The Girls Next Door is rated PG-13.

Hugh Hefner decided.

Its a voluntary rating system.

(Oh, and Barbie obviously has no cultural influence at all on girls or the bodies they grow up and buy.)

Image Source: Ragyn

Last week was heavy with emotionally charged information. So Sexy So Soon is a lot to digest before we get into something new. It took weeks for me to get over the shock from reading that book enough to write about it. Receiving such information and acting on it isn't easy.

Today we're going to lighten up!

Also, I'm crazed with postings for a MASSIVE giveaway on Blogtoberfest on Blog Fabulous!

Here's your official invitation to visit Blog Fabulous and win tons of really, really great stuff. (((Psst. It's not just BlogFabulous, it's the whole Lifestyle's Channel and we're giving $7,000 worth of stuff away.)))

With today's economy, I'm already hoarding Christmas gifts. How about you?

Giving stuff away over there seemed so easy and fun that I thought I'd do a massive giveaway in honor of my pending redesign. My super cool designer, Heather from Desperately Seeking Wordpress is working on it as we speak.

So far I've gotten several empowering items to giveaway for my upcoming redesign extravaganza promotion. If you have a product you'd like to see featured here and want to generously donate it to my loyal and conscientious audience - email me at traceesioux at yahoo dot com with Empowering Girls Giveaway in the post.

I also wanted to remind you of my open call for photos of girls doing what they do and being who they are. If you have a daughter and want to see her picture on this girl empowerment blog - send me one. Details at Poster Girls.

Today's Poster Girl is Dani and she's uses this chainsaw in her art. Her mother, Cindi Lavin is also an artist. She writes Layer Upon Layer, where she's giving tons of stuff away for Blogtoberfest.

At Empowering Girls: So Sioux Me, I loath problems without solutions.

Thankfully, the authors of So Sexy So Soon: The New Sexualized Childhood and What Parents Can Do to Protect Their Kids have not only researched he problem, but provided parents and educators with action steps.

1. Change the Laws - If deregulation of children's media caused this problem, then reregulation of children's media can fix it. A law that makes marketing directly to children under 12 illegal protects children makes sense. Marketers claim they have freedom of speech. In fact, the Constitution says nothing about protecting Corporations, marketing or advertising rights to market to children - it speaks only of people. Marketers can still sell their products - to PARENTS. Requiring that they make products that PARENTS believe are appropriate for their children. Adults are more savvy consumers and can deconstruct advertising - children can not. Marketers have a predatory advantage against children currently.

Campaign for a Commercial-Free Childhood has a list of laws currently before congress. Go to the list, read the laws and use their simple links to write your representatives to pass law that protects our children's sexuality rather than exploits it. It's an election year and now is the best time to see action.

2. Get involved with children's advocacy groups. Campaign for a Commercial-Free Childhood has run a successful campaign to get Bratz out of Scholastic Book Fairs in schools and stop marketing for the new provocative 90210 on school bus radio. Sign up for the CCFC e-newsletter.

Parents for Ethical Marketing is another non-profit group with a great blog Corporate Babysitter to keep parents informed and fight predatory marketing.

Shaping Youth is encouraging marketers to sell a better message to kids.

There are others like Mediawise.org with great research and resources.

Subscribe to this RSS Feed to get my passionate and inspired perspective.

3. Screen, Filter and Ban Sexualized Content. Sit down with your kids and decide what your boundaries are. Limit the amount of marketing that finds it's way into your child's brain.

* Be aware that the rating system is voluntary, E's reality lineup, Girls Next Door, Keeping Up With the Kardashians, Sunset Tan, and Dr. 90210 are rated TV-14.

* Be aware that many inappropriate shows are unrated. Commercials are not rated at all.

* Video games and Internet ratings are also currently voluntary.

* Beaware that lots of advertising is popping up at school - in report cards, reading rewards, rewards for good behavior, in text books, signage, on Bus Radio, on Channel One, Corporate Sponsorships and fundraisers, etc.

4. Know Your Kid's Media - the days when we can trust media and marketers are gone. Read their books, watch their shows, visit their websites, listen to their music and watch their television. Monitor their email and Facebook, MySpace, Twitters and Blogs. Advertising is in all of those places.

5. Get beyond "Just Say No." Saying no about every single thing has been shown to further tear away at the parent-child relationship. Marketers use this and reinforce it in the marketing. Instead, open a dialogue and negotiate boundaries with them. Explain what you find objectionable about the product and allow the child to participate in boundary making.

6. Be open about Sex. I was shocked when sex came up directly. Ainsley was only 4. Then I looked around and realized it was on the radio, on television, in commercials, at the check out - for it not to come up would have been weird. If you don't talk about sex with your kids - they will hear only the bad message from marketers.

7. Learn/Teach Media Literacy - What's the real message? Figure it out, then talk to your kids about the message. Show them how photoshop works, tell them how they are using inappropriate photos to lure children to buy items. Make them media-literate.

8. Processing Images - When children are exposed to extremely violent images or very inappropriate sexual images teachers and child psychologists have found that children have a need to process the information. Use art, drawing or painting and writing to allow your child to explore their feelings about inappropriate and frightening images.

9. Counteract Negative Stereotypes - We've come a long way baby, but the media - not so much. Sexualized media portrays boys as consumers and girls as products to be consumed. It portrays girls as the object on which to display sexual products like brand name clothing and sexual heals. When girls see themselves as objects on which sexuality is displayed, instead of inherently sexual beings, and boys view themselves as the consumer of the product, instead of inherently sexual beings that crave intimacy - no real sexually healthy identity occurs. Speak up! When you see this happening in media - point it out to your children and tell them your alternative views.

"I don't think the clothes are sexy, I think confidence and self-respect in girls is sexy,"

"I believe men want the same emotional intimacy as women," are key phrases that will help your children resist marketers objectifying sexual message.

10. Trust YOUR Instincts. Most parents know something funky is up. They didn't have the ability to articulate what was going on. I've often heard parents check their own reality - "Did they just say that on a children's show? Did that commercial just run during family programing? Can this really be happening? Am I imagining it or did this type of stuff not come up when I was growing up? Are the kids dressing worse for Halloween? Is that doll really a stripper?"

The answer is yes. They said it. They showed it. It is different. It is damaging. The toys really are sexual and the advertising really, really is that bad and getting worse every day.

