by Tracee Sioux

Oh the roles we play. . . Is this news to anyone? I've always known that I play roles and even been aware of them when I'm doing it. Some of my most common roles:

When I was a teenager and young adult I played "cute flirty blond girl with a little attitude." It worked for me. Got me attention from the opposite sex. Allowed me to blend in the newsroom. Allowed me to get away with what I wanted to do. I recall having gained quite a bit of weight and being next to the next generation of "cute flirty blond girl with a little attitude" and seeing quite clearly that this role was not going to work for me anymore. Oddly, I was okay with seeing her go.

Other roles I play are Mean Mommy and Fun Mommy. I vacillate between these two depending on the result I want from my children. I put on Mean Mommy so that I can punish poor behavior even though I really don't want to. I put her on like a costume because inside I'm usually laughing my head off and thinking, Who hasn't done that? Fun Mommy comes more naturally to me, it's closer to who I inherently am. But, I still see that I'm motivated by a future "My mom was the coolest mom" scenario.

There is also the many roles of wife. I've been a pissed-off wife, a put-upon and fed-up wife. I've been a loving wife, a sacrificial wife, an affectionate wife. A wife like my mother. A wife like my friend. A wife like the Christian stereotype says I should be. I'm trying to learn to be a happy wife. A conscious wife.

I play a different role in church than I do other places. I feel it's safer to go with the flow and the cultural norm. Maybe I come off as fake?

Black sheep who left the fold. I obviously play this role. It's more circumstantial than anything. They love me, I love them, but they are deeply invested in a very specific religious ideology that comes with a whole culture and collective conscience that I have opted out of. Sometimes I feel it's more a role they put me in than one I play.

I frequently play the role of feminist. I write a lot about feminism, so obviously I'm identifying with the group ego of "women who aren't treated equally." I think it's a role I will continue to play. But, with consciousness, hopefully I'll be able to do it more effectively.

Writer is a role I deeply identify with. And I realize this is only what I "do." But it feels so integral to who I AM that when I have experimented with "doing" other things I become unhappy and disconnected from myself. I think I will also strive to do it consciously and reap the benefits of increased awareness and passion.

What roles do you see in yourself?

Are you aware of them when you're playing them?

Again, tune into Lisa.fm today at 1 pm central to hear more about roles and consciousness.

****1001Petals is the winner of a copy of A New Earth for subscribing to So Sioux Me during the 5 Minutes for Mom Ultimate Blog Party.

*** Don't miss my debut discussion of A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life's Purpose (Oprah's Book Club, Selection 61) on Lisa.fm Book Club, online radio at 3 PM Pacific next week on March 25.

by Tracee Sioux

In church this Sunday I became more animated than usual. My belief system is not always consistent with typical Christian surface beliefs. I live in the deep South and people in these parts aren't known for their open minds, so out of self-preservation I generally make surface comments and keep my real feelings to myself.

But the glamorization of suffering came up. We must suffer like Jesus.

Suffering is highly over-rated and glamorized,I said. I frankly, think there is very little value in the suffering itself. I'm intimately familiar with fear and suffering and I have no high regard for it as a moral or religiously good concept. The overcoming of suffering, the joy, the transcendence - this is life.

I have always found the scriptures both difficult to understand and offensive. By offensive I mean, I get upset, frustrated and angry when I read them. Perhaps I'm not alone in this reaction.

Since reading A New Earth, however, I find them coming alive for me. I read a passage that I normally would have found very little meaning in and it's speaking to me, easy for me to translate and understand. It's like this book, A New Earth, serves as a sort of translation of The Spirit for me. You know, as in The Spirit or Holy Ghost frequently referred to in The Bible and all other spiritual works.

I believe it's because before I was always hindered by dogma and ideology and the Church's collective ego.

I always knew this attitude of "rightness" was offensive and missed the mark of the true intention of scriptural works. But, the "rightness" would produce so much anger in me that it was best not to delve to deeply.

Dogma and ideology and politics and close-mindedness was in my way. I had no real tool to get passed it.

I've been to churches that tout domestic violence as acceptable. Churches that claim Jesus came to set everyone free - except the half of the population that's female - who should let their husbands make all the decision because he has a penis which is synonymous with authority.

I've sat through sermons shouting about the whorishness of women who seek abortions - damning them to hell without compassion for their lack of access to healthcare. I've sat through homophobic gay-bashing as straight couples refuse to take responsibility for the decline of their own institution caused by being bad at marriage. It's not us, it's the gays endangering the family, they claim.

I've listened to calls to arms against all other faiths - they are wrong because we know we're right - Muslims, Mormons, Nation of Islam, Catholics, Protestants, Buddhists - all claim the truth as their own and tout the need to defend their own ideologies and dogma from the others who are so wrong they might be lead by Satan. It's enough to turn me off to the whole thing.

Thanks to this book I now know it's the collective ego of these religions that are distorting the sacred and truthful message with their own intolerance.

Even more profound is the knowledge that it is my own ego that knows they are wrong in their judgement of others that produces anger in me. That knowledge somehow makes their egoic righteousness easy to forgive and overlook.

Somehow the knowledge of how my ego reacts to their ego releases me from all the dogma and ideology and now reading Scriptures feels enlightening.

Genesis Ch. 1 - Let there be light.

It truly is an awakening.

If you missed any of the online classes you can download them for free at Oprah.com.

Please share how you've awakened since reading the book. I would love to hear your experiences.

While technical difficulties (on my computer) kept me from watching most of the broadcast live last night I did get something out of the 30 minutes I saw.

What parent can't identify with the difficulty of staying present with their kids?

I struggle with this daily. The truth is, playing Legos with Zack or Barbies with Ainsley isn't that fun for me. It's a little boring, so I amuse myself by thinking about something else. I spend time that I'm physically present with them, thinking about what I'm going to write about and what else I need to do.

Of course the fact that I'm distracted is no secret to them. Even the smallest child is aware that you're not really paying attention to them.

One of my goals everyday is to spend at least a few minutes every day to be present with them and hear what they have to say and do the things they like to do.

It's really, really a challenge.

Any other parents relate to this lack of focus?