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Friday, August 31, 2007

Prepped for Kindergarten



By Tracee Sioux

I don't know who is more excited for the first day of Kindergarten, me or Ainsley. I've taken the education/parenting thing seriously and am sending a child who can read, write, do basic math, understands the color wheel, is quite good at logic and negotiation and loves homework.

She's a genius. Do all mother's feel that way about their children? I certainly hope so.

She's most excited about riding the bus. She even begged to be allowed to do it on the first day. She's been eyeing that bus since she was about 18-months-old, as the golden prize of being a big-kid. She can hold her own. I'm confident of that.

She has an October birthday and I had tried to get her admitted last year. No budging on that Sept. 1 deadline. I'm so glad now. She's the tallest, brightest, most mature, smartest, most confident one in the class. That kind of head start could take her through college. Well, elementary school at least.

Jeez, I'm so proud of the good early-parenting, Kindergarten-readiness work I've done I expect the teacher to send a gold star home to me.

Thursday, August 30, 2007

Friends With Barbies


By Tracee Sioux

My daughter went to her best friend's house yesterday.

She has Bratz, Princesses and Barbies at her house, my daughter informed my husband and I the other day. My husband looked at me and asked if I had spoken to her parents about our play rules.

We played with Barbies the whole entire time! she blissfully informed me.

No, I haven't forbidden the playing with Bratz, Barbies and Princesses at friends' homes. No, I don't plan to speak to her mother about it. I honestly don't think my daughter is confused about my objections. I'm secure in the knowledge that my rules forbidding them in our house and the reasons why have seeped irrevocably into her psyche. She adores when I read Growing a Girl: Seven Strategies for Raising a Strong, Spirited Daughter out loud to her. She gets it, to the degree any 5-year-old can.

But, these plastic girl-toys are the foundation of her little girl culture. I'm not crazy enough to believe I have the power to create a self-enclosed box, devoid of negative girl messages.

Besides, the completely forbidden is that much sweeter and a breeding ground for rebellion. This, I can speak to, from first-hand experience. My daughter is too much me, for me to ignore the attraction of rebellion.

Wednesday, August 29, 2007

$5,000 to Empower Women


Avon is offering $5,000 per week over the next year for the purpose of empowering women.

If have a great idea that will empower women you should apply to be a recipient of the Hello Tomorrow Fund.

This week's winner is Sandi Gallagher from Dracut, Massachusetts.

Sandi will use her winnings to support a free dental program for domestic violence victims. In cases of domestic abuse, offenders often strike at their victim’s mouth, whether to symbolically quiet them or gain control, causing damage to teeth and gums that many victims cannot afford to repair. Sandi is a professional dental assistant serving on an all-volunteer team at the St. Luke Dental Clinic that offers a full range of pro-bono dental services to the women, restoring self confidence as well as dental health.

Some previous winners include:

Deborah Fallon, 40, will utilize her award to support Portal to Hope, a program that directly supports the victims of domestic violence as they rebuild their lives, including a special program focused on young women in their teens and early twenties.

Linda Reszel Brice, 55, of Lubbock, Texas has one of the highest rates of teen pregnancy in the US, as well as one of the highest rates of premature birth and related complications such as low birth weight and infant mortality. Linda, a full-time professor of nursing at Texas Tech University, was alarmed by these statistics from the perspective of both a health care provider and concerned citizen. She and her students determined they would become involved with a program that sought to curb these statistics and began working with The Stork’s Nest, a non-profit venture founded in 2000 and sponsored by the March of Dimes. The Stork’s Nest aims to provide assistance to mostly low-income pregnant women and teens in the Lubbock area, and since its inception the program has helped more than 1,200 women ranging in age from 12 to mid-30s.

Shelly Renee Brown, 43, who works at Carnegie-Mellon University, will apply her award towards a college-tour program for inner-city high school-aged girls from predominantly African-American communities interested in careers in science, technology, engineering, and math (STEM).

Georgie Jennison, 24, a Chester College senior will apply her award to help fund “Girls of Opportunity,” a new creative arts mentorship program which aims to empower at-risk teenage girls through creative expression and exploration of key issues they face, including pregnancy, violence, illiteracy, and negative body image. “Girls of Opportunity” will offer its gender-specific arts-based initiative to at-risk teenage girls aged 11 to 17 in the greater Derry, New Hampshire area.

Check out some of the other ways women, like yourself, have found to empower women by reading the press releases about the winners.

Tuesday, August 28, 2007

Name = Identity

by Tracee Sioux

Hey Tracee Jones! Tracee Jones! Tracee Jones!<p>I had been married for maybe a year when some guy I knew from high school was trying to get my attention in the hall at my college.

I remember this moment vividly because it's when I realized my identity was no longer Tracee Sue Jones. It had become Tracee Simons. I had taken my husband's name and practiced my married name signature like every young girl before me. At first I had trouble answering to Simons, but somehow within a year, my identity had altered itself to someone that no longer answered to Tracee Jones.

I was a child-bride and experienced marriage and divorce by the time I was 19. Still in college, I looked at the vast expanse of the future ahead of me and I was pretty sure I'd remarry. I had the added complication of having a brother-in-law named Tracy Simmons and our credit was getting mixed up. He really wanted to not share a name with me. The feeling was mutual.

As women, I'm sure most of you can see my dilemma. You know, if you've done it, that changing your name alters your identity in some way. Perhaps the way it alters is different in different situations, but how you identify who you are is integrally altered.

I decided altering my identity was a bad idea for my internal sense of self. I wanted to develop that internal sense of self and remain true to it, instead of altering it with my relationships.

I couldn't find a way back to Jones. It's just not someone I was anymore. I had no desire to go back to it. I hear many divorced women, especially if they have children or have spent a significant amount of time using their married name, say they just couldn't go back to maiden either.

After about 2 years of thought and experimentation I decided to drop both last names and become Tracee Sioux and stay Tracee Sioux through whatever marital status I was in. I felt changing the spelling would make it more sur-name-ish .

Legally, anyone can change their name to virtually anything (some exceptions apply) with a simple court proceeding.

Changing our names with our marital status is a uniquely female experience and I wish there was a simple solution. There isn't.

I do think there is a negative effect in our collective conscience as women if we change our names over and over through our lives. The inconsistent identity with self has negative consequences.

However, keeping the maiden name may come with as much baggage as taking a married one. There are some valid reasons to want to break away from your childhood family identity. There are some valid reasons for wanting to keep a married name after a divorce. There are valid reasons to invent your own name.

In the last chapter of Women & Money: Owning the Power to Control Your Destiny,Suze Orman shares that she used to be named "Susie" and, like me, she wanted to take control of her sense of self and identity.

She encourages women to say your name, whether by marriage or birth or divorce, decide who you are and then be proud of it. There is power in saying your name with pride, whatever full name you choose, and the goal of her book is to help us live a more powerful life.

I, for one, got a lot out of it and thoroughly enjoyed her perspective on women's dysfunctional relationship with money.

Monday, August 27, 2007

Gender Segregation in Public Schools


Dear Parent,

We will begin the 2007-2008 school year on Tuesday, Sept 4,2007. Class time for Kindergarten classes is from 8:00 to 2:30.

Your Child has been assigned to room 23 with Mrs. Jones.

Students and parents are invited to come to the school and "Meet the Teacher" on Tuesday, August 28th. Kindergarten girls and their parents will meet in their respective rooms at 9 A.M. Kindergarten boys and their parents will meet in their respective rooms at 10:30 A.M. If you arrive early, please wait in the cafeteria.

Thank You for your attention to the important items above. We are looking forward to having your child in our school.

Sincerely,

Lina Moore

Principal

Okay if you've been here before you know which sentence made me go, Wait. What?

The question is how many of you would be Mom who comes to the first day of school with a problem? Or would you wait and see if they divide genders for math and reading and then step in and ask what the basis for gender segregation is?

Is it appropriate to divide the class, if it is simply too large, by gender?

Some studies that suggest these divisions are actually academically better for girls. One study of science classes found that 79% of teachers picked boys in a mixed gender class (Growing a Girl: Seven Strategies for Raising a Strong, Spirited Daughter). If classes were girls-only more girls would have the opportunity to be called on. It might be an argument to send a daughter to a girls' school. (Not that that's an option in a small town, or for the not-yet wealthy.)

Is gender an appropriate division in public school?

Friday, August 24, 2007

Sexy News


by Tracee Sioux

Here's one more reason to turn the TV off during the local news hour. No journalism experience, but plenty of modeling experience, this is the new "anchor" at an East Texas news station. All journalists with a college degree, apparently we wasted our time.

And this photograph is actual marketing for the news station complete with billboards on the side of the freeway. Apparently, the station was having such financial problems they have also signed a "reality show" deal to document this little sexualizing the news experiment. The non-stop details of violence wasn't sexy enough for you? Now we should have the journlists dumbed down and showing lots of leg and cleavage?

Here's the reality - you suck Channel 19.

I'm disgusted as a serious journalist, a woman, and the mother of a girl.



To watch me give my opinion on an issue on a competing station click here. Of course, it's another sexy news topic.

Thursday, August 23, 2007

News Coverage


by Tracee Sioux

Click here to watch my news segment taped today.

I had big plans for today. I was going to take three teenage girls to a Dating Respect Conference and help them to understand they shouldn't accept sexually exploitive or disrespectful behavior from boys and men in their lives. I was feeling empowered by the influence I might be able to have on these girls' lives.

Then my plans fell to pieces. My mentee had to register for school. My daughter got a fever so I couldn't leave her with the sitter. Kaput. I was disappointed to tell you the truth. I had gotten attached to the idea. I was as disappointed for the girls because I didn't want them to miss an empowering opportunity. I was upset for the people who organized the conference because they might not put on more empowering conferences if they get a low attendance. I was upset for myself to miss and opportunity to report on a very girl-empowering issue.

Then my local news station called me to interview me about sexually related businesses. I asked the reporter to meet me at the conference I had planned to attend. My hope is that my empowering girl message will reach an entire geographical area. I'll be on at 5,6 and 10 p.m. and I'm praying the message of girl empowerment goes global.

The issue? The sex industry and whether girls can find power in it.

There are two separate local issues. The first is whether a 25-year-old woman should be opening an adult store selling lingerie, shoes, books, adult toys, magazines and videos.

My response: if it's a store for consenting adults and she's going to check identification, then okay. I've purchased things from such stores and don't find them to be terribly destructive. In fact, I'm impressed that a 25 year old woman is bold enough to open her own business. More power to her. I can see where I wouldn't want her store to be next to my existing business, but she does have a legal right to be there according to local zoning laws. The laws that insist sexually related businesses be located 1,000 feet from a church, school, or daycare center.

I very much wish there were no women willing to be in pornographic magazines or videos to be sold. I don't want to legislate it, because I have a vested interest in freedom of speech, as every American should. I want to empower girls so they will refuse to participate in the exploitation of their selves.

The other issue is a strip club, which wasn't actually in this particular news story. But, I went to the trouble of articulate my thoughts, so I'll share my perspective with you. This is not the area's first strip club. I've even heard rumors about a pornographic drive in movie.

My interest is in the girls who dance. It breaks my heart that they don't understand that there are more empowering positions to be in. There are more powerful ways to earn a dollar bill than by have it thrown at your naked body. What concerns me about strip clubs is that the women who are dancing in them don't understand that they shouldn't be for sale. They don't understand that they set their own price and value. We're raising a culture of girls surrounded by sexually exploitive images that tell them they are for sale and they should be for sale. When girls stop feeling like their value and power is so limited then the sex industry won't be able to find willing participants.

Every person can effect this change in girls' self worth. If you don't want there to be an sex industry that exploits women tell 1, 10,or 100 girls they deserve more than to be put on the sale rack. Tell them their power lies within. Show them how to find it. Make them feel like they are worth more than that dollar bill. Make them feel like they are so worthy of everything good that selling their bodies won't cross their minds as a potential source of power.

In the face of constantly changing sexual boundaries and ever increasing ways for girls to be exploited, how do we change the collective soul of girls and women to make them feel too valuable, worthy, and empowered to be sold?

One girl at a time. Find one and tell her today.

For more about my television appearance experience visit BlogFabulous where I talk about what the news industry chooses to cover in Respect vs. Sex Industry.

High School Musical 2


by Tracee Sioux

Everyone is talking about High School Musical 2, with 17.2 million viewers during the premiere , it's the most-watched basic cable program ever. Ainsley and I watched it together.

