I just read, True Love Waits, by Donna Freitas in the Wall Street Journal, an editorial about the Twilight vampire romance series.

She made some good points about the Twilight Series and the sex involved. I've read the first one and though no one "does it" the book is hot with anticipation.

Freitas argues that this book encourages girls to be abstinent and helps them understand they can have fulfilling romantic relationships while demanding respect from boys.

It's a compelling argument. In theory, it's one I'd like to hop on board with.

Don't do it. It's hot not to do it. And I remember - from being a teenager - how hot it is not to do it, just to fool around, to make him chase me. It really is much hotter not to do it. (Ironically, it's so hot not to do it that it makes you want to do it.)

Except that it doesn't account for the language in the book that struck me as exactly the same dialogue we hear from battered women and victims of teen relationship violence.

Not a small problem when you consider that around 20% of our teens have experienced teen dating violence.

"He couldn't help it," is what Stephanie Meyers argues is an acceptable reason for Edward to want to kill and harm Bella, the heroine. It's not just acceptable, it's romantic.

Battered women and codependent women (women in relationships with addicts) use this excuse in real life, as a "valid reason" to stay and take more abuse from someone who declares his "love" for her and his simultaneous inability to treat her with respect.

The question is - Is it valid?

The reason they don't "do it" in the first Twilight book - is that he's godlike strength "would crush her fragile, delicate, vulnerable body."

Oh, and his vampire instinct makes him literally want to kill her. He wants to so bad that he can barely touch her. The smell of her makes him think "lunch," the same way I feel jerks who catcall think of us - "lunch - meant for my consumption."

Hello, that's not the language of patient, abstinent, sweet and touching young love. That's the language of power and violence.

Meyers pretends Bella has power over Edward because he claims that being near her drives him out of control (wanting to kill her) that he can barely contain himself. But, existing in a pretty state and smelling good is a pretty passive power.

He has POWER and CONTROL- because he gets to choose whether to kill her or not. Lucky for her he doesn't - no matter how much she wants him to - until the 3rd or 4th book. Bella's death was another mingling of erotic and passionate love meets violence and pain. My cousin read me that part over the phone, "Isn't that great writing? Such a powerful description."

Yeah, of battered woman syndrome - not of true love.

This is not the language I want to use to make my daughter demand respect and maintain abstinence.

This is the language that makes victims of girls and women. It makes them believe that being a victim is romantic. In real life it's not at all romantic.

It's a distortion of love - not True Love.

A man who expects me to not to violate my own sense of self-preservation to win his love actually loves me. We need to stop being confused about that.

If I have to give up my self, my abilities, my life, my safety, my sense self-preservation to be with him - that is most definitely NOT true love. Those are all red flags.

You know another connotation of the word Twilight is a distancing from feelings surrounding reality - they used to put birthing mothers into a semi-coma called Twilight Sleep. This way they could participate in the labor, but without awareness or feeling.

Not my idea of healthy love.

I had to learn these lessons the hard way. God willing my daughter won't have to.

Should most of the issues in this series, or any of the red flag language, come up for Ainsley I hope her first and only instinct is to RUN FOR HER LIFE AND NEVER LOOK BACK.

I, quite ironically, am wishing Edward the Vampire Boyfriend was mine. I have a rare genetic condition called Hemochromatosis. Basically, my body doesn't get rid of iron as it should. Iron is poisonous, especially in the liver where it sits in my body. The only treatment is for me to be bled.

I really need one pint of blood removed from my body every week for the next while. Hot and passionate Edward would be a lot more fun then the phlebotomist at the lab. My husband, he's pretty great with the dishes - but, he hardly ever offers to suck my blood. And unlike, Bella, that would really be an asset in a mate for me.

Oh, and if you're going to buy the books to read - to make sure they are or aren't appropriate for your daughter (you probably should since all the girls all over America are talking about it) feel free to buy them here to support these Empowering Girls: So Sioux Me book reviews.

Twilight (The Twilight Saga, Book 1)

New Moon (The Twilight Saga, Book 2)

Eclipse (The Twilight Saga, Book 3)

Breaking Dawn (The Twilight Saga, Book 4)

The Host: A Novel

For more in-depth reading about how using romantic language and imagery really turns into violence against girls and women read these:

Battered Woman, Do Not Stay

Gossip Girl & Date Rape

Dating Violence

Sharpton Protests Ant-Girl Lyrics

Empowering Girls: Twilight, Female Crack Cocaine

How Falling In Love is Addictive

In Texas, almost 188,000 incidents of domestic violence occurred during 2005, and more than 330,000 rapes occur every year, according to Gov. Rick Perry's office.

But it always starts with the girls and boys. Intimate violence is not a problem that develops when healthy adults get together.

In 2007 Texas finally decided to address it. This is the first year dating violence education is being required in the public school system.

Both the victim and the offender attribute responsibility for dating violence to the victim. The majority of both girls and boys site the girl's appearance, the girl's personality, the girl's provocation, the girl's communication style, the girl's need for affection or the girl's peer group influence as the cause of intimate partner violence.

Prevelence and Frequency

* Females age 16-24 are the most vulnerable to intimate partner violence, suffering at a rate of three times the national average.

* Both males and females report being victims of dating violence. However, boys injure girls more severely and frequently.

* 1 in 5 female high school students report being abused by an intimate partner.

* 22% of all homicides of females between 16-19 were committed by their intimate partner.

* Half of adult sex-offenders admit their first violent offense occurred before age 18.

* Half of reported date-rape occurs to teenagers.

* Teens who experience partner violence are at increased risk for unhealthy eating behaviors, sexually risky behaviors, pregnancy, suicide, and substance abuse.

Parent Awareness

* 81% of parents say dating violence is not an issue or they don't know if it is.

* 54% of parents have never discussed it with their kids.

Teen Awareness

* 33% of teens have witnessed a dating violence incident.

* 20% of male students say they have witnessed a friend hitting his girlfriend.

* 39% of females report that whether a person is trying to control his partner is a common topic of conversation.

* 57% say they know someone who has been verbally, physically or sexually abusive in a dating relationship.

* 45% of girls say they know someone who has been pressured into intercourse or oral sex.

* 1 in 3 teens say they know someone hos has been punched, hit, kicked, or slapped by their dating partner.

Reporting

* Among females 83% said they would confide in a friend. Only 7% said they would tell the police.

* 33% of teens who have been the victim of abuse never told anyone.

The Offender

* Out of 1,600 teen sex offenders

* Only 33% said sex was an expression of caring and love.

* 25% said it was about power and control.

* 9.4% said it was a way to dissipate anger.

* 8.4% said it was a way to punish.

Contributing Factors

* One study found a high correlation between teen-mothers being abuse by their partners within 3 months after the birth of the baby.

* 77% of female and 67% percent of male high school students endorse some form of sexual coercion such as unwanted touching, kissing, hugging, genital contact and sexual intercourse.

* Male peer support for violence against women is a constant predictor of violence against dating partners.

* 50% of victims of dating violence report being suicidal, compared with 12% of non-abused girls and 4.5% of non-abused boys.

To verify the statistics and research the sources click here.

For more Dating Violence Prevention and Awareness Tools and Resources click here.