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My family really shines on Mother's Day. Especially my husband, who always puts a lot of effort into getting the children involved in doing something creative for me.
I woke to pancakes with whipped cream and strawberries, an 8X11 photo of my children spelling out each letter of "Happy Mother's Day" in my office and "I Love You" in the kitchen.
I also got a small deep freeze!
Ainsley sang me as song called, My Mom.
I H-E-A-R-T my family.
I hope your Mother's Day was as good as mine.
I'm very proud to tell you that an essay I wrote about motherhood is being featured on Mothering Heights in Christine Fugate's 2nd Annual Mothering Heights Mother's Day Anthology.
I wrote an essay titled It's Just Not About Them about the place of men in my life pre- and post-children. There are many other fantastic entries about the journey of motherhood and the lessons we've learned along the way.
I hope you'll stop over and read a few.
by Tracee Sioux
"Olivia said she had sex with a boy," my six-year-old daughter Ainsley reported. Sex has been coming up a lot lately. Her friends are a year older and all have older siblings.
"What do you know about sex?" I asked.
"It's about boys and girls and taking off their clothes and kissing and stuff," she said.
"That's very good. They do take off their clothes and kiss and stuff. But, that's not all," I told her. "Sex is how mommies and daddies make babies," I said as nonchalantly as possible while pouring cereal.
"Oh."
"You can see Zack has a penis and you have a vagina right? Well grown ups do too. Daddies put the penis in the Mommy's vagina and some stuff called sperm comes out and Mommies' have an egg in their uterus. When the sperm and the egg meet in the Mommies' uterus the woman gets a baby in there. And you already know how Zack came out," I finished.
"Oh, and there's kissing and stuff," she said.
"That's right, but the kissing and stuff is called 'making out' and it's part of sex but it's not sex. Children should never have sex. I don't think Olivia had sex and I don't think that's a nice thing for she or you to say. She may not understand what sex is," I said.
"Sex is sacred and you should talk about it with respect. It's not really for joking. It's special and it's for Mommies and Daddies who love each other," I went on.
"I want you to remember the safety rules."
"Nobody can touch my body except for me. Just like hugs and stuff but no touching my bottom or vagina and stuff," Ainsley recited.
"Right. When anyone talks about sex I want you to come and get me so we can talk about it together," I added a rule.
Flash forward to afternoon when Olivia has come back to play.
"Girls were you talking about sex last night?" I asked with a neutral blank tone.
"No, but the boys were," says Olivia.
Ainsley blushes. I think back to the night before when we had families from church over for dinner. We had left the children playing outside alone, the boys were a few years older than the girls. Maybe 10.
"What did the boys say?"
"They said, 'have you ever had sex?' And we said 'no.' And they said 'you probably don't know what it is.' And we said, 'it's like kissing and taking off our clothes and stuff,'" informed Olivia.
"It's when mommies and daddies," Ainsley started. . .
"Ains we have to let Olivia's mom tell her that," I said.
"Sex is nasty!" Olivia said.
"When mommies and daddies do it it's not nasty, it's special. But remember it's not something children or teenagers do," I replied.
"Listen girls, when anyone like those boys start talking about sex I want you to come and get me so we can all talk about it together," I said again.
"Yes Mam. Yes Mam."
"Those boys are lots older than you and we only kinda know them," I reminded. "I want you to remember the safety rules. There's no touching, kissing, holding hands or showing each other your bodies, right?"
"Right. Right."
Overall, I felt the sex talk was a little anti-climactic considering the anxiety my husband and I had leading up to it. We consulted the experts, read informative books, even spoke to a sex educator/marriage counselor and realized that we didn't want to be the only two people in her life not talking about it.
We wanted to make sure she understood the facts, rather than the misinformation from friends, television, advertisements, etc. We wanted to apply our morality to it and make sure she understood that it was special, not something to be shared with everyone, nothing to be taken lightly and nothing she should be concerning herself with now. We also wanted to prevent and avoid any psychological shaming damage.
More sex talk:
While technical difficulties (on my computer) kept me from watching most of the broadcast live last night I did get something out of the 30 minutes I saw.
What parent can't identify with the difficulty of staying present with their kids?
I struggle with this daily. The truth is, playing Legos with Zack or Barbies with Ainsley isn't that fun for me. It's a little boring, so I amuse myself by thinking about something else. I spend time that I'm physically present with them, thinking about what I'm going to write about and what else I need to do.
Of course the fact that I'm distracted is no secret to them. Even the smallest child is aware that you're not really paying attention to them.
One of my goals everyday is to spend at least a few minutes every day to be present with them and hear what they have to say and do the things they like to do.
It's really, really a challenge.
Any other parents relate to this lack of focus?
Previously I printed an Op-Ed piece from the NYTimes about the film Juno. Caitlin Flanagan had a valid point.
Therapydoc from Everyone Needs Therapy, a shrink in Chicago, printed an Op-Ed piece on the film as well.
Therapydoc writes, She knows that she doesn't have to be sure of anything at sixteen. She doesn't have to know what kind of girl she is, exactly. She's in process. Such an enviable position, no? Why would anyone want to hurry that, choose to prematurely skip out of that license to grow, that license for silliness and abandon, introspection and exploration? Why do anything that could blunt that freedom? What did she say? "I wish I hadn't had sex with you."