Now that you know, what are you going to DO about it?

Read the rest of my So Sexy So Soon series:

So Sexy So Soon, Sexualized Childhood

So Sexy So Soon: Sex Education Quiz

So Sexy So Soon: Premature Adolescent Rebellion

Support reviews like these by purchasing So Sexy So Soon: The New Sexualized Childhood and What Parents Can Do to Protect Their Kids for people in your community - schools, churches and parents organizations through the links on this website.

When my mother came to visit this summer I asked her, "Mom, was I rebellious as a Kindergartner, a 6 or 7-year-old? Did I argue back about every single thing?"

"Not until you were 14," she said.

See, that's when I was expecting to have to deal with adolescent rebellion - when my kids were, you know. . .adolescents. I feel like Ainsley went from carefree toddler to experiencing adolescent pangs of angst in one short year and I hadn't properly devised a strategy to deal with it. I thought I had 10 more years of childhood.

I've been reading similar stories from parents in their blogs.

Until reading So Sexy So Soon: The New Sexualized Childhood and What Parents Can Do to Protect Their Kids I didn't know how to articulate it.

Diane Levin and Jean Kilbourne, authors of the book, have labeled the phenomenon: Pediatric Adolescent Rebellion.

It's symptoms are hysterical emotional outbursts, smarting off in sarcastic ways to parents (similar to the way Hannah Montana or Zack and Cody speak to their friends and family, anyone?), disregard for authority and an increased demanding by children to get their parents to buy stuff that promises to "make them happy."

It's primary source, according to the So Sexy authors, is a scientific approach by marketers to undermine parents - so they can sell more product and make their shareholders "happy."

Campaign for a Commercial-Free Childhood presents the "Have you Lost Your Marbles Awards," to companies that marketed most harmfully to children.

One year it went to the ad company who sent out a press release titled, "The Fine Art of Whining: Why Nagging is a Kid's Best Friend." The release then told marketers how best to exploit children's whining, or the "nag factor." citing studies that say 21 to 40 percent of sales from designer jeans to burgers and dolls results from nagging.

To pit child against parent to sell more stuff, in other words.

Where before corporations had to sell their products by convincing PARENTS the products would benefit their kids, now they are persuading KIDS to manipulate their parents into bowing to emotional terrorism.

If parents say "no" because a product isn't in the child's best interests the marketing gives kids the message they are unloved and unhappy. If the parent says "yes" the parent condones sexually inappropriate products that are harmful to the child's sexuality and identity.

Thus creating constant conflict between parent and child. Creating a phenomenon the authors are labeling "pediatric adolescent rebellion."

No longer is "Is this good for kids?" the concern of products marketed to children. Now the only question is "Can we make children want this product? Can we get kids to nag their parents into buying it?"

And the squabble between parent and child ensues in every conceivable location and situation they find themselves in - at the snack bar, during commercials, at restaurants, during televisions programs, passing billboards, books at the school book fair, video games, at the check-out counter, on the playground.

This type of advertising is even venturing into our schools in text books, book fairs, and reading rewards and sponsorships.

Much of this marketing has an underlying sexual message as we discussed previously in So Sexy So Soon: Sex Education Quiz and So Sexy So Soon: Sexualized Childhood.

One would have to move into an Amish Community to avoid direct marketing designed to get children to harass parents for things that aren't good for them.

All designed to exploit the nag factor and whittle away at the parent-child relationship.

So. Children. Will. Shop.

Marketers are organized. Parents are on their own.

Read more in this series at So Sexy So Soon: Sex Education Quiz and So Sexy So Soon: Sexualized Childhood.

Check out this page at Mediawise.org for startling statistics about where direct advertising to children is popping up.

You're probably thinking, "why do we have to choose between abstinence education and protecting our children from hyper-sexual media?

So Sexy So Soon: The New Sexualized Childhood and What Parents Can Do to Protect Their Kids very clearly explains that this is not the choice we face, it's the choice we have already made in America.

Why would Republicans push for abstinence-only education and then allow commando marketing to children with a hyper-sexual message?

Because they are not representing your values. They are using your values to get votes and then stimulating the economy by creating access to your children as a marketing target. The fact that the message is a hyper-sexualized one is of no concern to them.

Feminist friends, allow me to introduce you to my Religious Conservative friends. . .

You both have the same goal - raising children with a healthy sexuality - you should both feel betrayed by the way politicians and marketers have exploited your children's sexuality for profit.

So Sexy So Soon: The New Sexualized Childhood and What Parents Can Do to Protect Their Kids really articulated something I'd been feeling for a long time. Do you ever watch The View and want to scream at them - Joy, Whoopie and Elizabeth - all at the same time when they discuss sex education in schools? Joy talking about what it was like to want to do it with your fiance 40 years ago, Whoopie saying she wants to teach kids to put condoms on bananas, and Elizabeth wanting everyone to live in a Norman Rockwell painting, with Jesus playing the harp, but where she can wear $500 low-rise designer jeans.

Diane Levin and Jean Kilbourne gave me a much better understanding of my frustration when I watch those discussions.

We're all missing the point. While we're arguing about whether to tell kids about sex - marketers told them already. Marketers have an organized strategy to actively use every single opportunity they have to SELL sex to kids.

Because they want kids to have sex?

No silly. They don't give a flip whether kids do or don't have sex.

They just know that sex sells - even to small children - sex sells.

So while we're having our analytical and sometimes heated discussion the politicians turned marketers lose on kids.

Marketers have said, "parents and educators are better distracted anyway" and they proceed to sell clothing, dolls, toys, games, video games, actual sex and pornography, television shows, credit cards, beauty products, school suppolies, easy readers featuring toy hookers, and barbie doll-knock offs as strippers to kids using their own sexuality. They are selling a sexual message in children's books, in their commercials, in their video games, on their television programs and with their toys.

Every ad, every image, every message is hardwiring our children's brains to connect sex and their own sexuality and sexual value with objects.

Did you catch that? Their goal is to connect the child's sexuality and sexual emotions and sexual triggers in their brains to the objects and products they sell.

The ability to buy the products and wear them and look like them becomes an expression of the child's sexuality. The marketing message is encouraging children to be erotically turned on by labels and products that promise to make them happy. "To buy our products is hot," is the message they sell to children. To the point, where women are exchanging body parts for objects (boob job). (ie. Dr. 90210 is sexy advertising for plastic surgeons).

