As an advocate for girls let me make the following plea on behalf of your daughter:

Please, please, please speak respectfully of the one and only female candidate the Repubican Party has ever put on their ticket for Vice President of the United States - Sarah Palin.

What you say about Sarah Palin has the potential to translate to your daughters as your opinion of all women (including your daughter) seeking power.

Disrespectful criticism has the potential to translate, "I only respect other women if they agree with me." Your daughter may one day disagree with you. This moment, and your reaction, won't be forgotten by her.

Your example will also teach her how she should expect to be treated by those who disagree with her and how she should treat those who disagree with her.

In other words -

Mothers - don't be a mean mommy and you won't create a mean girl.

Fathers - don't reduce her to whether you'd have sex with her and you won't create a daughter who gets her self-worth from her sexuality or appearance.

I vividly remember asking my parents what the Equal Rights Amendment was as a child. I remember them telling me that it was a bill to make women equal to men. And they were voting against it.

Here's how that translated to a six-year-old girl: "My parents are voting against ME! Why would they do that?"

I also remember criticism of Geraldine Ferraro that went something like, "We'll never elect a woman president. God wants it that way."

What you might say instead of "I Hate Sarah Palin" (or worse) might be, "I think a woman would make a wonderful Vice President, I just don't agree with this particular woman's political views on ________."

It would be helpful, for your daughter, to avoid vague negative statements about Sarah's suitability as a role model for girls. Instead you could say, "I think it's wonderful that a female has gotten this far in American politics. It's wonderful that women are becoming more powerful and ambitious in both parties. I just don't agree with her views on ________."

If you minimize and criticize the significance of Sarah Palin's presence in this race, then you minimize and criticize your daughter's potential.

It is my hope, as an advocate for girls, that they will never see another election in their lifetime where there is not a woman on either ticket.

Thanks to women's adamant support of Hillary Clinton and Sarah Palin both Republicans and Democrats have included women this year. Our top politicians have finally realized they can't win without addressing women and women's issues.

For our daughters' sakes, let's pray the inclusion of women - on all political levels and in all political parties - becomes the norm.

To be absolutely fair I made the same plea on behalf of Hillary and your daughter right before Super Tuesday. You can revisit that story in I Hate Hillary! I also advocated voting for Hillary for the sheer reason that she would be an example to my daughter of women in power for 4 years in Shut Up John Mayer, Stop Waiting For the World To Change.

For more on my personal opinion of Sarah Palin visit Blog Fabulous, I've written plenty about her politics and the emotional conflict she's causing in me personally.

Image Source: http://gov.state.ak.us/official_portraits.php

We went to the Exploratorium in San Francisco.

One particular exhibit had a disconcerting effect on me for days.

You sit in between two mirrors and look at your self.

One is a regular mirror and show's you how you see yourself every day. The top photo is how I see myself.

The other shows you what other people see every day. It shows you what you really look like.

Do you see a minute difference between the top photo and the bottom photo?

I've been fascinated by my own emotional reaction. Truly, it was unsettling to see my reflection differently than I do everyday.

The top photo, what I see in the mirror is more attractive to me.

My eyes are uneven in the second photo. The right eye, when looking at it, is slightly lower than the left one.

I find I hold my head slightly tilted in a way that makes my features more even. I think I also hold that eyebrow higher to make the eyes look more symmetrical. I compensate for the flaw I've really only noticed once in a photo when I was pregnant with Zack.

Since you are other people and it's not your face I really have no clue how you are perceiving the attractiveness of the two photos or whether you see the unevenness of my eyes at all. For all I know, everyone who sees me, may choose to make the same correction that I do for myself.

It strikes me as a kindness to myself that my subconscious mind chooses to correct my minor flaw so that I not only feel more attractive, but literally see myself as more attractive.

It also strikes me that people who suffer from eating disorders, like anorexia and bulimia or the emotional disorder of body dysmorphia for some reason they aren't subconsciously fixing their features in their minds.

They are not only seeing their minor flaw - they are focusing on it and magnifying it.

Its also likely they are expecting the outside world, other people, to treat them the way they treat themselves. Did you see how I assumed that others would treat me with the same kindness as I show myself and that others would correct or overlook the minor flaw in their own perceptions, rather than focus on it and magnify it? This assumption is likely a result of my habit of doing such a kindness for myself and for others.

Were I unkind to myself, and if I made a habit of focusing on the minor flaws of other people, I would likely assume that others were also doing so to me.

That's my theory anyway, based on everything I've read about self-esteem, self-worth, and eating disorders and related emotional disorders.

It follows then that maybe we can teach our daughters to serve their own mental health and self-esteem.

