by Tracee Sioux

I tuned into Gossip Girl to see what it was about.

The new definition of glamorous includes editing of a rape scene and an act of consensual (yet inappropriate drunken sex) with the intent to blur the distinction. The viewer was asked to be not only confused, but aroused, by the violent attack of a girl, as the producer took slices of the rape scene and slices of the consensual sex and flashed them back and forth rapidly with a strobe effect. Flash of hand on bare leg, leaving the viewer to wonder is it a rapists hand or a lover's hand? It's presented in such a way as to make rape seem provocative. Does she really mean No or does she mean Yes, after all she's obviously not a virgin.

Unfortunately in real life the girl is not this confused when she is attacked. Here's the difference, in one situation she's saying NO and in the other situation she's saying YES.

The rapist in the scene is a high school boy who suffers no consequences and is not confused about his actions. He knows he will get away with it, considers it a fun and exciting game and proceeds to seek out and attempt to rape a freshman. Is that a freshman? I like freshmen, they're so "fresh," goes the dialogue. The portrayal of her rape is that she obviously deserves such treatment because she's foolish enough to go to a party with the cool kids and wear a pretty dress, shouldn't she know better? The only way she gets out of the situation is by emergency texting her brother who saves the day.

How do all the other high school girls react? Isn't this great gossip?

Is this the new standard of normal? I kept hoping I was confused, but really there was nothing mysterious about the message:

"Rape of high school girls is HOT! Even for other girls and the rape-victim herself."

The "new" CWTV has gone from innocent sweet Gilmore Girls into depraved child pornography genre in one season. If this is accepted as the new normal by the consumer there are wide-range consequences for the sexualization of girls. Dating violence is a real problem, in that 1 in 5 girls are victims of it, and I believe producers of this show are intentionally perpetuating the problem because it's getting them off.

Are we asked to believe that this is a reflection of reality? And if this is reality why are they asking us to be aroused by it instead of outraged and disgusted by it?

As a consumer, a user-of and advocate of free speech, the mother of a girl and a female myself, I encourage all advertisers to withdraw themselves from supporting the intentional blurring of rape/consent boundaries on Gossip Girl. Violence against women and rape of girls can not become mainstream entertainment. This is not in the best interest of girls. This is not in the best interest of boys who date girls. This is in the best interests of Nambla and pedophiles and sex offenders. This is in the best interest of pornographers who like to photograph the violation of girls and encourage the consumption of girls as pure entertainment. But, there is no way in which this kind of mysogynistic violence for entertainment purposes can be construed as in any girls' best interest.

Rape is rape and it's never fun for it's victim. It's never funny and no one should be confused by the glamorous presentation of it on Gossip Girl.

Please steal this idea for your daughter's Christmas or birthday. I felt with all the negative media images my daughter had to face I wanted to arm her with a really, really good one. I wrote her a book, about herself, for her 5th birthday titled Ainsley, Perfect You.

I used MyPublisher.com because they have a storybook option that let me add more than a caption. When she's feeling anxious about things like the first day of school I take it down and read it to her. It's a very affordable thing any parent can do, it does take some time and planning.

Tracee Sioux, Ainsley's Mom

Okay, could someone please tell me where all the guilt about writing that note is coming from? Why do I feel guilty for not having time to do everything for everyone while I notice other people volunteer for nothing and feel zero guilt about it?

Why is saying no to good things so terribly painful for me?

In Texas, almost 188,000 incidents of domestic violence occurred during 2005, and more than 330,000 rapes occur every year, according to Gov. Rick Perry's office.

But it always starts with the girls and boys. Intimate violence is not a problem that develops when healthy adults get together.

In 2007 Texas finally decided to address it. This is the first year dating violence education is being required in the public school system.

Both the victim and the offender attribute responsibility for dating violence to the victim. The majority of both girls and boys site the girl's appearance, the girl's personality, the girl's provocation, the girl's communication style, the girl's need for affection or the girl's peer group influence as the cause of intimate partner violence.

Prevelence and Frequency

* Females age 16-24 are the most vulnerable to intimate partner violence, suffering at a rate of three times the national average.

* Both males and females report being victims of dating violence. However, boys injure girls more severely and frequently.

* 1 in 5 female high school students report being abused by an intimate partner.

* 22% of all homicides of females between 16-19 were committed by their intimate partner.

* Half of adult sex-offenders admit their first violent offense occurred before age 18.

* Half of reported date-rape occurs to teenagers.

* Teens who experience partner violence are at increased risk for unhealthy eating behaviors, sexually risky behaviors, pregnancy, suicide, and substance abuse.

Parent Awareness

* 81% of parents say dating violence is not an issue or they don't know if it is.

* 54% of parents have never discussed it with their kids.

Teen Awareness

* 33% of teens have witnessed a dating violence incident.

* 20% of male students say they have witnessed a friend hitting his girlfriend.

* 39% of females report that whether a person is trying to control his partner is a common topic of conversation.

* 57% say they know someone who has been verbally, physically or sexually abusive in a dating relationship.