Isn't this just Dirty Dancing for kids? Here's the formula:

Cute poor kid works at a country club for the summer. He's really good friends with all the other employees. Rich girl, Sharpay, tries to buy his love and exclude his friends. She uses such "manipulation" as to try to get him on the college basketball team and use her family clout with the university to help him get ahead.

His friends do this: Who are you? Sell out! What about your friends? You're not the guy we thought you were.

Everything culminates in a talent show (Dirty Dancing anyone?) where the employees win and the evil rich girl loses. But, Sharpay is but is okay with that and has learned her lesson.

I honestly think this is a fine, age-appropriate movie. However, I did tell my daughter that the moral of the story: rich people are evil and good kids shouldn't pursue success because they'll leave friends behind, just isn't true to life.

I, for one, wish I hadn't taken such story-book morality to heart. My issue is with the rich versus poor theme. Poor doesn't equal moral or nice. Nor does rich equal evil. Allowing our daughters to think these stories are true to life or can be applied to real life situations will inevitably keep them poor. That's all I'm saying. Poor is not a future I wish on either of my children. Neither is guilt for earning a living. Certainly, I don't want to present it as an either/or choice.

As the only father-figure in the movie says, It's okay to keep your eye on the prize and go for it.

It's unfortunate the same formula films with the "poor is the moral choice" keep getting recycled and spoon fed generation after generation. It leaves people, especially women, feeling conflicted when they work hard to make money.

The very least we can do, as parents, is point out the discrepencies between culture and reality.

Tuesday, August 21, 2007

Bloghers Act Poll

Blogher has opened the Blogher's Act Cause - one cause they would like women bloggers to focus on making a tangible change in over the next year - up for a vote. Many of them included health issues.

Obviously, for the purposes of So Sioux Me, I voted for Girls Health . There are quite a few women's health issues that could be resolved before a girl reaches womanhood. Can we say HPV vaccine, dating violence, body image, self worth, eating disorders, sexual abuse, to name only a few.






Please participate in the poll through Aug. 25 at midnight. United, women can impact the world, divided we're just nagging, bitching and complaining with limited power to change anything. Click here to put your two cents in.

Femimommy Inspirational (Of Course, Me)


One of my readers, the lovely Jeanie In Paradise, who writes a blog about what a paradise her life in Paradise, Australia is (it does sound pretty wonderful), nominated me for an Inspirational Blogger Award. It's right up there in the right-hand corner. Thank you Jeanie, I am exceptionally flattered and appreciative.

I think it goes like this: I nominate five more of my favorite bloggers for an Inspirational Blogger Award and then they share the love themselves by passing it on.

My first nomination obviously goes to Jenn over at Jlogged. She's a personal friend and I love hanging out with her. I find her perspective on things, like family budgets and personal finance, valuable and insightful. She's also quite hilarious, which I dig. She's got three sons, no daughters, so I'm taking notes for when Mr. Zack starts doing really boy stuff.

My second nomination found me first, Blue Milk. Her tag line is thinking + motherhood = feminist - I wish I had written it. I love what she has to say about motherhood and feminism. She gets what this blog is all about and it's nice to know that I'm not alone in the universe. You should check her out, she's inspiring.

I will also nominate Jace Shoemaker-Galloway Internet Safety Advisor . This is a realm of expertise that is rapid and constantly changing. Imagine inventing a completely new role in the universe. Also, imagine that your mission in life is to protect kids from online predators. That's her mission and I think it's vital to the empowerment of girls. She's been nominated for Best Educational Blog and I think everyone should go vote for her.

I want to use my fourth nomination for my b5media friends collectively. Mom Gadget Gayla McCord, Sports Girls Play Charlene Polanski, Kate Baggot at Babylune and of course Thrifty Mommy Karen Weideman are very inspiring in all they do.

Gala Darling is my fifth nominee. She's got the perfect take on style and fashion and beauty. It's just so fun! Her hair changes colors like other people change their shirts, she's so sexy and cute and funny and photographs really, really well. Gala seriously must have heard about all the rules and just giggled, did whatever she wanted and got loads of success for it. She's into shameless self-promotion and I am dying to have the nerve to emulate her in that regard. Really, why should we be ashamed to promote our skills and talents and services? If you're feeling blue as Gala's hair, hop on over to her site. You won't be able to resist the happy fun.

Monday, August 20, 2007

Coaching Advice


by Tracee Sioux

I went to the soccer league meeting on Saturday and they gave some interesting advice to the coaches.

If your team is winning 5-0 at half time, it's your responsibility, as the coach, to stop making goals and try to lose. Put yourself in the other team's place. You wouldn't like it if you went home defeated 15-0. It's no fun for the kids or their parents.

Dur. Huh?

I get it. I'm on board with their reasoning. I just think it's interesting.

What planet are we preparing our children to live on?

Friday, August 17, 2007

Carnival of Feminists

The Carnival of Feminists is up, haven't done much previewing for you. Maybe that will be my weekend reading. Curl up and enjoy, I know you're going to get all fired up reading it.

Blue Milk has an anti-brats, anti-adult clothing item (like g-strings for preschoolers and bras for 6-year-olds). It's called Playboy Kids, more Bratz hatred, and how to stop this thing. She asks, Could a mother really be so blatantly inappropriate in the sexualizing of her own child?

Tone Turtle


by Tracee Sioux

I hate that I have to admit this. I really, really do. Like you don't even know how much it pains me to admit that . . .

My tone has become a problem. I know this because I hear my tone come out of my daughter's mouth and that's a problem. A really big problem.

I suppose I used to think of my tone as an effective way to make myself be heard. The problem is that it's not really effective anymore, if it ever was. Highly questionable whether my tone has ever gotten me what I really wanted. Perhaps I was just fooling myself there.

If I could legislate my daughter's tone, without having to admit that she's immitating me, believe me, I would jump on that.

However, if there is one thing the last 5 years of parenting has taught me, children are fantastic mimics. If you want to know how you look to others, look at your children. If you don't like what you see in the reflection, you have to trace it back to yourself and fix the root of the problem. Otherwise the problem just gets worse and far more out of control.

My daughter's tone stopped being cute about a little while ago. She's 5. I'm 34. So, this stopped being cute what, like 29 years ago?

All my life I've heard this, You have an attitude problem.

To which, I've replied, if only in my own head, I have an attitude, I wouldn't say it's a problem.

For the past little while confronting some issues in my marriage I've realized that my tone goes a long way in creating the problems. To admit that takes a lot of courage because I don't want this to construed as "a get out of jail free" card. But, tone does go a long way. Tone, I've realized and have had several people point out to me, is often more important than what you're actually saying.

So, if people are only hearing the tone and not the message I'm trying to convey - well, that's a problem. It's ineffective.

I don't know what the solution is. Step One, in breaking any habit, behavior or addiction is always, admit that you have a problem.

My tone is a problem. OUCH! It's painful to admit.

I've got several solutions in the hopper too. The A Complaint Free World bracelet is a good reminder that I don't have to complain about everything. (Although, it's kind of hurting my self-esteem because I am such a failure at not complaining.) I've installed a Tone Turtle Bank, in the same spirit as the Self Loathing Sin Bank, on the kitchen table. The idea being that my daughter and I must deposit quarters into the banks to penalize tone usage. (The obvious problem with this penalty is that she has no job and has to get the quarters from me. So, it's a theory in progress.)

Most importantly, I think, is that I took it to God and surrendered my anger and my tone.

Of course, as is my nasty emotional habit, I trace all my negative behaviors back to my mother - which is totally unfair as I'm 34-years-old and must be responsible for my own shit eventually, right?

Really, the fear of Karma (by which I mean, what comes around goes around and do unto others and you get back what you put out there) is getting to me. I'm totally aware that if I keep blaming my mother for all my personal crap, then my daughter will have cart blanche to blame me for everything and I'm not at all into that. I'm doing the best I can here. As Iknow my mother did too.

So, I took all my issues with my mother straight to God and surrendered those too.

Thursday, August 16, 2007

Happy Feet Beats Bratz



by Tracee Sioux

Completely violating my goal to say no to good things as I vowed to do in my column Priorities, I am the new coach of Ainsley's soccer team.

Perhaps you recall my protest last fall when my five-year-old daughter, Ainsley's, soccer coach informed me that her team was being named The Bratz. If you missed it, you should check out Go Bratz Go! where I reported how I was the only parent against naming a little girls' soccer team after vapid dolls that dress like hookers. I convinced the parents to change the name to Butterflies.


The soccer commissioners refused to be flexible about their deadline and wouldn't allow the name change. After a lot of consideration in, No Bratz No! Tantrum or Go With The Flow?, she played on the team. She was wearing an unempowering uniform which declared her a brat in bold black letters.

Playing sports is a huge confidence builder and seriously empowering for girls. Girls must have exercise, let's not forget the BMI Red Zone. Soccer beats cheerleading, in my opinion, as I said in Give Me an "A". I didn't see how anything empowering would be accomplished by yanking her off the soccer team in protest of the name. I certainly didn't want the message to be - if you don't get your way, pick up your toys and go home.


My protest, I do think, made some people think about the issue of what kind of influences their expose their daughters are exposed to. So, it wasn't a complete waste.


This season they needed a coach. I volunteered because I, as the coach, get to name the team. I also think it's important to be involved in my kids' education, activities and sports.

We'll be making a fashion statement in black shirts with pink script, pink shorts and pink socks (hopefully). I know penguins are black and white, but I didn't want to try to keep white clean.

I'm the new coach of Happy Feet.

Sharpton Protests Anti-Girl Lyrics

by Tracee Sioux

Rev. Al Sharpton, Baptist minister, political activist,and 2004 presidential candidate led protest marches against "gutter terms" in rap and hip hop lyrics.

According to the Washington Post article, Protests were held in more than 20 cities over the use of degrading lyrics by the music industry, the Rev. Al Sharpton said.

The so-called Day of Outrage, organized by Sharpton's National Action Network, included protests Tuesday in New York; Los Angeles; Detroit; Chicago; Houston; Richmond, Va.; Jacksonville, Fla.; and other cities.

This was a pro-girl move. If you've missed the cultural conversation about misogynistic violent anti-girl rap lyrics it went something like this: White radio jock Don Imus called some African American college basketball players nappy headed hos. This sparked an outrage among African Americans. It also sparked a national conversation about why rappers and hip hop artists can call women hos, bitches, sluts, etc. and not only is it okay, but they make millions of dollars?

Good Question. Oprah led the discussion last season in a serious of shows on the topic of anti-female lyrics in rap and hip hop lyrics. Guests included African American leaders the likes of Maya Angelo, Def Jam hip hop label producer Russell Simmons, rapper Common, Al Sharpton and others.

Commons took some accountability for the rap community, And we are apologizing for the disrespect that does come from the mouths of men to women.

Diane Weathers, former editor in chief of Essence magazine, said women must stop accepting this kind of behavior, "They have to know that it's not acceptable if you keep doing this kind of music. The contract is off," Diane said. "These guys are all really embraced by the mainstream. It has to be unacceptable."

On BBC News , Russell Simmons said there was "growing public outrage" about the use of the terms, ho, bitch, which he said should be viewed as the same as "extreme curse words".

He asked broadcasters and record companies to voluntarily remove, bleep or delete the words from music.

The words 'bitch' and 'ho' are utterly derogatory and disrespectful of the painful, hurtful, misogyny that, in particular, African-American women have experienced in the United States as part of the history of oppression, inequality, and suffering of women, Simmons said.

Don Imus was subsequently fired (though not for the sexism, just the racism).

In the interest of making misogynistic lyrics socially unacceptable I applaud Sharpton for staging 20 news-making, attention focusing protests against misogynistic lyrics. Obviously, the ideal and constitutional right of freedom of speech should be upheld, but women do have the power to stop paying and participating in this type of "art."

Have you watched the BET videos and listened to the lyrics? They are far more offensive to women than those shown on VH1 or CMT. Blinged up men throwing cash right at the crotch of a barely dressed woman with her legs spread - art? Is this a true depiction of what women actually are? Is this really art reflecting life?

This is not the artistic depiction of reality so much as it is reducing girls and women to objects to be purchased, screwed, abused and then tossed away like yesterday's garbage. These types of lyrics and videos costs our girls their souls - that's not harmless.

