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Wednesday, February 28, 2007

Sexual Urban Legend

By Tracee Sioux

Everyone has heard this urban legend . . .

I have a cousin (or uncle or brother or dad or son) who was only 18 (19, 20, 21, 22) and his girlfriend was 14 and she totally seduced him and then when he broke up with her she had him arrested for statutory rape. Now he’s on the sex offender list for the rest of his life and won’t ever be able to work with children and I don’t think that’s fair at all. I mean, she totally wanted to do it and she was seducing him. He’s a good guy and this just shouldn’t follow him all his life. It’s not fair, she's just a slut.

Yeah, I’ve got that cousin too. He’s my favorite cousin, always has been. And it sucks for him that he’ll have to pay for his mistake all his life.

And I’ve been that 14-year-old girl.

Now I won’t claim to know what went on in every single one of those rooms with your "innocent" uncle, brother, father, son or cousin. Perhaps if you knew the details you would still believe he was innocent of any wrongdoing.

I’d have to fiercely disagree.

I’m 33 now and I’ve started volunteering as a mentor with four 14-year-old girls.

Here’s what I have learned THEY ARE CHILDREN!

I occurs to me now that no matter how much I would have sworn that I was ready for love and sex, that I was “mature” and should be legally allowed to consent to sex with a boy four or five years my senior – I was a naive and delusional child. I thought I was so grown up. I thought I was so ready for all of adulthood.

Children make bad decisions, it’s in their nature. Not to mention that I had zero sexual education and was therefore unprepared to make any kind of educated decision about whether or not I was ready.

What I really was ready for was for a boy to like me. I was ready for a little romantic involvement. I was ready to experiment with my self as a sexual being – preferably with boys my own age who were also into experimenting with the new world.

My innocence should have been protected by the law, by my parents (they tried to talk me out of it, but did not involve the law), and most of all by that 19-year-old pervert who spoon-fed me seductive crap about how "mature" I was and how "different" I was from girls my age and how he preferred hanging out with me to "high maintenance" girls his own age. READ: You're an easy target and girls my own age are too hard to f***.

Looking back I know that in his innermost being that guy was a coward. He didn’t dare date girls his own age because they were mature enough not to take his crap. Had it been a severely punishable offense that was frequently (rather than almost never) prosecuted he wouldn’t have had the guts to pursue a child for his perverted and deviant hobby.

My point here is that your uncle, brother, cousin, father or son is not entitled to a free pass at our teenage daughters. As an adult he should know better and should be held to a higher standard than a child in regards to sexual responsibility.

For much too long we have been offering our teenage daughters as some sort of sacrifice on the alter of a man’s uncontrollable (what crap!) need for sexual gratification.

Our teenage daughters deserve legal and social protection. They deserve to be able to experiment with their provocativity and sexuality without an adult man taking this as a viable invitation or seduction. My five-year-old often experiments with looking sexy or provocative – all little girls do. This doesn’t give anyone permission or a legitimate excuse to molest her. Not now and not when she is 12, 13, 14, 15, 16 or17.

Tuesday, February 27, 2007

I Agree With Bill O'Reilly (SCREAM!!!!)

By Tracee Sioux

Seriously, all evidence suggests that hell must have frozen over.

I have seen Bill O'Reilly, Fox newsman, on a few talk shows recently and I actually agreed with part of his mission. I'm a little concerned I'm becoming a . . . Right Wing Conservative?!?!?!?

Whew - not quite. Still me. But there are some issues that he and I agree on. Many of these issues are ones where I can kinda see his point, but I think he's too extreme.

On the issue of laws governing sexual abuse crimes in this country I am not sure he is extreme enough.

On Oprah last week he made the following statement, "You've got to understand. This thing, this molestation, rape, never goes away," O'Reilly said. "We have an obligation to get rid of them (sexual predators). To put them away so they can't possibly hurt anybody again."

A statement with which I 100% agree.

Here's some sickening statistics that, if you are a parent of girls or boys, should make your stomach want to reject breakfast and make your head pound with fury and indignation and make your heart race with fear and loathing and anxiety. (If you don't have this kind of emotional reaction after reading these statistics then there is undeniably something wrong with your internal sense of right and wrong.)