Cutting ourselves, our daughters and others some slack for our minor physical flaws teaches, by example, our daughters this emotional skill vital to their self-preservation.

Treating ourselves, our daughters, and others - especially other girls and women - with kindness is also a teachable habit.

Self-love and self-acceptance is a skill. One we learn and one we can teach.

There was a story on MSNBC.com Today Show, Too young? Preteen girls get leg, bikini waxes, about how 20% of bikini wax customers at one Hollywood salon are tweens - pre-teen children.

"Nearly 20 percent of the clients that Nance Mitchell sees for bikini waxes in her Beverly Hills, Calif., salon are tweens, she says. . . 12 is the new normal."

"But nothing prepared her for being asked by one client to book a bikini wax appointment for her 8-year-old daughter."

{{{{{GASP}}}}}

Did you share my first reaction?

But, then I thought - wait, why is it the waxing that is making me gasp in shock?

Isn't it more alarming that 8 year olds have enough pubic hair to wax?

The sub head of the story is inaccurate: Moms are bringing daughters to spas for hair removal before puberty

The fact is that 50% of girls are getting their periods by age 10 and doctors now consider it within the "range of normal" for girls to develop outward signs of puberty, including breasts and pubic hair, by age 8. It's not that even medically alarming for 6 or 7 year olds to begin puberty, and many do begin developing breast buds or pubic hair.

Isn't it more emotionally alarming and worthy of a {{{{gasp}}}} that we're seeing a dramatic shift in girls' puberty development and no public health official is coming on the nightly news declaring,

"We're going to find an answer to this most disturbing development in girls, who hold the future reproductive burden for our entire species. In the meantime, don't let your daughters drink the water full of pharmaceuticals. Stop injecting milk and meat cows and other animals with hormones. Be wary that extra weight causes girls to make estrogen and develop pubic hair and boobs early. Avoid plastics. We're going to outlaw high fructose corn syrup in foods directly marketed to children. We understand the reproductive future of our entire nation depends on it!"

Instead, we hear about the early pubic hair trend in the fashion and beauty section of MSNBC's Today Show with a sexualization of girls slant.

Shouldn't those mothers be ashamed of themselves? the story basically asks.

Should they?

The story includes a quote by Philadelphia aesthetician Melanie Engle who says the 8 year old request for a bikini wax, "was about the mother's obsession with her daughter being a supermodel."

OK. I can buy that. I've seen mothers primp their daughters as a photographer and photographer's assistant. There is definite maternal beauty pressure.

Yet, if there was nothing to wax, if she were hairless, then her mother wouldn't be thinking her daughter needed to have anything removed to "look like a supermodel." Right?

Last year I did a story about Nair directly marketing to tween and teen girls with a "new" line of hair removal cream, Nair Pretty.

"It's profoundly disturbing," I wrote. It's also disturbing that Nair caught onto this early pubic hair trend and marketed to it, before I, as a parent, caught up with it.

I also went off on some radio DJ who was bashing Lordes, Madonna's young daughter, for having a unibrow and a slight mustache. I was appalled at the DJ's lack of class and placing all this beauty pressure on a young girl.

One brave mother, Athena of 1001 Petals, wrote in the comments section of that post, "I feel kind of bad now for telling my husband yesterday that if our daughter turned out to be as hairy as me, I'd start taking her to an esthetician for waxing as soon as it became evident -- unless she said she didn't care for it. This is because if you wax regularly at such a young age, you're saved a lifetime of regular waxing later on down the road. I had to take myself starting at 12 yrs of age, and now at 30 it is still practically a daily maintenance routine. . .I spend hundreds a year and a lot of time bothering with it."

Athena's right. The more I consider this hairy subject, the more I realize that I will likely assist my daughter, in some way, with her pubic hair and if she developed a mustache or side burns, for goodness sake, I'd help her eradicate it. Like I'm going to throw her to the Mean Girls and hope she survives?

Swim suits are not designed to cover the pubic area. They haven't been for about 40 years.

In "Clean" Bikini Line I wrote about my own struggle since my teen years with various methods of shaving, Nairing, one excruciating episode with Neet and a vicious chemical burn.

I'm amused by Campaign for Unshaved Snatch (CUSS), but I still keep my bush rather trimmed, as a courtesy to my husband. I wear swim shorts rather than show off my all my private hairs when we go swimming. The itching always gets to me mid-grow.

But, is my daughter really going to be into wearing one of these modest suits that would cover her bikini area? Am I going to make her be the only kid at the swim party or pool to do so?

I shave my pits and my legs. I pluck my eyebrows. I search for stray hairs on my chin and pluck them immediately.