People aren't sexy. Prada is sexy. People aren't hot, the Abercrombie they wear are hot. People don't have value, their Coach bags have value. Boobs aren't sensual, silicone implants are sensual.

In the meantime, we're giving kids a naive little abstinence-only curriculum in a 45 minute class. The message of which seems entirely irrelevant, never mind statistically ineffective, in the face of the how incredibly successful this media onslaught on our children's sexuality is.

Hello, America! Abercrombie & Fitch bought 10 million dollars in advertising to name the Emergency Room at Columbus Children’s Hospital, tying the the label to both inappropriate sexuality and children's health simultaneously. As the blogger of Canoe Room points out - parental protests against Abercrombie & Fitch's sexualized ads have served only to make the brand more attractive to kids.

There are laws that prevent Marlboro from advertising to children - why not laws that prevent corporations with a similarly damaging sexualized message?

Religious Conservative friends, I'd like you to meet my Feminist Friends.

You both have the same goal, you just have slightly different motives.

Maybe we should try having the same conversation and devise an effective strategy to deal with a real and well-financed threat to our children.

Educators and Parents should read So Sexy So Soon: The New Sexualized Childhood and What Parents Can Do to Protect Their Kids for a well-researched, completely thorough, understanding of today's Sexualized Childhood.

Tune in tomorrow or subscribe to my RSS feed for more on solutions for Today's Sexualized Childhood.

Monday's story: So Sexy So Soon: Sexualized Childhood.

For more on how our children are being viewed as marketing targets visit Parents for Ethical Marketing.

Image Source: Canoe Room, by way of MomoLogic.

In the battle over our children - parents versus child rapists and child pornograhers - who would you place your bet on?

It seemed child pornographers and clubs like NAMBLA, the North American Man Boy Love Association, whose declared "hobby" is to rape children were winning. With 300,000 known predators the FBI was monitoring, but not arresting or prosecuting it seemed the only rational response was to run and hide.

But, hide where? They wear "good guy" camouflage and mingle among us, volunteering to coach soccer teams, lead the youth Sunday School, and play the part of the perfect step-parent or boyfriend to get close to kids.

But, after being exposed on Oprah a few weeks ago - Half a million, that's 500,000 Moms and Dads brought the Can of Whoop Ass on Child Pornographers in the way of the Senate Bill 1738—The PROTECT Our Children Act that passed last week!

That's right America. You emailed and called enough of your congressional leaders to say THERE ARE JUST SOME THINGS WORTH SPENDING MONEY ON and arresting rapists and child pornographers is one of those things!

While they were all gathered to debate the economic crisis. Oprah and I were nervous that they would overlook this very important bill to protect kids from sexual violence. Instead they took the opportunity to vote for the bill. (Ever noticed how much more likely they are to listen in election years?)

I am so proud of us.

"Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful committed people can change the world. Indeed it's the only thing that ever has."-Margaret Mead

To the 300,000 child rapists and child pornographers out there - I am so very sad that your families - your wives, children, parents, siblings and friends - will be devastated by your arrest. It is profoundly tragic that they will suffer so much.

Please, God don't let any of those 300,000 people about to be arrested for child pornography be in my life. And Please God, don't let the FBI arrest innocent people.

Oprah - Porn Ain't What It Used To Be.

I agree with Bill O'Reilly (SCREAM!!!)

Sexual Urban Legend

Cross Posted on Blog Fabulous.

I am so proud of us.

Give yourself a standing ovation!

By Tracee Sioux

"Kids close your eyes!"

How many times do you find yourself trying to protect your children from harmful and destructive images while watching family television?

Two years ago, while watching television, I was assaulted with an image of a woman wearing a see-through nightgown, nipples protruding and visible, erotic soft lighting, floating in a bathtub. It was intentionally erotic, except that she had been violently and bloodily murdered and this erotic woman was, in fact, dead.

"What the heck is going on?" I thought. "Why are my children and I being subjected to this kind of sexually violent imagery in a commercial?"

So, I wrote the FCC. The Federal Communications Commission used to be the people who governed our airwaves. They used to control when and what was allowed to air during times when children were expected to be viewing television. Remember when they wouldn't let radio stations play George Michael's, I Want Your Sex?

Many months later they wrote back.

"Each network or television station has control over what it airs during commercials. You'll have to write each network to complain about every commercial you feel is inappropriate," they informed me.

"What? Who made that stupid rule?" I wanted to know.

And now that I've read So Sexy So Soon: The New Sexualized Childhood and What Parents Can Do to Protect Their Kids, by Diane Levin Ph.D and Jean Kilbourne, Ed.D, I know who made that stupid rule.

As a point of fact and matter of record it was specifically: Ronald Reagan who got the "deregulation of the media" rolling. George H.W. Bush furthered the problem with the telecommunications act of 1996.

The euphemism for more sex and violence on TV is "deregulation of the media."

Sounds innocuous doesn't it?

Essentially, deregulation means fewer laws. Fewer laws governing what? What companies can sell and who they can sell it to, when they can run an ad, and what the ads' message can contain.

The motive? To stimulate the economy allowing telecommunications companies more freedom to make more money.

To that end, deregulation has been a fantastic success.

Companies spend about $17 Billion annually marketing to children, a
staggering increase from the $100 Million spent in 1983, according to Campaign for a Commercial-Free Childhood.

Unfortunately, their freedom to make more money by advertising whatever they like in front of whichever audience they buy airtime for - is infringing on my freedom and my children's freedom to not be subjected to sexualized violence and objectification of people on television.

This is especially upsetting to me in regards to commercials where I, and children who don't know better, are a CAPTIVE AUDIENCE and there is no implied consent, as there is when choosing to watch a sexual or violent movie or TV show.

Did Ronald Reagan mean for deregulation of the telecommunication industry, including children's television, to result in hyper-sexualized and all-too violent advertising for children? Was this his intention?

Was it the intent of the George H.W. Bush and Congress in Telecommunications Act of 1996 to further open the floodgates for marketers to legally target children, instead of targeting their ads at parents?

WHO CARES?

This is the result. This is where we're at.

I know for a fact the religious conservatives who voted for them would not have been in favor of such legislation if they had understood the kinds of sexual and violent imagery which would be coming at children from every direction. But, again, who cares?