National Center for Mission and Exploited Children and Parents for Megan's Law reports:

  • 797,500 children (younger than 18) were reported missing in a one-year period of time studied resulting in an average of 2,185 children being reported missing each day.
  • Approximately one in seven youth online (10 to 17-years-old) received a sexual solicitation or approach over the Internet.
  • Four percent (4%) received an aggressive sexual solicitation - a solicitor who asked to meet them somewhere; called them on the telephone; or sent them offline mail, money, or gifts.
  • Research indicates that 1 in 5 girls and 1 in 10 boys will be sexually victimized before adulthood. [D. Finkelhor. “Current Information on the Scope and Nature of Child Sexual Abuse.” The Future of Children: Sexual Abuse of Children, 1994, volume 4, page 37.]
  • An estimated 1 in 20 men are child molesters.
  • According to Parents for Megan's Law (the law which requires convicted sex offender to register where they live on a public notice) 24% of convicted child molesters do not report their address to databases.
  • In the U.S. there were 540,846 registered convicted sex offenders in 2006, according to Parents for Megan's Law.
  • In my state, Texas, there are around $50,000 convicted sex offenders in the registry. Follow this link to see how many live in your neighborhood or in the house next door to your family. http://www.parentsformeganslaw.com/html/links.lasso.

One of the most frightening things I've ever heard is that there exists an organized group of perverts who meet to discuss how best to victimize, seduce, rape and molest our children. NAMBLA, the North American Man Boy Love Association, is a legal organization that hides behind freedom of speech to actively participate in destroying our kids.

They meet in chat room on the Internet, they meet in person and plan vacations countries that participate in childhood slavery so they will have a chance to easily act out their most perverse fetishes without consequence or hassle. They share the best tactics with which to lure our children with each other. They even have jewelry, rather pretty symbols of triangles and hearts (to broadcast whether they enjoy having sex with male or female children) to express their sexual desires for children so they can easily identify each other in a crowd.

They are sick and evil men who follow the motto: a child's right to have sex with adults should not be infringed upon.

The ACLU, American Civil Liberties Union, defended NAMBLA in a Massachusetts court case, they issued this statement, "In representing NAMBLA today, our Massachusetts affiliate does not advocate sexual relationships between adults and children," they go on to say, "The principle is as simple as it is central to true freedom of speech: those who do wrong are responsible for what they do; those who speak about it are not."

I'm an advocate for freedom of speech, especially as a writer. However, I believe defending NAMBLA or any other sexual predator illustrates a complete disregard for every social good and I will no longer ever support the ACLU. They are now advocates for EVIL in my book, another point on which Bill O'Reilly and I agree.

TAKE ACTION

I am not one for apathy. I am encouraging every single reader of this column to DO something about this. Currently there is a piece of legislation called the Adam Walsh Child Protection and Safety Act (Adam Walsh's father is the host of America's Most Wanted and responsible for Code Adam in retail establishments such as Walmart). The law requires a National Registry for sex offenders and harshly punishes those who are non-compliant and requires judges to be more consistent in their sentencing. Currently sexual predators can move from state to state freely.

I'm joining Oprah and (gasp) Bill O'Reilly in suggesting that you and everyone you know send a letter to our nation's representatives to let them know just how incensed we are that this is going on in our country. Oprah wrote the letter for you. Just email it or download it and mail it from this link. There is also a letter for your governor to insist on uniform and strict sentencing for sexual crimes.

As far as I'm concerned this law is just a baby step. I believe, much like Bill O'Reilly, we need to really get serious about punishing offenses against our children or we will wake up to a world of sexually damaged grown-ups who will ask us why we didn't make it a priority to severely punish those who made it a hobby to prey on them.

This is the link to write your representatives: http://www.oprah.com/tows/pastshows/200702/tows_past_20070221_letsen.jhtml

Check your local sex offender registry to examine just how safe your kids aren't: http://www.parentsformeganslaw.com/html/links.lasso

To be able to identify the symbols of NAMBA follow this link: http://www.oprah.com/tows/slide/200609/20060928/slide_20060928_284_101.jhtml

Tuesday, February 20, 2007

Breathe, Thumbalina, Breathe

By Tracee Sioux

Close your eyes and breathe in pink puffs of air full of courage and calm, black air full of all your pain and fear.

In two three and out two three, pink courage in two three, and black fear and pain out two three. Great, we're almost there, just keep breathing like that until we get there.

I'm teaching my daughter how to not freak out in a crisis, like the other day when she smashed her thumb in the car door and we were on our way to the doctor to have it lanced.

Now, one of the things my husband appreciates about me the most is that I AM calm in a crisis. A wasp flew up Ainsley's shirt and stung her three times before we knew what was going on (we were in the house). I calmly had her in the shower with mud on the stings within a minute. He was very impressed that I remembered what to do and did it in the face of hysterical screaming while remaining super calm. Just as I did when I had to hold her down while the doctor cut her thumb open. Poised and graceful under pressure in a real emergency - that's me.