THAT'S the message you want to send to your teenagers.
Therapydoc recommends watching the film with your teens to make sure that message gets across.
I still have not seen the film. Someday I'm not going to be so cheap.
I came across a blog: The Big Beautiful Wonder Woman Blog. It's entirely cartoon sketches of larger versions of Wonder Woman.
Seriously.
On the sidebar the artist explains, I am in no way making fun of ladies (or anyone) who are considered 'big'. I'm no toothpick myself, and admire and enjoy the female form in all its sizes, especially ladies with some meat on them. Thus, my idea for collecting art of a bigger-sized WW happened. I have always felt like for someone who's supposed to be an amazon, she's pretty thin.
I have no idea how to interpret this as a hobby.
Anyone know what to make of this?
Pictured above an illustration by Antonis Theodorakis.
Don't forget our A New Earth discussion tonight/tomorrow morning!
Please vote for Tracee Sioux at Women's Voice's Women's Vote. You can also register to vote there.
As always, please subscribe, add to your RSS Feed, bookmark, Stumble, sk*rt and click around on the ads to show your support for So Sioux Me.
Okay so there were some technical difficulties with Oprah's online course last night. I gave up around 9:15 and went to bed. This morning, they don't have the podcast up.
But before I did I got something out of it.
A few big things - for me.
1)Different places have their own frequency and vibe. I've had an increasing urge to MOVE out of East Texas for over a year now. This place - the local culture, the vibe of the evangelical religious right - just feels oppressive to me. I feel an undeniable pull toward an ocean and a city - I always feel more connected to my self, the planet, and God when I am near a beach. I feel creatively and emotionally fulfilled surrounded by the metropolitan conveniences. My ideal culture would also be more open-minded. I've lived in other oppressive cultures before and I just don't feel I can live up to my full potential and fully express myself in places that are narrow-minded and oppressive. I feel like I'm creatively oppressed here, like I'm holding myself back with the mental and emotional energy field here. I think my husband feels the same way, but he's more resistant to change than I am. I've been praying and meditating that we'd get the perfect job offer in a large coastal city with open-mindedness and forward thinking in the culture.
Eckhart Tolle described his NEED to move when writing the book A New Earth and his other book The Power of Now. He described it as the energy field in a city or place. He articulated what I'm feeling in a way that made my feelings of wanting to move more legitimate and valid.
Having lived in lots of different places I can tell you for sure that New York City has a different vibe than East Texas, Brooklyn has a different vibe than Manhattan, Morro Bay, California has a totally different frequency than Tooele, Utah and Salt Lake City has a different vibe and frequency than Lithuania. That there is a different energy field in different locations on the planet is undeniable.
None of these places are bad or wrong. They are just different on a fundamental level and they effect people's thinking and emotional-live's differently. I yearn to be in a place that feels more friendly and accepting of who I am.
To tell you the truth I'm tired of being such a gypsy - but, the thought of making this place my permanent residence makes my soul revolt. I'm praying for the perfect opportunity to gracefully move to the perfect permanent residence for our family.
2) The second major insight I got was that all creative endeavor is born of stillness.
This is huge. It's not necessarily news to me now, but it brings me back to a time after Zack was born when I realized my mind was taking on a life of it's own and it just never shut up! Shut up! I would yell to my own mind. I can't sleep, I can't focus, I can't make decisions! I can't have any peace!
I started taking yoga to combat what Tolle calls incessant thinking- the constant and repetitive background noise of our minds.
It has taken me about two years to accomplish more a discipline in my mind. I'm meditating every day and taking yoga and feeling more centered and feeling more peace and stillness in my mind. It truly is making me feel more creative. Prior to this experience I'm not sure I ever really saw the value in stillness. I think all that thinking was sort of like - self-stimulation - mental masturbation is the best way I can describe it. Activity that's not really producing a truly gratifying result for cheap entertainment.
The third thing is that I noticed was my emotional response to the Christian question. Can I believe in consciousness and in Jesus too? Since reading A New Earth I have had my eyes opened to the true meaning in the Bible. I truly feel awakened when I read it now. Previously inconceivable passages now have meaning.
If you don't think there is any way to experience God than through your rigid plan - fine, stay invested in your rightness. But, for me - I know that I do not get closer to God by invalidating or minimizing anyone's spiritual experience. That applies to Mormons, Evangelicals, Catholics, Buddhists, Muslims, Hindus, Christians, Atheists, Agnostics, Yogis, any one else on the planet.
Did anyone else have any personal insights while watching Oprah's online course about A New Earth? Please share - I would love to hear about your personal insights.
Who is putting the kids to bed 15 minutes earlier tonight to make time to attend Oprah's online class?
Does it strike anyone else as odd that girls and women are most commonly attacked by both strangers and significant others - but least likely to be taught self-defense?
The more I think about it, it's not just odd, it's absurd.
I think my daughter is most empowered if she is learning how to protect and defend her own body versus jumping up and down cheering for the athletic excellence of the boys playing football.
I've got Ainsley taking a Taekwondo class and I can't say enough about the benefits.
It's completely gender neutral, a sport where girls are as likely to excel as boys and instructors are both men and women.
It's focused on discipline and respect, which I find useful as a parent who struggles to get my kids to obey.
It's centered around personal excellence. In other words, you aren't necessarily competing with other athletes as much as you are trying to push your own self to the next belt level.
