I was thinking about what I hate about the Princess Culture. It's the same reason I hate The Bachelor, Rock of Love and Flavor of Love - all Princess Culture derivatives.
All the princesses wait to be CHOSEN. They never do the choosing. That's a passive position to take when considering who to marry.
Instead of conditioning girls to pick the person that's best for them, the paradigm encourages girls to wait to be chosen. Will he like me or the step-sisters? Will he choose me if the slipper fits?
That's a self-defeating way to teach girls how to pick a spouse.
No wonder there's a one in two divorce rate. Half the women realized they got picked by a wrong or incompatible prince.
The Princesses are willing to spend the rest of their lives someone they don't even know.
Try as I might I have verbally, and by way of example and distraction, done my best to steer Ainsley away from Princess Culture. I tell her to pick another movie or book. I tell her what's wrong with the Princesses choices and assumptions about her capability to save herself. I expose her to better and more powerful characters in literature, movies and television.
I stop short of completely forbidding all Princess Pretend Play because I don't want to make it more attractive - as the forbidden often is. I want her to be able to talk to me about anything and obviously if I can't take a little Cinderella chat then sex will be out-of-the-question later. I want to keep the dialogue open.
Still, for all my talk, I send a Princess in the Pea to school on Favorite Character Day and she comes home Sleeping Beauty. For Halloween we dress up to be caricatures of 1980s beauty queens and she declares herself Cinderella.
Same pink frilly and pouffy thrift-store dress.
Very different idea of who girls and women are. I hear the argument that mothers are the biggest influence in their daughters lives - I make the argument all the time - but all evidence suggests there is no amount of magic on earth that's going to negate Disney's GIRL CRACK message that girls should be a b-l-e-e-p-i-ng Princess.
Disney's princess tales all attempt to answer one question: What do girls/women want? According to Disney's traditional message to little girls, what women want is to be saved by a prince, fall instantly in love and live happily ever after.
As a woman, and a parent, I've been waiting for Disney to come into the new millennium with a more up-to-date, girl-friendly, version of it's own princess drama. Shrek was great, but it lacked the Disney Magic that makes little girls drool.
Enchanted does question the Disney Princess Culture, kinda. Sorta. Maybe.
The evil stepmother still finds the princess threatening and attempts to do away with her by sending her to New York City "where dreams never come true."
The Princess Giselle, meets a single father, about to become engaged to the exact opposite of a Disney Princess archetype, Nancy. Nancy is a professional single woman, who acknowledges that she's never had much use for Prince Charming, but she is holding out for a decent guy. She's accused of being a secret hopeless romantic underneath her practical exterior by a coworker. The accusation proves true when she gets exhilarated by an uncharacteristic invitation to a ball and nearly swoons over a gift of real flowers instead of the usual e-card.
Our single father, Robert, is a divorce lawyer, who was left by the mother of his child, a daughter for whom, he buys books like Great Women in History instead of the princess book she really wants. Disney pokes a little fun at parents, like myself, who take issue with the Princess Save Me Culture and wish to present our daughters with a more realistic expectation for their futures. They highlight Madam Curie and point out that she died of radiation poisoning - which isn't as much fun or as magical a story as living happily ever after. Touche' Disney. My daughter wholeheartedly agrees. But, is it really more romantic to give up your voice to get a man? Or to fall in love with and change your kidnapper?
"Oh, you can try to withhold Princess Culture all you like," Disney seems to challenge, as they have the six-year-old girl jump out of a taxi and chase down our Princes Giselle as she mistakenly tries to enter a billboard in the shape of a castle. She falls right into the arms of our unprincely hero, Robert. He, of course, agrees to help her, but not to save her, much too his daughter's chagrin. Very much like the disappointment I'm sure my own daughter feels when I tell her to pick a movie other than Cinderella or Sleeping Beauty at the video store.
Princess Giselle behaves as a caricature of her own princess self. Basically, she is full of larger than life false hand movements and emotional twittering and says unbelievably ridiculous things about being saved and the power of true love's kiss. She's incapable of any emotion aside from happiness and joy and goodness. She's naive to the point of being deranged. To its credit Disney dares to poke as much fun as it's own history and creation of the idiotic lunacy of Princess Culture as it pokes at me for being less than charmed by it.
A shift in Princes Giselle occurs when she and her non-prince savior, Robert, set against the backdrop of street theater in Central Park, begin to discuss dating versus falling-in-love-at-first-sight and what happens after happily ever after. Seems our Princess was previously unaware that she might have job after marriage and that might be part of what makes her happy. Or that she might express her thoughts, dreams and desires to her love-at-first sight Prince fiance should he show up to save her.
For his part our non-princess-saving man realizes that it certainly won't kill him to offer up a little romance to show his practical modern-day woman Nancy that he loves her. (No, I think, it certainly won't kill you to go to a little effort. Maybe I'll send this particular YouTube Video to my own modern-day practical man. Hint, hint.)
Giselle experiences anger for the first time when Robert confronts her with the reality that her Prince probably isn't coming and it's time for Plan B. Plan B, in Princess Culture lingo is, I believe, a job or a sense of purpose. Our naive Princess Giselle is seen flipping through Great Women of History with a new interest.
Of course, this is a Disney film so our Prince, like many Princes of Romance Past, does arrive to save our Princess. And our Prince, like many Princes of Romance Past is a completely self-absorbed dope. Cute, but lacking substance. (Who doesn't remember that guy? Luckily, ladies, we skirted that future - by going on a date - before it was too late.)
In light of her own personal awakening our Princess Giselle demands a date before they return to never, never land where she realizes maybe her love-at-first-sight Prince and she don't really have all that much in common. Maybe, she's making a terrible mistake? Maybe she loves the man who doesn't want to save her, but who took the time to ask her what she wanted to be when she grows up? Maybe?
The film takes a detour worth looking at. Giselle decides she needs a ball gown and our six-year-old girl snags Daddy's emergency credit card, with a quip about this being an emergency and the two are seen jaunting around New York on a spending spree. The little girl precociously fills our naive princess in on today's beauty culture. It seems Disney might be juxtaposing the innocence of their own interpretation of girlness with the current hyper-sexualized, appearance-oriented one. Perhaps they are asking, "how is this better?" The answer: "It's not."