However, if it's not a real crisis then I'm a bit of a complainer, whiner, drama queen, freaker-outer, spaz.

If my toe nail hurts I'm going to complain to the whole family about it. If there's drainage or congestion from allergies, my kids and husband and anyone who asks me how I am will know that I'm suffering from everything that grows in Texas because I'm allergic to this place.

The other day Ainsley had her cousin over to play. Both were blessed with siblings last year. Both suffered through their mothers' pregnancies. When I went into my bedroom I found this scene:

Ainsley lying in bed with her back propped on several pillows, a ball under her shirt. Adjusting herself ever so slightly to relieve the pain in her back and the swelling in her ankles.

Bring me my book, husband. Can you get me some water? Oh, my back hurts. Bring me some food, kid. Oh, I'm pregnant!

Having had a pregnant mother of his own this seemed like exactly what happens when mommies are pregnant and families are held hostage by their discomfort. So, Cory followed every order to the T, never questioning his role as the expectant father.

It was hilarious. And a very accurate portrayal of what goes on in our house when a baby is expected (which explains the readiness of my husband to volunteer for a vasectomy.) I would think a very accurate portrayal of what goes on in most houses (except those strange women who actually LOVE being pregnant - whatever!)

Okay, women deserve a free pass for everything when they are pregnant.

But, I also realized that I frequently complain and make a drama out of nothing when I'm not pregnant.

I have heartburn, stomach acid from those nachos are burning a hole in my esophagus. My head feels like it's going to explode. My feet are like icicles, I may have to get them amputated due to frostbite. I'm so sick of these allergies, I am seriously considering moving anywhere but this God-forsaken place where everything that grows seems determined to suffocate and kill me. I can't take one more year of living without central air and heat, I seriously don't think I can live through it anymore. It's so hot it's like an oven in here, I've got to go to my grandma's before this house cooks me and the kids, we can't even think.

Honestly, my bitching and complaining doesn't bother me -- it kind of amuses me really. It's like a writing exercise where I make the description of how I feel funny, strange and apt. Of course, it's exaggerated by about a billion (I mean, really 103 degrees is extremely uncomfortable, but it would have to be like 150 degrees to cook the kids wouldn't it?)

The only reason I understand that this is so annoying is because the behavior is creeping into my daughter and all I really want to teach her is:

Suck it up! I've even heard myself say stupid nonsensical things like, There's going to be a lot of pain in your life and you need to learn how to manage it and control it rather than complain and freak out about it.

Who am I kidding? Not my daughter. Not my husband. Not a single person on the planet probably - except perhaps me.

So, while I am teaching myself to manage the little microscopic dramas in my life: stepping on a freaking Lego I told you to pick up yesterday, how many times have I asked you to brush your hair, we're late why aren't you ready?

Why don't you ever listen to me?

What she should say to me, but what she will never say because she will be punished is: I do listen to you, but I'm only five and it's hard for me to tell when you're full of crap!

Saturday, February 17, 2007

No Bratz No! Tantrum or Go with the Flow?

By Tracee Sioux

Her Paw Paw took Ainsley to her first soccer practice last night because I had bought tickets to a charity event.

When he dropped her off he also dropped the news that the soccer commissioner had refused to change the team name from Bratz.

My first instinct was to throw a holy fit with the commissioner, demanding that they change the name or put my daughter on a different team.

However, I'm willing to explore any alternatives that might come to mind.

I do not want to cheer for Bratz. I do not want my daughter to look up to or emulate Bratz.

But, I do want this to be a great experience for her and I don't to ruin it by throwing a tantrum.

Any advice out there? Please leave comments about this, I would appreciate any alternatives.

Tuesday, February 13, 2007

The Secret

by Tracee Sioux

Last Thursday I saw an Oprah on The Secret, a new DVD, and I had it overnighted for a party I was throwing. It changed everything for me.

The Secret is the law of attraction.

If I focus my thoughts on good things, then good things will happen in my life. If I focus on negative things, well, then negative things will happen in my life. The people on the video, people who live by The Secret, guarantee that if you live your life accepting this law of the universe then you can have anything you want.

I have heard the principles included in The Secret all my life.

Ask and ye shall receive, seek and ye shall find, knock and the door shall be opened.