It is confidence building in that she's learning something new and achieving levels of excellence.
I think she'll carry her physical body in a more assertive way. Studies have shown that girls tend to try to disappear or shrink as they get older, feeling less worthy of taking up physical space. I hope Karate will make her feel entitled to all the space she wants.
Also I hope it will make her feel her body is a source of action and strength instead of a just an ornament meant to look pretty for male approval.
They are encouraged to use their voices and their bodies to defend their own persons. Like any parent my worst fear revolves around someone feeling they have a right to physically over-power my daughter and attack her. I hope that Taekwondo will improve her chances of escape and survival should that happen.
I recently started taking a kick-boxing class and I think it's the first time I've been given carte blanc to be physically aggressive. It feels good. It feels powerful. It feels a forbidden to me. I want Ainsley to know the feeling of aggression, which I assume is familiar to boys and men, and be okay with it.
At the very least I hope it will instill an identity as confident and strong person, as opposed to a physically weak victim.
Also, it's very reasonably priced at only $15 a month for 8 classes.
by Tracee Sioux
I love the Science of Happiness. You've heard of that neuroscientist, Richard J. Davidson, who studies what our brains do when they are happy and tells us how we can get more of it?
I was thinking. I'm 34 years old and I'm thrilled to apply new ways to be happy - meditating, yoga, hot baths, time to myself, time with my famiy and friends, acts of service, inspiring art on the wall, and a passion for writing.
But, what if my daughter (and son) doesn't have to wander around for 30 years not knowing how to be happy?
What if I taught her the tried and true scientific methods to be happy straight from the go just like I taught her how to read and add. Surely, how to be happy is as valuable and fundamental a life-skill as that?
There was an article in O Magazine about 5 things we can do for ourselves to learn to be happy. I've taken the liberty of adapting the list for my daughter. Feel free to adapt it for your own family.
1. Do what you love. I can help her learn what her natural talents are and give her an opportunity to explore and develop those skills.
2. Learn new things. Right now she's taking Taekwondo and loving it.
3. Teach her the significance of NOW and how to avoid "if only" thinking. If I can teach her that happiness is a choice and now is the only time she can grasp it I'll consider my job as a parent well done.
4. Encourage social interaction with best friends and create and environment where her friendships flourish. Obviously this implies teaching her how to be a good friend.
5. Allow her to be happy. Don't burden her with unnecessary guilt and issues.
Don't we all just want to raise happy girls? Wouldn't it be wonderful if we could teach them happiness as a skill?
Revolutionary.
The Geena Davis Institute on Gender in Media works with entertainment creators and companies, educates the next generation of content-creators, and informs the public about the need to increase the number of girls and women in media aimed at kids and to reduce stereotyping of both males and females.
From the website: Three years ago, while watching children's television programs and videos with her then 2-year old daughter, Academy Award winner Geena Davis noticed a remarkable imbalance in the ratio of male to female characters. From that small starting point, Davis went on to raise funds for the largest research project ever undertaken on gender in children's entertainment (resulting in 4 discrete studies, including one on children's television).
The research showed that in the top-grossing G-rated films from 1990-2005, there were three male characters for every one female - a statistic that did not improve over time.
The concern was clear:
What message does this send to young children?
According to the study released this month: Not only were there fewer females, but the nature in which the females were depicted was questionable. They were either objectified and sexualized or portrayed as extremely traditional.
Dr. Smith and her team also examined 4000 female film characters and found that two types of females often frequent film: the traditional and the hypersexual. For example, females are over five times as likely as males to be shown in alluring apparel and are roughly three times as likely as males (10.6% vs. 3.4%) to be shown with an unrealistically “ideal” body.
The same problem was shown to exist in television aimed at audiences of children: Females in kids’ fare are almost four times as likely as males to be shown in sexy attire (20.7% vs. 5.4%) and nearly twice as likely as males to be shown with a small waist line (25.6% vs. 14.4%).
Animated females in TV for kids are more likely to be shown in sexually revealing attire than are live action females (24.5% vs. 17.4%). Also, females in animated TV stories for children are more likely to have small waists (36.9% vs. 6.9%) and have an unrealistic body shape (22.7% vs. 1.2%) than are females in live action TV stories for children.
Though, females are not the only ones hypersexualized in TV
content for children, the report noted. Animated males are more likely than live action males to have a large chest (15.4% vs. 4.9%), small waist (18.4% vs. 4.3%), and an unrealistically muscularized physique (12.5% vs. .5%).
At the Institute's recent conference in January it was noted that such hypersexualization of children's characters contributes to low self esteem, poor body image and eating disorders in children.
For more detailed information you can read An Analysis of Popular Films and TV.
According to the report: In fact, research on television reveals that the participation of women writers and producers increases the percentage of females on screen.
What can You do? The Institute is having a contest called "I Want to See Jane!" The Geena Davis Institute on Gender in Media doesn't want any Jane to grow up believing she is only worthy of sidekick status. That's where our I Want to See Jane Campaign for girls and women comes in. YOU can be involved by spreading the word and telling your story, and your story could end up in the first GDIGM documentary! It's easy! Just tape yourself talking about the female character who meant the most to you when you were growing up.
Thank goodness our daughters can expect somewhat better treatment from future employers than this: 1943 Guide to Hiring Women posted by Contrariwise Ramblings.
