make-up and she's JonBenet Ramsey. A tear in the dress and she's a street walker. Some midriff makes us think of a stripper. The heals? Is that what tips a dress over the edge into rap video territory?

Which then leads to the truth - it's not in my power to reverse the pornification of girlness. And really, it's not my daughter's job to make pervs and pedophiles and judgmental mothers look at her in an a-sexual way. That responsibility lies with them.

To criminalize what Lolita wears for Halloween - isn't that just more blaming the girl for thoughts and impulses originating with Humbert Humbert? Which, in fact, is entirely out of our control? And isn't this whole problem Vladimir Nabokov's fault for introducing child pornography into mainstream literature with the release of Lolita in 1955?

Of course, to be a good mother I carefully walk the line with a strict monitoring of the outfit, hair and make-up. It's vicious out there - but, mostly I'm not so afraid of what perverts will think - cause really they have the Internet and a club now (Nambla) and their thinking is already permanently f*ed up. I'm most worried about the judgement of other mothers whispering, I can't believe she let her daughter leave the house in that!

And yes, at last night's Halloween Trunk or Treat I did hear a Who lets their daughter come dressed as a hooker? and I also heard a Look there's JonBenet.

Unfortunately, I heard those things come right out the mouths of my husband and myself.

I didn't hear a single criticism of what a boy had chosen to wear for Halloween. They could have shown up in their underwear and no one would have been the least bit offended. This is a real double standard folks.

My friend Violet thinks perhaps after all those years of sexual repression Halloween has emerged to allow women to let out their inner-Harlot. I whole-heartedly agree with about adult women. I've certainly had to de-slutify my own costumes since mothering a daughter.

But, little girls - it's such a tight rope of acceptability they walk.

Oh, what did we wear? We had settled on a satirical costume as matching Dairy Queens, 1st Runner Up and Second Place. But, halfway out the door Ainsley stripped off her homemade beauty queen sash and declared herself a Princess.

Of course I let her - it is Halloween. Isn't the fun of it just being that which is forbidden?

This is a self portrait of a 1950s housewife. What do you see?

Thank You to my friend Cindy for allowing me to print her mother's work.

Guess whose name is not on Zack's birth certificate?

Mine.

In New York, after Ainsley's birth, when I filled out the form I noticed there was only one blank for Mother's Maiden Name, so I had the presence of mind to put my current legal name in the blank. (If you'll recall I legally changed my name to Sioux after a brief early marriage ended.)

However, in Texas, after Zack's birth there was a blank that said Mother's Legal Name. There was also a blank that said Mother's Maiden Name. I asked the records lady to clarify and she was unable. I assumed the birth certificate in Texas would include a space for my legal name and my maiden name.

Wrong.

I was sent a form inviting me to correct any mistakes and only my birth name appeared. No where on the document was my current legal name. I corrected the mistake, writing my current name in the maiden name field, and sent it back.

The hospital refused to make the correction. When I spoke to a records lady, I mentioned that perhaps the form was misleading and outdated, she became so angry that she slammed down the phone.

Now I have a birth certificate where my son's name is listed. My husband's is listed. But, mine is no where on it. If you look at my daughter's birth certificate and my sons, it appears they have two different mothers.

I have to appeal to our state capitol to have the name changed on my son's birth certificate now. Which involves filing court documents and getting forms witnessed and paying a fee.

I'm still not to the point where I can deal with it without anger. So, it doesn't seem unlikely that he will turn 2 without having an accurate mother's name on his birth certificate.

Surely, in this day and age, I am not the only mother who's upset about the way her identity on her children's birth certificate is documented?

The assumption of anyone looking at it is that my current name is that of my husband's and children's. I'm not judging anyone whose legal name is one shared with a husband, but that's just not my name.


Name = Identity

By Tracee Sioux

Good Job! You can do it! Get that ball! You're not afraid of her.

Good try. It's alright. It's okay to lose sometimes. I saw you run really hard after that ball.

Did you try hard and have fun? That's what's important! I'm so proud of you.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Attack! Attack!

Watch the ball.

Get in there and get the ball!

Attack! Attack! Attack!

Take a wild guess which dialogue is coming from the girls' coach and which is coming from the boys' coach.

There is plenty of evidence that five-year-old boys and girls have equal athletic abilities. Yet, the differences between these two soccer teams are startling.