It is from here we have to make a choice. Do we want to allow this kind of thing and all its consequences on our culture, our children and our own minds to continue?

I was just reading in A Return to Love: Reflections on the Principles of "A Course in Miracles" by Marriage Williamson, this morning, the definition of one of the most beautiful miracles - Changing Our Mind.

The fundamental change will occur with the change of mind in the thinker.

We can change our minds.

Right now. There are numerous bills before Congress that would re-regulate our children's media and make parents, as opposed to marketers the primary influence over our children's minds. Visit Campaign for a Commercial-Free Childhood for direct links to find out about the bills and send letters directly to representatives.

Stay tuned we'll get into the ideas presented in So Sexy So Soonand the practical steps to change our own minds, our schools, our culture and our media's influence over the role of sex in our children's lives.

Subscribe to this RSS feed so you're sure not to miss the So Sexy So Soon Series on Empowering Girls: So Sioux Me.

More details about my contact with the FCC in Misogynistic Violence for Breakfast

In everything we've been reading the damaging effects of media has been a central force.

APA Report on Sexualization of Girls, Girls Inc.'s The Supergirl Dilemma, You're Amazing, Geena Davis Institute on Gender in Media all cite exposure to media as a central force in the girls beginning to define themselves as less than they truly are.

While every one of these sources cite media as a potentially damaging influence, they also recommend fighting negative media with positive media.

We have the power to - not just passively ban negative media, which we should definitely do - But we have the power to CREATE positive media for our daughters about girls.

I can tell you this - my daughter thinks it's pretty cool that she's the Poster Girl for Empowering Girls: So Sioux Me. This is one of the reasons I'm inviting you to send photos of your daughter to be included as a Poster Girl on this site. It is one way to take media from outside of our world to a creative and positive medium that includes them.

I created a children's book for my daughter's 5th birthday titled Ainsley, Perfect You. I am practically begging you to STEAL this idea for Christmas (or birthdays).

We read this book before the First Day of School, whenever Ainsley makes negative comments about her self, whenever she feels insecure or whenever she wants. It's a special book that sits out on a shelf and we must wash our hands before reading it.

In the book I addressed issues of beauty, because Ainsley seemed preoccupied with what it was and exactly what criteria people were using to make the judgement about who was beautiful. I addressed school, education, intelligence and learning. I addressed self-worth and a feeling of wholeness and "enoughness." I addressed the meaning of God and her role as a Child of God. I addressed risk-taking and trying new things.

Your family may prize different characteristics or place different values as a priority. What's important, is that you can use this tool to teach her who she is, but also influence, mold and raise or define the bar of expectation for who she will become.

A-N-Y-O-N-E can do this if they have a computer, a camera, $30 and an imagination. You may be thinking you're short on imagination so, while Ainsley, Perfect You is copyrighted I give you permission to steal ideas, concepts, words, etc. Your daughter is every bit as cool as mine, but she may have different attributes and characteristics.

I encourage you to use my book for ideas, but personalize them for your daughter(s). (Of course, its good for your daughter, but don't forget your sons.)

I used www.MyPublisher.com because they were the only company who had a "storybook" feature at the time. Turns out my parents and grandparents were also interested in having a copy of this book (one project many gifts!) and My Publisher has coupons they'll send you frequently. Flickr now offers the feature, and Snapfish and probably all the other ones too.

There are 20 pages so I'll run Ainsley, Perfect You as a series, starting with this foreword. I had to scan the pages, so please forgive the quality.

You'll want to get the RSS feed or an email subscription so you don't miss any of it.

There was a story on MSNBC.com Today Show, Too young? Preteen girls get leg, bikini waxes, about how 20% of bikini wax customers at one Hollywood salon are tweens - pre-teen children.

"Nearly 20 percent of the clients that Nance Mitchell sees for bikini waxes in her Beverly Hills, Calif., salon are tweens, she says. . . 12 is the new normal."

"But nothing prepared her for being asked by one client to book a bikini wax appointment for her 8-year-old daughter."

{{{{{GASP}}}}}

Did you share my first reaction?

But, then I thought - wait, why is it the waxing that is making me gasp in shock?

Isn't it more alarming that 8 year olds have enough pubic hair to wax?

The sub head of the story is inaccurate: Moms are bringing daughters to spas for hair removal before puberty

The fact is that 50% of girls are getting their periods by age 10 and doctors now consider it within the "range of normal" for girls to develop outward signs of puberty, including breasts and pubic hair, by age 8. It's not that even medically alarming for 6 or 7 year olds to begin puberty, and many do begin developing breast buds or pubic hair.

Isn't it more emotionally alarming and worthy of a {{{{gasp}}}} that we're seeing a dramatic shift in girls' puberty development and no public health official is coming on the nightly news declaring,

"We're going to find an answer to this most disturbing development in girls, who hold the future reproductive burden for our entire species. In the meantime, don't let your daughters drink the water full of pharmaceuticals. Stop injecting milk and meat cows and other animals with hormones. Be wary that extra weight causes girls to make estrogen and develop pubic hair and boobs early. Avoid plastics. We're going to outlaw high fructose corn syrup in foods directly marketed to children. We understand the reproductive future of our entire nation depends on it!"

Instead, we hear about the early pubic hair trend in the fashion and beauty section of MSNBC's Today Show with a sexualization of girls slant.

Shouldn't those mothers be ashamed of themselves? the story basically asks.

Should they?

The story includes a quote by Philadelphia aesthetician Melanie Engle who says the 8 year old request for a bikini wax, "was about the mother's obsession with her daughter being a supermodel."

OK. I can buy that. I've seen mothers primp their daughters as a photographer and photographer's assistant. There is definite maternal beauty pressure.

Yet, if there was nothing to wax, if she were hairless, then her mother wouldn't be thinking her daughter needed to have anything removed to "look like a supermodel." Right?

Last year I did a story about Nair directly marketing to tween and teen girls with a "new" line of hair removal cream, Nair Pretty.

"It's profoundly disturbing," I wrote. It's also disturbing that Nair caught onto this early pubic hair trend and marketed to it, before I, as a parent, caught up with it.

I also went off on some radio DJ who was bashing Lordes, Madonna's young daughter, for having a unibrow and a slight mustache. I was appalled at the DJ's lack of class and placing all this beauty pressure on a young girl.