It should be noted though that we're not out of the woods yet, as just the other day I heard a female county employee say she was having a difficult time finding a suitable secretary who was not of childbearing age. I know it's illegal, but you know they can be so undependable, she noted. The irony was the at the woman herself was of childbearing age.
Hello?
Back to the article, my favorite excerpts include that young married women are more responsible than their unwed sisters and less flirtatious, "Husky" girls (apparently their euphemism for fat) are more friendly and outgoing than under-weight women, employers were encouraging to perform gynecological physical examinations to avoid "feminine ailments", and to give girls breaks to apply more lipstick and fix their hair.
Is it any wonder that laws about gender discrimination are necessary?
To listen to my radio debut on Healthy Wealthy Wow on Grapevine Radio click this podcast link. I think it went really well. Click on today's date (3rd one down).
It was pretty fun too.
I'll be on the Healthy Wealthy Wow radio program on the Grapevine Talk Radio Network on Thursday at 1:29 CST.
I won a radio contest (which I wasn't even listening to)for the Law of Attraction Action Pack and now I get to go on the radio program and chat about how it's effected me.
It's an Internet radio program so be sure to tune in. I'll try to post the podcast up here once it's recorded so you'll be sure not to miss it.
Wish me luck!
I gave away a copy of A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life's Purpose (Oprah's Book Club, Selection 61)
This is the book Oprah is teaching an online course on beginning March 3 on Oprah.com. Who wants to miss that?
Please leave a comment and you'll be entered to win one copy of A New Earth. Regretfully, I can only accept U.S. entries, unless the person entering is willing to pay their own postage for the book.
Contest will remain open until Sunday, Feb. 24 at midnight Central time. Winner will be announced Monday, Feb. 25. You must register with your email address or I will have no way to contact you if you win. Ainsley will draw the name out of a hat.
Good Luck.
If you're feeling particularly lucky hop over to Prize-A-Tron to enter more contests. 
by Tracee Sioux
Ainsley and I got to shake Bill Clinton's hand! Seriously. She got to meet Bill Clinton, I think he said something like thanks for coming or good to see you or something.
I was too busy recording the moment to really live it.
I don't really know if she understands the significance of the event. I hope though that it will allow her to feel like she has tangible access to politics.
I hope that she'll grow up feeling like she can create change in the world, like she can always do something to better her situation. I hope she'll feel like she has access to political power I guess. By which I mean that she doesn't feel apathetic or useless, shut out or irrelevant to the process.
We live in a democracy and that is something special and powerful. We can all have a voice and I, for one, feel this election is different than all elections before it because the Internet have really given people, women especially, a voice like they never had before. With access to a platform like the Blogosphere, it would be hard for women and other minority groups to remain disenfranchised much longer.
I remember a mock election at my school when I was in the 2nd grade. The contest was Jimmy Carter and Ronald Reagan. The principal got up in an assembly and chanted, Jimmy Carter has a way of messing up the USA. Ronald Reagan has a way of fixing up the USA.
Take a wild guess who won.
The point is that what we say now to our daughters, regardless of whether we're democrat or republican, is important. We can either make them feel shut out of the process for which they are entitled to participate - or - hopefully, make them feel empowered with complete access to this country's democratic process.
Read more about our first political rally on Blog Fabulous.
by Tracee Sioux
About a year ago I took a stance that all girls should have access to the HPV (human papillomavirus virus) in my article HPV Vaccine, Right of All Girls To Health.
While I stand by my original logic, I've come across two bits of information that have me reconsidering the benefits of such a vaccine.
Did you see Christiane Northrup, the OB/GYN author of Women's Bodies, Women's Wisdom: Creating Physical and Emotional Health and Healing
Northrup expressed that no one has conclusively proven that cervical cancer is caused by HPV, the virus that causes venereal warts.
From the interview, which can be found on Oprah.com.
"That vaccine is of great interest to me because there are over 100 different HPV types and this vaccine only targets four of them, and although they are associated with cervical cancer, nobody has ever proved beyond a shadow of a doubt that HPV is the cause of cervical cancer, Northrup said.
Dr. Northrup says only 3,500 women a year die of cervical cancer. "And the number decreases every year, so we're doing very well with Pap smears and other screening tests. So you should keep having those," she said.
But Dr. Northrup has some apprehension about the vaccine itself. "I'm very concerned about vaccinating girls 9 and over, every single one of them, with two vaccines," she says. "And I'm a little against my own profession. My own profession feels that everyone should be vaccinated."
Dr. Northrup would rather see the attention HPV is receiving directed elsewhere. "You see HPV associated with abnormal Pap smears in women who are on immunosuppressant drugs who have had kidney transplants or who have HIV disease. So it seems that that virus is associated with cancer in those whose immune system is already depressed, you see. So it's like a marker for a depressed immune system. Where I'd put my money is getting everybody on a dietary program that would enhance their immunity, and then they would be able to resist that sort of thing."
The other issue that got me thinking is the research I recently did on Precocious Puberty.
Something is amiss when an entire generation of girls are maturing earlier than all the generations of women before them. We don't know if early maturation is going to effect our girls post-puberty, into pregnancy, lactation and menopause.
Perhaps until we discover what factor, whether hormonal, social, environmental or chemical, is causing girls to develop early, we should add as few unknown substances to their little bodies as possible.