Now unto Him that is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that worketh in us. Ephesians 3:20

The key for me is two-fold:

I am allowed to WANT things for my self and my family. At first glance the video seemed very focused on things: cars, houses, bikes, etc. But, I think that's because it is tangible and easily documented. And I've always been told and had this guilt about wanting nice things for myself or my family.

Does it make me selfish to want a big beautiful home where my family feels cozy and happy to spend time there? Does it make me selfish to want a really nice beautiful car that gets me from point A to B with class and style?

For many years we've been asking, "God, just give us just enough to make it and pay our bills." And that is exactly what he's been giving us. Just enough and no more. Well, now I'm asking for abundance in everything!

According to The Secret, it does not make me selfish to want these things, nor does it make me selfish to actively pursue them because these things are available to everyone. All they have to do is have the faith that God will bless them with them.

This is key for me. If there Is enough to go around and there is no principle of lack or limitation in the world then I do not have to be ashamed of myself for taking these things from anyone else. If they want these things, they too can have them. How freeing is that? For me, quite freeing!

What's most amazing to me is that what I want was right there. It didn't take me two days to know the truth about what I've always wanted deep in my heart. It was beyond simple to write several pages in my journal about what I REALLY want my life to look like. I've always wanted primarily the same things, I just believed it was selfish to want it, believed if I got it someone else would have to go without, believed that I would face disappointment if I allowed myself to want it. I didn't really feel that I was worthier than anyone else, now I realize that EVERYONE is worthy, including myself.

My new year's resolution was to control my thoughts and emotions better. This was before I knew The Secret. I was reading The Seven Habits of Highly Successful People and realized I was constantly focusing on what was outside my own circle of concern - things that I can't change. And worse, I was focusing on what I didn't want for others. For instance, I spent quite a bit of time focusing on my mother-in-law's pain. According to The Secret focusing on her pain created more pain for her. What I should have done and will now start doing is focusing on comfort and peace and feelings of physical pleasure for her, thus helping her to create more of that.

I've been a negative thinker for most of my life - thinking about what I don't want instead of what I do want.

This is a bizarro example: I left all my journals and letters and memorabilia and souvenirs and photographs and negatives in my cousin's basement in Connecticut three years ago when we left New York. I often thought about my stuff, wanting to send for it and never having the money to ship it back to me. But, I was also kind of afraid of it, like it might bring back some of the terribleness of some of my past experiences, so I never made sure there was enough money to get it back. When I thought about this stuff I would always think of a flood in her basement, like I was warding off a flood. Like, oh I hope there is never a flood that will destroy my stuff in her basement. So, today I pop on my email and there are all these forwarded emails from my cousin. So I email her and ask about my stuff.

FLOOD!

For real, there was a flood that destroyed all the papers from my past, all of it.

According to The Secret what I should have done is visualize all my stuff safe and sound and cozy in her basement. But, then I wouldn't be completely and totally freed from my past would I?

What I truly want is to be a hugely successful writer, helping women empower themselves and their daughters. I truly want a family that is so stinking happy and affectionate all the time that we make people crave it. I want a marriage that's passionate and affectionate. I want a big beautiful home and a fantastic car and I want money that comes frequently and easily so I am empowered to give lots of it away to others who need it.

It feels so good to me to just be allowed to want this stuff.

And just watch, I know I'm going to get it. For God has given me this word personally,

Neglect not the gift that is in thee, which was given thee by prophecy, with the laying on of hands by the presbytery.

Meditate upon these things, give thyself wholly to them; that they profiting may appear to all.

Take heed unto thyself, and unto the doctrine; continue in them: for in doing this thou shalt both save thyself, and them that hear thee. I Timothy 4:14-16

Buy The Secret - you'll be glad you did.
http://shop.thesecret.tv/Shops/DVD_Offer.php

Read The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen R. Covey.
www.franklincovey.com

Thursday, February 8, 2007

Go Bratz Go!

by Tracee Sioux

I signed my daughter up for indoor soccer this season. The coach called me to invite me to a meeting of the parents and girls to determine the team colors and discuss when and where practices would be. As an after-thought she mentioned the team's new name would be "The Bratz."

"What?"
"Bratz, you know like the dolls."
"Are you kidding?"
"Well, no, it's called the Bratz."
"Do we have to call them the brats?"
"Well, we have to have a name."
"Well, can't we pick something positive? I would prefer about any other name than the Bratz. I mean, do we want to be yelling to our preschoolers, "Go Brats Go, be the best little brats you can be? I mean, I don't even let my daughter play with those Bratz dolls and I certainly don't want to encourage her to act like a brat or be a brat."
"Well, no one else has looked at it like that, we can discuss it at the meeting and talk to the commissioner about changing the name."