Young girls believe they should be imitating art like this. I've asked several teenagers about how they felt about these types of lyrics they respond (while emulating pole dancing), There is nothing we can do about it. We can't stop them from calling us hos.

Thank goodness Sharpton, Simmons and others don't share their sense of powerlessness. I don't support government censorship - I'm a writer, come on. But, I'm all for market and cultural boycotts by refusing to purchase the CDs, go to the concerts or watch the videos until they show some respect for women and girls.

I also support call for radio stations to bleep the anti-girl words ho, bitch, and slut as they do other "curse words" including asshole, dick and prick. Does anyone else see the gender disparity in what gets bleeped from the radio or on videos and what's allowed?

Wednesday, August 15, 2007

The W List

Conversation Agent started a list of women who blog, obviously I want to be included as relevant to the conversation.

Moda di Magno by Lori Magno
Get Shouty by Katie Chatfield
Many of you may already know a few not on the marketing list:
Deborah Schultz by Deborah Schultz
The Engaging Brand by Anna Farmery
Liz Strauss at Successful Blog by Liz Strauss
Manage to Change by Ann Michael
Lorelle on WordPress by Lorelle VanFossen
Inspired Business Growth by Wendy Piersall
Back in Skinny Jeans by Stephanie Quilao
Learned on Women by Andrea Learned
eSoup by Sharon Sarmiento
Management Craft by Lisa Haneberg
Productivity Goal by Carolyn Manning
Also check out newer entrants:
Modite by Rebecca Thorman
Tech Kitten by Trisha Miller
Get Fresh Minds by Katie Konrath
Conscious Business by Anne Libby
Narrative Assets by Karen Hegman
So Sioux Me by Tracee Sioux
Sports Girls Play by Charlene Polansky


If I left out anyone, I'm sure you or the women I inadvertently left out of the list will be able to add to this one. Top 20 + 13 + 5 = the beginning of the W-List and more great blogs and link love. What other great blogs are out there authored by women? To link forward, simply copy all these links into your post and add yours.

advergirl Leigh Householder
Back in Skinny Jeans by Stephanie Quilao
BlogWrite for CEOs Debbie Weil
Biz Growth News by Krishna De
Brand Sizzle Anne Simons
Branding & Marketing Chris Brown
CK’s Blog CK (Christina Kerley)
Communication Overtones Kami Huyse
Conscious Business by Anne Libby
Conversation Agent Valeria Maltoni
Corporate PR Elizabeth Albrycht
Customers Rock! Becky Carroll
Deborah Schultz by Deborah Schultz
Diva Marketing Blog Toby Bloomberg
Email Marketing Best Practices Tamara Gielen
eSoup by Sharon Sarmiento
Everyone Needs Therapy by Therapydoc
Flooring The Consumer CB Whittemore
Forrester’s Marketing Blog Shar, Charlene, Chloe, Christine Elana, Laura and Lisa
Get Fresh Minds by Katie Konrath
Get Shouty by Katie Chatfield
Inspired Business Growth by Wendy Piersall
Internet Safety Advisor by Jace Shoemaker-Galloway
Jlogged by Jennifer Lea
Kinetic Ideas Wendy Maynard
Learned on Women by Andrea Learned
Liz Strauss at Successful Blog by Liz Strauss
Lorelle on WordPress by Lorelle VanFossen
Manage to Change by Ann Michael
Management Craft by Lisa Haneberg
Marketing Roadmaps Susan Getgood
Moda di Magno by Lori Magno
Modite by Rebecca Thorman
Narrative Assets by Karen Hegman
Presto Vivace Blog Alice Marshall
Productivity Goal by Carolyn Manning
So Sioux Me by Tracee Sioux
Spare Change Nedra Kline Weinreich
Talk It Up Heidi Miller
Tech Kitten by Trisha Miller
The Copywriting Maven Roberta Rosenberg
The Blog Angel by Claire Raikes
The Engaging Brand by Anna Farmery
The Floozy Blog by Kate Coote
The Origin of Brands Laura Ries
The Podcast Sisters by Krishna De, Anna Farmery and Heather Gorring
Thrifty Mommy by Karen Weideman and Kelly Saunders
Wealth Strategy Secrets by Nicola Cairncross
What’s Next Blog B L Ochman
Widows Quest A L Farmery
Wiggly Wigglers by Heather Gorringe

Carnie of Substances

The 4th Carnival of All Substances is up over at Therapydoc's Everyone Needs Therapy.

Check it out if you have an interest in addictions, substance abuse, codependence, or know someone who does. Is there anyone left who doesn't?

Tuesday, August 14, 2007

Bizarro Bar



by Tracee Sioux

This weekend my husband and I got away without the children and we went out to a bar. Not just any bar, but bizarro bar.

Let me paint a picture, I'm wearing my hot red heals and we're sitting in the back corner, because it was the only open table.

The table in front of us was a bachelorette party and they've brought a male blow up doll. We were to find out later in the evening, when they took off the doll's Levi's, it was an anatomically correct and very well-endowed blow up doll.

Straddling the doorway between the pool area and the live cover band area was a uniformed county Sheriff.

And all over the entire bar, amidst the smoking, drinking, anatomically correct blow up doll bachelorette paryting is a 10-year-old little girl. I can only presume the woman who brought her there was her mother. The man she was with was her mother's boyfriend, also a presumption. Several men in their party gave her special hugs that would probably have been construed as appropriate had they not been drunks in a bar, where really it looked quite inappropriate.

At one point a uniformed city cop came in. The sheriff went over to one of the ladies partying with the well hung doll and whispered in her ear. The lady then took off running with the plastic penis flapping in the wind and threw the doll on the city cop. City cop had quite a good sense of humor about it and even posed for a picture with the doll. Turns out the Sheriff wasn't chatting with the woman about lewdness with the doll, but was enlisting her in throwing it on his fellow officer.

All this to say that perhaps the most empowering place for the 10-year-old little girl would have been at home with a really nice babysitter. I thought that was a given, but apparently someone needs to say it again.

I got a couple of pictures on the cell phone. What was I going to do, call the cops?

Monday, August 13, 2007

We Bleed

By Tracee Sioux

I've been racking my brain, trying to figure out why we keep the monthly menstrual cycle a big secret from our daughters.

I've got nothing. Can't think of a single developmental reason for keeping the biological fact of menstruation from my daughter.

Out of default I have attempted to be private and secretive about my period. My 5-year-old daughter, Ainsley, has questioned me numerous times about what tampons and pads are. Or why I was being so uncharacteristically private. (Like most mothers I have no real privacy whatsoever.) I've always responded with something super lame like I'll tell you when you're older. To which she responds, Like when I'm a teenager? Then I say something like, Maybe when you're 9.

I was quite shocked when learning about my monthly period. I must have been 9 or 10. The only thing I remember was thinking along the lines of, Whose idea was that? Why? Come to think of it, those are the questions I still have.

I suppose it felt like a coming of age thing. I can't figure out how my mother kept it quiet for so long. My daughter was tuned into the tampons and pads from the get go and I've been avoiding the question, waiting for the appropriate right of passage moment.

Shopping for tampons at the pharmacy my daughter wanted to know what was up.

What are those?

It's for my period. Girls bleed every month. Down there.

Bleed? Why?

It happens so we can have babies.

Oh.

Then CVS sent me a Kotex sample.

Did anything come in the mail for me? What's that?

It's a pad, for when I bleed. So the blood doesn't get on my panties.

Why did they send you that?

I guess they want me to buy this kind of pad.

So many teachable moments passed before I finally told her and it was completely without drama. I can't figure out why I hid it from her begin with.

My advice to other mothers of young daughters? Tell them the first time they ask. Tell your sons too for that matter. The mystery doesn't add anything to the experience. Knowledge of their own body and its biological facts can only empower girls. If it's something a girl has always known, it's not surprising, shocking, shameful, weird or dirty.

After the knowledge of the biological fact there's the issue of attaching a value judgement to the monthly period. Is it a blessing or a curse? Should we celebrate with a party and go out for tea or something to mark the moment? Well, we have a few years for that. I suppose it depends on your daughter's attitude about getting it. I wanted it desperately as a sign of womanhood, I have a feeling Ainsley will feel the same way. She's already quizzing me about when she'll be allowed to wear make-up (12) and date (28). Like mother, like daughter.

Friday, August 10, 2007

Kid Free Weekend

by Tracee Sioux

Do you vacation without the children? Well, my husband and I never have. Not together. We've separately taken a weekend to go on a retreat or a night away, but never together.

This weekend will mark the first time. We're not going far, just to a nearby bed and breakfast for the weekend.

It's good for our children to see us go away alone. They'll have a lovely time at NaNa's house. They're perfectly independent little ones so there won't be much crying in the night for Mommy. It's good to leave your kids, lets them know that they can do things without you and you'll always come back. Plus, it's great for the parental sanity. Hopefully great for the marriage as well.
I'm actually feeling a bit awkward and shy about two days alone with my husband.

What if we don't know what to say to each other?
Wish us luck! See you Monday.

Wednesday, August 8, 2007

Kat Von D Rocks


by Tracee Sioux

One wouldn't immediately think of a tatoo artist as the ideal role model for girl empowerment. But, then there is Kat Von D (Katherine Von Drachenberg), who makes viewers question the definition of beauty and is an empowering illustration (literally) of what it's like for women breaking into male-dominated industries.

Perhaps you've occassionally tuned in to Miami Ink. Kat used to be the only girl in the tattoo shop and it was entertaining to watch her try to mesh with the men who dominate her profession. That's when my 5-year-old daughter, Ainsley and I became fans. Then she got fired. Well, you know she got mouthy with the boss and turned her nose up at jobs she didn't really want to do.

The Learning Channel, brilliantly offered her a show, LA Ink, which premiered on Tuesday night. Genius!

She's really beautiful, Ainsley says of Kat Von D. Somehow, she really is.

I wouldn't have described beauty as ink portraits and doodles covering a massive portion of a woman's body, yet there is something infinately beautiful about Kat and the other tatted up chicks on LA Ink. There is something authenticly lovely and feminine about her that makes you question traditional beauty. Perhaps it's her retro-feminine sexuality and the pin-up marketing that make her so appealing. Maybe it's her more sexy than not rocker chick style. Could be the dramatic eye makeup and the black long hair.

Not everyone could pull off tattoed animalistic spots on her face. Somehow Kat makes it hypnotically beautiful with intention.

What we're used to seeing as beauty is featured on "reality" shows like E!'s Sunset Tan or The Girls Next Door, where everyone is tan, bleached blond and wearing the latest designers. Heck, even The Simple Life, which features Nichole Richie, a racially mixed woman, only allows tan blond beauty.

LA Ink and Kat Von D make us question and redefine our definition of beauty. It's really quite refreshing to broaden the scope of acceptable beauty. Broadening the definition of beauty, will hopefully, prevent our daughters from appearing on Dr. 90210 in an attempt to surgically become narrowly defined beauty.

It's empowering to watch Kat recruit her employees - mostly other female artists - and know that this is the first time they've ever been able to work in a predominately female environment. I think it's going to be fascinating to watch how that plays out. She brought in one male tatooist, her mentor, to provide the grounding for the catty and PMSy factor, Kat said.

I expect LA INK, based on the first episode, to deconstruct femininity, beauty, body image, gender and self in a way that will make both myself and my daughter feel empowered.

On Tuesday's show we saw a client getting a tattoo of a 1950s era Gil Elvgren pin-up dressed in a sexy apron with the tagline "I should be in the kitchen." We can look back on the fact that we were bound to domestic roles with a sense of humor, so its completely rediculous and ironic, Hannah Aitchison, one of LA Ink's female artists said as she did the tat.

It may seem like I'm setting back decades upon decades of womens rights. I've pushed myself into a very masculine world and I've succeeded. But at the end of the day I want to go home and put a little cute apron on and make cupcakes and that's all I want to do. I love the feminine part of my life, so this is just a reminder of that, Jessica, the client, said.

Hit record on the DVR Tuesday nights on the TLC Channel. Live & Learn!


My Protege (and how to get one)



I'm a mentor for a 15-year old girl named Ambrea. I was trying to think of a great way to persuade others to become mentors, when it occurred to me that I should let Ambrea, my own protege, tell you why becoming a mentor is important.