Practice twice a week for boys, once a week for girls.

Encouraged to practice an hour per day for boys (by both parents and coach), no extra practice encouraged for girls.

Team names: Sharks for boys, Happy Feet for girls.

Focus on trying hard and having fun for girls, focus on winning for boys.

What do you think the consequences of these differences are?

This is what Ainsley wore to school yesterday.

If you don't get up right now I'm picking your clothes, I tell her. She leaps out of bed every time.

What's your fashion policy?

by Tracee Sioux

For Blogher's Postpartum Depression Mother's Act Day, I want to write about a deep inner conflict I faced. And inner war which might help explain some of the increase in PPD we're seeing today.

During the first three months after birth I was faced with two completely unacceptable choices.

Was I to give up my profession as a journalist and stay home with this no longer hypothetical human?

Or was I going to leave her with strangers at least 55 hours per week? Missing all her firsts and resigning myself to being a "bad mother?"

For the 12 weeks the Family Medical Leave Act protected my job, I labored with my two terrible choices until I became paralyzed by the fact that I loathed both with a valid and legitimate passion.

If you disagree with another person or a social norm, but hold true to yourself, you'll probably avoid depression, anxiety and various forms of mental illness. But, if your conflict is within and the war between two negative choices rages within, it will likely result in depression, anxiety and mental illness.

Behind my inner conflict was the influence and pressure of all previous generations of mothers telling me only bad mothers left their children to pursue personal ambition. Mine were particularly loud due to the Mormon upbringing I had in which a woman's only role was to mother. Pitted against the present-day pressure and influence of my husband, who didn't want to make the financial sacrifices it would require for me to stay home. Not to mention the deep gratification I got from my professional life, which I didn't want to abandon. The trouble was I believed they were both right.

Of course, I tried to create a third option for myself. Having read all the media hype about telecommuting and realizing my duties were all performed over the phone or on the Internet I felt working from home was a reasonable request. I had a plan that included going in for meetings and fulfilling all my obligations. I took it to my employer.

No. Though we had one male staff reporter telecommuting from San Fransisco, I was denied.

PPD exasperated. Choice between my need for professional validation and financial security or the bonding and development of mother and child.

My hypothesis is that we'll see fewer cases of Postpartum Depression when we see better employment policy for families. When there is real flexibility, versus media hype about flexibility, that allows women to pursue both mothering and professional ambition without sacrificing one or the other I believe the prevalence of PPD will drop.

It's something worth working towards even if it wasn't in time for me. The motivation is to create a more flexible and supportive professional environment for our daughters.

More reading about other factors of my Postpartum Depression:

Becoming Mommy - PPD or Identity Crisis

Addiction Off

Readers please go to Congress.org and ask the representatives working for you to pass the MOTHERS Act. What is the MOTHERS Act? The Moms Opportunity to Access Help, Education, Research and Support for Postpartum Depression Act, or MOTHERS Act (S. 3529), will ensure that new mothers and their families are educated about postpartum depression, screened for symptoms and provided with essential services. In addition, it will increase research into the causes, diagnoses and treatments for postpartum depression.

by Tracee Sioux

I am math retarded, I heard myself say in the car with my three-year-old daughter and my husband.

We were quarrelling about my refusal to participate in our family finances.

When kids are born they don't really understand so you can get away with shouting the F word or hissing a satisfying little damn it. It's not till they start talking that you clean up the toilet talk.

Same thing with putting myself down about my appearance and my ability to do math. I read this little book called Growing a Girl: Seven Strategies for Raising a Strong, Spirited Daughter and realized the consequences of saying that I, her mother and her feminine role model, was math retard was going to effectively shut her out of math. If I shut her out of math then I shut her out of technology. If I shut her out of technology then I shut her out of possibilities for high paying science related jobs.

That's a big consequence for a seemingly minor comment about my loathing of math.

I realized I had always felt shut out of math myself. I realized the entire time I had to take math in school it was taught to me by men to whom math came easily. These men didn't feel much like waiting around for me to catch up. And when I would ask question like, Why should I know algebra? How is this ever going to be applicable to me? They would site my need to convert a recipe. Since I had already resolved not to spend my life cooking and cleaning I felt math was something I could do without. Not once did I challenge myself numbers- or science-wise. In fact in college I made the argument that I should not be required to attend math classes as they only confused me further. I hired a tutor to help me pass College Algebra 101. I took a 6 week crash course for Algebra 105 and baked the teacher cookies for my C-.