Like Disney Princess Films of generations past we end up at . . . A Ball. Where else?
The evil queen comes to do away with our princess to prevent her from taking over her kingdom and Giselle takes a bite of her poisoned apple (Oh, Eve, will you ever learn?).
Of course she's not awakened to our simple-minded self-absorbed pretty boy Prince. She is awakened to our single father divorce lawyer Prince. His date Nancy, who he intended to marry 5 minutes ago, gives him permission to kiss Giselle and she does awaken with the words, "I knew it was you." They make a new modern-day family, the father, nice step-mother and daughter (who got a world full of romance and princessness making her deliriously happy).
Giselle, in a modern-day twist, saves her True Love. Thanks Disney, I've been waiting a long time for that. That is some gender progress.
Which leaves our professional Nancy who realizes she does want to be saved after all and jumps down the rabbit hole/manhole with Prince Charming and Lives Happily Ever After in Andalasia.
In light of yesterday's So Sioux Me story, Princess Culture Examined I had to wonder. Who's interpretation of what women want is this? To answer that I watched the special features on how the magic was made and listened to the interviews with the director, writers, choreographers, sound people, production people etc. I went to the IBMD database and checked the credits of the entire cast and crew.
It was written by a man, directed by a man and produced by men.
Out of 9 listed producers only one, Jill Morris, is a woman. The music is by a man, as is the cinematography, film editing, art direction, production design and special effects. Out of five, two women are given credit for production management. Costume design was done by a woman and one of the two casting credits goes to a woman.
Disney's new updated version of "what women want" is really "men's new interpretation of what women want."
I just have a few questions for Disney: Why is it that you think women aren't capable of telling our own story in your magical universe? Don't you think women might be better witnesses about our own experience and desires than men?
I would love to see the FEMALE interpretation of what women want. I want to see Jane! interpreted by JANE.
Disney, aren't you at all curious to see if you're right?
Send a letter to Disney, TWDC.Corp.Communications@disney.com, telling them you want more healthy girl images out of their company, which begins with more female involvement in the creative process.
Apply for a job. If you are creative and have skills in writing, producing, animation or editing and think you can breath some 3 dimensional empowering life into the girl characters of Disney - apply for a job.
If your daughter has talents and interests in animation or film, encourage that. Don't let anyone tell her it's too competitive or it's a male-dominated industry. Tell her she can do it, enroll her in classes, provide the equipment she needs to learn the skills. Tell her we NEED her to do it.
Ever wonder how and why the Disney Princess Culture distorted and minimized girlness, leaving girls as the extra character or one that desperately needs to be saved?
My film-maker friend, Aaron Lea, sent me this rejection letter to a Mary V. Ford from Disney dated 1938. It states that she should not bother sending her portfolio because the creative talent is, by company policy, men.
Which does help explain how the Disney Princess Girl Culture became so distructive and minimizing to girls.
Dear Miss Ford:
. . . .
Women do not do any of the creative work in connection with preparing the cartoons for the screen, as that work is performed entirely by young men. For this reason girls are not considered for the training school.
The only work open to women consists of tracing the characters on clear celluloid sheets with India ink and filling in the tracings on the reverse side with pain according to directions.
In order to apply for a position as "Inker" or "Painter" it is necessary that one appear at the Studio, bringing samples of pen and in and water color work. It would not be advisable to come to Hollywood with the above specifically in view, as there really are very few opeinings in comparison with the number of girls who apply.
Yours very truly,
Walt Disney Productions, LTD.
Aaron explained how during World War II Disney was put in a position, like most companies, to need women artists, which is how one of his creative idols was given some creative power. Here is a story on Mouseplanet about how women came to work at Disney. "Mary Blair was an art supervisor and designer at Disney when they were at their highest level of brilliancy. Disney optioned to use her artwork for storybooks versions of certain films in place of stills, said Lea. "Blair's influence can still be found today (she inspires a lot of us creative types). The opening credits for Monsters, Inc. is definitely an homage to her, as well as Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends," Lea pointed out. To illustrate Blair's influence Lea shares a sample of Blair's work and a sample of his own. I Can Fly illustration Mary Blair.
Claudia Carey illustration Aaron Lea.
There is an article In New York Entertainment examining whether things are that much different at Disney in 2008 than they were in 1938. "The IMDb credits for Disney's latest No. 1 movie, Ratatouille, list 26 separate animators — of whom exactly zero appear based on first names to be women," they cite. To check the fact, here is a link to the entire credits. Two female story participants were given the glorious titles of "additional story material," indicative of their involvement.
Over a rainy weekend my daughter and I rented Enchanted. Disney's newest version of it's own princess tales. Tune in tomorrow for analysis of Disney's new generation of Princess film.
Donate money to the GDIGM so they can wine, dine and educate the film makers who do influence our daughters.
GDIGM is running a contest for girls. They invite all girls/women 13-26 to make a Video Ad citing the organizations research points. Someone has to win - why not your daughter? Go to the < site to learn more.
For more about how exactly Disney Princess Culture really is anti-girl read on:
Over a rainy weekend my daughter and I rented Enchanted. Disney's newest version of it's own princess tales. Tune in tomorrow for analysis of Disney's new generation of Princess film. Image of Mary Ford's Disney rejection letter.
Yesterday we went walking, the kids and I, to get our exercise and take a break what seemed to be a downward spiral of bickering and frustration at home.
There's a prayer sanctuary near our house that's open to the public with some wishing wells out front. It's about a mile so we ventured forth.
Let's go in and pray. We can show God our gratitude for our blessings.
Not me. I'm praying for a Barbie.
Stupid Freaking Barbie! When she had one she dismembered and beheaded it. Now, it's her heart's desire.
Is it only because it's forbidden? I got her a Barbi-like knock off - do you think she'll be satisfied?
We made our wishes in the fountain, on penny at a time and then we had some more so we moved onto the nickels, dimes and quarters. Then Ainsley tried to fish them out because she was out of money but still had more wishes.
You can't steal other people's wishes Ainsley. And if you get your wishes back they might not come true.