Ambrea:

Becoming a mentor is important cause you can share new things with other people. Mentors give you ideas you never had before. Sometimes you can talk to that person about something that has been on your mind for the longest, and I think they would tell you the right thing to do. I think what I am trying to say is, that mentors are so important in so many ways you can think about. I like having a Mentor because that certain person can hold on to you no matter what. My Mentor is sweet to me in so many kinds of ways. I mean my mentor tells me things I never even heard before. Don't let nobody tell you you can't have something you want,because if you want something you go out and get it, and that is exactly what I did. To me having a mentor is a gift from God, cause they tell you everything you need to hear. My mentor is special to me, and that's why I love my mentor so much. You people out there who don't have a mentor should really get one, because not having one is like not having a best friend to talk to.

As someone deeply concerned about the soul of girls in this country I'm encouraging everyone to sign up for a local mentoring program.
The good news is that making one kid feel important does change the world - at least for that kid. If you affect one kid, you affect everyone they come into contact with from current friends to future children. Mentoring is, in some small measure, how every person can tangibly change the world in a positive and productive way.

Do it for yourself. Who doesn't want the kind of appreciation and admiration evident in Ambrea's comments? If you want to feel empowered in your life, (and who doesn't want that?) this one-hour a week commitment will give you an undeniable tangible feeling of accomplishment. This one hour of time well spent will cure boredom, apathy, depression and all sorts of self-loathing forms of self-absorption. And it's cheaper and healthier than antidepressants.

Who wouldn't buy a bottle of undeniable, tangible feeling of accomplishment from an info-mercial? Lucky you, it's free and all you have to do is hang out with a kid one hour a week.

Enter your zip code to find a program that fits your lifestyle in your neighborhood at mentoring.org.

Tuesday, August 7, 2007

National Night Out

by Tracee Sioux

One way to empower yourself and your family is to meet the neighbors. The theory behind National Night Out is that if your neighbors know you, they pay attention to who is coming and going from your house. You're less likely to be a victim of a crime if your neighbors are involved. The hope is that they'll say, Hey, that looks a little sketchy, and call the police should someone break in.

I remember having the run of the neighborhood when I was a kid. America was either safer then, or we just weren't aware that so many of our neighbors were terrible human beings not worth knowing.

I don't live in the best neighborhood in town. I know only one of my neighbors and he's a little off, given to random fits of screaming. I feel slightly guilty for judging these people, my neighbors, who are probably a mix of naughty and nice, without even knowing who they are.

Today I noticed lots of National Night Out signs in prosperous neighborhoods. Surely, if I lived in one of those neighborhoods I'd be more inclined to know my neighbors right?

It begs the question: Is it more empowering to acknowledge your neighbors if they are a little shady or vanish inside the house and group everyone in the whole neighborhood as "a stranger" for the benefit of empowering a daughter? According to the National Sex Offender Registry there are quite a few convicted sex offenders in my neighborhood and that doesn't make me want to run right out with a batch of cookies.

NATIONAL NIGHT OUT is designed to:
* Heighten crime and drug prevention awareness;
* Generate support for, and participation in, local anticrime programs;
* Strengthen neighborhood spirit and police-community partnerships; and
* Send a message to criminals letting them know that neighborhoods are organized and fighting back.

I saw one sign in my neighborhood a few blocks down. The lawn was mowed and the house kept up. Perhaps I'll stop by for some punch and cookies just so I can say I'm a part of the solution rather than part of the problem. Perhaps you should too.

Fascinating Carnies

I do try to grow the readership of my blogs by submitting to blog carnivals. Blog Carnivals are fascinating reading and highly educational and entertaining.

This week we have the Live the Power Unlimited carnival which focuses on manifesting positive changes in your life. I particularly enjoyed the entry about the benefits of aerobic exercise ,comparing the costs of popping pills to lower cholesteral and blood pressure versus the cost of taking a jog to the same effect. For some reason it seems so much easier to take the pills sometimes. I wonder why. I also enjoy these entries 7 Things Successful People Would Never Say , and Suffering is Optional, and Eliminate the Things that Irritate You.

Carnival of Conflict is presented over at Talk Lab. I read the Marriage vs. Money article and couldn't help but wonder how she makes compromise sound so easy and fun in her marriage versus how it's really quite painful in my own.

The most fascinating for me, this month, was browsing This Is Not My Country. It's a collection of political articles dealing with everything from immigration to free speech on the web. I think it's fascinating to read because everyone presents such a drastically different perspective about what's wrong with America and her politics.

Monday, August 6, 2007

Priorities

by Tracee Sioux

The good is the enemy of the best.

So says John C. Maxwell in Developing the Leader Within You. I'm reading the chapter on priorities as I try to balance my work, with my family, with my relatives, with my church, with my exercise, with my budget, with my friends, with my community involvement.

I've simply become uncomfortably busy and I dislike it. I think it's costing me something.

My kids are upset when I work because they aren't actually getting "quality" time, they are just getting run all over town doing good deeds for people, maintenance of life errands, going to the gym or expected to amuse themselves while I write.

They are with me, but without my attention.

I think everything I do is, in some way, important to someone. If it's not an important activity for me, I find my husband thinks it's vital.

Maxwell says the key to being a leader is to say no to the good and only say yes to the best. People who try to do everything, he says, are mediocre at everything. People who try to do one thing become great at that one thing.

I find myself being mediocre at a lot of things, late more often than I should be, and not being able to focus on the things I really want to do. Yet, I can't help but feel guilty about the good things I say no to, like running errands for an elderly relative, babysitting a child whose parents are sick or teaching my daughter's Sunday school class. It's not just my guilt holding me back either, I find people's reactions when I try to say no less than pleasant. Several times I've found people to be downright angry about my saying no to good things.

Yes, you can try to have it all, but you won't be any good at it, seems to be the moral of the story. How women struggle with this issue.

Hopefully, my daughter's generation will have more experience and history behind trying to have it all and will learn to choose what is best versus what is good. I can tell you it doesn't feel at all empowering to be doing everything, just a little sloppily.

Thursday, August 2, 2007

Empowered By Children's Healthcare Expansion

By Tracee Sioux

Population Connection just sent me a letter that made me feel totally empowered. I had sent letters to all of my representatives insisting they vote in favor of extending and expanding the State Children's Health Insurance Program (SCHIP). I had also asked readers of So Sioux Me to write their Representatives as well. I feel proud to have participated and I feel proud of my readers who participated.

The only way Americans can be empowered is if we use our power to demand what we want from our elected Representatives. Writing letters, is, I believe, an effective way to communicate with those we've put in office about our expectations of them.

The State Children's Health Insurance Program (SCHIP) was passed by the House by a vote of 224-204.

The President has threatened to veto the expansion of SCHIP.

The controversy, an extremely relevant and important one for girl empowerment, extends to the federally funded abstinence-only sex education provision. The provision will require that programs be medically and scientifically accurate and that they be based on a model that has been proven effective at reducing unintended pregnancy and the spread of sexually transmitted diseases.

From a girl empowerment standpoint misinformation or uninformation about how she can get pregnant or how she might contract a sexually transmitted disease, both of which carry lifelong consequences, is never to a girls' benefit.

A girl is entitled to know how her body functions and what the medically accurate consequences for her sexual behavior might be. Not telling her how she might contract an STD or become pregnant has the practical effect of leaving her with a baby and an STD through ignorance.

Withholding or giving inaccurate information is patently unfair, and I believe, immoral, from the girls' standpoint.

I understand that parents want the right to tell their children what they feel is appropriate about sex. Feel free. Please, tell them abstinence is the only way to be 100% safe. By all means, encourage them to wait until they are more mature and totally committed. No one wants teenagers to have sex - it's a bad idea. Teenage sex has real consequences.

However, since parents aren't the ones facing parenthood at 14-years-old and they aren't the ones contracting cancer-causing HPV or life-threatening AIDS, the girls' right to medically accurate information supersedes the parents' right to withhold information from their children.

In practicality, parents are the last ones to know what kind of actual sexual activity is going on with their kids. How many parents have had to sit through the terrifying and shocking news that their teenage daughter is pregnant? The whole design of having sex as a teenager is to keep it from the parents, especially the really, really devout Christian ones.

Not telling girls the truth about how their biological reproductive systems work leaves a lot of room for a boy, whose objective is to get laid, to tell girls oh, you can't get pregnant if I pull out, you can't get pregnant if you do it in a hot tub, if I don't put it all the way in you won't get pregnant, that's not an STD it's just a scab from too much masturbating, I've been checked out and I don't have anything, condoms are just not intimate enough I want to be able to feel you, a blow job isn't really sex.

It's been a while, but I'm pretty positive such ploys are still in being used in parked cars and parentally vacant houses all over America, not to mention all the illicit sexual activity that goes on between teenagers in the church youth group.

We owe our girls enough medically accurate information to be able to take care of themselves sexually. Without medically accurate information, we make victims of them needlessly and that's never empowering.

It is also relevant to point out that under the provision, states and school districts still have the right to determine which curriculum to present in their schools, as long as it's medically accurate information. Obviously more conservative areas will choose to focus more on abstinence.

An empowered girl understands the consequences of sexual activity, and God willing makes better decisions, because she's been given accurate information about her own body.

Arguing = Better Pay



By Tracee Sioux

Obey.
Don't argue.
This is not negotiable.
Just do what you're supposed to to.
Quit complaining about it.

I catch myself telling my daughter this kind of stuff all day long. While we're teaching daughters to be good girls are we costing them future professional success?

According to an article By Shankar Vedantam of WashingtonPost.com on MSNBC.com we're giving girls the impression that to negotiate for a better salary is simply not nice.

Some Ivy League experts suggest the reason professional women are making 23% less than male professionals is because women do not negotiate their pay or ask for more professional opportunities. Even when told negotiating would be rewarded, only 58% of women did it in one study.

For good reason. Another study suggests that the interviewers and bosses have a real negative perception of women who negotiate and are less likely to hire or promote them. Women, it seems, rely on intuition and other factors - such as the gender of the interviewer - when gauging whether asking for a raise will be perceived negatively or positively. Men, according to all the studies in this article, were less likely to want to work with a woman who had asked for a raise, while they don't mind when men asked for more.

Next time your daughter argues back consider giving a response that might help her better her assertive negotiating skills.

I like the way your thinking.
What you're saying makes a lot of sense.
Perhaps we should reconsider that rule.
Maybe we should raise your allowance.

Would the world collapse if girls were given positive reinforcement for negotiating or would they simply be willing to take more risks, be more assertive with future authority figures and make more money as adults? Not just a tiny bit more, but over $300,000 is the current the estimate of what a lifetime of "accepting what is offered" costs female professionals. And those are the women who never took time off to have children.

As parents of millennial daughters we have a responsibility to prepare them for the world they will be entering, not the one we wish they were entering.

In that world they will be best served if they have some negotiation skills and feel empowered to insist on what they need. Perhaps then we should put less focus on being nice and more focus on being assertive. While we're at it we might suggest to our sons that it's okay for girls to ask for what they need.
Read the original article for more details on the studies.

Wednesday, August 1, 2007

Bloghers Act

I just posted on Blogher why I think Blogher should choose health care as our pet project for Blogher's Act, a bi-partisan initiative for women bloggers to influence government in a positive way. There is current discussion on what the pet topic will be.

All women deserve health coverage - breast cancer research does us no good if we can't afford the cure. It also does us no good to be diagnosed with post partum depression and get the help we need if it means we're uninsurable in the future.

If presented the right way I think all women can get behind access to health coverage for everyone.

For bloggers there are some really easy and tangible ways to effect the change.

* Carry around voter registration cards and hand them to people you talk to on the street, neighbors, people at church, other parents at school. There are MILLIONS of Americans who do not vote. We can seriously influence voter turnout by simply making it very easy to register. You can pick up voter registration cards for free and it doesn't even cost a stamp to send it.

* Bloggers can make an effort to report on the average persons health care concerns. Real people you know having real serious problems with their insurance companies or being denied coverage or receiving inaccurate and excessive bills from doctors. We've been silent long enough. This method illustrates that this is not happening to "others" it is happening to "us," good hardworking American citizens.

* Put links to organizations like Congress.org that makes it really simple for readers to sent letters to their elected officials letting them know that this is the American People's issue, not a partisan one and we expect them ALL, Republican and Democrat, to take it seriously and commit to a better plan.

To encourage Blogher to pick healthcare as its Blogher's Act issue please send an email to: cooper-emily@themotherhood.com or post a comment at Blogher's Community page.