* 45% of girls say they know someone who has been pressured into intercourse or oral sex.

* 1 in 3 teens say they know someone hos has been punched, hit, kicked, or slapped by their dating partner.

Reporting

* Among females 83% said they would confide in a friend. Only 7% said they would tell the police.

* 33% of teens who have been the victim of abuse never told anyone.

The Offender

* Out of 1,600 teen sex offenders

* Only 33% said sex was an expression of caring and love.

* 25% said it was about power and control.

* 9.4% said it was a way to dissipate anger.

* 8.4% said it was a way to punish.

Contributing Factors

* One study found a high correlation between teen-mothers being abuse by their partners within 3 months after the birth of the baby.

* 77% of female and 67% percent of male high school students endorse some form of sexual coercion such as unwanted touching, kissing, hugging, genital contact and sexual intercourse.

* Male peer support for violence against women is a constant predictor of violence against dating partners.

* 50% of victims of dating violence report being suicidal, compared with 12% of non-abused girls and 4.5% of non-abused boys.

To verify the statistics and research the sources click here.

For more Dating Violence Prevention and Awareness Tools and Resources click here.

Which of these babies is a boy and which is a girl?

Before I had children I thought it would be easy enough to avoid genderizing my babies. Numerous studies provide evidence that baby boys and baby girls are treated in a vastly different way. (Growing A Girl, PAP Report on Sexualization of Girls, Dove Campaign for Real Beauty White Paper.)

I won the baby lottery in that I was blessed with one girl and one boy.

I felt it would be easy enough to combat the nature versus nurture gender influence on my babies. What I didn't count on was the immediacy of the nurture genderization that was beyond my control.

I also had the unique perspective of having same-age, opposite-gender cousins to compare treatment in the present sense. More simply: My daughter has a male cousin born 3 weeks after her and my son has a female cousin born 3 weeks after him. Without picking on my mother-in-law, whose influence on my children I consider positive and invaluable, her behavior toward my children is the most marked in its gender-stereotyping so I'll use her to illustrate.

Within days of the birth of my son and his female cousin she could not stop talking about how "all boy" my baby was, as compared to how "all girl" his cousin was. My son, in my opinion, was a pretty as any girl baby. I really believe if we took them to the mall with Zack in a dress and called him Samantha everyone would believe he was a girl and therefore treat him accordingly. She believes he is somehow inherently boy-like.

Babies, whether they are girls or boys, eat, sleep, poop, pee and cry. That's it. There really are no scientific gender characteristics aside from genitalia. Yet, the way they are treated from the very second they pop out of the womb is vastly different.

What I realized is that it's a mute argument because you can't insulate them from gender-stereotyping. Not even for the first five minutes.

Have you ever been in a store with a new mother and someone says, "What a cute little boy."

One mother I was with said, I have her dressed from head to toe in pink, the blanket is pink and the headband is pink and has a bow. How much more obvious can it be that she's a girl?

Mothers feel it's imperative that even strangers understand that their baby boys are boys and their girls are girls.

With my girl the clothes available were pink, ruffled, bearing photos of dolls, teddy bears, bows, and dance emblems. The clothing very often bore some comment on her attractiveness like cute, adorable, sweet.

I think my son wears something with a ball, bat, net or truck picture every single day.

My boy scored some blocks, trucks, puzzles, tools and a video game system for his first birthday. My daughter got some dolls, a stroller, cooking paraphernalia, fake heels and a tea set for hers.

Adjectives used to describe my infant daughter included pretty, sweet, adorable and precious.

Adjectives used to describe my son include tough, big, smart, strong and cute.

What I realized is that you can't stop people from treating your children in different ways due to their gender. Not in reality.

In the real world it's ungrateful and rude to tell people not to buy your daughter girl toys. You sound like an ass if you say please don't call her beautiful, call her smart. You really have little control over what friends and family say to your kids. You can't go around policing every toy, clothing item or word. There's also an argument that you don't really want to criminalize girl toys or positive feedback about girlness. The goal is not to make them boys after all.

My husband and I are as guilty of gender-stereotyping our babies as anyone. My first instinct with my daughter is always to tell her to be nice and get along.
It's not nice to hit.

Yet my son is encouraged by the whole family to flex his muscles and be physically aggressive and growl. My husband likes to show his aggressiveness off to his friends, Get him Zack!

I even gave him a very aggressive masculine hair cut with his spiked Mohawk, while my daughter isn't allowed to cut her hair short.

While I've given up the idea that it's remotely possible to insulate our kids from early gender-stereotyping, I think it's important to be conscientious about applying "masculine" adjectives to our daughters too. It's important that we make a habit of telling our daughters that they too are smart, competent, strong, fast, brave and tough. It's important to expose them to the "masculine toys" like video games, puzzles, math games and the computer.

For that matter, it's pretty funny to watch Zack run around in my red peep-toe pumps and play house with the baby dolls. Sweet and gentle are adjectives I like to use with him.

One of the babies in the picture is a boy. One is a girl. Which is which? What makes you think so? Look to the sidebar to participate in a baby-gender poll.