So, in we went to pray. I knelt and prayed out loud (it's uncomfortable for me, but I try to teach by example) for all the wonderful gifts we've been given.
She went over to the spiral notebook and started writing.
Please bless that mom and dad will love each other all the time. Please let my brother be nice, she wrote.
Then we came home and she wrote a letter to Santa.
Do you think he could really fit a tree house in a present?
A few days ago we were making a Dream Board, you know a collage of our dreams that we hope to come true. A visual representation of our goals, if you will.
Like every mother, my hearts desire is to make all her dreams come true at Christmas. But, you'll notice that I have a moral objection to nearly every toy on her list?
Is it irony, karma or a case of wanting the forbidden only because it's forbidden? Or is it the mass marketing to girls today telling them they must want these things?
I've my theories but I'd really, truly love to hear yours.
I was thrilled to expose the girls to the scene where the Disney Princesses, Snow White, Cinderella and Sleeping Beauty, deliberately nod off to sleep to "wait to be rescued" when the villains of children's literature lock them up. Fiona and her mother look mystified by such a stupid response and take matters into their own hands - effectively saving themselves.
HELLO! It's about time someone had the nerve to confront those girls about the stupidity of waiting around for someone to save them. Thank you Fiona and Queen of Far Far Away!
I used to allow princesses at out house, I've since banned them. (We still have some videos and books that were sentimental gifts.) But the messages of the Disney Princess culture is that girls are valued for beauty rather than competence. That a prince must come save them for they are incapable of effective action. See Cinderella Should Have Saved Herself, Belle - Battered Codependent, and Ariel - The Little Mute for details about why I've restricted access to the princess message.
If parents are going to offer their daughters the Disney Princess culture, and it's really not possible to isolate them from it completely because it's so pervasively marketed, at least offer up an alternate view of a girl's role. Shrek the Third should join the others on the DVD shelf, at the very least. Use it to point out to your daughters the (dis)functionality of the Disney stories. Give them permission to envision saving themselves and be proactive about their lives.
Tell them the truth about men they will date someday - that prince grows up and turns into a fallible man that picks his nose and turns right back into a frog - just like the King of Far Far Away does in Shrek The Third.
Watch Shrek the Third (Widescreen Edition)and tell her that you think Fiona and her mother's actions are more admirable than the Princesses who passively nod off to sleep and wait for someone to save them.
My daughter went to her best friend's house yesterday.
She has Bratz, Princesses and Barbies at her house, my daughter informed my husband and I the other day. My husband looked at me and asked if I had spoken to her parents about our play rules.
We played with Barbies the whole entire time! she blissfully informed me.
No, I haven't forbidden the playing with Bratz, Barbies and Princesses at friends' homes. No, I don't plan to speak to her mother about it. I honestly don't think my daughter is confused about my objections. I'm secure in the knowledge that my rules forbidding them in our house and the reasons why have seeped irrevocably into her psyche. She adores when I read Growing a Girl: Seven Strategies for Raising a Strong, Spirited Daughter out loud to her. She gets it, to the degree any 5-year-old can.
But, these plastic girl-toys are the foundation of her little girl culture. I'm not crazy enough to believe I have the power to create a self-enclosed box, devoid of negative girl messages.
Besides, the completely forbidden is that much sweeter and a breeding ground for rebellion. This, I can speak to, from first-hand experience. My daughter is too much me, for me to ignore the attraction of rebellion.
In the middle of Ainsley's Disney Princess Obsession I found a coffee table book about Princess Diana at the library and showed it to her.
She honestly had never considered the fact that there might actually be real princesses. She was as fascinated, if not more, with Princess Diana, Fergie, Duchess of York, Queen Elizabeth, Princess Caroline and any others I could think of. She loved having me Google them on the Internet.
They are really real Princesses? she would ask over and over.
It was actually a great segue way into politics and history lessons. I explained how our ancestors had come from England (we're Amercian mutts, but some of them did come from England) and other European countries that really do have royalty as a form of government still today.
Then I explained how the pilgrims had come to America and decided having kings and queens wasn't the best idea. So, we now have presidents and representatives elected by the people who live here. I take her with me to go vote and we talk about how important it is for the people to vote on who leads the country. (When she was two we were leaving the polls and she said, But, Mommy when are we going on the boat?)
But, in England, where Princess Diana lived, they still have princes and princesses, I tell her.
We just watched The Queen together. I would have thought she'd find this boring. But, she made me pause it every single time she had to go to the bathroom. She kept asking who Tony Blair was and how he ruled the country at the same time as the Queen. She can not wait to be able to go to Buckingham Palace in real life. I pointed out that Prince Charles really is just a man and he cheated on his Princess so she divorced him.
Funny side note: the only Barbi-like doll she has is actually a talking Bill Clinton that I bought for my husband for Christmas a few years ago. His foot came off the other day and she said, Oh Mommy, I broke my favorite Bill Clinton that I love to play with! Can't you fix my Bill Clinton? We also have a talking George Bush giant bobble head which Zack enjoys quite a bit.
Use the Disney Princess Obsession to open the door to teach girls about history and politics. It's way more empowering that girls will be privileged enough to vote than sitting around hoping for some prince on a white horse to come save them.
After all, when my grandmother was a girl, voting was not a privilege she could look forward to.
By now no one will be surprised when I say that I’m not a huge fan of Belle from Beauty and the Beast.
Some might see Belle as a redeeming character because she is smart and loves to read. She is, after all, bright enough to tell Gaston, the quintessential good-looking football player type, where to go. Good for Belle, even though all the other village girls love Gaston, she thinks he’s a moron and is looking for something different.
When her mad scientist father gets held as a hostage by the mean ugly beast, Belle, the loyal daughter, finds him. Selflessly, she trades her own freedom so that her father can go to the invention festival. What?!?
Here’s the first lesson we need to tell our daughters, Your dad and I will never, ever trade you for anything. If you are ever held by a beast or anyone else we WILL bring the police and find you or die trying. If you are ever kidnapped or someone tries to take you then you should do anything you can to get away. Scream, bite, scratch, kick and run as fast as you can.
The rest of the story is basically how Belle is such a good and sweet young woman that she transforms the compassionless, angry, self-absorbed, violent, ugly and mean beast into the Prince he always was inside.
