Guess whose name is not on Zack's birth certificate?

Mine.

In New York, after Ainsley's birth, when I filled out the form I noticed there was only one blank for Mother's Maiden Name, so I had the presence of mind to put my current legal name in the blank. (If you'll recall I legally changed my name to Sioux after a brief early marriage ended.)

However, in Texas, after Zack's birth there was a blank that said Mother's Legal Name. There was also a blank that said Mother's Maiden Name. I asked the records lady to clarify and she was unable. I assumed the birth certificate in Texas would include a space for my legal name and my maiden name.

Wrong.

I was sent a form inviting me to correct any mistakes and only my birth name appeared. No where on the document was my current legal name. I corrected the mistake, writing my current name in the maiden name field, and sent it back.

The hospital refused to make the correction. When I spoke to a records lady, I mentioned that perhaps the form was misleading and outdated, she became so angry that she slammed down the phone.

Now I have a birth certificate where my son's name is listed. My husband's is listed. But, mine is no where on it. If you look at my daughter's birth certificate and my sons, it appears they have two different mothers.

I have to appeal to our state capitol to have the name changed on my son's birth certificate now. Which involves filing court documents and getting forms witnessed and paying a fee.

I'm still not to the point where I can deal with it without anger. So, it doesn't seem unlikely that he will turn 2 without having an accurate mother's name on his birth certificate.

Surely, in this day and age, I am not the only mother who's upset about the way her identity on her children's birth certificate is documented?

The assumption of anyone looking at it is that my current name is that of my husband's and children's. I'm not judging anyone whose legal name is one shared with a husband, but that's just not my name.


Name = Identity

Hey Tracee Jones! Tracee Jones! Tracee Jones!<p>I had been married for maybe a year when some guy I knew from high school was trying to get my attention in the hall at my college.

I remember this moment vividly because it's when I realized my identity was no longer Tracee Sue Jones. It had become Tracee Simons. I had taken my husband's name and practiced my married name signature like every young girl before me. At first I had trouble answering to Simons, but somehow within a year, my identity had altered itself to someone that no longer answered to Tracee Jones.

I was a child-bride and experienced marriage and divorce by the time I was 19. Still in college, I looked at the vast expanse of the future ahead of me and I was pretty sure I'd remarry. I had the added complication of having a brother-in-law named Tracy Simmons and our credit was getting mixed up. He really wanted to not share a name with me. The feeling was mutual.

As women, I'm sure most of you can see my dilemma. You know, if you've done it, that changing your name alters your identity in some way. Perhaps the way it alters is different in different situations, but how you identify who you are is integrally altered.

I decided altering my identity was a bad idea for my internal sense of self. I wanted to develop that internal sense of self and remain true to it, instead of altering it with my relationships.

I couldn't find a way back to Jones. It's just not someone I was anymore. I had no desire to go back to it. I hear many divorced women, especially if they have children or have spent a significant amount of time using their married name, say they just couldn't go back to maiden either.

After about 2 years of thought and experimentation I decided to drop both last names and become Tracee Sioux and stay Tracee Sioux through whatever marital status I was in. I felt changing the spelling would make it more sur-name-ish .

Legally, anyone can change their name to virtually anything (some exceptions apply) with a simple court proceeding.

Changing our names with our marital status is a uniquely female experience and I wish there was a simple solution. There isn't.

I do think there is a negative effect in our collective conscience as women if we change our names over and over through our lives. The inconsistent identity with self has negative consequences.

However, keeping the maiden name may come with as much baggage as taking a married one. There are some valid reasons to want to break away from your childhood family identity. There are some valid reasons for wanting to keep a married name after a divorce. There are valid reasons to invent your own name.

In the last chapter of Women & Money: Owning the Power to Control Your Destiny,Suze Orman shares that she used to be named "Susie" and, like me, she wanted to take control of her sense of self and identity.

She encourages women to say your name, whether by marriage or birth or divorce, decide who you are and then be proud of it. There is power in saying your name with pride, whatever full name you choose, and the goal of her book is to help us live a more powerful life.

I, for one, got a lot out of it and thoroughly enjoyed her perspective on women's dysfunctional relationship with money.

• Save Yourself With Savings


• Orman and Ramsey Duke It Out (in my head)


• Unearned Loyalty


• Are You On Sale?


• Blame and Shame


• Virtual Book Club


• Money & Happiness


• Cleanliness


• New Money


• Who Are You?