Okay, so I was a little apprehensive about going to the meeting yesterday. I even thought it might be easier to not let my daughter play soccer than face that poor coach who got an ear full of my anti-Bratz propaganda.

Really, I was concerned that this fellow mother would hate me for making such a big deal about this. I was also more than a little worried that I would handle the situation very poorly and look hysterical and crazy because they wanted to brand my daughter a brat. Then who would look like a brat? Me. And all the other parents would band against me and decide that I was just the trouble-maker who wouldn't let anyone have any fun at all.

So, I go up to this strikingly beautiful woman at the meeting and introduce myself and the baby. Of course, hoping that the cute, fat baby would endear me to her. I even start up a banal conversation about whether or not she has to wear heals to work. Stupid and awkward.

The meeting starts and she says, "Okay, who hear objects to the name Bratz?"

I alone raised my hand high. Everyone looks around and I feel like caving to avoid this confrontation with every other parent on the team."

"Look," I said. "I'm very uncomfortable with this name because I don't think we should be yelling Go Brats Go, Be the best little brat you can be. Brats Rule. I try all week long to NOT encourage my daughter to be a brat. I don't want her to act like those dolls and I don't let her dress like those dolls and I don't even let her play with the dolls. I'm just very uncomfortable with the name."

I was so grateful that I avoided saying they looked like whores who grew out of their clothes, which is what I usually say about those attrocious little beasts. And I didn't get into the symbolism of why their heads are so freakishly large - to fit their self-absorbed massive egos inside. Little battles for maturity inside myself.

Several people had warned me that I had better come up with a better name to substitute and I so wish I had. Frankly, the entire rest of the meeting was awkward with parents trying to think up a better name - I suggested Kickers but it wasn't cute enough. Someone suggested the Shortcakes, and I was agreeable. Then I suggested the Pink Panthers, but then it looked like there were several other teams with pink shirts and so we thought we should go with purple.

Every now and then some parent would glare at me and say, "Are you sure you don't like the name Bratz?"

And I would shrug and say, "yeah, I just don't think that's a great name for our girls."

A few parents wanted to point out that they don't let their daughters wear the make-up or dress like that - they're "just dolls."

But, I guess that's my problem, I don't think they are just dolls. I think they're a negative message about who the girls should emulate.

In the end we settled, quite unenthusiastically on Butterflies. Okay, nothing great about that, but nothing horrible about it either. Butterflies are nice, they embrace change and they are pretty and all the little four- and five-year-olds like butterflies.

Of course, the girls weren't as enthusiastic about butterflies as they had been about the Bratz. But, then I figure the girls are enthusiastic about what Matel, or in this case MGA Entertainment markets to them, which doesn't necessarily make it a good thing.

I did volunteer to arrange all the snacks for the season and we'll see if the other parents will hold a grudge or cooperate with my efforts.

I have to give props to the coach however. She was very nice when I went up and thanked her for volunteering to change the name. After all I am only one parent and they could have just shunned me. Hopefully the season will be a good experience for my daughter.

I do feel triumphant, if a little embarrassed, for standing up for what I believe even though it's hugely unpopular and I want my daughter to learn to do that.

Wednesday, February 28, 2007

Sexual Urban Legend

By Tracee Sioux

Everyone has heard this urban legend . . .

I have a cousin (or uncle or brother or dad or son) who was only 18 (19, 20, 21, 22) and his girlfriend was 14 and she totally seduced him and then when he broke up with her she had him arrested for statutory rape. Now he’s on the sex offender list for the rest of his life and won’t ever be able to work with children and I don’t think that’s fair at all. I mean, she totally wanted to do it and she was seducing him. He’s a good guy and this just shouldn’t follow him all his life. It’s not fair, she's just a slut.

Yeah, I’ve got that cousin too. He’s my favorite cousin, always has been. And it sucks for him that he’ll have to pay for his mistake all his life.

And I’ve been that 14-year-old girl.

Now I won’t claim to know what went on in every single one of those rooms with your "innocent" uncle, brother, father, son or cousin. Perhaps if you knew the details you would still believe he was innocent of any wrongdoing.

I’d have to fiercely disagree.

I’m 33 now and I’ve started volunteering as a mentor with four 14-year-old girls.

Here’s what I have learned THEY ARE CHILDREN!