Basically, the story is just early training for future battered women everywhere. This is Stockholm Syndrome. Women love to love their abuser and fantasize that eventually she’ll love him enough that he’ll start treating her with love and respect. Every woman who gets abused desperately wants to believe that her compassionless, angry, mean, self-absorbed jerk of a husband or boyfriend has a kind prince locked inside and if she is just a good and sweet and forgiving enough wife or girlfriend then she can change him into a sweet guy.
What kind of codependent crap are we feeding our daughters at bedtime? We’re setting them up to be victims with this story. Is it any surprise that 30% of women put up with abuse at some point in their lives? Come on!
I recommend telling our daughters the truth.
If you marry a mean and selfish or violent beast of a man you will never, ever change him into a nice guy. People are who they are. No one has the power to change anyone else. Don’t waste your life trying.
The best thing to do is to marry a guy who is already good and sweet and kind and generous. Find someone who treats you with respect from the beginning and skip all the fairytale drama.
Here's the Challenge: add, if not completely replace some of these princess horror stories with stories that have good messages like The Practical Princess, and other liberating fairy tales. And give your daughters a new perspective on the old messages found in Disney's version.
The intention of this blog is to give great advice on how to empower yourself and empower your daughter. Many times I'm writing as an issue comes up with my daughter. This means that I am putting my advice in to practice and I intend to update readers with the reality of how effective my advice has been -- for me.
I invite you to let me know if you have implemented any suggestions and to leave comments about whether or not my advice was effective for you.
Going backwards . . .
Yes, she's a Brat
Ainsley is a brat this season. I called and asked them to change her team and they didn't even call me back. They said it would leave her team with only 8 players and that's not allowed.
I could choose to pick up my ball and go home. And I guess that would be a valid decision to make.
But, Ainsley is a Superstar!!! She loves the game, she's getting great exercise and she totally ROCKS at soccer! She literally stopped the Grasshoppers from scoring, stole the ball and RAN it down the entire length of the field and she SCORED!! She did that 3 times on Saturday.
I've thought of making an acronym with the letters in BRATZ -- remember when we were kids and we used to say "Yeah I'm a PIG - Pretty Intelligent Girl." I thought about writing it downwards on the shirt. Brave, Radical, Athletic, Team, Zorro . . . (obviously, that's a work in progress - wordsmiths can come up with something better and email me suggestions @ traceesioux@yahoo.com).
I really have to say though that it has given me a great opportunity to discuss why I believe Bratz are a bad idea with parents who never thought about it before. I've discussed it with my book club, with parents at a birthday party, with the parents and coach of Ainsley's team and we're only 3 weeks into the season. I believe the discussion is helpful to other parents, making them examine what they really think about it. Honestly, I believe most of them have a gut feeling that those Bratz dolls are a bad influence, but they really don't know that they can stand up to the mass marketing to our children.
Best of all, it's given me opportunities to teach Ainsley these lessons:
Stand up for yourself, it's not that bad to stand alone.
Never shut up to appease or go along with the crowd.
We define our own selves, not our shirts, our team names or other people.
Principles are important.
Sometimes we have to choose between two principles
Find the positive in a situation.
Don't quit, be a good sport and handle yourself with poise and dignity.
Our Sin Beauty Bank is empty -- and that's a good thing
The Sin Beauty Bank has been hugely effective. It's empty - we spent the 75 cents that was in it. Ainsley has only said anything weighty about her body once and that was to get attention from some self-loathing relatives we were visiting.
Just the act of deciding that we would not criticize our bodies anymore was very effective. Even better, I've been extremely grateful about my body which has increased my self-worth.
I'm getting so strong and could actually run a mile now and I feel so powerful when I work out. It's increased health I really aim for.
Sometimes while I do Yoga I just pray, "Thank you God for this healthy and strong body. I feel so magnificently powerful - like I can do anything - when I am in warrior pose. This fantastic body grew two perfect, healthy babies, thanks for that miracle of an opportunity. Thanks for my breasts that held up rather well and for my abs which are finding strength again." http://traceesioux.blogspot.com/2007/01/self-loathing-sin-bank.html
Husband's education paid for
Through Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace University we have paid off around $8,000 in bills, including my husband's student loan. We are down to one bill - my student loan.
I still find myself envying what other people have on occasion - especially when I go to their homes and see all their beautiful and coordinated furniture and art. But, then I find out that it's all financed and they are getting ulcers from the stress of paying for all their pretty financed things.
That's when I thank God that we learned our lesson and we will never, ever finance anything but a home. So, when you come to my house and envy my things one day, know that I OWN it outright and I saved the money to buy it. It's a position of liberation.
Interestingly, that last two people I can recall envying have been more than excited to hear about Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace University and confessed that though they appear to have it all, they sometimes bounce checks or miss payments due to being overextended. http://traceesioux.blogspot.com/2007/01/i-saw-satan-on-tv-and-hes-little-dork.html
Not a Princess-Nazi
We still have a rule about no princesses, but today Ainsley was given some dress-up clothes with Cinderella and Ariel's profile on them.
I let her keep them. I reminded her that I don't care for princesses because Cinderella could have gone to law school and saved herself and Ariel shouldn't have give-up her gifts and talents or her right to speak to find a boyfriend.
She can't help it - she still likes those stupid princesses. She wants to please me, but she also wants to wear that dress. I don't want to be so strict about it that she loves the princesses even more, because my gut tells me that will turn out badly.
I was thinking about what I hate about the Princess Culture. It's the same reason I hate The Bachelor, Rock of Love and Flavor of Love - all Princess Culture derivatives.
All the princesses wait to be CHOSEN. They never do the choosing. That's a passive position to take when considering who to marry.
Instead of conditioning girls to pick the person that's best for them, the paradigm encourages girls to wait to be chosen. Will he like me or the step-sisters? Will he choose me if the slipper fits?
That's a self-defeating way to teach girls how to pick a spouse.
No wonder there's a one in two divorce rate. Half the women realized they got picked by a wrong or incompatible prince.
The Princesses are willing to spend the rest of their lives someone they don't even know.