It is only my budget that keeps me from getting all this hair waxed off. When I lived in NYC there was hair & waxing salon on every corner and it was a mere $30 to get my bikini and eyebrows done. I did it whenever I could afford it.

It's the least painful than other methods, it lasts longer and it was the ONLY thing that prevented razor or chemical burn - in other words waxing was the only solution that I didn't trade unwanted hair for an unwanted rash.

It seems to me a young daughter growing early pubic hair is an even bigger motivator for waxing.

Certainly, the minute girls develop breasts or pubic hair society treats her with less respect and she hears more negative and sexual comments about her body. The more she looks like a teenager or woman, the sooner she will be seen as an object for male entertainment, instead of the three-demensionable little girl, the young child, she really is.

What bigger incentive is there to hide pubic hair, keep it as private as possible, or have it removed?

Does the removal of hair further sexualize girls, because the latest fashion is for adult women to remove hair and get a Brazillian wax? Ironically (and a little disturbingly) making them look more like children.

Or does the removal of a symptom or sign of puberty buy a little girl some more time to be a child?

Please comment, I really am interested in exploring this issue further.

Empowering Girls: Hootchy Clothes

Second Generation Mean Girl

Empowering Girls: Ho'oponopono for Girl Fights

Empowering Girls: Breast Cancer Risks

Empowering Girls: Early Puberty

Precocious Puberty

Image Source: Ohana Swimwear

Maybe you'll recall, last year my daughter had this annoying habit of harassing me about a school lunch tray and Lunchables. I sent her a healthy lunch in a pink plastic lunch box. Every day she'd negotiate with me, If I clean up my room can I have a Lunchable? Can I take a Lunchable on the Field Trip?

Only every time I sent a Lunchable she didn't eat it - because the food sucks.

Then I'd be superannoyed because they cost 3 freaking dollars. The whole point of sending a lunch is economy and health. Lunchables violates everything a lunch should be. It's the Kindergarten status symbol, don't you know?

But, then I read Jen's, Lunch Box Mania, Keyword "Mania." She wanted to cut down on disposable items like baggies. Good point. She did all the environmental and cost analysis homework for me and even told me where to buy these Faux Lunchable trays.

Target for $3 each.

How's that for peer pressure? Ainsley's status symbol is a Lunchable and mine is an economically and environmentally friendly object that will allow me to feed my kid healthy food without incessant complaining.

Please God, don't let it take her 35 years to figure out how to choose your peer pressure for your own self-preservation and best interests.

I figured I'd buy two so one could be in the dishwasher and one could be at school. Of course, I should have factored in the brother and bought 4.

I am also concerned about plastics due to the research I've been doing on early and precocious puberty.

Unfortunately, the only metal child-sized drinking options conflicted with our branding rules - High School Musical (I promised she could have High School Musical everything when she's in High School. But, it's not called 1st Grade Musical or Primary Musical), Princess and Bratz - those were my choices. So, I opted for the Dora plastic thermos with the snack compartment on the bottom until I can find a thermos without implications. (Okay, that's a good point - the lunch box is also plastic.)

As you saw in the video, the Baked Cheetos are going to buy me a lot of peace, I think. Last year I was probably too strict on her lunch snacks. This was daddy's brilliant idea. It's only 100 calories. We bought the bulk box for $8.95 at Sams Club and there are 30 packages.

That's 6 weeks of family harmony and peace - what a bargain.

Empowering Girls: Lunchables

Potty Dance and YouTube Peer Pressure

Empowering Girls: Girls-Only Public School

Empowering Girls: Early Puberty

Precocious Puberty

You'll Shoot Your Eye Out

Go Bratz Go!

by Tracee Sioux

Perfection - it's the pervasive modern-day feminine Achilles heel and we're passing it down to our daughters according to The Supergirl Dilemma a report about the pressure girls today are under.

Girls feel strong pressure to be perfect, look perfect and behave perfect all the time.

And I don't feel this is something we can blame on men. When was the last time you heard a man exclaim, I can't be perfect! I can't be everything to everyone all the time! Um, Never.

No, this is not an external problem - it's an internal feminine problem stemming from MOTHERS.

{{{{{Gasp}}}}} I said it.

To illustrate why I think so, here's two quick references to mother's preoccupation with perfection in our current feminine dialogue: Christine Fugate writes in the foreword of her new book, The Mothering Heights Manual for Motherhood Volume 1,

Over one hundred essays poured in from 26 states and four countries. Reading the essays shed light on the current state of the mom-mind. For example, the word 'perfect' (of a variation of it) was used over 92 times. That's almost one 'perfect' for every mom. While I think the questioning of perfection is positive (although not every essay questioned it), the frequency shows that the desire to be 'perfect' continues to loom over our sense of identity.