I was single and managed my own finances relatively well for 10 years, but the second I got married I felt relieved of the responsibility of financial matters. Why shouldn't he do it?

Finally, I could just go back to hating math and all things related to it.

Unfortunately he didn't care for math as a subject either. We had too much in common. Surely it would have been better had one of us been a numbers-lover.

For my daughter, more than my husband, I decided to stop loudly declaring that I was math retarded. Turns out that though math doesn't come as easily to me as it might to some, I can get pretty passionate about it. By reading Dave Ramsey's book Financial Peace Revisited I realized how math really applies to me. Reading Suze Orman's Women & Money: Owning the Power to Control Your Destiny showed me how to value and protect my own financial interests, and The Millionaire Next Door gave me insight into how other people have so much more stuff than I do, even though we have similar incomes.

How do I define myself now? I am extremely competent in areas of math. Which means my daughter will be too.

Did anyone see that crazy woman on Oprah who sabotaged her whole family by having the appetite of a billionaire rock star when her income was upper-middle class? Now that woman is math retarded.

I mean retarded in the literal context: my development in the area of math was slowed, hindered or stunted. I do not mean retarded in the context of slamming those with mental disabilities.

By Tracee Sioux

I took my kids and my Grandma to see Hairspray (Full-Screen Edition) at the $1 movie. What a great family flick. Well, I'm not sure my grandma appreciated the subject matter (she's still not completely sure integration is going to work out.)

There's the obvious message about race and integration. But, beneath that there is an equally good message about size and gender.

The heroine, Tracy Turnblad, is a . . . what am I allowed to say without pissing anyone off. . . NOT a size Zero (not that here's anything wrong with being naturally thin).

Tracy is depicted as the hippest and most insightful and fashionable of the girls. Other girls start to cut and color their hair like hers. They imitate her dance moves and vote her Ms. Hairspray. She gets a modelling contract for a dress store. She even scores the leading man, Link Larkin (Zac Efron of High School Musical).

Edna Turnblad (John Travolta in a fat suit and a dress), turns out, hasn't left the house in 10 years due to embarrassment about her size. It brings to light that women weren't allowed to have a ton of dreams or ambition - she shares that she dreamed of owning a coin-opperated laundry mat, but gave that up. Nor did housewives "stay home and not work" which is how our Norman Rockwell memory likes to paint the wife of the 1960s, rather they took in other people's laundry to make ends meet. Tracy made her mom her manager and asked her to negotiate her contract. Such a new thing for any woman, let alone one who felt her appearance wasn't even good enough to be seen in public.

I'll teach you how to do it mom, Tracy tells her mother. We've been teaching our mothers how to think in new ways and challenge the status quo for a couple of generations now. I can't wait for the lessons my daughter teaches me.

The bottom line is that this is a movie with powerful female characters who reject their "proper place" in society. Tracy not only thought up and led an integration march, she risked her boyfriend, to do it.

Change isn't just going to happen for people who are different. We're going to have to DO something to make it happen, she tells her father.

This kind of feminine power is important for girls to see.

Plus, it came with the added perk of Zac Effron. He's Ainsley's first movie star crush and she told me she was dreaming about last night. I have to admit, he's totally crush-worthy.

(p.s. I'm perfectly aware that this movie review comes out only in time for the Hairspray (Full-Screen Edition). But, I respect my budget and that's what I can afford. Not to mention no one cares if my 18-month-old runs up and down the aisles at the dollar movie.)

My recomendation: remove a princess movie and replace it with Hairspray which has great and empowering messages for girls.

by Tracee Sioux

Ten years ago I had the privilege of living in Lithuania for half a year. I was teaching English at a teacher's college. They were a very young democracy having attained their status only after the collapse of the Soviet Union.

One day I saw an image of a dead bloody pregnant woman on television news and the cover of the newspapers. The image was graphic and offensive to me.

I asked my students why they had such graphic images on their news programs and in the newspaper. After some discussion it was apparent that freedom of speech was such a new experience for them that they hadn't developed any boundaries about it.