One brave mother, Athena of 1001 Petals, wrote in the comments section of that post, "I feel kind of bad now for telling my husband yesterday that if our daughter turned out to be as hairy as me, I'd start taking her to an esthetician for waxing as soon as it became evident -- unless she said she didn't care for it. This is because if you wax regularly at such a young age, you're saved a lifetime of regular waxing later on down the road. I had to take myself starting at 12 yrs of age, and now at 30 it is still practically a daily maintenance routine. . .I spend hundreds a year and a lot of time bothering with it."

Athena's right. The more I consider this hairy subject, the more I realize that I will likely assist my daughter, in some way, with her pubic hair and if she developed a mustache or side burns, for goodness sake, I'd help her eradicate it. Like I'm going to throw her to the Mean Girls and hope she survives?

Swim suits are not designed to cover the pubic area. They haven't been for about 40 years.

In "Clean" Bikini Line I wrote about my own struggle since my teen years with various methods of shaving, Nairing, one excruciating episode with Neet and a vicious chemical burn.

I'm amused by Campaign for Unshaved Snatch (CUSS), but I still keep my bush rather trimmed, as a courtesy to my husband. I wear swim shorts rather than show off my all my private hairs when we go swimming. The itching always gets to me mid-grow.

But, is my daughter really going to be into wearing one of these modest suits that would cover her bikini area? Am I going to make her be the only kid at the swim party or pool to do so?

I shave my pits and my legs. I pluck my eyebrows. I search for stray hairs on my chin and pluck them immediately.

It is only my budget that keeps me from getting all this hair waxed off. When I lived in NYC there was hair & waxing salon on every corner and it was a mere $30 to get my bikini and eyebrows done. I did it whenever I could afford it.

It's the least painful than other methods, it lasts longer and it was the ONLY thing that prevented razor or chemical burn - in other words waxing was the only solution that I didn't trade unwanted hair for an unwanted rash.

It seems to me a young daughter growing early pubic hair is an even bigger motivator for waxing.

Certainly, the minute girls develop breasts or pubic hair society treats her with less respect and she hears more negative and sexual comments about her body. The more she looks like a teenager or woman, the sooner she will be seen as an object for male entertainment, instead of the three-demensionable little girl, the young child, she really is.

What bigger incentive is there to hide pubic hair, keep it as private as possible, or have it removed?

Does the removal of hair further sexualize girls, because the latest fashion is for adult women to remove hair and get a Brazillian wax? Ironically (and a little disturbingly) making them look more like children.

Or does the removal of a symptom or sign of puberty buy a little girl some more time to be a child?

Please comment, I really am interested in exploring this issue further.

Empowering Girls: Hootchy Clothes

Second Generation Mean Girl

Empowering Girls: Ho'oponopono for Girl Fights

Empowering Girls: Breast Cancer Risks

Empowering Girls: Early Puberty

Precocious Puberty

Image Source: Ohana Swimwear

This means Kiss Me Now, Marry Me Later and rabbit ears.

Who told you that?

Vicky's sisters.

It means Peace or rabbit ears.

Oh.

by Tracee Sioux

Perfection - it's the pervasive modern-day feminine Achilles heel and we're passing it down to our daughters according to The Supergirl Dilemma a report about the pressure girls today are under.

Girls feel strong pressure to be perfect, look perfect and behave perfect all the time.

And I don't feel this is something we can blame on men. When was the last time you heard a man exclaim, I can't be perfect! I can't be everything to everyone all the time! Um, Never.

No, this is not an external problem - it's an internal feminine problem stemming from MOTHERS.

{{{{{Gasp}}}}} I said it.

To illustrate why I think so, here's two quick references to mother's preoccupation with perfection in our current feminine dialogue: Christine Fugate writes in the foreword of her new book, The Mothering Heights Manual for Motherhood Volume 1,

Over one hundred essays poured in from 26 states and four countries. Reading the essays shed light on the current state of the mom-mind. For example, the word 'perfect' (of a variation of it) was used over 92 times. That's almost one 'perfect' for every mom. While I think the questioning of perfection is positive (although not every essay questioned it), the frequency shows that the desire to be 'perfect' continues to loom over our sense of identity.

In The Feminine Mistake, Leslie Bennetts writes,

All too many American women are in thrall to increasingly deranged ideals of perfection. We live in a culture that constantly exhorts us to improve ourselves - and that assumes the perfectibility of virtually everything. If you don't like your nose, get a nose job! If you don't like the color of your hair, dye it! If your thighs are lumpy have liposuction! If you want abs of steel, go to the gym! Personal maintenance has become a national obsession that consumes a staggering amount of energy and resources; if American women put even a fraction of the time they spend on their appearance into working or social and political change, this country would be utterly transformed.

The Supergirl Dilemma, the report we discussed on Friday about gender stereotypes by Girls Inc., does not ignore the influence of adults in the girls' perceptions of what is important.

It's no surprise that the adult women - mothers and nonmothers included - answers to the questions mirrors the girls' answers to the questions.

True, People think that girls care a lot about shopping, 92% of the women said.

True, girls are under a lot of pressure to please everyone, 84% of the adult women said.

True, Girls are under a lot of pressure to dress the right way, 89% of the the adult women said.

What's fascinating is that women were much more likely than men to say they disliked that these stereotypes are true. Women are also more likely than the girls to say they disliked that these stereotypes are true - by a lot.

One reads the women's answers to the questions about girls and wonders if they aren't really answering what it was like for themselves as girls.

Perhaps because the women themselves are caving under the pressure of being perfect?

Our daughters emulate us, especially emotionally.

As in most reports about girls there's a lot of talk about media influence and pressure.

I'm definitely interested in helping Ainsley resist media pressure - but, who is helping her resist internalizing my feelings of being under pressure?

I'd like to see a report about how the media - television, marketing and advertising - is impacting mothers.

Are mothers figuring out how to deal with The Onslaught about women's bodies and sexuality, or are we internalizing it in an unhealthy way and then passing that onto our own daughters?

How are mothers going to resist media pressure that tells us we're never good enough?

If we can get right with ourselves, learn to accept our own selves in our imperfect states, and let this perfection pressure go, nothing will be able to hold our empowered daughters back.

If not. . . well, there's a lot of pressure to be perfect and I don't have to tell you how that feels - you already know.