In The Feminine Mistake, Leslie Bennetts writes,

All too many American women are in thrall to increasingly deranged ideals of perfection. We live in a culture that constantly exhorts us to improve ourselves - and that assumes the perfectibility of virtually everything. If you don't like your nose, get a nose job! If you don't like the color of your hair, dye it! If your thighs are lumpy have liposuction! If you want abs of steel, go to the gym! Personal maintenance has become a national obsession that consumes a staggering amount of energy and resources; if American women put even a fraction of the time they spend on their appearance into working or social and political change, this country would be utterly transformed.

The Supergirl Dilemma, the report we discussed on Friday about gender stereotypes by Girls Inc., does not ignore the influence of adults in the girls' perceptions of what is important.

It's no surprise that the adult women - mothers and nonmothers included - answers to the questions mirrors the girls' answers to the questions.

True, People think that girls care a lot about shopping, 92% of the women said.

True, girls are under a lot of pressure to please everyone, 84% of the adult women said.

True, Girls are under a lot of pressure to dress the right way, 89% of the the adult women said.

What's fascinating is that women were much more likely than men to say they disliked that these stereotypes are true. Women are also more likely than the girls to say they disliked that these stereotypes are true - by a lot.

One reads the women's answers to the questions about girls and wonders if they aren't really answering what it was like for themselves as girls.

Perhaps because the women themselves are caving under the pressure of being perfect?

Our daughters emulate us, especially emotionally.

As in most reports about girls there's a lot of talk about media influence and pressure.

I'm definitely interested in helping Ainsley resist media pressure - but, who is helping her resist internalizing my feelings of being under pressure?

I'd like to see a report about how the media - television, marketing and advertising - is impacting mothers.

Are mothers figuring out how to deal with The Onslaught about women's bodies and sexuality, or are we internalizing it in an unhealthy way and then passing that onto our own daughters?

How are mothers going to resist media pressure that tells us we're never good enough?

If we can get right with ourselves, learn to accept our own selves in our imperfect states, and let this perfection pressure go, nothing will be able to hold our empowered daughters back.

If not. . . well, there's a lot of pressure to be perfect and I don't have to tell you how that feels - you already know.

Empowering Girls: Criticize Daughters' DNA

My Face/Her Face

Self-Loathing Sin Bank
Empowering Girls: Marketing Boundaries

APA Reports Sexualization of Girls Devastating

Math: It's A Tie

Zack has called us both Mama since he could talk.

He just learned to say Ainschley and sometimes it comes out Mama Ainschley.

I guess this makes me obsolete?

Last night our van broke down again.

Who cares? It can wait till we get back from BlogHer08, because GM is loaning us this '08 Chevy Tahoe Hybrid. Truly I've rarely even sat in a car this nice.

It's $52,780!

Yeah. An entire annual salary.

But, check out the features:

DVD Player for the back seat How my childhood family vacations, and all the memories, would have been so different if we took a Tahoe and not the Toyota Corolla with 4 kids in the back.

GPS System - I don't know what I was thinking yesterday when I said I was going by my mother's directions. Are you kidding? I'm testing out the GPS System! Hello?

Reverse Camera - I put it into reverse and the thing shows me on the radio monitor what is behind me. How cool is that? No blind spots!

Get this no spare tire. They have a tire inflation system and sealant instead. Hmm.

It says it gets 22 mpg on the highway. Which, really isn't great gas milage. It's only great gas milage in comparison to the 10 mpg some SUVs get.

I'm anxious about how much the gas for this trip is going to cost. It will only get more expensive the further west we go and it seems to go up daily.

But, don't care. Nothing's going to spoil my good time. Vacation with Chevy Tahoe on my way to BlogHer.

Life is beautiful! I wish Hubby would get off early. The anticipation is bittersweet. I guess I better go pack Zack's clothes.

So Sioux Me Family Vacation

Dove's new Campaign for Real Beauty viral video - Under Pressure.

GM is giving my family a Hybrid Tahoe to drive across the country to BlogHer. Woo Hoo! We'll actually drive it to Salt Lake City because we already bought plane tickets to San Francisco from there.

Itinerary & Pit Stops

We'll drive straight through from Texas to Utah. Average driving time 24 hours. This is a pilgrimage my extended family has been making for 3 generations. Last year it took us 36 because Hubby, who's new to this family tradition thought it would be fun to go 5 hours out of the way to visit Telluride, Colorado with a 1 year old strapped in his car seat, to ride a free tram. This year he said, "I think we should just get there as fast as possible with no detours at all. What's the shortest way?" Yeah, that's what I thought.