Americans would not put up with witnessing the gory details of that kind of violence I told them. It's not appropriate for children to see such horrific murders in graphic detail. We expect our news stations and newspapers to censor with good judgement.

I was wrong. Well, I think it was true at the time, but in the last 10 years it seems the news is not adhering to what I would call "self-censorship with good judgement."

At the risk of betraying my profession as a journalist, I'm encouraging parents to institute a news ban. The news is unfit for human consumption.

We grew up in a culture where you could and should watch the news. But, the news now has such graphic details, I consider it more harmful to people's mental health than a rated R movie.

Where 10 years ago you might have heard of a child abduction case, now you hear every detail of all of the torture the poor child went through.

Why?

Do such details make us safer?

Does it bring us a sense of power and well-being?

On what planet should your 5 year old be subjected to the graphic details of a sociopath's actions?

If you're feeling more afraid now than ever, I propose it's because you're watching too much news and you're innundated with too many graphic details. That is not good for your mental health.

Crime is down - fear is up. Reduce fear by banning the news.

By Tracee Sioux

My two favorite family television shows just revved up again on TLC Mondays with Jon & Kate plus 8 and Little People, Big World.

Little People, Big World is about Amy and Matt Roloff. They are little people or dwarfs. They have three average height children and one dwarf child.

Jon & Kate Gosselin were a normal couple with some fertility issues. They scored some twins with their first pregnancy and Kate convinced Jon they should have "one more." They got six. Oh and this poor mother is a compulsive cleaner with 6 toddlers.

Most reality television doesn't have any relationship at all to reality. These two families are REAL. They deal how I deal - with a tone. It's the arguing and bickering and real-life family interactions that keep me rolling in my seat the whole time.

When Kate gets all bossy with Jon in the toy store and then he tells her Stop talking to me like I'm a dog I laugh my head off. They took 8 small children to a toy store and that's the worst thing that happened. Ha! I see people with one whinny brat come out of the toy store worse off than that. Or they try to get sextuplets dressed to go somewhere and and finally Jon snaps Yes! I only told you 17 freaking times! and I'm just so proud of them for actually leaving the house.

When the Roloffs take their family on a road trip in a motor home, to see where Matt proposed to Amy, and they fight the whole time. Finally Amy goes on a rant:

Look at me! I do not want to leave trash in the fire pit! This will be enough to piss me off do you know that? I don't know why I even came. My God, you people argue about everything!

As someone who is trying to get a grip on her tone to improve her own slightly less than perfect family life these two shows are like pure love and joy to watch.

We may not talk to each other so nicely sometimes, but we're still here pulling for the same cause and that's evidence that we love each other, explains Kate. Here, Here Kate.

Kate and Amy are my modern-day mother heroes. I nominate them both for Mother of the Year.

By Tracee Sioux
Seventeen Magazine and Dove are asking girls to sign a Body Peace Treaty to encourage better body image and self esteem in their readership.

I vow to:

* Remember that the sun will still rise tomorrow even if I had one too many slices of pizza or an extra scoop of ice cream tonight.
* Never blame my body for the bad day I'm having.
* Stop joining in when my friends compare and trash their own bodies.
* Never allow a dirty look from someone else to influence how I feel about my appearance.
* Quit judging a person solely by how his or her body looks — even if it seems harmless — because I'd never want anyone to do that to me.
* Notice all the amazing things my body is doing for me every moment I walk, talk, think, breathe...
* Quiet that negative little voice in my head when it starts to say mean things about my body that I'd never tolerate anyone else saying about me.
* Remind myself that what you see isn't always what you get on TV and in ads — it takes a lot of airbrushing, dieting, money, and work to look like that.
* Remember that even the girl who I'd swap bodies with in a minute has something about her looks that she hates.
* Respect my body by feeding it well, working up a sweat when it needs it, and knowing when to give it a break.
* Realize that the mirror can reflect only what's on the surface of me, not who I am inside.
* Know that I'm already beautiful just the way I am.

Seventeen Magazine is specifically sited in the APA Report on the Sexualization of Girls. Their "articles about fitness have centered on the need for girls to increase their sexual desirability through exercise rather than improved health . . . encouraged young women to think of themselves as sexual objects whose lives were not complete unless sexually connected with a man . . .asked girls to achieve rigid norms through consumption of beauty products," states the report.