I occurs to me now that no matter how much I would have sworn that I was ready for love and sex, that I was “mature” and should be legally allowed to consent to sex with a boy four or five years my senior – I was a naive and delusional child. I thought I was so grown up. I thought I was so ready for all of adulthood.

Children make bad decisions, it’s in their nature. Not to mention that I had zero sexual education and was therefore unprepared to make any kind of educated decision about whether or not I was ready.

What I really was ready for was for a boy to like me. I was ready for a little romantic involvement. I was ready to experiment with my self as a sexual being – preferably with boys my own age who were also into experimenting with the new world.

My innocence should have been protected by the law, by my parents (they tried to talk me out of it, but did not involve the law), and most of all by that 19-year-old pervert who spoon-fed me seductive crap about how "mature" I was and how "different" I was from girls my age and how he preferred hanging out with me to "high maintenance" girls his own age. READ: You're an easy target and girls my own age are too hard to f***.

Looking back I know that in his innermost being that guy was a coward. He didn’t dare date girls his own age because they were mature enough not to take his crap. Had it been a severely punishable offense that was frequently (rather than almost never) prosecuted he wouldn’t have had the guts to pursue a child for his perverted and deviant hobby.

My point here is that your uncle, brother, cousin, father or son is not entitled to a free pass at our teenage daughters. As an adult he should know better and should be held to a higher standard than a child in regards to sexual responsibility.

For much too long we have been offering our teenage daughters as some sort of sacrifice on the alter of a man’s uncontrollable (what crap!) need for sexual gratification.

Our teenage daughters deserve legal and social protection. They deserve to be able to experiment with their provocativity and sexuality without an adult man taking this as a viable invitation or seduction. My five-year-old often experiments with looking sexy or provocative – all little girls do. This doesn’t give anyone permission or a legitimate excuse to molest her. Not now and not when she is 12, 13, 14, 15, 16 or17.

Tuesday, February 27, 2007

I Agree With Bill O'Reilly (SCREAM!!!!)

By Tracee Sioux

Seriously, all evidence suggests that hell must have frozen over.

I have seen Bill O'Reilly, Fox newsman, on a few talk shows recently and I actually agreed with part of his mission. I'm a little concerned I'm becoming a . . . Right Wing Conservative?!?!?!?

Whew - not quite. Still me. But there are some issues that he and I agree on. Many of these issues are ones where I can kinda see his point, but I think he's too extreme.

On the issue of laws governing sexual abuse crimes in this country I am not sure he is extreme enough.

On Oprah last week he made the following statement, "You've got to understand. This thing, this molestation, rape, never goes away," O'Reilly said. "We have an obligation to get rid of them (sexual predators). To put them away so they can't possibly hurt anybody again."

A statement with which I 100% agree.

Here's some sickening statistics that, if you are a parent of girls or boys, should make your stomach want to reject breakfast and make your head pound with fury and indignation and make your heart race with fear and loathing and anxiety. (If you don't have this kind of emotional reaction after reading these statistics then there is undeniably something wrong with your internal sense of right and wrong.)

National Center for Mission and Exploited Children and Parents for Megan's Law reports:

  • 797,500 children (younger than 18) were reported missing in a one-year period of time studied resulting in an average of 2,185 children being reported missing each day.
  • Approximately one in seven youth online (10 to 17-years-old) received a sexual solicitation or approach over the Internet.
  • Four percent (4%) received an aggressive sexual solicitation - a solicitor who asked to meet them somewhere; called them on the telephone; or sent them offline mail, money, or gifts.
  • Research indicates that 1 in 5 girls and 1 in 10 boys will be sexually victimized before adulthood. [D. Finkelhor. “Current Information on the Scope and Nature of Child Sexual Abuse.” The Future of Children: Sexual Abuse of Children, 1994, volume 4, page 37.]
  • An estimated 1 in 20 men are child molesters.
  • According to Parents for Megan's Law (the law which requires convicted sex offender to register where they live on a public notice) 24% of convicted child molesters do not report their address to databases.
  • In the U.S. there were 540,846 registered convicted sex offenders in 2006, according to Parents for Megan's Law.
  • In my state, Texas, there are around $50,000 convicted sex offenders in the registry. Follow this link to see how many live in your neighborhood or in the house next door to your family. http://www.parentsformeganslaw.com/html/links.lasso.

One of the most frightening things I've ever heard is that there exists an organized group of perverts who meet to discuss how best to victimize, seduce, rape and molest our children. NAMBLA, the North American Man Boy Love Association, is a legal organization that hides behind freedom of speech to actively participate in destroying our kids.