"Call my mom." I told him. You go on mapquest and look up your directions. But, we've made that mistake before too. MapQuest didn't jive with "turn left at the Texaco at the second light." You think I'm trusting the GPS system in this fancy Hybrid over 50 years of tried and true family short cuts? I think not.

We will stop to pee, on the side of the road and at gas stations, which have become progressively cleaner in the last decade. We will buy snacks at Sams to save most money and drive through the $1 menu a few times. We'll stop at playgrounds to temper Zack's inevitable "GET ME OUT OF THIS CAR SEAT!"

We will leave after the Hubby gets off work and shaves his head. Yeah, he says this is the perfect time to shave his head while he has two weeks of vacation time to grow it back. He's got a very round head so I'm expecting it to be sexy. (After the hilarious laughter from me and the kids from the shock of it.)

So 7 pm on Friday night, we'll get in a car a full decade and a half younger than our minivan, which has also been in the shop all week. We'll relish the new car smell. We'll hope it's fully insured for spills and food - hey, we've got two kids.

My husband will drive as long as he can. The kids will fall asleep and we'll have peace for a full 12 hours. Around midnight or 1 p.m. he's going to say he's too tired. I'll stop and grab a Monster, which I only drink when driving all night. Before that it was nasty caffeine pills that made me feel icky.

The directions, on a piece of scrap paper, read like this:

Denton - 278

Wichita Falls

Amarillo (This is where the humidity lifts and you can breath again)

40 to Albequirqui, New Mexico

25 to Bernadillo

Farmington

Shipwreck

Cortez

Montecello

Moab

Price

Provo

Estimated Time of Arrival, factoring in stops to post blogs at truck stops and a 6-year-old and 2-year-old and "it's too dangerous for me to drive at this point naps" sometime Saturday night.

We'll let the kids acclimate to Grandma and Grandpa for one day, and take a long nap, before we leave for San Francisco and BlogHer.

My much adored cousin told me I just HAD to read Twilight (The Twilight Saga, Book 1), by Stephenie Meyer, which is flying off the shelves as women indulge our addiction to the love story.

In the meantime, I've been contemplating a few things like why girls and women can be so self-defeating.

Why does the battered wife stay or go back?

Why are girls willing to put up with blatant disrespect for boyfriends?

Why do women and girls tend to glamorize "giving up everything" for their husbands and children?

What is wrong with us?

Women make up 50% of the population, yet we have so little of the world's power. Why?

Read Twilight (The Twilight Saga, Book 1).

Edward, the beautiful vampire tells Bella, the teenage human girl, over and over that his biggest desire is to kill her. That he can barely contain himself whenever he's around her. Her own demise only turns her on. She has zero sense of self-preservation. She "Loves" him. Within the first week of meeting Edward, who immediately treats her like crap, because he wants to harm her so badly he finds it difficult to resist, she gives up her friends, her studies, her father and her mother and all of her interests. Giving up everything is "worth it." (Where have I heard that line before mothers?)

The answer to all those questions is - we think it's romantic. It makes us hot. It makes us linger in the bathtub or passes the time quickly on the treadmill.

The self-defeat, the sacrifice, the giving up of self, is in our feminine collective dialogue and it's like crack cocaine to us.

Women are addicted to this emotional drug we call "Love", but which is really a lot more like unhealthy emotional psychosis.

It starts with the Disney Princess drama as toddlers and children.

But, then we grow up and it has no effect on us our "real life?" Right?

Then why is the Twilight Series flying off the shelves?

There's no sex in the book (because he would crush her vulnerable and breakable body). But, really, is sex the most self-distructive thing girls participate in? I think not. I would hold up "Love," and our distortions of it, as the most dangerous thing to girls' confidence, their self esteem, their sense of self, their psychological and emotional health. How many girls have sex too soon for this distortion of "Love?"

Here's the other thing that gets me about this type literary dialogue, it's so prevalent in the collective female culture. Yet, the "give up everything" theme doesn't exist in men's literature.

How many relationships have actually self-destructed with these words, "But I gave up everything for you!" women/girlfriends/wives declare.

"Who asked you to? Why would you do that?" men want to know. Love is not described in the same terms, nor defined by the need for women to give up so much of themselves that they no longer actually exist, in the literary consciousness of men.

Women keep acting out the same self-distructive communication patterns and the same self-sacrificing behaviors found in books like Twilight and men are completely bewildered by it.

The only literature or culture in which this exchange - women giving up everything - shows up is in their pornography, where women aren't featured for "LOVE" as we write it, they are featured as inanimate objects for a mere moment's pleasure.

Stop this little cultural miscommunication and you most likely increase not only the duration, but the quality, of marriage in this country.