Try as I might I have verbally, and by way of example and distraction, done my best to steer Ainsley away from Princess Culture. I tell her to pick another movie or book. I tell her what's wrong with the Princesses choices and assumptions about her capability to save herself. I expose her to better and more powerful characters in literature, movies and television.
I stop short of completely forbidding all Princess Pretend Play because I don't want to make it more attractive - as the forbidden often is. I want her to be able to talk to me about anything and obviously if I can't take a little Cinderella chat then sex will be out-of-the-question later. I want to keep the dialogue open.
Still, for all my talk, I send a Princess in the Pea to school on Favorite Character Day and she comes home Sleeping Beauty. For Halloween we dress up to be caricatures of 1980s beauty queens and she declares herself Cinderella.
Same pink frilly and pouffy thrift-store dress.
Very different idea of who girls and women are. I hear the argument that mothers are the biggest influence in their daughters lives - I make the argument all the time - but all evidence suggests there is no amount of magic on earth that's going to negate Disney's GIRL CRACK message that girls should be a b-l-e-e-p-i-ng Princess.
Disney's princess tales all attempt to answer one question: What do girls/women want? According to Disney's traditional message to little girls, what women want is to be saved by a prince, fall instantly in love and live happily ever after.
As a woman, and a parent, I've been waiting for Disney to come into the new millennium with a more up-to-date, girl-friendly, version of it's own princess drama. Shrek was great, but it lacked the Disney Magic that makes little girls drool.
Enchanted does question the Disney Princess Culture, kinda. Sorta. Maybe.
The evil stepmother still finds the princess threatening and attempts to do away with her by sending her to New York City "where dreams never come true."
The Princess Giselle, meets a single father, about to become engaged to the exact opposite of a Disney Princess archetype, Nancy. Nancy is a professional single woman, who acknowledges that she's never had much use for Prince Charming, but she is holding out for a decent guy. She's accused of being a secret hopeless romantic underneath her practical exterior by a coworker. The accusation proves true when she gets exhilarated by an uncharacteristic invitation to a ball and nearly swoons over a gift of real flowers instead of the usual e-card.
Our single father, Robert, is a divorce lawyer, who was left by the mother of his child, a daughter for whom, he buys books like Great Women in History instead of the princess book she really wants. Disney pokes a little fun at parents, like myself, who take issue with the Princess Save Me Culture and wish to present our daughters with a more realistic expectation for their futures. They highlight Madam Curie and point out that she died of radiation poisoning - which isn't as much fun or as magical a story as living happily ever after. Touche' Disney. My daughter wholeheartedly agrees. But, is it really more romantic to give up your voice to get a man? Or to fall in love with and change your kidnapper?
"Oh, you can try to withhold Princess Culture all you like," Disney seems to challenge, as they have the six-year-old girl jump out of a taxi and chase down our Princes Giselle as she mistakenly tries to enter a billboard in the shape of a castle. She falls right into the arms of our unprincely hero, Robert. He, of course, agrees to help her, but not to save her, much too his daughter's chagrin. Very much like the disappointment I'm sure my own daughter feels when I tell her to pick a movie other than Cinderella or Sleeping Beauty at the video store.
Princess Giselle behaves as a caricature of her own princess self. Basically, she is full of larger than life false hand movements and emotional twittering and says unbelievably ridiculous things about being saved and the power of true love's kiss. She's incapable of any emotion aside from happiness and joy and goodness. She's naive to the point of being deranged. To its credit Disney dares to poke as much fun as it's own history and creation of the idiotic lunacy of Princess Culture as it pokes at me for being less than charmed by it.
A shift in Princes Giselle occurs when she and her non-prince savior, Robert, set against the backdrop of street theater in Central Park, begin to discuss dating versus falling-in-love-at-first-sight and what happens after happily ever after. Seems our Princess was previously unaware that she might have job after marriage and that might be part of what makes her happy. Or that she might express her thoughts, dreams and desires to her love-at-first sight Prince fiance should he show up to save her.
For his part our non-princess-saving man realizes that it certainly won't kill him to offer up a little romance to show his practical modern-day woman Nancy that he loves her. (No, I think, it certainly won't kill you to go to a little effort. Maybe I'll send this particular YouTube Video to my own modern-day practical man. Hint, hint.)
Giselle experiences anger for the first time when Robert confronts her with the reality that her Prince probably isn't coming and it's time for Plan B. Plan B, in Princess Culture lingo is, I believe, a job or a sense of purpose. Our naive Princess Giselle is seen flipping through Great Women of History with a new interest.
Of course, this is a Disney film so our Prince, like many Princes of Romance Past, does arrive to save our Princess. And our Prince, like many Princes of Romance Past is a completely self-absorbed dope. Cute, but lacking substance. (Who doesn't remember that guy? Luckily, ladies, we skirted that future - by going on a date - before it was too late.)
In light of her own personal awakening our Princess Giselle demands a date before they return to never, never land where she realizes maybe her love-at-first-sight Prince and she don't really have all that much in common. Maybe, she's making a terrible mistake? Maybe she loves the man who doesn't want to save her, but who took the time to ask her what she wanted to be when she grows up? Maybe?
The film takes a detour worth looking at. Giselle decides she needs a ball gown and our six-year-old girl snags Daddy's emergency credit card, with a quip about this being an emergency and the two are seen jaunting around New York on a spending spree. The little girl precociously fills our naive princess in on today's beauty culture. It seems Disney might be juxtaposing the innocence of their own interpretation of girlness with the current hyper-sexualized, appearance-oriented one. Perhaps they are asking, "how is this better?" The answer: "It's not."
Like Disney Princess Films of generations past we end up at . . . A Ball. Where else?
The evil queen comes to do away with our princess to prevent her from taking over her kingdom and Giselle takes a bite of her poisoned apple (Oh, Eve, will you ever learn?).
Of course she's not awakened to our simple-minded self-absorbed pretty boy Prince. She is awakened to our single father divorce lawyer Prince. His date Nancy, who he intended to marry 5 minutes ago, gives him permission to kiss Giselle and she does awaken with the words, "I knew it was you." They make a new modern-day family, the father, nice step-mother and daughter (who got a world full of romance and princessness making her deliriously happy).