My family really shines on Mother's Day. Especially my husband, who always puts a lot of effort into getting the children involved in doing something creative for me.
I woke to pancakes with whipped cream and strawberries, an 8X11 photo of my children spelling out each letter of "Happy Mother's Day" in my office and "I Love You" in the kitchen.
I also got a small deep freeze!
Ainsley sang me as song called, My Mom.
I H-E-A-R-T my family.
I hope your Mother's Day was as good as mine.
I'm very proud to tell you that an essay I wrote about motherhood is being featured on Mothering Heights in Christine Fugate's 2nd Annual Mothering Heights Mother's Day Anthology.
I wrote an essay titled It's Just Not About Them about the place of men in my life pre- and post-children. There are many other fantastic entries about the journey of motherhood and the lessons we've learned along the way.
I hope you'll stop over and read a few.
by Tracee Sioux
"Olivia said she had sex with a boy," my six-year-old daughter Ainsley reported. Sex has been coming up a lot lately. Her friends are a year older and all have older siblings.
"What do you know about sex?" I asked.
"It's about boys and girls and taking off their clothes and kissing and stuff," she said.
"That's very good. They do take off their clothes and kiss and stuff. But, that's not all," I told her. "Sex is how mommies and daddies make babies," I said as nonchalantly as possible while pouring cereal.
"Oh."
"You can see Zack has a penis and you have a vagina right? Well grown ups do too. Daddies put the penis in the Mommy's vagina and some stuff called sperm comes out and Mommies' have an egg in their uterus. When the sperm and the egg meet in the Mommies' uterus the woman gets a baby in there. And you already know how Zack came out," I finished.
"Oh, and there's kissing and stuff," she said.
"That's right, but the kissing and stuff is called 'making out' and it's part of sex but it's not sex. Children should never have sex. I don't think Olivia had sex and I don't think that's a nice thing for she or you to say. She may not understand what sex is," I said.
"Sex is sacred and you should talk about it with respect. It's not really for joking. It's special and it's for Mommies and Daddies who love each other," I went on.
"I want you to remember the safety rules."
"Nobody can touch my body except for me. Just like hugs and stuff but no touching my bottom or vagina and stuff," Ainsley recited.
"Right. When anyone talks about sex I want you to come and get me so we can talk about it together," I added a rule.
Flash forward to afternoon when Olivia has come back to play.
"Girls were you talking about sex last night?" I asked with a neutral blank tone.
"No, but the boys were," says Olivia.
Ainsley blushes. I think back to the night before when we had families from church over for dinner. We had left the children playing outside alone, the boys were a few years older than the girls. Maybe 10.
"What did the boys say?"
"They said, 'have you ever had sex?' And we said 'no.' And they said 'you probably don't know what it is.' And we said, 'it's like kissing and taking off our clothes and stuff,'" informed Olivia.
"It's when mommies and daddies," Ainsley started. . .
"Ains we have to let Olivia's mom tell her that," I said.
"Sex is nasty!" Olivia said.
"When mommies and daddies do it it's not nasty, it's special. But remember it's not something children or teenagers do," I replied.
"Listen girls, when anyone like those boys start talking about sex I want you to come and get me so we can all talk about it together," I said again.
"Yes Mam. Yes Mam."
"Those boys are lots older than you and we only kinda know them," I reminded. "I want you to remember the safety rules. There's no touching, kissing, holding hands or showing each other your bodies, right?"
"Right. Right."
Overall, I felt the sex talk was a little anti-climactic considering the anxiety my husband and I had leading up to it. We consulted the experts, read informative books, even spoke to a sex educator/marriage counselor and realized that we didn't want to be the only two people in her life not talking about it.
We wanted to make sure she understood the facts, rather than the misinformation from friends, television, advertisements, etc. We wanted to apply our morality to it and make sure she understood that it was special, not something to be shared with everyone, nothing to be taken lightly and nothing she should be concerning herself with now. We also wanted to prevent and avoid any psychological shaming damage.
More sex talk:
While technical difficulties (on my computer) kept me from watching most of the broadcast live last night I did get something out of the 30 minutes I saw.
What parent can't identify with the difficulty of staying present with their kids?
I struggle with this daily. The truth is, playing Legos with Zack or Barbies with Ainsley isn't that fun for me. It's a little boring, so I amuse myself by thinking about something else. I spend time that I'm physically present with them, thinking about what I'm going to write about and what else I need to do.
Of course the fact that I'm distracted is no secret to them. Even the smallest child is aware that you're not really paying attention to them.
One of my goals everyday is to spend at least a few minutes every day to be present with them and hear what they have to say and do the things they like to do.
It's really, really a challenge.
Any other parents relate to this lack of focus?
Previously I printed an Op-Ed piece from the NYTimes about the film Juno. Caitlin Flanagan had a valid point.
Therapydoc from Everyone Needs Therapy, a shrink in Chicago, printed an Op-Ed piece on the film as well.
Therapydoc writes, She knows that she doesn't have to be sure of anything at sixteen. She doesn't have to know what kind of girl she is, exactly. She's in process. Such an enviable position, no? Why would anyone want to hurry that, choose to prematurely skip out of that license to grow, that license for silliness and abandon, introspection and exploration? Why do anything that could blunt that freedom? What did she say? "I wish I hadn't had sex with you."