Is Seventeen Magazine turning over a new leaf, to encourage girls to love themselves, or trying to halt the fallout of the girl revolution where people finally stop accepting their old tactics of making girls feel bad to sell magazines?

While browsing Seventeen's website I found a few gems for girls like this Dating Respect Video discussing dating violence and asking girls to expect respect from boys. The weight/stress article focused on health rather than appearance (though the photo was of a very thin model on a scale).

I think Seventeen's Body Peace Pledge is a step in the right direction. Hopefully, girls will take it seriously. Such a pledge wouldn't hurt their mother's either.

by Tracee Sioux

When looking at 6 to 12 week maternity leave policies in the United States one has to wonder:

Do employers and lawmakers hate mothers?

Or do they hate babies?

After you push a human being out of your crotch and feel pressured to return to work before your stitches have even dissolved you have to wonder, Which of us to they hate more?

What causes policies that are detrimental to both mother and child?

Devaluation of motherhood.

What if anti-mother employment policies are a direct result of women criticizing motherhood? Women do it to preserve our hard-won place in public life. Perhaps, the end-result is damaging and harmful to working-mothers and their families because it manifests in anti-mothering employment policy.

I'm playing with the theory that the devaluation of motherhood is a bi-product of feminism and emancipation. An over-correction, if you will.

Follow my thinking here, for thousands of years women were submissive and oppressed. We were told the only thing we were qualified for was mothering. To break out of our narrowly-defined role, we did the only thing we could: we minimized and devalued motherhood.

Consider my family as a microcosm of the whole. In order for me, personally, to break away from my mother's Church and Society sanctioned stay-at-home-mom role I minimized what she did. The cleaning, the cooking, the nurturing, the caring, the self-sacrifice, the moral building, the breast-feeding, the birthing, the nursing, the educating, the training, the whole mothering bit got reduced to nothing. Nothing important or validating anyway.

Now that I have children of my own I can see that this so-called nothing is really what makes the world go round. The growing of people, nurturing human beings, the next generation, trumps professional achievement. I want both, but the mothering keeps the entire species evolving and thriving according to the scientific Grandmother hypothesis.

To break away, I devalued motherhood and then was shocked, angry and surprised that my husband would dare equate my mothering to nothing.

I think there is ample evidence, in the last 30 years, that men will follow our lead. They'll resist, but they will eventually follow. We are, as their mothers and wives, the most influential people in their lives. If we led them to devalue motherhood, then it stands to reason that we can lead them back.

Valuing motherhood starts with each of us. Obviously, we have made good progress. Women are not going to run back into their Normal Rockwell mothering roles, it didn't make us happy then for legitimate reasons.

But, I think it's a grave mistake to criticize the stay-at-home mom who does choose that role today. The stay-at-home mom reminds us that motherhood, in and of itself, is a valid ambition.

Why would employers and lawmakers hate mothers? It would be absurd to hate the very people they love most. Is it possible that anti-mother employment policies are the result of women devaluing motherhood?

Thoughts anyone?

Clarification: I use the term mothering and motherhood in a collective sense. For instance, though Oprah has no children I think she mothers all women. Likewise, Violet, who brings up some issues about mother's in the workplace has spent 15 years mothering me, though she suffered from infertility.

Clarificaton II: This is not meant to be a controversial article on working versus staying at home. I suggest that when we devalue one we devalue the other. It's meant to offer a solution:

When we value motherhood all women, working or not, mother or non-mother, single or married, benefit from family-friendly (however you want to define family is fine with me) policies.

Daddy, Daddy I rode my bike all the way to the tree!

You just don't want to miss the Carnival of Radical Feminists. Doesn't that just sounds like . . .Well, use your own imagination and leave a comment about the picture that forms in your own mind.

Of great comfort to me is that I'm not the only one who isn't so much disturbed by pornography as the trend toward violent pornography. The mixture of sex and violence in mainstream television, on the Internet, novels, commercials (Misogynistic Violence for Breakfast) - well, it's a highly disturbing trend every mother of a girl should be concerned about. Hell, every woman should be concerned about it. The presence of violence as a legitimate turn-on is a clue to how angry men are and how they fantasize about re-obtaining power.

by Tracee Sioux

Kiss it. It might turn into a prince.