Friday, August 31, 2007

Prepped for Kindergarten



By Tracee Sioux

I don't know who is more excited for the first day of Kindergarten, me or Ainsley. I've taken the education/parenting thing seriously and am sending a child who can read, write, do basic math, understands the color wheel, is quite good at logic and negotiation and loves homework.

She's a genius. Do all mother's feel that way about their children? I certainly hope so.

She's most excited about riding the bus. She even begged to be allowed to do it on the first day. She's been eyeing that bus since she was about 18-months-old, as the golden prize of being a big-kid. She can hold her own. I'm confident of that.

She has an October birthday and I had tried to get her admitted last year. No budging on that Sept. 1 deadline. I'm so glad now. She's the tallest, brightest, most mature, smartest, most confident one in the class. That kind of head start could take her through college. Well, elementary school at least.

Jeez, I'm so proud of the good early-parenting, Kindergarten-readiness work I've done I expect the teacher to send a gold star home to me.

Thursday, August 30, 2007

Friends With Barbies


By Tracee Sioux

My daughter went to her best friend's house yesterday.

She has Bratz, Princesses and Barbies at her house, my daughter informed my husband and I the other day. My husband looked at me and asked if I had spoken to her parents about our play rules.

We played with Barbies the whole entire time! she blissfully informed me.

No, I haven't forbidden the playing with Bratz, Barbies and Princesses at friends' homes. No, I don't plan to speak to her mother about it. I honestly don't think my daughter is confused about my objections. I'm secure in the knowledge that my rules forbidding them in our house and the reasons why have seeped irrevocably into her psyche. She adores when I read Growing a Girl: Seven Strategies for Raising a Strong, Spirited Daughter out loud to her. She gets it, to the degree any 5-year-old can.

But, these plastic girl-toys are the foundation of her little girl culture. I'm not crazy enough to believe I have the power to create a self-enclosed box, devoid of negative girl messages.

Besides, the completely forbidden is that much sweeter and a breeding ground for rebellion. This, I can speak to, from first-hand experience. My daughter is too much me, for me to ignore the attraction of rebellion.

Wednesday, August 29, 2007

$5,000 to Empower Women


Avon is offering $5,000 per week over the next year for the purpose of empowering women.

If have a great idea that will empower women you should apply to be a recipient of the Hello Tomorrow Fund.

This week's winner is Sandi Gallagher from Dracut, Massachusetts.

Sandi will use her winnings to support a free dental program for domestic violence victims. In cases of domestic abuse, offenders often strike at their victim’s mouth, whether to symbolically quiet them or gain control, causing damage to teeth and gums that many victims cannot afford to repair. Sandi is a professional dental assistant serving on an all-volunteer team at the St. Luke Dental Clinic that offers a full range of pro-bono dental services to the women, restoring self confidence as well as dental health.

Some previous winners include:

Deborah Fallon, 40, will utilize her award to support Portal to Hope, a program that directly supports the victims of domestic violence as they rebuild their lives, including a special program focused on young women in their teens and early twenties.

Linda Reszel Brice, 55, of Lubbock, Texas has one of the highest rates of teen pregnancy in the US, as well as one of the highest rates of premature birth and related complications such as low birth weight and infant mortality. Linda, a full-time professor of nursing at Texas Tech University, was alarmed by these statistics from the perspective of both a health care provider and concerned citizen. She and her students determined they would become involved with a program that sought to curb these statistics and began working with The Stork’s Nest, a non-profit venture founded in 2000 and sponsored by the March of Dimes. The Stork’s Nest aims to provide assistance to mostly low-income pregnant women and teens in the Lubbock area, and since its inception the program has helped more than 1,200 women ranging in age from 12 to mid-30s.

Shelly Renee Brown, 43, who works at Carnegie-Mellon University, will apply her award towards a college-tour program for inner-city high school-aged girls from predominantly African-American communities interested in careers in science, technology, engineering, and math (STEM).

Georgie Jennison, 24, a Chester College senior will apply her award to help fund “Girls of Opportunity,” a new creative arts mentorship program which aims to empower at-risk teenage girls through creative expression and exploration of key issues they face, including pregnancy, violence, illiteracy, and negative body image. “Girls of Opportunity” will offer its gender-specific arts-based initiative to at-risk teenage girls aged 11 to 17 in the greater Derry, New Hampshire area.

Check out some of the other ways women, like yourself, have found to empower women by reading the press releases about the winners.

Tuesday, August 28, 2007

Name = Identity

by Tracee Sioux

Hey Tracee Jones! Tracee Jones! Tracee Jones!<p>I had been married for maybe a year when some guy I knew from high school was trying to get my attention in the hall at my college.

I remember this moment vividly because it's when I realized my identity was no longer Tracee Sue Jones. It had become Tracee Simons. I had taken my husband's name and practiced my married name signature like every young girl before me. At first I had trouble answering to Simons, but somehow within a year, my identity had altered itself to someone that no longer answered to Tracee Jones.

I was a child-bride and experienced marriage and divorce by the time I was 19. Still in college, I looked at the vast expanse of the future ahead of me and I was pretty sure I'd remarry. I had the added complication of having a brother-in-law named Tracy Simmons and our credit was getting mixed up. He really wanted to not share a name with me. The feeling was mutual.

As women, I'm sure most of you can see my dilemma. You know, if you've done it, that changing your name alters your identity in some way. Perhaps the way it alters is different in different situations, but how you identify who you are is integrally altered.

I decided altering my identity was a bad idea for my internal sense of self. I wanted to develop that internal sense of self and remain true to it, instead of altering it with my relationships.

I couldn't find a way back to Jones. It's just not someone I was anymore. I had no desire to go back to it. I hear many divorced women, especially if they have children or have spent a significant amount of time using their married name, say they just couldn't go back to maiden either.

After about 2 years of thought and experimentation I decided to drop both last names and become Tracee Sioux and stay Tracee Sioux through whatever marital status I was in. I felt changing the spelling would make it more sur-name-ish .

Legally, anyone can change their name to virtually anything (some exceptions apply) with a simple court proceeding.

Changing our names with our marital status is a uniquely female experience and I wish there was a simple solution. There isn't.

I do think there is a negative effect in our collective conscience as women if we change our names over and over through our lives. The inconsistent identity with self has negative consequences.

However, keeping the maiden name may come with as much baggage as taking a married one. There are some valid reasons to want to break away from your childhood family identity. There are some valid reasons for wanting to keep a married name after a divorce. There are valid reasons to invent your own name.

In the last chapter of Women & Money: Owning the Power to Control Your Destiny,Suze Orman shares that she used to be named "Susie" and, like me, she wanted to take control of her sense of self and identity.

She encourages women to say your name, whether by marriage or birth or divorce, decide who you are and then be proud of it. There is power in saying your name with pride, whatever full name you choose, and the goal of her book is to help us live a more powerful life.

I, for one, got a lot out of it and thoroughly enjoyed her perspective on women's dysfunctional relationship with money.

Monday, August 27, 2007

Gender Segregation in Public Schools


Dear Parent,

We will begin the 2007-2008 school year on Tuesday, Sept 4,2007. Class time for Kindergarten classes is from 8:00 to 2:30.

Your Child has been assigned to room 23 with Mrs. Jones.

Students and parents are invited to come to the school and "Meet the Teacher" on Tuesday, August 28th. Kindergarten girls and their parents will meet in their respective rooms at 9 A.M. Kindergarten boys and their parents will meet in their respective rooms at 10:30 A.M. If you arrive early, please wait in the cafeteria.

Thank You for your attention to the important items above. We are looking forward to having your child in our school.

Sincerely,

Lina Moore

Principal

Okay if you've been here before you know which sentence made me go, Wait. What?

The question is how many of you would be Mom who comes to the first day of school with a problem? Or would you wait and see if they divide genders for math and reading and then step in and ask what the basis for gender segregation is?

Is it appropriate to divide the class, if it is simply too large, by gender?

Some studies that suggest these divisions are actually academically better for girls. One study of science classes found that 79% of teachers picked boys in a mixed gender class (Growing a Girl: Seven Strategies for Raising a Strong, Spirited Daughter). If classes were girls-only more girls would have the opportunity to be called on. It might be an argument to send a daughter to a girls' school. (Not that that's an option in a small town, or for the not-yet wealthy.)

Is gender an appropriate division in public school?

Friday, August 24, 2007

Sexy News


by Tracee Sioux

Here's one more reason to turn the TV off during the local news hour. No journalism experience, but plenty of modeling experience, this is the new "anchor" at an East Texas news station. All journalists with a college degree, apparently we wasted our time.

And this photograph is actual marketing for the news station complete with billboards on the side of the freeway. Apparently, the station was having such financial problems they have also signed a "reality show" deal to document this little sexualizing the news experiment. The non-stop details of violence wasn't sexy enough for you? Now we should have the journlists dumbed down and showing lots of leg and cleavage?

Here's the reality - you suck Channel 19.

I'm disgusted as a serious journalist, a woman, and the mother of a girl.



To watch me give my opinion on an issue on a competing station click here. Of course, it's another sexy news topic.

Thursday, August 23, 2007

News Coverage


by Tracee Sioux

Click here to watch my news segment taped today.

I had big plans for today. I was going to take three teenage girls to a Dating Respect Conference and help them to understand they shouldn't accept sexually exploitive or disrespectful behavior from boys and men in their lives. I was feeling empowered by the influence I might be able to have on these girls' lives.

Then my plans fell to pieces. My mentee had to register for school. My daughter got a fever so I couldn't leave her with the sitter. Kaput. I was disappointed to tell you the truth. I had gotten attached to the idea. I was as disappointed for the girls because I didn't want them to miss an empowering opportunity. I was upset for the people who organized the conference because they might not put on more empowering conferences if they get a low attendance. I was upset for myself to miss and opportunity to report on a very girl-empowering issue.

Then my local news station called me to interview me about sexually related businesses. I asked the reporter to meet me at the conference I had planned to attend. My hope is that my empowering girl message will reach an entire geographical area. I'll be on at 5,6 and 10 p.m. and I'm praying the message of girl empowerment goes global.

The issue? The sex industry and whether girls can find power in it.

There are two separate local issues. The first is whether a 25-year-old woman should be opening an adult store selling lingerie, shoes, books, adult toys, magazines and videos.

My response: if it's a store for consenting adults and she's going to check identification, then okay. I've purchased things from such stores and don't find them to be terribly destructive. In fact, I'm impressed that a 25 year old woman is bold enough to open her own business. More power to her. I can see where I wouldn't want her store to be next to my existing business, but she does have a legal right to be there according to local zoning laws. The laws that insist sexually related businesses be located 1,000 feet from a church, school, or daycare center.

I very much wish there were no women willing to be in pornographic magazines or videos to be sold. I don't want to legislate it, because I have a vested interest in freedom of speech, as every American should. I want to empower girls so they will refuse to participate in the exploitation of their selves.

The other issue is a strip club, which wasn't actually in this particular news story. But, I went to the trouble of articulate my thoughts, so I'll share my perspective with you. This is not the area's first strip club. I've even heard rumors about a pornographic drive in movie.

My interest is in the girls who dance. It breaks my heart that they don't understand that there are more empowering positions to be in. There are more powerful ways to earn a dollar bill than by have it thrown at your naked body. What concerns me about strip clubs is that the women who are dancing in them don't understand that they shouldn't be for sale. They don't understand that they set their own price and value. We're raising a culture of girls surrounded by sexually exploitive images that tell them they are for sale and they should be for sale. When girls stop feeling like their value and power is so limited then the sex industry won't be able to find willing participants.

Every person can effect this change in girls' self worth. If you don't want there to be an sex industry that exploits women tell 1, 10,or 100 girls they deserve more than to be put on the sale rack. Tell them their power lies within. Show them how to find it. Make them feel like they are worth more than that dollar bill. Make them feel like they are so worthy of everything good that selling their bodies won't cross their minds as a potential source of power.

In the face of constantly changing sexual boundaries and ever increasing ways for girls to be exploited, how do we change the collective soul of girls and women to make them feel too valuable, worthy, and empowered to be sold?

One girl at a time. Find one and tell her today.

For more about my television appearance experience visit BlogFabulous where I talk about what the news industry chooses to cover in Respect vs. Sex Industry.

High School Musical 2


by Tracee Sioux

Everyone is talking about High School Musical 2, with 17.2 million viewers during the premiere , it's the most-watched basic cable program ever. Ainsley and I watched it together.