THAT'S the message you want to send to your teenagers.
Therapydoc recommends watching the film with your teens to make sure that message gets across.
I still have not seen the film. Someday I'm not going to be so cheap.
I came across a blog: The Big Beautiful Wonder Woman Blog. It's entirely cartoon sketches of larger versions of Wonder Woman.
Seriously.
On the sidebar the artist explains, I am in no way making fun of ladies (or anyone) who are considered 'big'. I'm no toothpick myself, and admire and enjoy the female form in all its sizes, especially ladies with some meat on them. Thus, my idea for collecting art of a bigger-sized WW happened. I have always felt like for someone who's supposed to be an amazon, she's pretty thin.
I have no idea how to interpret this as a hobby.
Anyone know what to make of this?
Pictured above an illustration by Antonis Theodorakis.
Don't forget our A New Earth discussion tonight/tomorrow morning!
Please vote for Tracee Sioux at Women's Voice's Women's Vote. You can also register to vote there.
As always, please subscribe, add to your RSS Feed, bookmark, Stumble, sk*rt and click around on the ads to show your support for So Sioux Me.
Okay so there were some technical difficulties with Oprah's online course last night. I gave up around 9:15 and went to bed. This morning, they don't have the podcast up.
But before I did I got something out of it.
A few big things - for me.
1)Different places have their own frequency and vibe. I've had an increasing urge to MOVE out of East Texas for over a year now. This place - the local culture, the vibe of the evangelical religious right - just feels oppressive to me. I feel an undeniable pull toward an ocean and a city - I always feel more connected to my self, the planet, and God when I am near a beach. I feel creatively and emotionally fulfilled surrounded by the metropolitan conveniences. My ideal culture would also be more open-minded. I've lived in other oppressive cultures before and I just don't feel I can live up to my full potential and fully express myself in places that are narrow-minded and oppressive. I feel like I'm creatively oppressed here, like I'm holding myself back with the mental and emotional energy field here. I think my husband feels the same way, but he's more resistant to change than I am. I've been praying and meditating that we'd get the perfect job offer in a large coastal city with open-mindedness and forward thinking in the culture.
Eckhart Tolle described his NEED to move when writing the book A New Earth and his other book The Power of Now. He described it as the energy field in a city or place. He articulated what I'm feeling in a way that made my feelings of wanting to move more legitimate and valid.
Having lived in lots of different places I can tell you for sure that New York City has a different vibe than East Texas, Brooklyn has a different vibe than Manhattan, Morro Bay, California has a totally different frequency than Tooele, Utah and Salt Lake City has a different vibe and frequency than Lithuania. That there is a different energy field in different locations on the planet is undeniable.
None of these places are bad or wrong. They are just different on a fundamental level and they effect people's thinking and emotional-live's differently. I yearn to be in a place that feels more friendly and accepting of who I am.
To tell you the truth I'm tired of being such a gypsy - but, the thought of making this place my permanent residence makes my soul revolt. I'm praying for the perfect opportunity to gracefully move to the perfect permanent residence for our family.
2) The second major insight I got was that all creative endeavor is born of stillness.
This is huge. It's not necessarily news to me now, but it brings me back to a time after Zack was born when I realized my mind was taking on a life of it's own and it just never shut up! Shut up! I would yell to my own mind. I can't sleep, I can't focus, I can't make decisions! I can't have any peace!
I started taking yoga to combat what Tolle calls incessant thinking- the constant and repetitive background noise of our minds.
It has taken me about two years to accomplish more a discipline in my mind. I'm meditating every day and taking yoga and feeling more centered and feeling more peace and stillness in my mind. It truly is making me feel more creative. Prior to this experience I'm not sure I ever really saw the value in stillness. I think all that thinking was sort of like - self-stimulation - mental masturbation is the best way I can describe it. Activity that's not really producing a truly gratifying result for cheap entertainment.
The third thing is that I noticed was my emotional response to the Christian question. Can I believe in consciousness and in Jesus too? Since reading A New Earth I have had my eyes opened to the true meaning in the Bible. I truly feel awakened when I read it now. Previously inconceivable passages now have meaning.
If you don't think there is any way to experience God than through your rigid plan - fine, stay invested in your rightness. But, for me - I know that I do not get closer to God by invalidating or minimizing anyone's spiritual experience. That applies to Mormons, Evangelicals, Catholics, Buddhists, Muslims, Hindus, Christians, Atheists, Agnostics, Yogis, any one else on the planet.
Did anyone else have any personal insights while watching Oprah's online course about A New Earth? Please share - I would love to hear about your personal insights.
Who is putting the kids to bed 15 minutes earlier tonight to make time to attend Oprah's online class?Does it strike anyone else as odd that girls and women are most commonly attacked by both strangers and significant others - but least likely to be taught self-defense?
The more I think about it, it's not just odd, it's absurd.
I think my daughter is most empowered if she is learning how to protect and defend her own body versus jumping up and down cheering for the athletic excellence of the boys playing football.
I've got Ainsley taking a Taekwondo class and I can't say enough about the benefits.
It's completely gender neutral, a sport where girls are as likely to excel as boys and instructors are both men and women.
It's focused on discipline and respect, which I find useful as a parent who struggles to get my kids to obey.
It's centered around personal excellence. In other words, you aren't necessarily competing with other athletes as much as you are trying to push your own self to the next belt level.