Giselle, in a modern-day twist, saves her True Love. Thanks Disney, I've been waiting a long time for that. That is some gender progress.
Which leaves our professional Nancy who realizes she does want to be saved after all and jumps down the rabbit hole/manhole with Prince Charming and Lives Happily Ever After in Andalasia.
In light of yesterday's So Sioux Me story, Princess Culture Examined I had to wonder. Who's interpretation of what women want is this? To answer that I watched the special features on how the magic was made and listened to the interviews with the director, writers, choreographers, sound people, production people etc. I went to the IBMD database and checked the credits of the entire cast and crew.
It was written by a man, directed by a man and produced by men.
Out of 9 listed producers only one, Jill Morris, is a woman. The music is by a man, as is the cinematography, film editing, art direction, production design and special effects. Out of five, two women are given credit for production management. Costume design was done by a woman and one of the two casting credits goes to a woman.
Disney's new updated version of "what women want" is really "men's new interpretation of what women want."
I just have a few questions for Disney: Why is it that you think women aren't capable of telling our own story in your magical universe? Don't you think women might be better witnesses about our own experience and desires than men?
I would love to see the FEMALE interpretation of what women want. I want to see Jane! interpreted by JANE.
Disney, aren't you at all curious to see if you're right?
Send a letter to Disney, TWDC.Corp.Communications@disney.com, telling them you want more healthy girl images out of their company, which begins with more female involvement in the creative process.
Apply for a job. If you are creative and have skills in writing, producing, animation or editing and think you can breath some 3 dimensional empowering life into the girl characters of Disney - apply for a job.
If your daughter has talents and interests in animation or film, encourage that. Don't let anyone tell her it's too competitive or it's a male-dominated industry. Tell her she can do it, enroll her in classes, provide the equipment she needs to learn the skills. Tell her we NEED her to do it.
Ever wonder how and why the Disney Princess Culture distorted and minimized girlness, leaving girls as the extra character or one that desperately needs to be saved?
My film-maker friend, Aaron Lea, sent me this rejection letter to a Mary V. Ford from Disney dated 1938. It states that she should not bother sending her portfolio because the creative talent is, by company policy, men.
Which does help explain how the Disney Princess Girl Culture became so distructive and minimizing to girls.
Dear Miss Ford:
. . . .
Women do not do any of the creative work in connection with preparing the cartoons for the screen, as that work is performed entirely by young men. For this reason girls are not considered for the training school.
The only work open to women consists of tracing the characters on clear celluloid sheets with India ink and filling in the tracings on the reverse side with pain according to directions.
In order to apply for a position as "Inker" or "Painter" it is necessary that one appear at the Studio, bringing samples of pen and in and water color work. It would not be advisable to come to Hollywood with the above specifically in view, as there really are very few opeinings in comparison with the number of girls who apply.
Yours very truly,
Walt Disney Productions, LTD.
Aaron explained how during World War II Disney was put in a position, like most companies, to need women artists, which is how one of his creative idols was given some creative power. Here is a story on Mouseplanet about how women came to work at Disney. "Mary Blair was an art supervisor and designer at Disney when they were at their highest level of brilliancy. Disney optioned to use her artwork for storybooks versions of certain films in place of stills, said Lea. "Blair's influence can still be found today (she inspires a lot of us creative types). The opening credits for Monsters, Inc. is definitely an homage to her, as well as Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends," Lea pointed out. To illustrate Blair's influence Lea shares a sample of Blair's work and a sample of his own. I Can Fly illustration Mary Blair.
Claudia Carey illustration Aaron Lea.
There is an article In New York Entertainment examining whether things are that much different at Disney in 2008 than they were in 1938. "The IMDb credits for Disney's latest No. 1 movie, Ratatouille, list 26 separate animators — of whom exactly zero appear based on first names to be women," they cite. To check the fact, here is a link to the entire credits. Two female story participants were given the glorious titles of "additional story material," indicative of their involvement.
Over a rainy weekend my daughter and I rented Enchanted. Disney's newest version of it's own princess tales. Tune in tomorrow for analysis of Disney's new generation of Princess film.
Donate money to the GDIGM so they can wine, dine and educate the film makers who do influence our daughters.
GDIGM is running a contest for girls. They invite all girls/women 13-26 to make a Video Ad citing the organizations research points. Someone has to win - why not your daughter? Go to the < site to learn more.
For more about how exactly Disney Princess Culture really is anti-girl read on:
Over a rainy weekend my daughter and I rented Enchanted. Disney's newest version of it's own princess tales. Tune in tomorrow for analysis of Disney's new generation of Princess film. Image of Mary Ford's Disney rejection letter.
Yesterday we went walking, the kids and I, to get our exercise and take a break what seemed to be a downward spiral of bickering and frustration at home.
There's a prayer sanctuary near our house that's open to the public with some wishing wells out front. It's about a mile so we ventured forth.
Let's go in and pray. We can show God our gratitude for our blessings.
Not me. I'm praying for a Barbie.
Stupid Freaking Barbie! When she had one she dismembered and beheaded it. Now, it's her heart's desire.
Is it only because it's forbidden? I got her a Barbi-like knock off - do you think she'll be satisfied?
We made our wishes in the fountain, on penny at a time and then we had some more so we moved onto the nickels, dimes and quarters. Then Ainsley tried to fish them out because she was out of money but still had more wishes.
You can't steal other people's wishes Ainsley. And if you get your wishes back they might not come true.
So, in we went to pray. I knelt and prayed out loud (it's uncomfortable for me, but I try to teach by example) for all the wonderful gifts we've been given.
She went over to the spiral notebook and started writing.
Please bless that mom and dad will love each other all the time. Please let my brother be nice, she wrote.
Then we came home and she wrote a letter to Santa.
Do you think he could really fit a tree house in a present?
A few days ago we were making a Dream Board, you know a collage of our dreams that we hope to come true. A visual representation of our goals, if you will.
Like every mother, my hearts desire is to make all her dreams come true at Christmas. But, you'll notice that I have a moral objection to nearly every toy on her list?
Is it irony, karma or a case of wanting the forbidden only because it's forbidden? Or is it the mass marketing to girls today telling them they must want these things?
I've my theories but I'd really, truly love to hear yours.