Stop buying into this ridiculously absurd self-defeating definition of "LOVE" and we might actually give our daughters a shot at healthy love, positive and fulfilling relationships, and enduring marriages. One where they get to keep their selves, their identities, their interests, their talents, their careers, their hobbies, their sense of self-respect and their physical safety.

The question is - can we have both?

Can we have our trashy teenage romance vampire romance novel where we "pretend" to give up our choices and our well-being, our life even, our families, for the "love of our life" who wants to kill us and flat out tells us that and then live empowering strong lives?

Or, do we hardwire our brains to believe that doing self-defeating things for a man is "romantic?" If our brains are hard wired this way, are we passing that down to our daughters? Especially if we allow them to indulge in this type of culture and media?

So, of course I wanted to know, who owns the domain empoweringgirls(dot)com? I went there and it seemed to be parked. I wanted to contact the owner to see about acquiring the web address, so I scrolled to the bottom and clicked.

I was redirected to wildpartygirls(dot)com.

Porn, of course.

Girl is a 4 letter word.

APA Reports Sexualization of Girls Devastating

Sorry, no pictures today.

Whatever the cause of Ainsley's recent attitude problem, I was talking to my friend Jen from Jlogged.com.

She's got 3 boys, and I was telling her how FED UP I am and that I don't really know the most effective thing to do.

She suggested Boot Camp.

Hard labor she said. When they start acting up and getting out of control like that we sit them down for a family meeting and tell them we're not putting up with their attitude anymore and we're going to make them work.

But, she already has to do chores, I said.

Chores. No. I make them scrub toilets with a toothbrush. I make them rake leaves and do yard work. I make them do really hard and dirty jobs for really long periods of time. I ride them really hard for about 3 weeks and it seems to do the trick.

And the list of things that no one wants to do around here started adding up in my head. And I remembered my parents used to make us work too. And their parents before them. And who the heck cares if Supernanny has never featured the Hard Labor Attitude Boot Camp as a parenting method? It's worth a shot.

We sat down at the family meeting and took her to task for her attitude towards me and outlined the new rules.

Didn't she do a nice job on those weeds?

And the whole time she was out there it was blessed silence and peace. I just tell her she has one warning until she does more hard labor. I almost can't wait until she talks back so I can get the rest of the yard work done and the toilets . . .

Is there a downside to Attitude Boot Camp?

So, you can tell from my Hannah Ban that my 6-year-old daughter's been having an attitude problem lately.

I dealt with one of the causes, but I'm not crazy enough to think the banning of Hannah will be enough to cure her attitude and the constant crossing of my boundaries.

Here's what's really upsetting me about Ainsley's attitude.

It's directed at me. And only me.

Her entire bratty dialogue, talking back, rudeness, fit throwing, defiance is directed to a single person on the entire planet and that person is ME.

Her dad says "go clean your room" and she obediently goes to clean her room.

Her dad says "stop doing that" and she immediately stops.

At church and school and over at friends and neighbors and grandparents the child is a "perfect angel."

I say "go clean your room" and it's 30 minutes of arguing, whining, fit throwing and negotiating her way out of it.

I say "stop doing that, please," and she ignores me.

"Please, don't do that," she keeps doing it and make up an excuse for continuing her behavior.

"I said top doing that," and there is angry fit throwing outburst, negotiating and whining and crying.

I SAID STOP DOING THAT RIGHT NOW! NOW GO TO YOUR ROOM CAUSE I'M NOT PUTING UP WITH THIS!

Jeez. You don't have to scream at me, she says all hurt.

Oh really? It appears to be the only way you listen to me, I think.

What I say is, I'm sorry I yelled.

Here's what I want to know - what is different about my "go clean your room" and her fathers? What is different about my "stop doing that" and the neighbors or the teachers or the church lady's?

I have 3 theories.

The first is that my own mother put a traditional daughter curse on me, "I hope you get a daughter exactly like you."

One theory is that this is growing/mother/daughter pains that comes with puberty - only it's lightyears early.

Another theory is that I'm projecting all my daughter issues from my own relationship with my mother on my relationship with my daughter. Put another way, that my feelings about how my own mother disciplined me is preventing me from being an effective disciplinarian for my daughter. In other words, when I say, "Go clean your room," I hear myself as a rebellious teenager say, No. I don't want to! Try to make me! It's MY room. And my daughter is picking up on this inner-conflict via osmosis or emotional consciousness.

Do any other mothers notice their children treating them in a distinctly different way than they they treat the other parent or other adults? How do you explain it?

Come back tomorrow to find out about Attitude Boot Camp.

What's the #1 thing we should teach our kids? Marketing Resistance. They're really gonna need it.

Goodbye Hannah Montana.