Isn't this just Dirty Dancing for kids? Here's the formula:

Cute poor kid works at a country club for the summer. He's really good friends with all the other employees. Rich girl, Sharpay, tries to buy his love and exclude his friends. She uses such "manipulation" as to try to get him on the college basketball team and use her family clout with the university to help him get ahead.

His friends do this: Who are you? Sell out! What about your friends? You're not the guy we thought you were.

Everything culminates in a talent show (Dirty Dancing anyone?) where the employees win and the evil rich girl loses. But, Sharpay is but is okay with that and has learned her lesson.

I honestly think this is a fine, age-appropriate movie. However, I did tell my daughter that the moral of the story: rich people are evil and good kids shouldn't pursue success because they'll leave friends behind, just isn't true to life.

I, for one, wish I hadn't taken such story-book morality to heart. My issue is with the rich versus poor theme. Poor doesn't equal moral or nice. Nor does rich equal evil. Allowing our daughters to think these stories are true to life or can be applied to real life situations will inevitably keep them poor. That's all I'm saying. Poor is not a future I wish on either of my children. Neither is guilt for earning a living. Certainly, I don't want to present it as an either/or choice.

As the only father-figure in the movie says, It's okay to keep your eye on the prize and go for it.

It's unfortunate the same formula films with the "poor is the moral choice" keep getting recycled and spoon fed generation after generation. It leaves people, especially women, feeling conflicted when they work hard to make money.

The very least we can do, as parents, is point out the discrepencies between culture and reality.

Tuesday, August 21, 2007

Bloghers Act Poll

Blogher has opened the Blogher's Act Cause - one cause they would like women bloggers to focus on making a tangible change in over the next year - up for a vote. Many of them included health issues.

Obviously, for the purposes of So Sioux Me, I voted for Girls Health . There are quite a few women's health issues that could be resolved before a girl reaches womanhood. Can we say HPV vaccine, dating violence, body image, self worth, eating disorders, sexual abuse, to name only a few.






Please participate in the poll through Aug. 25 at midnight. United, women can impact the world, divided we're just nagging, bitching and complaining with limited power to change anything. Click here to put your two cents in.

Femimommy Inspirational (Of Course, Me)


One of my readers, the lovely Jeanie In Paradise, who writes a blog about what a paradise her life in Paradise, Australia is (it does sound pretty wonderful), nominated me for an Inspirational Blogger Award. It's right up there in the right-hand corner. Thank you Jeanie, I am exceptionally flattered and appreciative.

I think it goes like this: I nominate five more of my favorite bloggers for an Inspirational Blogger Award and then they share the love themselves by passing it on.

My first nomination obviously goes to Jenn over at Jlogged. She's a personal friend and I love hanging out with her. I find her perspective on things, like family budgets and personal finance, valuable and insightful. She's also quite hilarious, which I dig. She's got three sons, no daughters, so I'm taking notes for when Mr. Zack starts doing really boy stuff.

My second nomination found me first, Blue Milk. Her tag line is thinking + motherhood = feminist - I wish I had written it. I love what she has to say about motherhood and feminism. She gets what this blog is all about and it's nice to know that I'm not alone in the universe. You should check her out, she's inspiring.

I will also nominate Jace Shoemaker-Galloway Internet Safety Advisor . This is a realm of expertise that is rapid and constantly changing. Imagine inventing a completely new role in the universe. Also, imagine that your mission in life is to protect kids from online predators. That's her mission and I think it's vital to the empowerment of girls. She's been nominated for Best Educational Blog and I think everyone should go vote for her.

I want to use my fourth nomination for my b5media friends collectively. Mom Gadget Gayla McCord, Sports Girls Play Charlene Polanski, Kate Baggot at Babylune and of course Thrifty Mommy Karen Weideman are very inspiring in all they do.

Gala Darling is my fifth nominee. She's got the perfect take on style and fashion and beauty. It's just so fun! Her hair changes colors like other people change their shirts, she's so sexy and cute and funny and photographs really, really well. Gala seriously must have heard about all the rules and just giggled, did whatever she wanted and got loads of success for it. She's into shameless self-promotion and I am dying to have the nerve to emulate her in that regard. Really, why should we be ashamed to promote our skills and talents and services? If you're feeling blue as Gala's hair, hop on over to her site. You won't be able to resist the happy fun.

Monday, August 20, 2007

Coaching Advice


by Tracee Sioux

I went to the soccer league meeting on Saturday and they gave some interesting advice to the coaches.

If your team is winning 5-0 at half time, it's your responsibility, as the coach, to stop making goals and try to lose. Put yourself in the other team's place. You wouldn't like it if you went home defeated 15-0. It's no fun for the kids or their parents.

Dur. Huh?

I get it. I'm on board with their reasoning. I just think it's interesting.

What planet are we preparing our children to live on?

Friday, August 17, 2007

Carnival of Feminists

The Carnival of Feminists is up, haven't done much previewing for you. Maybe that will be my weekend reading. Curl up and enjoy, I know you're going to get all fired up reading it.

Blue Milk has an anti-brats, anti-adult clothing item (like g-strings for preschoolers and bras for 6-year-olds). It's called Playboy Kids, more Bratz hatred, and how to stop this thing. She asks, Could a mother really be so blatantly inappropriate in the sexualizing of her own child?

Tone Turtle


by Tracee Sioux

I hate that I have to admit this. I really, really do. Like you don't even know how much it pains me to admit that . . .

My tone has become a problem. I know this because I hear my tone come out of my daughter's mouth and that's a problem. A really big problem.

I suppose I used to think of my tone as an effective way to make myself be heard. The problem is that it's not really effective anymore, if it ever was. Highly questionable whether my tone has ever gotten me what I really wanted. Perhaps I was just fooling myself there.

If I could legislate my daughter's tone, without having to admit that she's immitating me, believe me, I would jump on that.

However, if there is one thing the last 5 years of parenting has taught me, children are fantastic mimics. If you want to know how you look to others, look at your children. If you don't like what you see in the reflection, you have to trace it back to yourself and fix the root of the problem. Otherwise the problem just gets worse and far more out of control.

My daughter's tone stopped being cute about a little while ago. She's 5. I'm 34. So, this stopped being cute what, like 29 years ago?

All my life I've heard this, You have an attitude problem.

To which, I've replied, if only in my own head, I have an attitude, I wouldn't say it's a problem.

For the past little while confronting some issues in my marriage I've realized that my tone goes a long way in creating the problems. To admit that takes a lot of courage because I don't want this to construed as "a get out of jail free" card. But, tone does go a long way. Tone, I've realized and have had several people point out to me, is often more important than what you're actually saying.

So, if people are only hearing the tone and not the message I'm trying to convey - well, that's a problem. It's ineffective.

I don't know what the solution is. Step One, in breaking any habit, behavior or addiction is always, admit that you have a problem.

My tone is a problem. OUCH! It's painful to admit.

I've got several solutions in the hopper too. The A Complaint Free World bracelet is a good reminder that I don't have to complain about everything. (Although, it's kind of hurting my self-esteem because I am such a failure at not complaining.) I've installed a Tone Turtle Bank, in the same spirit as the Self Loathing Sin Bank, on the kitchen table. The idea being that my daughter and I must deposit quarters into the banks to penalize tone usage. (The obvious problem with this penalty is that she has no job and has to get the quarters from me. So, it's a theory in progress.)

Most importantly, I think, is that I took it to God and surrendered my anger and my tone.

Of course, as is my nasty emotional habit, I trace all my negative behaviors back to my mother - which is totally unfair as I'm 34-years-old and must be responsible for my own shit eventually, right?

Really, the fear of Karma (by which I mean, what comes around goes around and do unto others and you get back what you put out there) is getting to me. I'm totally aware that if I keep blaming my mother for all my personal crap, then my daughter will have cart blanche to blame me for everything and I'm not at all into that. I'm doing the best I can here. As Iknow my mother did too.

So, I took all my issues with my mother straight to God and surrendered those too.

Thursday, August 16, 2007

Happy Feet Beats Bratz



by Tracee Sioux

Completely violating my goal to say no to good things as I vowed to do in my column Priorities, I am the new coach of Ainsley's soccer team.

Perhaps you recall my protest last fall when my five-year-old daughter, Ainsley's, soccer coach informed me that her team was being named The Bratz. If you missed it, you should check out Go Bratz Go! where I reported how I was the only parent against naming a little girls' soccer team after vapid dolls that dress like hookers. I convinced the parents to change the name to Butterflies.


The soccer commissioners refused to be flexible about their deadline and wouldn't allow the name change. After a lot of consideration in, No Bratz No! Tantrum or Go With The Flow?, she played on the team. She was wearing an unempowering uniform which declared her a brat in bold black letters.

Playing sports is a huge confidence builder and seriously empowering for girls. Girls must have exercise, let's not forget the BMI Red Zone. Soccer beats cheerleading, in my opinion, as I said in Give Me an "A". I didn't see how anything empowering would be accomplished by yanking her off the soccer team in protest of the name. I certainly didn't want the message to be - if you don't get your way, pick up your toys and go home.


My protest, I do think, made some people think about the issue of what kind of influences their expose their daughters are exposed to. So, it wasn't a complete waste.


This season they needed a coach. I volunteered because I, as the coach, get to name the team. I also think it's important to be involved in my kids' education, activities and sports.

We'll be making a fashion statement in black shirts with pink script, pink shorts and pink socks (hopefully). I know penguins are black and white, but I didn't want to try to keep white clean.

I'm the new coach of Happy Feet.

Sharpton Protests Anti-Girl Lyrics

by Tracee Sioux

Rev. Al Sharpton, Baptist minister, political activist,and 2004 presidential candidate led protest marches against "gutter terms" in rap and hip hop lyrics.

According to the Washington Post article, Protests were held in more than 20 cities over the use of degrading lyrics by the music industry, the Rev. Al Sharpton said.

The so-called Day of Outrage, organized by Sharpton's National Action Network, included protests Tuesday in New York; Los Angeles; Detroit; Chicago; Houston; Richmond, Va.; Jacksonville, Fla.; and other cities.

This was a pro-girl move. If you've missed the cultural conversation about misogynistic violent anti-girl rap lyrics it went something like this: White radio jock Don Imus called some African American college basketball players nappy headed hos. This sparked an outrage among African Americans. It also sparked a national conversation about why rappers and hip hop artists can call women hos, bitches, sluts, etc. and not only is it okay, but they make millions of dollars?

Good Question. Oprah led the discussion last season in a serious of shows on the topic of anti-female lyrics in rap and hip hop lyrics. Guests included African American leaders the likes of Maya Angelo, Def Jam hip hop label producer Russell Simmons, rapper Common, Al Sharpton and others.

Commons took some accountability for the rap community, And we are apologizing for the disrespect that does come from the mouths of men to women.

Diane Weathers, former editor in chief of Essence magazine, said women must stop accepting this kind of behavior, "They have to know that it's not acceptable if you keep doing this kind of music. The contract is off," Diane said. "These guys are all really embraced by the mainstream. It has to be unacceptable."

On BBC News , Russell Simmons said there was "growing public outrage" about the use of the terms, ho, bitch, which he said should be viewed as the same as "extreme curse words".

He asked broadcasters and record companies to voluntarily remove, bleep or delete the words from music.

The words 'bitch' and 'ho' are utterly derogatory and disrespectful of the painful, hurtful, misogyny that, in particular, African-American women have experienced in the United States as part of the history of oppression, inequality, and suffering of women, Simmons said.

Don Imus was subsequently fired (though not for the sexism, just the racism).

In the interest of making misogynistic lyrics socially unacceptable I applaud Sharpton for staging 20 news-making, attention focusing protests against misogynistic lyrics. Obviously, the ideal and constitutional right of freedom of speech should be upheld, but women do have the power to stop paying and participating in this type of "art."

Have you watched the BET videos and listened to the lyrics? They are far more offensive to women than those shown on VH1 or CMT. Blinged up men throwing cash right at the crotch of a barely dressed woman with her legs spread - art? Is this a true depiction of what women actually are? Is this really art reflecting life?

This is not the artistic depiction of reality so much as it is reducing girls and women to objects to be purchased, screwed, abused and then tossed away like yesterday's garbage. These types of lyrics and videos costs our girls their souls - that's not harmless.