You kiss it!

I already got my Prince. This is what Daddy looked like when I found him.

Let me tell you about two families I personally know who benefit from the State Children's Health Insurance Program or SCHIPS, the continuation and expanse of which Pres. George W. Bush vetoed.

Family one has a stay-at-home mom and a restaurant manager dad. He works 6 days a week, Tuesdays are his day off. The restaurant is independent - not a chain - and they don't offer employees an affordable health plan. He works around 65 hours per week. They have three children. Their oldest child is autistic and must have special therapies and a strict diet. There is no way possible for them to be able to insure this child. There is no way possible Dad's salary could ever come close to paying for their autistic son's therapies. Autism isn't an irresponsible behavior or character flaw. It's something the child was born with and no one knows how or why. It's hard for them to cope, but impossible for them to help him without SCHIPS.

Family two has a stay-at-home mom and a dad that works about 20 hours a day. He has a fulltime job in a marketing company AND a fulltime freelance business. You might know her, from Jlogged. Because he works for a small company and is self employed they don't have a health care plan through his employer. They have three sons. One of their twins was born with cerebral palsy and a seizure condition. To qualify for help he has to stop working at a certain point. He turns down work, turns down promotions, because if they no longer qualify for SCHIPS and disability they will not come anywhere near being able to pay for the lifelong health needs of their child. If they exceed the income limit their son will go without help, without medical help, without the therapies and medication he needs.

If she goes to work there will be no one to take him to all of the therapies and doctors' appointments. If they move so he can work for a large corporation with health insurance there will be no family support to call for help. When their sick child is in the hospital the extended family steps in to take care of their healthy children. When mom needs a break they trust their parents to take care of their special needs child. If they move, they lose that. So too the family with the autistic child, if they move they lose their familial support.

Can you imagine being a parent who can't take their special needs child to the doctor? I can imagine it. But for the Grace of God, there go I.

It wasn't any one's fault or character flaw - it just happened. It's biology. No one was being lazy or doing the wrong thing.

We have to stop criminalizing these middle class families. These families work HARD. They work as hard as any other American family. It's not their fault they have kids with special needs. It's not their fault they don't have access to health insurance.

It's not a character flaw to work for a small company or to start your own business. I thought Republicans were supposed to be into encouraging entrepreneurs and small businesses?

These are not just hard working Americans, they're very frugal Americans. They don't carry credit card debt or buy things they can't afford. Jen's family as one who digs through other people's trash - literally. She believes in reduce, reuse, recycle. She's not above any kind of work nor above any kind of reuse. They go to Church and they give-back their time and money in volunteer work with mentoring and boy scout den mothering. This is how we treat the good guys.

Bush is making it impossible for them to make it. He's basically saying, You're on your own. Too bad for you. Americans shouldn't have to pay for your bum luck.

We only need 20 more votes to override Bush's selfish veto. Write your congress person Right Here Right Now and tell them this is an unacceptable way to treat hard working Americans and their families.

I'm taking names this year. Kay Bailey Hutchinson, not a big fan of your voting record.

My daughter turned 6 yesterday. Six years I've been a mother and six years she's been learning and developing on this earth.

Her birthdays make me a little sad. They're full of joy, but that's six years we don't get to do over again. Six years that have passed and we can't have them back. Silly? A little, but valid none-the-less.

As she grows older I reflect on the things I hope she's learning. Last year, as I told you previously, I wrote her a book titled Ainsley, Perfect You. I want to share the foreword with you as a suggestion for what we, as mothers, should be teaching every daughter about herself.

A message to my daughter
that she IS, and always will be, enough.
Smart Enough
Beautiful Enough
Loved Enough
Strong Enough
Bright Enough
Witty Enough
Kind Enough
Generous Enough
Adventurous Enough
Compassionate Enough
Precocious Enough
Good enough to be the
Perfect Ainsley Sarah.

by Tracee Sioux

If a toad is a symbol of something it must be change, transformation, evolution and growth. A tadpole seems like an itty-bitty fishlike thing and slowly evolves into a hopping leggy animal.

If Darwin's Theory of Evolution seems insane, UnChristian and unlikely to you, I recommend watching a toad evolve.

Last week, leaving my grandmother's house after a spontaneous visit a toad hopped across my path. I promptly scooped it up for the children to marvel at.