They meet in chat room on the Internet, they meet in person and plan vacations countries that participate in childhood slavery so they will have a chance to easily act out their most perverse fetishes without consequence or hassle. They share the best tactics with which to lure our children with each other. They even have jewelry, rather pretty symbols of triangles and hearts (to broadcast whether they enjoy having sex with male or female children) to express their sexual desires for children so they can easily identify each other in a crowd.

They are sick and evil men who follow the motto: a child's right to have sex with adults should not be infringed upon.

The ACLU, American Civil Liberties Union, defended NAMBLA in a Massachusetts court case, they issued this statement, "In representing NAMBLA today, our Massachusetts affiliate does not advocate sexual relationships between adults and children," they go on to say, "The principle is as simple as it is central to true freedom of speech: those who do wrong are responsible for what they do; those who speak about it are not."

I'm an advocate for freedom of speech, especially as a writer. However, I believe defending NAMBLA or any other sexual predator illustrates a complete disregard for every social good and I will no longer ever support the ACLU. They are now advocates for EVIL in my book, another point on which Bill O'Reilly and I agree.

TAKE ACTION

I am not one for apathy. I am encouraging every single reader of this column to DO something about this. Currently there is a piece of legislation called the Adam Walsh Child Protection and Safety Act (Adam Walsh's father is the host of America's Most Wanted and responsible for Code Adam in retail establishments such as Walmart). The law requires a National Registry for sex offenders and harshly punishes those who are non-compliant and requires judges to be more consistent in their sentencing. Currently sexual predators can move from state to state freely.

I'm joining Oprah and (gasp) Bill O'Reilly in suggesting that you and everyone you know send a letter to our nation's representatives to let them know just how incensed we are that this is going on in our country. Oprah wrote the letter for you. Just email it or download it and mail it from this link. There is also a letter for your governor to insist on uniform and strict sentencing for sexual crimes.

As far as I'm concerned this law is just a baby step. I believe, much like Bill O'Reilly, we need to really get serious about punishing offenses against our children or we will wake up to a world of sexually damaged grown-ups who will ask us why we didn't make it a priority to severely punish those who made it a hobby to prey on them.

This is the link to write your representatives: http://www.oprah.com/tows/pastshows/200702/tows_past_20070221_letsen.jhtml

Check your local sex offender registry to examine just how safe your kids aren't: http://www.parentsformeganslaw.com/html/links.lasso

To be able to identify the symbols of NAMBA follow this link: http://www.oprah.com/tows/slide/200609/20060928/slide_20060928_284_101.jhtml

Tuesday, February 20, 2007

Breathe, Thumbalina, Breathe

By Tracee Sioux

Close your eyes and breathe in pink puffs of air full of courage and calm, black air full of all your pain and fear.

In two three and out two three, pink courage in two three, and black fear and pain out two three. Great, we're almost there, just keep breathing like that until we get there.

I'm teaching my daughter how to not freak out in a crisis, like the other day when she smashed her thumb in the car door and we were on our way to the doctor to have it lanced.

Now, one of the things my husband appreciates about me the most is that I AM calm in a crisis. A wasp flew up Ainsley's shirt and stung her three times before we knew what was going on (we were in the house). I calmly had her in the shower with mud on the stings within a minute. He was very impressed that I remembered what to do and did it in the face of hysterical screaming while remaining super calm. Just as I did when I had to hold her down while the doctor cut her thumb open. Poised and graceful under pressure in a real emergency - that's me.

However, if it's not a real crisis then I'm a bit of a complainer, whiner, drama queen, freaker-outer, spaz.

If my toe nail hurts I'm going to complain to the whole family about it. If there's drainage or congestion from allergies, my kids and husband and anyone who asks me how I am will know that I'm suffering from everything that grows in Texas because I'm allergic to this place.

The other day Ainsley had her cousin over to play. Both were blessed with siblings last year. Both suffered through their mothers' pregnancies. When I went into my bedroom I found this scene:

Ainsley lying in bed with her back propped on several pillows, a ball under her shirt. Adjusting herself ever so slightly to relieve the pain in her back and the swelling in her ankles.

Bring me my book, husband. Can you get me some water? Oh, my back hurts. Bring me some food, kid. Oh, I'm pregnant!

Having had a pregnant mother of his own this seemed like exactly what happens when mommies are pregnant and families are held hostage by their discomfort. So, Cory followed every order to the T, never questioning his role as the expectant father.