Young girls believe they should be imitating art like this. I've asked several teenagers about how they felt about these types of lyrics they respond (while emulating pole dancing), There is nothing we can do about it. We can't stop them from calling us hos.

Thank goodness Sharpton, Simmons and others don't share their sense of powerlessness. I don't support government censorship - I'm a writer, come on. But, I'm all for market and cultural boycotts by refusing to purchase the CDs, go to the concerts or watch the videos until they show some respect for women and girls.

I also support call for radio stations to bleep the anti-girl words ho, bitch, and slut as they do other "curse words" including asshole, dick and prick. Does anyone else see the gender disparity in what gets bleeped from the radio or on videos and what's allowed?

Wednesday, August 15, 2007

The W List

Conversation Agent started a list of women who blog, obviously I want to be included as relevant to the conversation.

Moda di Magno by Lori Magno
Get Shouty by Katie Chatfield
Many of you may already know a few not on the marketing list:
Deborah Schultz by Deborah Schultz
The Engaging Brand by Anna Farmery
Liz Strauss at Successful Blog by Liz Strauss
Manage to Change by Ann Michael
Lorelle on WordPress by Lorelle VanFossen
Inspired Business Growth by Wendy Piersall
Back in Skinny Jeans by Stephanie Quilao
Learned on Women by Andrea Learned
eSoup by Sharon Sarmiento
Management Craft by Lisa Haneberg
Productivity Goal by Carolyn Manning
Also check out newer entrants:
Modite by Rebecca Thorman
Tech Kitten by Trisha Miller
Get Fresh Minds by Katie Konrath
Conscious Business by Anne Libby
Narrative Assets by Karen Hegman
So Sioux Me by Tracee Sioux
Sports Girls Play by Charlene Polansky


If I left out anyone, I'm sure you or the women I inadvertently left out of the list will be able to add to this one. Top 20 + 13 + 5 = the beginning of the W-List and more great blogs and link love. What other great blogs are out there authored by women? To link forward, simply copy all these links into your post and add yours.

advergirl Leigh Householder
Back in Skinny Jeans by Stephanie Quilao
BlogWrite for CEOs Debbie Weil
Biz Growth News by Krishna De
Brand Sizzle Anne Simons
Branding & Marketing Chris Brown
CK’s Blog CK (Christina Kerley)
Communication Overtones Kami Huyse
Conscious Business by Anne Libby
Conversation Agent Valeria Maltoni
Corporate PR Elizabeth Albrycht
Customers Rock! Becky Carroll
Deborah Schultz by Deborah Schultz
Diva Marketing Blog Toby Bloomberg
Email Marketing Best Practices Tamara Gielen
eSoup by Sharon Sarmiento
Everyone Needs Therapy by Therapydoc
Flooring The Consumer CB Whittemore
Forrester’s Marketing Blog Shar, Charlene, Chloe, Christine Elana, Laura and Lisa
Get Fresh Minds by Katie Konrath
Get Shouty by Katie Chatfield
Inspired Business Growth by Wendy Piersall
Internet Safety Advisor by Jace Shoemaker-Galloway
Jlogged by Jennifer Lea
Kinetic Ideas Wendy Maynard
Learned on Women by Andrea Learned
Liz Strauss at Successful Blog by Liz Strauss
Lorelle on WordPress by Lorelle VanFossen
Manage to Change by Ann Michael
Management Craft by Lisa Haneberg
Marketing Roadmaps Susan Getgood
Moda di Magno by Lori Magno
Modite by Rebecca Thorman
Narrative Assets by Karen Hegman
Presto Vivace Blog Alice Marshall
Productivity Goal by Carolyn Manning
So Sioux Me by Tracee Sioux
Spare Change Nedra Kline Weinreich
Talk It Up Heidi Miller
Tech Kitten by Trisha Miller
The Copywriting Maven Roberta Rosenberg
The Blog Angel by Claire Raikes
The Engaging Brand by Anna Farmery
The Floozy Blog by Kate Coote
The Origin of Brands Laura Ries
The Podcast Sisters by Krishna De, Anna Farmery and Heather Gorring
Thrifty Mommy by Karen Weideman and Kelly Saunders
Wealth Strategy Secrets by Nicola Cairncross
What’s Next Blog B L Ochman
Widows Quest A L Farmery
Wiggly Wigglers by Heather Gorringe

Carnie of Substances

The 4th Carnival of All Substances is up over at Therapydoc's Everyone Needs Therapy.

Check it out if you have an interest in addictions, substance abuse, codependence, or know someone who does. Is there anyone left who doesn't?

Tuesday, August 14, 2007

Bizarro Bar



by Tracee Sioux

This weekend my husband and I got away without the children and we went out to a bar. Not just any bar, but bizarro bar.

Let me paint a picture, I'm wearing my hot red heals and we're sitting in the back corner, because it was the only open table.

The table in front of us was a bachelorette party and they've brought a male blow up doll. We were to find out later in the evening, when they took off the doll's Levi's, it was an anatomically correct and very well-endowed blow up doll.

Straddling the doorway between the pool area and the live cover band area was a uniformed county Sheriff.

And all over the entire bar, amidst the smoking, drinking, anatomically correct blow up doll bachelorette paryting is a 10-year-old little girl. I can only presume the woman who brought her there was her mother. The man she was with was her mother's boyfriend, also a presumption. Several men in their party gave her special hugs that would probably have been construed as appropriate had they not been drunks in a bar, where really it looked quite inappropriate.

At one point a uniformed city cop came in. The sheriff went over to one of the ladies partying with the well hung doll and whispered in her ear. The lady then took off running with the plastic penis flapping in the wind and threw the doll on the city cop. City cop had quite a good sense of humor about it and even posed for a picture with the doll. Turns out the Sheriff wasn't chatting with the woman about lewdness with the doll, but was enlisting her in throwing it on his fellow officer.

All this to say that perhaps the most empowering place for the 10-year-old little girl would have been at home with a really nice babysitter. I thought that was a given, but apparently someone needs to say it again.

I got a couple of pictures on the cell phone. What was I going to do, call the cops?

Monday, August 13, 2007

We Bleed

By Tracee Sioux

I've been racking my brain, trying to figure out why we keep the monthly menstrual cycle a big secret from our daughters.

I've got nothing. Can't think of a single developmental reason for keeping the biological fact of menstruation from my daughter.

Out of default I have attempted to be private and secretive about my period. My 5-year-old daughter, Ainsley, has questioned me numerous times about what tampons and pads are. Or why I was being so uncharacteristically private. (Like most mothers I have no real privacy whatsoever.) I've always responded with something super lame like I'll tell you when you're older. To which she responds, Like when I'm a teenager? Then I say something like, Maybe when you're 9.

I was quite shocked when learning about my monthly period. I must have been 9 or 10. The only thing I remember was thinking along the lines of, Whose idea was that? Why? Come to think of it, those are the questions I still have.

I suppose it felt like a coming of age thing. I can't figure out how my mother kept it quiet for so long. My daughter was tuned into the tampons and pads from the get go and I've been avoiding the question, waiting for the appropriate right of passage moment.

Shopping for tampons at the pharmacy my daughter wanted to know what was up.

What are those?

It's for my period. Girls bleed every month. Down there.

Bleed? Why?

It happens so we can have babies.

Oh.

Then CVS sent me a Kotex sample.

Did anything come in the mail for me? What's that?

It's a pad, for when I bleed. So the blood doesn't get on my panties.

Why did they send you that?

I guess they want me to buy this kind of pad.

So many teachable moments passed before I finally told her and it was completely without drama. I can't figure out why I hid it from her begin with.

My advice to other mothers of young daughters? Tell them the first time they ask. Tell your sons too for that matter. The mystery doesn't add anything to the experience. Knowledge of their own body and its biological facts can only empower girls. If it's something a girl has always known, it's not surprising, shocking, shameful, weird or dirty.

After the knowledge of the biological fact there's the issue of attaching a value judgement to the monthly period. Is it a blessing or a curse? Should we celebrate with a party and go out for tea or something to mark the moment? Well, we have a few years for that. I suppose it depends on your daughter's attitude about getting it. I wanted it desperately as a sign of womanhood, I have a feeling Ainsley will feel the same way. She's already quizzing me about when she'll be allowed to wear make-up (12) and date (28). Like mother, like daughter.

Friday, August 10, 2007

Kid Free Weekend

by Tracee Sioux

Do you vacation without the children? Well, my husband and I never have. Not together. We've separately taken a weekend to go on a retreat or a night away, but never together.

This weekend will mark the first time. We're not going far, just to a nearby bed and breakfast for the weekend.

It's good for our children to see us go away alone. They'll have a lovely time at NaNa's house. They're perfectly independent little ones so there won't be much crying in the night for Mommy. It's good to leave your kids, lets them know that they can do things without you and you'll always come back. Plus, it's great for the parental sanity. Hopefully great for the marriage as well.
I'm actually feeling a bit awkward and shy about two days alone with my husband.

What if we don't know what to say to each other?
Wish us luck! See you Monday.

Wednesday, August 8, 2007

Kat Von D Rocks


by Tracee Sioux

One wouldn't immediately think of a tatoo artist as the ideal role model for girl empowerment. But, then there is Kat Von D (Katherine Von Drachenberg), who makes viewers question the definition of beauty and is an empowering illustration (literally) of what it's like for women breaking into male-dominated industries.

Perhaps you've occassionally tuned in to Miami Ink. Kat used to be the only girl in the tattoo shop and it was entertaining to watch her try to mesh with the men who dominate her profession. That's when my 5-year-old daughter, Ainsley and I became fans. Then she got fired. Well, you know she got mouthy with the boss and turned her nose up at jobs she didn't really want to do.

The Learning Channel, brilliantly offered her a show, LA Ink, which premiered on Tuesday night. Genius!

She's really beautiful, Ainsley says of Kat Von D. Somehow, she really is.

I wouldn't have described beauty as ink portraits and doodles covering a massive portion of a woman's body, yet there is something infinately beautiful about Kat and the other tatted up chicks on LA Ink. There is something authenticly lovely and feminine about her that makes you question traditional beauty. Perhaps it's her retro-feminine sexuality and the pin-up marketing that make her so appealing. Maybe it's her more sexy than not rocker chick style. Could be the dramatic eye makeup and the black long hair.

Not everyone could pull off tattoed animalistic spots on her face. Somehow Kat makes it hypnotically beautiful with intention.

What we're used to seeing as beauty is featured on "reality" shows like E!'s Sunset Tan or The Girls Next Door, where everyone is tan, bleached blond and wearing the latest designers. Heck, even The Simple Life, which features Nichole Richie, a racially mixed woman, only allows tan blond beauty.

LA Ink and Kat Von D make us question and redefine our definition of beauty. It's really quite refreshing to broaden the scope of acceptable beauty. Broadening the definition of beauty, will hopefully, prevent our daughters from appearing on Dr. 90210 in an attempt to surgically become narrowly defined beauty.

It's empowering to watch Kat recruit her employees - mostly other female artists - and know that this is the first time they've ever been able to work in a predominately female environment. I think it's going to be fascinating to watch how that plays out. She brought in one male tatooist, her mentor, to provide the grounding for the catty and PMSy factor, Kat said.

I expect LA INK, based on the first episode, to deconstruct femininity, beauty, body image, gender and self in a way that will make both myself and my daughter feel empowered.

On Tuesday's show we saw a client getting a tattoo of a 1950s era Gil Elvgren pin-up dressed in a sexy apron with the tagline "I should be in the kitchen." We can look back on the fact that we were bound to domestic roles with a sense of humor, so its completely rediculous and ironic, Hannah Aitchison, one of LA Ink's female artists said as she did the tat.

It may seem like I'm setting back decades upon decades of womens rights. I've pushed myself into a very masculine world and I've succeeded. But at the end of the day I want to go home and put a little cute apron on and make cupcakes and that's all I want to do. I love the feminine part of my life, so this is just a reminder of that, Jessica, the client, said.

Hit record on the DVR Tuesday nights on the TLC Channel. Live & Learn!


My Protege (and how to get one)



I'm a mentor for a 15-year old girl named Ambrea. I was trying to think of a great way to persuade others to become mentors, when it occurred to me that I should let Ambrea, my own protege, tell you why becoming a mentor is important.