Well, I never in my life have caught a toad with my bare hands! Hoppy exclaimed.

Never? I asked. Oh, I have all my life.

We stuck it in a clear container and poked air holes in the top and took it home.

Hoppy, one of 13 children, got her pet-name because she loved the baby bouncer. The kind that hangs from a spring in a door frame. Babies today love them too, it's a classic.

One of her sisters loved it just as much and they called her Toad.

Sunday before last I was out shopping for a 80th birthday gift. Ainsley and I came upon a gift bag in the shape of a frog. I recalled my great-aunt's nickname, Toad, and told Ainsley how we should give Faynell our pet toad in a decorative, clear toothbrush holder. I was sure my aunt would appreciate our humor.

It would have been more hilarious had I not mixed up two of my grandmother's sisters. It was Wanda, not Faynell, who bore the nickname Toad. Faynell's name was Pete. (I can't figure out why.)

This Sunday, as Ainsley and I headed off to go exploring in the woods around Hoppy's house, we found Isabella Toad sitting in a watering can. Upon closer examination I saw these teeny-tiny-skeletal-wiggly things. It took me a minute, but I realized this Toad had just given birth to about 100 little tadpoles.

Last year Ainsley had found quite a few tadpoles in a mud hole at the park.

Come look at the little fish, Mommy!

Fish? No, honey those are tadpoles I think.

What's a tadpole?

Those will turn into frogs.

No they won't.

Yes, that's how frogs are born.

Nuh uh.

It's really true. Their tails will turn into legs and they'll be able to breath air and move to the ground.

I don't believe you.

Okay, lets go home and get a jar. We'll catch them and you can watch it happen.

And every day we would watch the evolution of our toads, all four of them. It was fascinating. Until one day they hopped away on thier springy little legs.

Of course this Sunday we hijacked Hoppy's watering can so Zack can witness the transformation too. I wonder how many of Isabella Toad's tadpoles will complete their journey of evolution?

This website aims to be bi-partisan. In the sense that I'm interested in what the most empowering thing for girls is. I'm a Democrat, but the focus of the site is girl-empowering so I give myself permission to take conservative stances on issues that effect girls.

Misogynistic and violent/sexual television like glamorizing rape on Gossip Girl, would be a "conservative" stance I find myself taking. Free speech is one of the highest principles, but marketing "you're an object, your a sex toy, you're a whore, you can't say no, rape is sexy" is only in the best interest of pornographers, not girls or the boys who date them. Given a choice between free speech of perverts and the protection of teenage girls - I choose girls as they make up half the population. Hopefully, (please God let it be true) pornographers and rapists do not make up half the population.

By the same token I hope that conservatives will look at health care. I hope they'll see that health care is an issue that effects everyone in the country. Sometimes I think we need to let go of our rigid stances for just a little while to accomplish something bigger. Take health care and abortion. Both issues deeply effect girls. But abortion, really effects very few girls and conservatives have two new supreme court judges to hold their position. Maybe they could vote for health care instead? Health care effects every single citizen, girl and boy, woman and man.

There's a political survey that tells you which candidate is most closely aligned with your views. When taking this Political Survey I challenge you to ask yourself:

* Does the political issue give a girl more choices?

* Does it open doors for her?

* Does it protect her?

* Can she thrive in an environment with this kind of policy or law?

* Does it inhibit her freedom to be whoever she wants?

A little introspection about this election is in order, I think. The survey provides a good chance to reevaluate the importance of political issues and helps you determine which issue really is the most important to you as a voter.

Flash from scared innocent kids asking these questions:

Mom, Dad, how long should I wait for you?

What if something happens, will you come get me?

What if I'm at soccer practice, will you come get me?

Mom, If you're not home, should we go to the neighbor's house?

Calm female Narrator: There is no reason not to have a plan in case of a terrorist attack, and some extremely good reasons why you should. Talk to your family about what you would do in case of an emergency. Go to www.ready.gov .

I just saw this commercial on TLC sponsored by Homeland Security.

For some reason I feel manipulated by it. For one, as a parent it makes me feel completely powerless. My first question is exactly what would that plan look like?