It is confidence building in that she's learning something new and achieving levels of excellence.
I think she'll carry her physical body in a more assertive way. Studies have shown that girls tend to try to disappear or shrink as they get older, feeling less worthy of taking up physical space. I hope Karate will make her feel entitled to all the space she wants.
Also I hope it will make her feel her body is a source of action and strength instead of a just an ornament meant to look pretty for male approval.
They are encouraged to use their voices and their bodies to defend their own persons. Like any parent my worst fear revolves around someone feeling they have a right to physically over-power my daughter and attack her. I hope that Taekwondo will improve her chances of escape and survival should that happen.
I recently started taking a kick-boxing class and I think it's the first time I've been given carte blanc to be physically aggressive. It feels good. It feels powerful. It feels a forbidden to me. I want Ainsley to know the feeling of aggression, which I assume is familiar to boys and men, and be okay with it.
At the very least I hope it will instill an identity as confident and strong person, as opposed to a physically weak victim.
Also, it's very reasonably priced at only $15 a month for 8 classes.
by Tracee Sioux
I love the Science of Happiness. You've heard of that neuroscientist, Richard J. Davidson, who studies what our brains do when they are happy and tells us how we can get more of it?
I was thinking. I'm 34 years old and I'm thrilled to apply new ways to be happy - meditating, yoga, hot baths, time to myself, time with my famiy and friends, acts of service, inspiring art on the wall, and a passion for writing.
But, what if my daughter (and son) doesn't have to wander around for 30 years not knowing how to be happy?
What if I taught her the tried and true scientific methods to be happy straight from the go just like I taught her how to read and add. Surely, how to be happy is as valuable and fundamental a life-skill as that?
There was an article in O Magazine about 5 things we can do for ourselves to learn to be happy. I've taken the liberty of adapting the list for my daughter. Feel free to adapt it for your own family.
1. Do what you love. I can help her learn what her natural talents are and give her an opportunity to explore and develop those skills.
2. Learn new things. Right now she's taking Taekwondo and loving it.
3. Teach her the significance of NOW and how to avoid "if only" thinking. If I can teach her that happiness is a choice and now is the only time she can grasp it I'll consider my job as a parent well done.
4. Encourage social interaction with best friends and create and environment where her friendships flourish. Obviously this implies teaching her how to be a good friend.
5. Allow her to be happy. Don't burden her with unnecessary guilt and issues.
Don't we all just want to raise happy girls? Wouldn't it be wonderful if we could teach them happiness as a skill?
Revolutionary.
The Geena Davis Institute on Gender in Media works with entertainment creators and companies, educates the next generation of content-creators, and informs the public about the need to increase the number of girls and women in media aimed at kids and to reduce stereotyping of both males and females.
From the website: Three years ago, while watching children's television programs and videos with her then 2-year old daughter, Academy Award winner Geena Davis noticed a remarkable imbalance in the ratio of male to female characters. From that small starting point, Davis went on to raise funds for the largest research project ever undertaken on gender in children's entertainment (resulting in 4 discrete studies, including one on children's television).
The research showed that in the top-grossing G-rated films from 1990-2005, there were three male characters for every one female - a statistic that did not improve over time.
The concern was clear:
What message does this send to young children?
According to the study released this month: Not only were there fewer females, but the nature in which the females were depicted was questionable. They were either objectified and sexualized or portrayed as extremely traditional.
Dr. Smith and her team also examined 4000 female film characters and found that two types of females often frequent film: the traditional and the hypersexual. For example, females are over five times as likely as males to be shown in alluring apparel and are roughly three times as likely as males (10.6% vs. 3.4%) to be shown with an unrealistically “ideal” body.
The same problem was shown to exist in television aimed at audiences of children: Females in kids’ fare are almost four times as likely as males to be shown in sexy attire (20.7% vs. 5.4%) and nearly twice as likely as males to be shown with a small waist line (25.6% vs. 14.4%).
Animated females in TV for kids are more likely to be shown in sexually revealing attire than are live action females (24.5% vs. 17.4%). Also, females in animated TV stories for children are more likely to have small waists (36.9% vs. 6.9%) and have an unrealistic body shape (22.7% vs. 1.2%) than are females in live action TV stories for children.
Though, females are not the only ones hypersexualized in TV
content for children, the report noted. Animated males are more likely than live action males to have a large chest (15.4% vs. 4.9%), small waist (18.4% vs. 4.3%), and an unrealistically muscularized physique (12.5% vs. .5%).
At the Institute's recent conference in January it was noted that such hypersexualization of children's characters contributes to low self esteem, poor body image and eating disorders in children.
For more detailed information you can read An Analysis of Popular Films and TV.
According to the report: In fact, research on television reveals that the participation of women writers and producers increases the percentage of females on screen.
What can You do? The Institute is having a contest called "I Want to See Jane!" The Geena Davis Institute on Gender in Media doesn't want any Jane to grow up believing she is only worthy of sidekick status. That's where our I Want to See Jane Campaign for girls and women comes in. YOU can be involved by spreading the word and telling your story, and your story could end up in the first GDIGM documentary! It's easy! Just tape yourself talking about the female character who meant the most to you when you were growing up.
Thank goodness our daughters can expect somewhat better treatment from future employers than this: 1943 Guide to Hiring Women posted by Contrariwise Ramblings.