Ambrea:

Becoming a mentor is important cause you can share new things with other people. Mentors give you ideas you never had before. Sometimes you can talk to that person about something that has been on your mind for the longest, and I think they would tell you the right thing to do. I think what I am trying to say is, that mentors are so important in so many ways you can think about. I like having a Mentor because that certain person can hold on to you no matter what. My Mentor is sweet to me in so many kinds of ways. I mean my mentor tells me things I never even heard before. Don't let nobody tell you you can't have something you want,because if you want something you go out and get it, and that is exactly what I did. To me having a mentor is a gift from God, cause they tell you everything you need to hear. My mentor is special to me, and that's why I love my mentor so much. You people out there who don't have a mentor should really get one, because not having one is like not having a best friend to talk to.

As someone deeply concerned about the soul of girls in this country I'm encouraging everyone to sign up for a local mentoring program.
The good news is that making one kid feel important does change the world - at least for that kid. If you affect one kid, you affect everyone they come into contact with from current friends to future children. Mentoring is, in some small measure, how every person can tangibly change the world in a positive and productive way.

Do it for yourself. Who doesn't want the kind of appreciation and admiration evident in Ambrea's comments? If you want to feel empowered in your life, (and who doesn't want that?) this one-hour a week commitment will give you an undeniable tangible feeling of accomplishment. This one hour of time well spent will cure boredom, apathy, depression and all sorts of self-loathing forms of self-absorption. And it's cheaper and healthier than antidepressants.

Who wouldn't buy a bottle of undeniable, tangible feeling of accomplishment from an info-mercial? Lucky you, it's free and all you have to do is hang out with a kid one hour a week.

Enter your zip code to find a program that fits your lifestyle in your neighborhood at mentoring.org.

Tuesday, August 7, 2007

National Night Out

by Tracee Sioux

One way to empower yourself and your family is to meet the neighbors. The theory behind National Night Out is that if your neighbors know you, they pay attention to who is coming and going from your house. You're less likely to be a victim of a crime if your neighbors are involved. The hope is that they'll say, Hey, that looks a little sketchy, and call the police should someone break in.

I remember having the run of the neighborhood when I was a kid. America was either safer then, or we just weren't aware that so many of our neighbors were terrible human beings not worth knowing.

I don't live in the best neighborhood in town. I know only one of my neighbors and he's a little off, given to random fits of screaming. I feel slightly guilty for judging these people, my neighbors, who are probably a mix of naughty and nice, without even knowing who they are.

Today I noticed lots of National Night Out signs in prosperous neighborhoods. Surely, if I lived in one of those neighborhoods I'd be more inclined to know my neighbors right?

It begs the question: Is it more empowering to acknowledge your neighbors if they are a little shady or vanish inside the house and group everyone in the whole neighborhood as "a stranger" for the benefit of empowering a daughter? According to the National Sex Offender Registry there are quite a few convicted sex offenders in my neighborhood and that doesn't make me want to run right out with a batch of cookies.

NATIONAL NIGHT OUT is designed to:
* Heighten crime and drug prevention awareness;
* Generate support for, and participation in, local anticrime programs;
* Strengthen neighborhood spirit and police-community partnerships; and
* Send a message to criminals letting them know that neighborhoods are organized and fighting back.

I saw one sign in my neighborhood a few blocks down. The lawn was mowed and the house kept up. Perhaps I'll stop by for some punch and cookies just so I can say I'm a part of the solution rather than part of the problem. Perhaps you should too.

Fascinating Carnies

I do try to grow the readership of my blogs by submitting to blog carnivals. Blog Carnivals are fascinating reading and highly educational and entertaining.

This week we have the Live the Power Unlimited carnival which focuses on manifesting positive changes in your life. I particularly enjoyed the entry about the benefits of aerobic exercise ,comparing the costs of popping pills to lower cholesteral and blood pressure versus the cost of taking a jog to the same effect. For some reason it seems so much easier to take the pills sometimes. I wonder why. I also enjoy these entries 7 Things Successful People Would Never Say , and Suffering is Optional, and Eliminate the Things that Irritate You.

Carnival of Conflict is presented over at Talk Lab. I read the Marriage vs. Money article and couldn't help but wonder how she makes compromise sound so easy and fun in her marriage versus how it's really quite painful in my own.

The most fascinating for me, this month, was browsing This Is Not My Country. It's a collection of political articles dealing with everything from immigration to free speech on the web. I think it's fascinating to read because everyone presents such a drastically different perspective about what's wrong with America and her politics.

Monday, August 6, 2007

Priorities

by Tracee Sioux

The good is the enemy of the best.

So says John C. Maxwell in Developing the Leader Within You. I'm reading the chapter on priorities as I try to balance my work, with my family, with my relatives, with my church, with my exercise, with my budget, with my friends, with my community involvement.

I've simply become uncomfortably busy and I dislike it. I think it's costing me something.

My kids are upset when I work because they aren't actually getting "quality" time, they are just getting run all over town doing good deeds for people, maintenance of life errands, going to the gym or expected to amuse themselves while I write.

They are with me, but without my attention.

I think everything I do is, in some way, important to someone. If it's not an important activity for me, I find my husband thinks it's vital.

Maxwell says the key to being a leader is to say no to the good and only say yes to the best. People who try to do everything, he says, are mediocre at everything. People who try to do one thing become great at that one thing.

I find myself being mediocre at a lot of things, late more often than I should be, and not being able to focus on the things I really want to do. Yet, I can't help but feel guilty about the good things I say no to, like running errands for an elderly relative, babysitting a child whose parents are sick or teaching my daughter's Sunday school class. It's not just my guilt holding me back either, I find people's reactions when I try to say no less than pleasant. Several times I've found people to be downright angry about my saying no to good things.

Yes, you can try to have it all, but you won't be any good at it, seems to be the moral of the story. How women struggle with this issue.

Hopefully, my daughter's generation will have more experience and history behind trying to have it all and will learn to choose what is best versus what is good. I can tell you it doesn't feel at all empowering to be doing everything, just a little sloppily.

Thursday, August 2, 2007

Empowered By Children's Healthcare Expansion

By Tracee Sioux

Population Connection just sent me a letter that made me feel totally empowered. I had sent letters to all of my representatives insisting they vote in favor of extending and expanding the State Children's Health Insurance Program (SCHIP). I had also asked readers of So Sioux Me to write their Representatives as well. I feel proud to have participated and I feel proud of my readers who participated.

The only way Americans can be empowered is if we use our power to demand what we want from our elected Representatives. Writing letters, is, I believe, an effective way to communicate with those we've put in office about our expectations of them.

The State Children's Health Insurance Program (SCHIP) was passed by the House by a vote of 224-204.

The President has threatened to veto the expansion of SCHIP.

The controversy, an extremely relevant and important one for girl empowerment, extends to the federally funded abstinence-only sex education provision. The provision will require that programs be medically and scientifically accurate and that they be based on a model that has been proven effective at reducing unintended pregnancy and the spread of sexually transmitted diseases.

From a girl empowerment standpoint misinformation or uninformation about how she can get pregnant or how she might contract a sexually transmitted disease, both of which carry lifelong consequences, is never to a girls' benefit.

A girl is entitled to know how her body functions and what the medically accurate consequences for her sexual behavior might be. Not telling her how she might contract an STD or become pregnant has the practical effect of leaving her with a baby and an STD through ignorance.

Withholding or giving inaccurate information is patently unfair, and I believe, immoral, from the girls' standpoint.

I understand that parents want the right to tell their children what they feel is appropriate about sex. Feel free. Please, tell them abstinence is the only way to be 100% safe. By all means, encourage them to wait until they are more mature and totally committed. No one wants teenagers to have sex - it's a bad idea. Teenage sex has real consequences.

However, since parents aren't the ones facing parenthood at 14-years-old and they aren't the ones contracting cancer-causing HPV or life-threatening AIDS, the girls' right to medically accurate information supersedes the parents' right to withhold information from their children.

In practicality, parents are the last ones to know what kind of actual sexual activity is going on with their kids. How many parents have had to sit through the terrifying and shocking news that their teenage daughter is pregnant? The whole design of having sex as a teenager is to keep it from the parents, especially the really, really devout Christian ones.

Not telling girls the truth about how their biological reproductive systems work leaves a lot of room for a boy, whose objective is to get laid, to tell girls oh, you can't get pregnant if I pull out, you can't get pregnant if you do it in a hot tub, if I don't put it all the way in you won't get pregnant, that's not an STD it's just a scab from too much masturbating, I've been checked out and I don't have anything, condoms are just not intimate enough I want to be able to feel you, a blow job isn't really sex.

It's been a while, but I'm pretty positive such ploys are still in being used in parked cars and parentally vacant houses all over America, not to mention all the illicit sexual activity that goes on between teenagers in the church youth group.

We owe our girls enough medically accurate information to be able to take care of themselves sexually. Without medically accurate information, we make victims of them needlessly and that's never empowering.

It is also relevant to point out that under the provision, states and school districts still have the right to determine which curriculum to present in their schools, as long as it's medically accurate information. Obviously more conservative areas will choose to focus more on abstinence.

An empowered girl understands the consequences of sexual activity, and God willing makes better decisions, because she's been given accurate information about her own body.

Arguing = Better Pay



By Tracee Sioux

Obey.
Don't argue.
This is not negotiable.
Just do what you're supposed to to.
Quit complaining about it.

I catch myself telling my daughter this kind of stuff all day long. While we're teaching daughters to be good girls are we costing them future professional success?

According to an article By Shankar Vedantam of WashingtonPost.com on MSNBC.com we're giving girls the impression that to negotiate for a better salary is simply not nice.

Some Ivy League experts suggest the reason professional women are making 23% less than male professionals is because women do not negotiate their pay or ask for more professional opportunities. Even when told negotiating would be rewarded, only 58% of women did it in one study.

For good reason. Another study suggests that the interviewers and bosses have a real negative perception of women who negotiate and are less likely to hire or promote them. Women, it seems, rely on intuition and other factors - such as the gender of the interviewer - when gauging whether asking for a raise will be perceived negatively or positively. Men, according to all the studies in this article, were less likely to want to work with a woman who had asked for a raise, while they don't mind when men asked for more.

Next time your daughter argues back consider giving a response that might help her better her assertive negotiating skills.

I like the way your thinking.
What you're saying makes a lot of sense.
Perhaps we should reconsider that rule.
Maybe we should raise your allowance.

Would the world collapse if girls were given positive reinforcement for negotiating or would they simply be willing to take more risks, be more assertive with future authority figures and make more money as adults? Not just a tiny bit more, but over $300,000 is the current the estimate of what a lifetime of "accepting what is offered" costs female professionals. And those are the women who never took time off to have children.

As parents of millennial daughters we have a responsibility to prepare them for the world they will be entering, not the one we wish they were entering.

In that world they will be best served if they have some negotiation skills and feel empowered to insist on what they need. Perhaps then we should put less focus on being nice and more focus on being assertive. While we're at it we might suggest to our sons that it's okay for girls to ask for what they need.
Read the original article for more details on the studies.

Wednesday, August 1, 2007

Bloghers Act

I just posted on Blogher why I think Blogher should choose health care as our pet project for Blogher's Act, a bi-partisan initiative for women bloggers to influence government in a positive way. There is current discussion on what the pet topic will be.

All women deserve health coverage - breast cancer research does us no good if we can't afford the cure. It also does us no good to be diagnosed with post partum depression and get the help we need if it means we're uninsurable in the future.

If presented the right way I think all women can get behind access to health coverage for everyone.

For bloggers there are some really easy and tangible ways to effect the change.

* Carry around voter registration cards and hand them to people you talk to on the street, neighbors, people at church, other parents at school. There are MILLIONS of Americans who do not vote. We can seriously influence voter turnout by simply making it very easy to register. You can pick up voter registration cards for free and it doesn't even cost a stamp to send it.

* Bloggers can make an effort to report on the average persons health care concerns. Real people you know having real serious problems with their insurance companies or being denied coverage or receiving inaccurate and excessive bills from doctors. We've been silent long enough. This method illustrates that this is not happening to "others" it is happening to "us," good hardworking American citizens.

* Put links to organizations like Congress.org that makes it really simple for readers to sent letters to their elected officials letting them know that this is the American People's issue, not a partisan one and we expect them ALL, Republican and Democrat, to take it seriously and commit to a better plan.

To encourage Blogher to pick healthcare as its Blogher's Act issue please send an email to: cooper-emily@themotherhood.com or post a comment at Blogher's Community page.