Empowering Girls: Criticize Daughters' DNA

My Face/Her Face

Self-Loathing Sin Bank
Empowering Girls: Marketing Boundaries

APA Reports Sexualization of Girls Devastating

Math: It's A Tie

I was waiting in the Drs. office with Ainsley analyzing a copy of Girls Inc.'s The Supergirl Dilemma. A report about what kind of stereotypes girls are still dealing with in today's world and the kinds of pressures it puts on them to measure up.

Reading the answers to the survey I figured what I really wanted to know is how my own daughter will answer these questions. (Also, it distracted her from the incessant complaining about waiting, which was driving me bonkers.)

So I read the quiz aloud to her:

* People think that girls care a lot about shopping? True or False?

True.

Do you like that it's true?

Yeah.

* Girls are under a lot of pressure to dress the right way?

True

Do you like that it's true.

Yeah.

* People don't think girls are good leaders?

False.

* People think girls don't know how to take care of their own money?

False

* Teachers think it's not important for girls to be good at math?

False.

The next day, I heard Ainsley holding court with her friends:

* People think that girls care a lot about shopping? True or False?

Oh, that's True! That's so true!

Do you like that it's true?

Yeah, I guess so.

What I learned about Ainsley, and her friends, is that she's pretty typical. In spite of all my going on about empowering girls she's a typical American girl.

We're making progress in major areas like math and science and money and leadership, according to the report.

Simultaneously, girls are feeling MORE pressure to look perfect and behave perfect and be good at everything.

The areas where it seemed we're not making as much progress are areas where the issues become complex and nuanced.

Questions like, Getting married and having children is the most important thing.
Well, what's so wrong with marriage and children? We wanted to know? Nothing. It's the "most important thing" part that throws the question off.

As a married woman I would put my family (husband and children) as my "most important thing" even though my career is pretty dang important. But then her father would answer the same way.

Ainsley knows that.

The question throws us both off kilter. What's progress? That it becomes not the most important thing? Or that she's not supposed to think it's the most important thing when she's 6 or 16?

It's a core value, is it not? One we don't necessarily want to outright discard.

I think a more informative question, for me, is whether it's still the ONLY thing that's important.

To which, hopefully my daughter would say no. While my mother and grandmother would say yes. While I say, Intellectually I know it's not, but it's a serious challenge for me to fight the SAHM social gravity & guilt that sucks me in, especially when I talk to my mother. But, I'm working on it.

That's the kind of generational gender progress I'm looking to achieve.

Other questions that throw us off kilter are about the ones about being kind and caring.

Ideally, we're teaching all our kids to be kind and caring and we're bringing the boys UP to the level we expect from girls. Not the other way around.

If you answer false to the question it feels like you're saying you want girls to be mean and uncaring. Which we know isn't what we want.

Girls should speak softly and not cause trouble is another question my daughter and I felt conflicted about.

No they shouldn't have to speak softly all the time. I don't. She doesn't. A little more soft-talking and a little less yelling wouldn't kill either one of us.

But no one should "cause trouble", is how we both felt like answering.

I get the question - because I have 2 decades of feminist theory behind me and I've been told I'm "causing trouble" for verbalizing the same concerns any man would have plenty of times - but the question shouldn't be designed for me.

They're designed for children who get their name and a check on the board for "causing trouble." One major focus of childhood is to devise ways to stay out of trouble, find your way out of trouble you've gotten into, or to push the envelope just enough to stay out of major trouble.

Basically I thought the implications of the question was out of context for children.

That said, I found the study enlightening. It tied together a pervasive feminine theme that needs to be stamped out immediately.

Find out what the theme is in Monday's post.
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One of my goals, as a parent, is to teach my daughter coping skills and practical techniques for dealing with stress.

Personally, I've found yoga to be instrumental in building a core strength, core inner self and self worth, stress reduction and in communing with God.

Of course I want her to have access to skills like this before she hits adolescents and all the negative coping strategies become available to her.

I used to use negative strategies like smoking cigarettes, experimenting with drugs, defining my self worth by boys and men, and a daily diet of Wellbutrin and Xanex. One of my primary objectives is to prevent the adoption of those.

Over the summer I've been practicing yoga listening to Elsie Escobar classes on iTunes during Zack's nap. Sometimes I invite a friend. Sometimes I encourage Ainsley to try a few minutes.

She posed for these photos and then got bored before we moved out of the sitting pose. A fascination with the incense stick took over and she sat near me waving it through the air like a 4th of July sparkler.

The next afternoon I came out of the shower and found her teaching her friends yoga with a DVD, lit candles and burning incense.

Ssshhhh, Mom, we're having our relaxing quiet yoga time.

The APA's Report on Sexualization of Girls recommends teaching your children a way to center themselves, meditate, pray, and view one's body as having value beyond its appearance, beyond male entertainment. Yoga does that for me.

Hopefully, you have healthy coping methods that center and ground you and hopefully you're finding ways to teach those to your kids.

Teach what YOU know.

I'm currently reading this book for review, I'll let you know what I think about its' strategies for parents when I finish.

Yesterday, we discussed Self-Objectification and Low Self-Esteem.

I loath problems without solutions and complaints that make us feel powerless. So, here's a list of 10 Antidotes to Self-Objectification and Sexualization of Girls.

* Media Literacy - talk to girls about the images they see. Point it out when there is obvious digital retouching like in Keira Knightly Stands Up for Her Girls and Yours.
Watch Dove's Onslaught campaign with her and discuss it. If it's age-appropriate take her to the Natural Breast Gallery and talk about how different the images of women in media are than the bodies of real women. Tell her about Photoshop and discuss the motives of the media to sell products by misrepresenting women's bodies.

* Athletics - A focus on the body that is nonsexual, athletics focuses on competency, agency and action. As participation in sports increases, participation in risky sexual-activity decreases. Taekwondo and soccer are good choices. The report sites cheerleading and dance as less empowering types of athletics due to the focus on appearance, sexiness, and thinness.

* Extracurricular Activities - Girl Scouts, band, after-school programs like Girls Inc., drama club, band, computer or video gaming clubs give girls an alternative to activities that focus on their appearance.

* Comprehensive Sexuality Education - "A central way to help youth counteract distorted views presented by the media and culture about girls, sex and the sexualization of girls is comprehensive sex education. Programs must include accurate information about reproduction and contraception, the importance of delaying intercourse initiation for young people, and the building of communication skills, and promotes a notion of sexual responsibility that includes respect for oneself and an emphasis on consensual, non-exploitative sexual activity."