I'm sick and tired of hearing your bratty little attitude and disrespect come out of my daughter's mouth.

Months ago I tried to blame ME for my daughter's snotty tone and disrespectful banter. I tried to ban my "tone" and keep you, Hannah, as harmless entertainment.

But, here's the thing: I add quality to my daughter's life whether I take a tone or not. I'm her mother and she's definitely better off with me than she is without me. There's no question that the benefit of me outweighs the cost of my tone.

It's unfortunate, but I can't say the same about you.

It has nothing to do with your back-exposure Miley, which I felt was a trumped up way for the media to call yet another girl a Whore, as we know that's their hobby. I feel bad about that.

It's Hannah's mouth and Hannah's attitude. That mouth and that dialogue is being used against ME.

My daughter thinks it's funny to imitate.

And I agree. It's funny to imitate.

But, if it's a choice between YOU and ME in my daughter's life. Well, I pick ME. Because I add quality and you, well, you don't. When your snotty, bratty, disrespectful banter comes out of my daughter's mouth - well, to be completely truthful, I feel like slapping her. I don't. But, really, it shouldn't take so much effort to stop the impulse.

Also, you're not really age-appropriate no matter how small you make the t-shirts or commando market to Kindergarteners and pre-schoolers.

She's listening to you talk about your "needs" and how your super-protective body guard is getting in the way of those needs.

Now I feel you're" needs" are probably to be kissed and to hold hands, though you left it vague.

But, that's too much information, and too vague, for my 6-year-old daughter. And again. I didn't really like your tone when you discussed your "needs" up with your dad. In fact, I thought your dad handled it poorly - like a shmuck. (While we're speaking of your parents I have to wonder - why exactly has Disney killed off all the girls' mothers, including yours?)

So, I took control of the remote. I couldn't figure out how to just block Hannah Montana so I blocked the entire Disney Channel. Truth be told I'm not a huge fan of your other influences Disney, what with the snotty attitude from Zack and Cody and the Princess Culture nightmare I've had to wade through with my daughter. Christine Fugate of Mothering Heights is banning you too.

So, there you are Disney Channel.

Blocked - Along with the Pay-Per-View Porn.

Read Tone Turtle.

"Tone Control"

Hannah Branding

Empowering Girls: Miley's Photo

Empowering Girls: Princess Culture Examined

Check out these stats from a Newsweek story on Nerd Girls:

Forty years ago women made up just 3 percent of science and engineering jobs; now they make up about 20 percent. That sounds promising, until you consider that women earn 56 percent of the degrees in those fields. A recent Center for Work-Life Policy study found that 52 percent of women leave those jobs, with 63 percent saying they experienced workplace harassment and more than half believing they needed to "act like a man" in order to succeed. In the past, women dealt with that reality in two ways: some buried their femininity, while others simply gave up their techie interests to appear more feminine.

Read Newsweek's story, Revenge of the Nerdette, to find out about THIS generations' Nerd Girls strategy for staying in their science professions.

Here's a hint - they aren't quitting and they aren't dressing like their male counterparts. They are calling themselves "Nerd-a-licious."

Send your brainy daughter over to join nerdgirls.com

Ding Dong. Ding Dong.

Hi! What can I do for you?

Did you know your daughter is out riding her bike on the street?

Kids DO ride bikes in their neighborhoods. They have, for like, generations.

Well, I almost ran her over when she shot out in front of me and I was wondering if anyone was watching her.

Thank you for not running her over. I appreciate that.

I just wondered if anyone is watching her.

Well, thanks for letting me know. Thanks for not running her over. I'll talk to her about bike safety again.

Next Day.

Mommy can I go ride my bike?

Yes. Watch for cars. Pull over to the side if a car is coming. Never, ever shoot out in front of one. Look both ways. Don't cross if a car is coming. Be very careful please.

Perhaps I should petition the city council for a sign: Kids play here. Don't run them over.

Read how I taught her to ride her bike in B-R-A-V-E!

Visit Free Range Kids if you need support for letting your kids go outside and play.

It started to rain. The kids wanted to play in it. I went to make sure there was no lightening.

Come out in the rain with us Mommy.

I did. It felt lovely.

Then the little one came at me with a mud clod and threw it at me.

Laugh or lecture?

Before 3, everything they do is so adorable, I couldn't help but laugh.

I remembered a multitude of mud fights out at my grandmother's house in Utah. We would have the best time, my brothers and cousin and I, hurling mud at each other.

I do like mud.

It stopped raining so we turned on the sprinkler.

This is how Daddy found us when he came home from work.

Covered in mud.

We ran to a group shower to hose ourselves down and wash our hair.