I was thrilled to expose the girls to the scene where the Disney Princesses, Snow White, Cinderella and Sleeping Beauty, deliberately nod off to sleep to "wait to be rescued" when the villains of children's literature lock them up. Fiona and her mother look mystified by such a stupid response and take matters into their own hands - effectively saving themselves.
HELLO! It's about time someone had the nerve to confront those girls about the stupidity of waiting around for someone to save them. Thank you Fiona and Queen of Far Far Away!
I used to allow princesses at out house, I've since banned them. (We still have some videos and books that were sentimental gifts.) But the messages of the Disney Princess culture is that girls are valued for beauty rather than competence. That a prince must come save them for they are incapable of effective action. See Cinderella Should Have Saved Herself, Belle - Battered Codependent, and Ariel - The Little Mute for details about why I've restricted access to the princess message.
If parents are going to offer their daughters the Disney Princess culture, and it's really not possible to isolate them from it completely because it's so pervasively marketed, at least offer up an alternate view of a girl's role. Shrek the Third should join the others on the DVD shelf, at the very least. Use it to point out to your daughters the (dis)functionality of the Disney stories. Give them permission to envision saving themselves and be proactive about their lives.
Tell them the truth about men they will date someday - that prince grows up and turns into a fallible man that picks his nose and turns right back into a frog - just like the King of Far Far Away does in Shrek The Third.
Watch Shrek the Third (Widescreen Edition)and tell her that you think Fiona and her mother's actions are more admirable than the Princesses who passively nod off to sleep and wait for someone to save them.
My daughter went to her best friend's house yesterday.
She has Bratz, Princesses and Barbies at her house, my daughter informed my husband and I the other day. My husband looked at me and asked if I had spoken to her parents about our play rules.
We played with Barbies the whole entire time! she blissfully informed me.
No, I haven't forbidden the playing with Bratz, Barbies and Princesses at friends' homes. No, I don't plan to speak to her mother about it. I honestly don't think my daughter is confused about my objections. I'm secure in the knowledge that my rules forbidding them in our house and the reasons why have seeped irrevocably into her psyche. She adores when I read Growing a Girl: Seven Strategies for Raising a Strong, Spirited Daughter out loud to her. She gets it, to the degree any 5-year-old can.
But, these plastic girl-toys are the foundation of her little girl culture. I'm not crazy enough to believe I have the power to create a self-enclosed box, devoid of negative girl messages.
Besides, the completely forbidden is that much sweeter and a breeding ground for rebellion. This, I can speak to, from first-hand experience. My daughter is too much me, for me to ignore the attraction of rebellion.
In the middle of Ainsley's Disney Princess Obsession I found a coffee table book about Princess Diana at the library and showed it to her.
She honestly had never considered the fact that there might actually be real princesses. She was as fascinated, if not more, with Princess Diana, Fergie, Duchess of York, Queen Elizabeth, Princess Caroline and any others I could think of. She loved having me Google them on the Internet.
They are really real Princesses? she would ask over and over.
It was actually a great segue way into politics and history lessons. I explained how our ancestors had come from England (we're Amercian mutts, but some of them did come from England) and other European countries that really do have royalty as a form of government still today.
Then I explained how the pilgrims had come to America and decided having kings and queens wasn't the best idea. So, we now have presidents and representatives elected by the people who live here. I take her with me to go vote and we talk about how important it is for the people to vote on who leads the country. (When she was two we were leaving the polls and she said, But, Mommy when are we going on the boat?)
But, in England, where Princess Diana lived, they still have princes and princesses, I tell her.
We just watched The Queen together. I would have thought she'd find this boring. But, she made me pause it every single time she had to go to the bathroom. She kept asking who Tony Blair was and how he ruled the country at the same time as the Queen. She can not wait to be able to go to Buckingham Palace in real life. I pointed out that Prince Charles really is just a man and he cheated on his Princess so she divorced him.
Funny side note: the only Barbi-like doll she has is actually a talking Bill Clinton that I bought for my husband for Christmas a few years ago. His foot came off the other day and she said, Oh Mommy, I broke my favorite Bill Clinton that I love to play with! Can't you fix my Bill Clinton? We also have a talking George Bush giant bobble head which Zack enjoys quite a bit.
Use the Disney Princess Obsession to open the door to teach girls about history and politics. It's way more empowering that girls will be privileged enough to vote than sitting around hoping for some prince on a white horse to come save them.
After all, when my grandmother was a girl, voting was not a privilege she could look forward to.
By now no one will be surprised when I say that I’m not a huge fan of Belle from Beauty and the Beast.
Some might see Belle as a redeeming character because she is smart and loves to read. She is, after all, bright enough to tell Gaston, the quintessential good-looking football player type, where to go. Good for Belle, even though all the other village girls love Gaston, she thinks he’s a moron and is looking for something different.
When her mad scientist father gets held as a hostage by the mean ugly beast, Belle, the loyal daughter, finds him. Selflessly, she trades her own freedom so that her father can go to the invention festival. What?!?
Here’s the first lesson we need to tell our daughters, Your dad and I will never, ever trade you for anything. If you are ever held by a beast or anyone else we WILL bring the police and find you or die trying. If you are ever kidnapped or someone tries to take you then you should do anything you can to get away. Scream, bite, scratch, kick and run as fast as you can.
The rest of the story is basically how Belle is such a good and sweet young woman that she transforms the compassionless, angry, self-absorbed, violent, ugly and mean beast into the Prince he always was inside.
Basically, the story is just early training for future battered women everywhere. This is Stockholm Syndrome. Women love to love their abuser and fantasize that eventually she’ll love him enough that he’ll start treating her with love and respect. Every woman who gets abused desperately wants to believe that her compassionless, angry, mean, self-absorbed jerk of a husband or boyfriend has a kind prince locked inside and if she is just a good and sweet and forgiving enough wife or girlfriend then she can change him into a sweet guy.
What kind of codependent crap are we feeding our daughters at bedtime? We’re setting them up to be victims with this story. Is it any surprise that 30% of women put up with abuse at some point in their lives? Come on!
I recommend telling our daughters the truth.