It should be noted though that we're not out of the woods yet, as just the other day I heard a female county employee say she was having a difficult time finding a suitable secretary who was not of childbearing age. I know it's illegal, but you know they can be so undependable, she noted. The irony was the at the woman herself was of childbearing age.
Hello?
Back to the article, my favorite excerpts include that young married women are more responsible than their unwed sisters and less flirtatious, "Husky" girls (apparently their euphemism for fat) are more friendly and outgoing than under-weight women, employers were encouraging to perform gynecological physical examinations to avoid "feminine ailments", and to give girls breaks to apply more lipstick and fix their hair.
Is it any wonder that laws about gender discrimination are necessary?
To listen to my radio debut on Healthy Wealthy Wow on Grapevine Radio click this podcast link. I think it went really well. Click on today's date (3rd one down).
It was pretty fun too.
I'll be on the Healthy Wealthy Wow radio program on the Grapevine Talk Radio Network on Thursday at 1:29 CST.
I won a radio contest (which I wasn't even listening to)for the Law of Attraction Action Pack and now I get to go on the radio program and chat about how it's effected me.
It's an Internet radio program so be sure to tune in. I'll try to post the podcast up here once it's recorded so you'll be sure not to miss it.
Wish me luck!
I gave away a copy of A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life's Purpose (Oprah's Book Club, Selection 61)
This is the book Oprah is teaching an online course on beginning March 3 on Oprah.com. Who wants to miss that?
Please leave a comment and you'll be entered to win one copy of A New Earth. Regretfully, I can only accept U.S. entries, unless the person entering is willing to pay their own postage for the book.
Contest will remain open until Sunday, Feb. 24 at midnight Central time. Winner will be announced Monday, Feb. 25. You must register with your email address or I will have no way to contact you if you win. Ainsley will draw the name out of a hat.
Good Luck.
If you're feeling particularly lucky hop over to Prize-A-Tron to enter more contests.
by Tracee Sioux
Ainsley and I got to shake Bill Clinton's hand! Seriously. She got to meet Bill Clinton, I think he said something like thanks for coming or good to see you or something.
I was too busy recording the moment to really live it.
I don't really know if she understands the significance of the event. I hope though that it will allow her to feel like she has tangible access to politics.
I hope that she'll grow up feeling like she can create change in the world, like she can always do something to better her situation. I hope she'll feel like she has access to political power I guess. By which I mean that she doesn't feel apathetic or useless, shut out or irrelevant to the process.
We live in a democracy and that is something special and powerful. We can all have a voice and I, for one, feel this election is different than all elections before it because the Internet have really given people, women especially, a voice like they never had before. With access to a platform like the Blogosphere, it would be hard for women and other minority groups to remain disenfranchised much longer.
I remember a mock election at my school when I was in the 2nd grade. The contest was Jimmy Carter and Ronald Reagan. The principal got up in an assembly and chanted, Jimmy Carter has a way of messing up the USA. Ronald Reagan has a way of fixing up the USA.
Take a wild guess who won.
The point is that what we say now to our daughters, regardless of whether we're democrat or republican, is important. We can either make them feel shut out of the process for which they are entitled to participate - or - hopefully, make them feel empowered with complete access to this country's democratic process.
Read more about our first political rally on Blog Fabulous.
by Tracee Sioux
About a year ago I took a stance that all girls should have access to the HPV (human papillomavirus virus) in my article HPV Vaccine, Right of All Girls To Health.
While I stand by my original logic, I've come across two bits of information that have me reconsidering the benefits of such a vaccine.
Did you see Christiane Northrup, the OB/GYN author of Women's Bodies, Women's Wisdom: Creating Physical and Emotional Health and Healing
Northrup expressed that no one has conclusively proven that cervical cancer is caused by HPV, the virus that causes venereal warts.
From the interview, which can be found on Oprah.com.
"That vaccine is of great interest to me because there are over 100 different HPV types and this vaccine only targets four of them, and although they are associated with cervical cancer, nobody has ever proved beyond a shadow of a doubt that HPV is the cause of cervical cancer, Northrup said.
Dr. Northrup says only 3,500 women a year die of cervical cancer. "And the number decreases every year, so we're doing very well with Pap smears and other screening tests. So you should keep having those," she said.
But Dr. Northrup has some apprehension about the vaccine itself. "I'm very concerned about vaccinating girls 9 and over, every single one of them, with two vaccines," she says. "And I'm a little against my own profession. My own profession feels that everyone should be vaccinated."
Dr. Northrup would rather see the attention HPV is receiving directed elsewhere. "You see HPV associated with abnormal Pap smears in women who are on immunosuppressant drugs who have had kidney transplants or who have HIV disease. So it seems that that virus is associated with cancer in those whose immune system is already depressed, you see. So it's like a marker for a depressed immune system. Where I'd put my money is getting everybody on a dietary program that would enhance their immunity, and then they would be able to resist that sort of thing."
The other issue that got me thinking is the research I recently did on Precocious Puberty.
Something is amiss when an entire generation of girls are maturing earlier than all the generations of women before them. We don't know if early maturation is going to effect our girls post-puberty, into pregnancy, lactation and menopause.
Perhaps until we discover what factor, whether hormonal, social, environmental or chemical, is causing girls to develop early, we should add as few unknown substances to their little bodies as possible.