I don't know if Ainsley's white shirt will ever come clean - it's been soaking in Oxyclean for a few days.

By Tracee Sioux

As I pull crayoned notes out of your Kindergarten backpack and read, Ainsley loves Brayden, my heart longs to make you understand that it’s just not about them.

At the dawn of my 34th year, having given birth to my second and last child and knowing my childbearing years were over, I felt a wave of liberation wash over me sitting in yoga class.

It was, I think, the decision to have no more children that set me free. Or perhaps it was the vasectomy, which finally liberated me from the love chase I’ve been on my whole life.

This liberation feels like finally taking possession of my own brain. I look back at my own history and think of all the disrespectful positions with men that I’ve been in and wonder how I ever let myself be so compromised. I look back and wonder what on earth could have been wrong with me to have chased those particular men. Why would I put up with abusive, disrespectful or negative behavior? What the hell was I thinking?

It’s all so droll and disgusting. I can gloss it over and make it feel more respectable than it was, but it feels like my entire existence was controlled by my biological clock and my need to create these two perfect and wonderful children for 33 years.

Now that I have, now that I’ve accomplished my mission, I feel a sense of liberation that will allow me to demand more respect for myself than I ever felt worthy of before.

It feels like coming into my self.

Like a birthing of me.

My children are like the culmination of a struggle that I am allowed to leave behind now.

I am mother. Already. Done. Finished. Mission Accomplished.

It’s like I’m giving myself permission to move on. And in the moving on I notice that how I think and feel about my self in relation to men is vastly different.

My biological clock is off and now my real life can begin. My life, my existence, my soul, my wellbeing, my identity, my womanhood, my femininity isn’t about men. I no longer feel relational to them, not even your father. I don’t feel my life is about what I can offer them, give them or get from them.

Romantic love and sex no longer hold the same attraction or urgency for me anymore. It’s hard for me to even fathom why it was ever so important to me. It’s not my main purpose as it was for all those dating years that I look back on my wanting with a sense of regret.

What if I could have avoided all that desperation, longing and wanting? Maybe that wasn’t necessary to create these wonderful children. What if that was just a complete waste of my emotional energy?

What if I inherited my desperation from my mother and she from hers? What if that longing, that allowing men to define my worth by whether they wanted me, desired me, loved me or claimed me was passed from one generation to the next.

"Why does Brayden like Cat instead of me?"

"Brayden said I was cute today."

As I listen to these precocious words fall from your six-year-old mouth I wonder, have I done this to you? Have I passed on my desperation and longing?

How I wish I would have learned that it’s just not about them before I brought you into this world.

As I imagine your future of crushes, dating and heart breaks I want to pass my post-mother, post-birth, mid-life, newly discovered knowledge on to you in an effort to save you some drama and pain:
The process of being You, Ainsley, is just not about them.

This article was originally published on Body Impolitic.

by Tracee Sioux

It's effective to make some rules when children are still very young to ensure a healthy self-image, including body image.

Most parents forbid name calling when it comes to siblings or friends.

It's appropriate to make the same rule for name calling against themselves.

I punish my children for saying "I'm stupid" and "My legs are fat" the same as I would punish them if they said, "You are stupid" or "Your legs are fat."

Children learn to respect, accept and appreciate their bodies and skills or they learn to self-deprecate.

Respect, acceptance and appreciation doesn't lead to anorexia, self-mutilation or other self-destructive behaviors.

Self-deprecation has been shown lead to self-destructive behavior, depression, low self-worth, drug use and suicide.

Children learn from a Do As I Do as opposed to Do As I Say. Obviously mothers (and fathers) will have to forgo self-deprecation as a form of humor or bonding with other women.

Naomi Wolf said, "The mother who radiates self-love and self-acceptance vaccinates her daughter against low self-esteem."

A woman can not stand in front of the mirror annihilating her body and her reflection and expect her children to have a positive self esteem. That's just not likely to happen.

My daughter holds me to this standard. I've spoken with her about my own accountability in this area. If I cut loose with an, "I am so stupid!" she will call me on it and has actually sent me to "time out."

I did go to time out, because I want her to know that what I did by calling myself a name was very, very wrong. If I refuse to live up to the standard I set for her then essentially, the message is that it's "not really that important."

When I read the statistics about teenage girls that declare that 13% of girls are depressed, 10 million women have an eating disorder, 81% of 10 year olds are afraid of being fat, 42% of 1st-3rd grade girls want to be thinner.

All because girls never learned to be kind to oneself?

I know I must vigilantly teach my daughter how to take care of emotional self and accept and appreciate her body from a very early age.

More on Body Image at Empowering Girls: So Sioux Me

Self-Loathing Sin Bank