If you marry a mean and selfish or violent beast of a man you will never, ever change him into a nice guy. People are who they are. No one has the power to change anyone else. Don’t waste your life trying.
The best thing to do is to marry a guy who is already good and sweet and kind and generous. Find someone who treats you with respect from the beginning and skip all the fairytale drama.
Here's the Challenge: add, if not completely replace some of these princess horror stories with stories that have good messages like The Practical Princess, and other liberating fairy tales. And give your daughters a new perspective on the old messages found in Disney's version.
The intention of this blog is to give great advice on how to empower yourself and empower your daughter. Many times I'm writing as an issue comes up with my daughter. This means that I am putting my advice in to practice and I intend to update readers with the reality of how effective my advice has been -- for me.
I invite you to let me know if you have implemented any suggestions and to leave comments about whether or not my advice was effective for you.
Going backwards . . .
Yes, she's a Brat
Ainsley is a brat this season. I called and asked them to change her team and they didn't even call me back. They said it would leave her team with only 8 players and that's not allowed.
I could choose to pick up my ball and go home. And I guess that would be a valid decision to make.
But, Ainsley is a Superstar!!! She loves the game, she's getting great exercise and she totally ROCKS at soccer! She literally stopped the Grasshoppers from scoring, stole the ball and RAN it down the entire length of the field and she SCORED!! She did that 3 times on Saturday.
I've thought of making an acronym with the letters in BRATZ -- remember when we were kids and we used to say "Yeah I'm a PIG - Pretty Intelligent Girl." I thought about writing it downwards on the shirt. Brave, Radical, Athletic, Team, Zorro . . . (obviously, that's a work in progress - wordsmiths can come up with something better and email me suggestions @ traceesioux@yahoo.com).
I really have to say though that it has given me a great opportunity to discuss why I believe Bratz are a bad idea with parents who never thought about it before. I've discussed it with my book club, with parents at a birthday party, with the parents and coach of Ainsley's team and we're only 3 weeks into the season. I believe the discussion is helpful to other parents, making them examine what they really think about it. Honestly, I believe most of them have a gut feeling that those Bratz dolls are a bad influence, but they really don't know that they can stand up to the mass marketing to our children.
Best of all, it's given me opportunities to teach Ainsley these lessons:
Stand up for yourself, it's not that bad to stand alone.
Never shut up to appease or go along with the crowd.
We define our own selves, not our shirts, our team names or other people.
Principles are important.
Sometimes we have to choose between two principles
Find the positive in a situation.
Don't quit, be a good sport and handle yourself with poise and dignity.
Our Sin Beauty Bank is empty -- and that's a good thing
The Sin Beauty Bank has been hugely effective. It's empty - we spent the 75 cents that was in it. Ainsley has only said anything weighty about her body once and that was to get attention from some self-loathing relatives we were visiting.
Just the act of deciding that we would not criticize our bodies anymore was very effective. Even better, I've been extremely grateful about my body which has increased my self-worth.
I'm getting so strong and could actually run a mile now and I feel so powerful when I work out. It's increased health I really aim for.
Sometimes while I do Yoga I just pray, "Thank you God for this healthy and strong body. I feel so magnificently powerful - like I can do anything - when I am in warrior pose. This fantastic body grew two perfect, healthy babies, thanks for that miracle of an opportunity. Thanks for my breasts that held up rather well and for my abs which are finding strength again." http://traceesioux.blogspot.com/2007/01/self-loathing-sin-bank.html
Husband's education paid for
Through Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace University we have paid off around $8,000 in bills, including my husband's student loan. We are down to one bill - my student loan.
I still find myself envying what other people have on occasion - especially when I go to their homes and see all their beautiful and coordinated furniture and art. But, then I find out that it's all financed and they are getting ulcers from the stress of paying for all their pretty financed things.
That's when I thank God that we learned our lesson and we will never, ever finance anything but a home. So, when you come to my house and envy my things one day, know that I OWN it outright and I saved the money to buy it. It's a position of liberation.
Interestingly, that last two people I can recall envying have been more than excited to hear about Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace University and confessed that though they appear to have it all, they sometimes bounce checks or miss payments due to being overextended. http://traceesioux.blogspot.com/2007/01/i-saw-satan-on-tv-and-hes-little-dork.html
Not a Princess-Nazi
We still have a rule about no princesses, but today Ainsley was given some dress-up clothes with Cinderella and Ariel's profile on them.
I let her keep them. I reminded her that I don't care for princesses because Cinderella could have gone to law school and saved herself and Ariel shouldn't have give-up her gifts and talents or her right to speak to find a boyfriend.
She can't help it - she still likes those stupid princesses. She wants to please me, but she also wants to wear that dress. I don't want to be so strict about it that she loves the princesses even more, because my gut tells me that will turn out badly.
I’m Tracee Sioux, Creator of The Year of YES! coaching program, best-selling author of The Year of YES! memoir and host of Year of YES! Radio on True2YouRadio.com.
I teach people how to get what they want.
In 2013 I did a life experiment.
What if I did everything my Soul told me to do? Where would she take me? What would my life look like?
My one year experiment, The Year of YES!, began. I went from making $600 a month to clearing six-figures in a 12 month period. I built a meaningful, sustainable, profitable and scalable business. I made Time my Lover and Rest and Play became my new Prayer. I created an incredible circle of friends, business partners and a spiritual community. I banished 40 years of psychic garbage and cast it into the fire. I baptized myself in the womb of Mother Earth.
My life was blessed with a multitude of beautiful things and now, my purpose is to teach others, like you, how to live this way. Do you want these gifts?
More Money
Meaningful Work
Pleasure Drenching
Great Love
Time Sex
When we align with our Soul’s purpose, the Universe makes sweet love to us.
A mother who radiates self-love and self-acceptance vaccinates her daughter against low self-esteem. Naomi Wolf
Author Contact
traceesioux@yahoo.com. Email me for to Review Products for girls to Advertise on Empowering Girls: So Sioux Me to write Freelance Articles if you need a Guest Blogger
I Can Fly illustration Mary Blair. 
Claudia Carey illustration Aaron Lea. 
. 
out loud to her. She gets it, to the degree any 5-year-old can.
. And give your daughters a new perspective on the old messages found in Disney's version.