* Co-Viewing Media with Parents - Parental comment on media children are exposed to is key to altering the influence of the messages. Watch TV with girls and comment on the messages. Contradict stereo-typical behavior when you see it, share your insights on advertising and media. Co-viewing also reduces the amount of inappropriate material children see.

* Religion, Spirituality and Meditation - organized religious and other ethical instruction actively combat the values conveyed by popular culture. When parents teach girls they are "more than their bodies" girls benefit. Talk to your kids about your idea of her whole self, and that "who they are" makes them valuable outside of their sexuality or gender roles. Insisting that girls remain girls and not be pushed into a precocious sexuality is something many churches do. Encourage meditation, yoga, tai chi, and prayer to teach girls to get in touch with their bodies and themselves as spiritual beings.

* Activism by Parents and Families - encourage girls to become their own activists by being one yourself. Join Campaign for a Commercial-Free Childhood to fight sexualizing and objectifying messages in marketing. Get involved in The Geena Davis Institute on Gender in Media. Take your daughter to a Dove BodyTalk, Campaign for Real Beauty Self Esteem Workshop. Sign your daughter up for the Girl Scouts Uniquely Me program.

* Alternative Media - Cancel the Tiger Beat subscription and subscribe to Girl Zone. Get your daughter involved in writing or producing her own media - a website or blog is simple enough. Stone Soup is a literary magazine written by children. Write your daughter a book about her. Most digital photography websites like Mypublisher.com will allow you to publish a storybook about your daughter, using images of her, in a beautiful hardbound book for $30. Throw out the Disney Princess books and videos and get some empowering alternatives like Princess Bubble.

* Confront Your Body Issues - If you, the mother, have a history of self-objectification or poor body image confront it and deal with it before you pass it down. Refuse to self-deprecate or equate your own value to how thin you are or how you look.

* Be The Empowered Woman - If you find yourself buying into gender-stereotypes in your own life, being too passive, not saying "no", holding yourself to an impossible standard of perfection, running yourself ragged to be everything to everyone - Stop It. She will emulate you. A mother who radiates self-love and self-acceptance vaccinates her daughter against a low self-esteem, said Naomi Wolf.

Compiled from the APA Report on Sexualization of Girls and articles originally published on Empowering Girls: So Sioux Me.

Please subscribe to Empowering Girls: So Sioux Me via RSS or Email in the top-right corner.

We all know how objectification works, some men see women as an object for their sexual pleasure.

But, what happens when girls and women begin to see themselves as an object for men's sexual pleasure?

The Association for the American Psychological Association
(APA) calls this self-objectification and/or self-sexualization in the Report of the APA Task Force on the Sexualization of Girls.

There's a host of evidence that when girls are exposed to too much media that they begin to view themselves less as three dimensional human beings and more as sexual objects. When this occurs, psychologists note the increase of:

* eating disorders

* low self-esteem

* depression or depressed mood

One interesting study noted that teenage girls from Figi had great body image and self esteem - until they were exposed to Western television. Once exposed, they became preoccupied with weight and body shape, purging behavior (throwing up) and body disparagement. Prior to television the Figian culture emphasized a robust body shape and based notions of identity not on body, but on family, community and relationships. The transition between healthy self-image to the increase of eating disorders was only 3 years.

Self-objectification is also directly linked to "diminished sexual health" among adolescent girls. One study found that when girls viewed their own bodies as objects for male pleasure condom use and sexual assertiveness, (saying "no") decreased.

Another study found that "undergraduate women who frequently watched music videos or read women's magazines, who attribute greater realism to media content, or who identify strongly with popular TV characters were also more accepting of sexually objectifying notions of women."

Accepting these sexually stereotypical and objectifying views manifested in negative attitudes toward breastfeeding and negative attitudes about normal body functions like menstruation and sweating.

When I read the APA's definition of self-objectification and self-sexualization it was like a mini-awakening for me.

That explains why, as a teen and young adult, I allowed boyfriends to treat me as their sexual object or plaything. It explains why I crossed many of my own sexual boundaries and didn't want to object "for fear of being rude" on several occasions. It explains why I allowed boys and men to make inappropriate comments about my body and its development from even the earliest age - heck, I didn't even know was "allowed to object."

Do you think you've ever self-sexualized or self-objectified?

Do you worry about this with your daughter?

Read 10 Antidotes to Self-Objectification and Sexualization of Girls for ways to prevent your daughter from objectifying her own body.

Empowering Girls: Marketing Boundaries

APA Reports Sexualization of Girls Devastating
Taekwondo For Girl Power

by Tracee Sioux

When I was a girl, Dolly Parton had "big ones." They were big like a caricature. Dolly's were abnormal and the butt of jokes all over the media.

I was a B or C cup and my breasts were "normal." When you're a girl it's important to be "normal."

In today's terms Dolly Parton isn't even that big. As a society, we are inundated with images of overly-large, disproportionate, abnormally perky, unnaturally "perfect" breasts all over the media and marketing.

Vast numbers of the breasts we see as "perfect" and "normal" have been altered, surgically or graphically.

Where Dolly Parton's breasts were an anomaly for our generation, Dolly Parton's breasts are essentially "the norm" for our daughters. They have no other frame of reference.

Yesterday on Blog Fabulous, I wrote about how our own perception of what breasts are "supposed to look like" has been distorted. This distorted perception is creating poor body image in real women. Women tend to stand in the mirror and compare themselves to this distorted image of the media's version of "normal."

Imagine how much worse it must be for our daughters?

What I'm about to say may be radical and may seem wildly inappropriate in 1970s parenting terms.

Get ready . . .hold your breath. . .

If it is age-appropriate and you're hearing your daughter mutter dissatisfaction about the size or shape of her breasts or the color of her nipples, you might consider visiting the Normal Breasts Gallery with her.

There, I said it. You should show her pictures of non-sexualized real women's breasts to show her what real women naturally look like.

The Normal Breasts Gallery is an Internet gallery of nude photos of anonymous real women's breasts, combined with short essays exploring how these women feel about their breasts.

Without it, our daughters' only frame of reference is the distorted media representation of breasts and our own. That can't be good for making them feel normal and coming to self-acceptance.

Read more about the damage of seeing only sexualized breasts in the media in APA Reports Sexualizatuion of Girls Devastating.