When I saw the second plane hit the second tower of the World Trade Center it was clear to me that terrorists are evil geniuses. They waited until all cameras were on them to make their real statement. The other thing that was clear to me is that we can't imagine what they are capable of. So, what strategy can I possibly come up with, as a parent, if their evilness knows no moral bounds? We couldn't conceive of the terribleness of 9/11, so there simply couldn't be a back-up plan. All back-up plans were useless on that day, during that week. Should I have multiple plans that include biomedical terrorism or germ warfare or plain old bombs? Should I assume that I'll have access to transportation or should I assume that I won't?

When I think about that commercial a little more I feel exploited. Why now? It's been 6 whole years and I've never seen a commercial like that before. Now it's election time, and I'm getting public service announcements from Homeland Security all the sudden?

The nature of the commercial felt manipulative to me as well. It seemed to be directed to make children afraid. To coerce them into asking me questions I can't possibly answer. It seemed dead set on destroying my sense of denial that allows me to put one foot in front of the other every day. It seemed poised to force my children to realize that I can't possibly protect them from so much in this world.

Are commercials like this helpful? Necessary? Is this a clue that we're at a higher risk than the last 6 years? Is it appropriate to scare children to force action on the part of parents? Sort of like the "make your parents quit smoking" public service announcements? Is manipulation of children for the greater good? Did it take 6 years to decide we need commercials on being prepared?

What is there to say? This is what we do to girls in this country and it has devastating effects on them, on us. They are born beautiful and then . . .

The onslaught of terrible images of their worth related to a beauty ideal, weight management, and self-loathing. In short, we make them things and not people. We care more about how women look more than who they are.

The thing about women is that we begin to participate, all of us, to some degree. I'm no exception.

This isn't harmless. It manifests in us, females, as depression, anxiety, body image issues like anorexia or obesity, sexual acting out, objectification and self-sexualization.

We allow them to turn our bodies into objects and then to do it to our daughters. Our daughters deserve better than this. I know mine does. Mine deserves to feel valued for who she is not what she is.

I appreciate this as another tool to empower my daughter and yours. Read more about how this effects women on Blogfabulous Also lots of wisdom over at Queen of Violets.

Hey kids this is the Nickelodean Day of Play. Go outside and play. We're not showing any television shows until after 3 o clock today so unless you want to be bored listening to this message you shoudl just get up and go play. Go swing, ride your bike, skate board, jump on the trampoline, hang out with your friends. Get up off the couch and go play.

Hey kids, this is the Nickelodean Day of Play. Go outside and play.

I turned on the tv and it actually took me about three recorded loops to get it. They had really stopped showing television on a Saturday (I think) to encourage kids to go outside and play.

Virtual High Five Nickelodean!

I am thinking she might get Dance Dance Revolution DDR TV Pad (No Console). I think it will be great for exercise and both children will love doing it. Watching Ainsley and Zack twirl each other around during Dancing With the Stars is worth money.

Poor Zack. I'll have to paste the results of the Baby Genderizing Poll in his baby book and it's evidence that everyone thinks he was a girl.

Actually, only 65% thought Zack was a girl. The bottom baby is Zack. I told you he was as pretty as any girl baby.

Which goes to show that babies are born without gender characteristics. But, the second they are born gender characteristics become extremely important to people.

In our minds they are different and we immediately treat them differently. As a mother, I found it's impossible to resist or shelter my boy or girl from it.

I attempted with Ainsley. Asking my mother to make her a blue baby blanket rather than a pink one. Dressing her in a blue sweater and just letting everyone call her a boy. But, really, by the time she was 3 I had realized the futility of my quest. No one else in her life was at all interested in participating.

There is no such thing as equal, at least not in one generation. The thing is, what it means to BE a girl is changing so rapidly we can barely process the information for our kids. For hundreds or thousands of years women were a completely different species than they are now and the definition is constantly shifting and changing. That's hard for ME to process, let alone my daughter.

However, I did set some limits. Before her 5th birthday I asked my mom to buy her some math games and asked my mother-in-law to give someone else the vacuum. Both were happy to oblige. I made it a point to buy her video games for Christmas.

Zack, he got to be all boy straight from the go, complete with an aggressive haircut and lots of growling like a pro-wrestler.

Again, I'll recommend Growing a Girl: Seven Strategies for Raising a Strong, Spirited Daughter as a great look at how we can counteract the culture's influence on girls.