Image Source: Ebay Ad - click to buy it.

I'm giving away another copy of A New Earth via the Bloggy Giveaway.

Mother's Day is coming, and what better gift than to acknowledge she's more than "just your mother?"

Last night Eckhart and Oprah touched on the idea that attaching worry (anxiety, anger) to our goals will defeat them. But if we can learn to stay centered in our core self and unattached to the outcome we will have access to divine power.

I've been struggling with this issue and the mission of So Sioux Me to empower girls.

I want to inspire parents to be able to take empowering action for their daughters and especially to teach our daughters to take action for themselves.

Yet, if what you focus on expands and taking ego-centered, surface action against something only makes what you are against into bigger problems then how do I complete my God-inspired mission?

The woman from the Bodi-Tree in California asked a relevant question in regards to pursuing her mission to create a green environment.

It's a little confusing and I have difficulty articulating the complex spiritual aspects of this so I'll use an example:

- Take the war on drugs and the war against poverty, which have served to expand the drug problem and the poverty problem. The last thing I want to do is make the beauty ideal narrower, increase gender bias or further sexualize girls.

Obviously, through So Sioux Me, I want to encourage positive action and not expand the problems I aim to solve.

Because it is a new skill and a new approach, I've likely taken a wrong step or two - especially during those moments when I've reacted with indignant and shocked outrage - yesterday's Gossip Girl story might serve as an example of indignant outrage that may not be effective. From what I understand, it's the emotional indignation and shocked outrage that will defeat our cause.

Rest assured - I am doing my best to operate from my core sense of self and my core sense of The Divine and of consciousness. I do meditate and pray quite often about my mission to empower girls and parents of girls on So Sioux Me.

Rather than fight anything my divinely-inspired missions are to expand the beauty ideal, provide powerful action steps, validate parents' instincts when confronting media and marketing, expand all possibilities for girls, encourage women and girls to grow a self esteem and positive self image, educate about sexualization is and how to approach desexualization of girls, encourage responsibility and even legislation that require and allow healthy boundaries necessary for childhood.

Leave a comment about So Sioux Me's mission or A New Earth and you're entered to win a copy of A New Earth. It might change your life. I'll draw a NAME (no anonymous entries) on Friday.

Because I was unable to attend the Campaign for a Commercial-Free Childhood's Sixth Annual Summit in Boston I have invited a guest poster to fill us in.

Lisa Ray, founder of Parents for Ethical Marketing and author of Corporate Babysitter has been kind enough to write this post for So Sioux Me to help us understand what sexualization of girls is costing us and what we can do about it. Thank you Lisa.

Not a day goes by that an example of the new sexualized childhood doesn’t rear its ugly head. This week, the U.K. is up in arms over a plunging, defining sexualization – when a person is sexually objectified and not seen as a whole person. The APA Task Force on the Sexualization of Girls identifies sexualization of girls by this criteria:

* a person’s value comes only from his or her sexual appeal or behavior, to the exclusion of other characteristics; or

* a person is held to a standard that equates physical attractiveness (narrowly defined) with being sexy; or

* sexuality is inappropriately imposed upon a person.

Sexualization is not about sex.

And the problem is not that children are learning about sex when they are young. Diane Levin and Jean Kilbourne’s presentation, based on their upcoming book So Sexy So Soon: the New Sexualized Childhood and What Parents Can Do to Protect Their Kids, suggests that children are being robbed of positive, age-appropriate experiences and are instead learning to treat themselves and others as objects. Kids are exposed to – and mimicking – highly sexualized behavior long before they are able to understand and appreciate what a healthy sexual relationship means. Girls learn narrow definitions of gender and that their value is based on how well they meet a sexualized ideal.

The world of the sexualized child has reached into pornography, as we learned from Gail Danes, co-author of Pornography: The Production and Consumption of Inequality. She discussed the prevalence of “teen porn” (using models who appear younger than 18) and the explosion of pornography on the internet, saying that “soft porn” has moved from adult magazines into marketing and advertising.

One of the primary messages of the Summit was that the sexualization of children is becoming a more integrated aspect of our culture. Since it’s out there more, we see it less. It’s becoming an accepted part of our lives and our kids’ lives. Parents complain about the clothing choices available for young girls, yet stores continue to sell them because parents continue to buy them.

What to do? Two solutions that were repeated by multiple presenters and attendees are:

* Ban advertising to children (age cutoffs range from eight to twelve); and

* Talk to kids about healthy sexual relationships, including a robust sexual education curriculum in schools.

The beauty of the CCFC Summit was the number of committed people attending who will continue to work against childhood sexualization. Levin and Kilbourne noted that we need to work together to “create a society that supports the healthy sexual development of children and that limits the ability of corporations to use sex to sell to them.”

Visit Campaign for a Commercial-Free Childhood.

Visit Corporate Babysitter

Visit Parents for Ethical Marketing

Who doesn't need a corporate sponsor for their project?

Nationwide Children's Hospital in Columbus, OH does, of course.

According to Campaign for a Commercial Free Childhood, they plan to rename their ER The Abercrombie & Fitch Emergency Department and Trauma Center in exchange for a $10 million donation.

The CCFC has made this statement in a letter to the hospital asking them to keep the money and refuse to advertise.

Research links sexualization and objectification with some of the most pressing and common health problems for girls including depression and poor sexual health. It is also distressing that a children's hospital would promote a company that features impossibly thin and idealized body types in its advertising when 10 million girls and young women in the United States are struggling with an eating disorder.

We understand that it is common for public health institutions to seek gifts from the business community. We are not asking that the hospital return the money. But gifts that include a quid pro quo like naming rights cross the line from philanthropy to advertising. Given that this company has built its brand by sexualizing and objectifying children, no public health institution should be advertising Abercrombie & Fitch.

I had to agree I looked at some of Abercrombie & Fitches' advertising, Thongs (pictured) for 10-year-olds that say "eye candy." Shirts with slogans like "Who needs brains when you have these?" (pink shirt pictured) and "Do I make you look fat?" Ads touting group sex to sell clothing to teens and preteens. When it comes to sexualizing children, Abercrombie & Fitch is among the worst corporate offenders.

Send a letter telling the hospital you think it's a bad idea to let our kids associate Abercrombie and Fitch with their health and well-being. You can do it quick as night at this link.