It was hilarious. And a very accurate portrayal of what goes on in our house when a baby is expected (which explains the readiness of my husband to volunteer for a vasectomy.) I would think a very accurate portrayal of what goes on in most houses (except those strange women who actually LOVE being pregnant - whatever!)

Okay, women deserve a free pass for everything when they are pregnant.

But, I also realized that I frequently complain and make a drama out of nothing when I'm not pregnant.

I have heartburn, stomach acid from those nachos are burning a hole in my esophagus. My head feels like it's going to explode. My feet are like icicles, I may have to get them amputated due to frostbite. I'm so sick of these allergies, I am seriously considering moving anywhere but this God-forsaken place where everything that grows seems determined to suffocate and kill me. I can't take one more year of living without central air and heat, I seriously don't think I can live through it anymore. It's so hot it's like an oven in here, I've got to go to my grandma's before this house cooks me and the kids, we can't even think.

Honestly, my bitching and complaining doesn't bother me -- it kind of amuses me really. It's like a writing exercise where I make the description of how I feel funny, strange and apt. Of course, it's exaggerated by about a billion (I mean, really 103 degrees is extremely uncomfortable, but it would have to be like 150 degrees to cook the kids wouldn't it?)

The only reason I understand that this is so annoying is because the behavior is creeping into my daughter and all I really want to teach her is:

Suck it up! I've even heard myself say stupid nonsensical things like, There's going to be a lot of pain in your life and you need to learn how to manage it and control it rather than complain and freak out about it.

Who am I kidding? Not my daughter. Not my husband. Not a single person on the planet probably - except perhaps me.

So, while I am teaching myself to manage the little microscopic dramas in my life: stepping on a freaking Lego I told you to pick up yesterday, how many times have I asked you to brush your hair, we're late why aren't you ready?

Why don't you ever listen to me?

What she should say to me, but what she will never say because she will be punished is: I do listen to you, but I'm only five and it's hard for me to tell when you're full of crap!

Saturday, February 17, 2007

No Bratz No! Tantrum or Go with the Flow?

By Tracee Sioux

Her Paw Paw took Ainsley to her first soccer practice last night because I had bought tickets to a charity event.

When he dropped her off he also dropped the news that the soccer commissioner had refused to change the team name from Bratz.

My first instinct was to throw a holy fit with the commissioner, demanding that they change the name or put my daughter on a different team.

However, I'm willing to explore any alternatives that might come to mind.

I do not want to cheer for Bratz. I do not want my daughter to look up to or emulate Bratz.

But, I do want this to be a great experience for her and I don't to ruin it by throwing a tantrum.

Any advice out there? Please leave comments about this, I would appreciate any alternatives.

Tuesday, February 13, 2007

The Secret

by Tracee Sioux

Last Thursday I saw an Oprah on The Secret, a new DVD, and I had it overnighted for a party I was throwing. It changed everything for me.

The Secret is the law of attraction.

If I focus my thoughts on good things, then good things will happen in my life. If I focus on negative things, well, then negative things will happen in my life. The people on the video, people who live by The Secret, guarantee that if you live your life accepting this law of the universe then you can have anything you want.

I have heard the principles included in The Secret all my life.

Ask and ye shall receive, seek and ye shall find, knock and the door shall be opened.

Now unto Him that is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that worketh in us. Ephesians 3:20

The key for me is two-fold:

I am allowed to WANT things for my self and my family. At first glance the video seemed very focused on things: cars, houses, bikes, etc. But, I think that's because it is tangible and easily documented. And I've always been told and had this guilt about wanting nice things for myself or my family.

Does it make me selfish to want a big beautiful home where my family feels cozy and happy to spend time there? Does it make me selfish to want a really nice beautiful car that gets me from point A to B with class and style?

For many years we've been asking, "God, just give us just enough to make it and pay our bills." And that is exactly what he's been giving us. Just enough and no more. Well, now I'm asking for abundance in everything!

According to The Secret, it does not make me selfish to want these things, nor does it make me selfish to actively pursue them because these things are available to everyone. All they have to do is have the faith that God will bless them with them.

This is key for me. If there Is enough to go around and there is no principle of lack or limitation in the world then I do not have to be ashamed of myself for taking these things from anyone else. If they want these things, they too can have them. How freeing is that? For me, quite freeing!

What's most amazing to me is that what I want was right there. It didn't take me two days to know the truth about what I've always wanted deep in my heart. It was beyond simple to write several pages in my journal about what I REALLY want my life to look like. I've always wanted primarily the same things, I just believed it was selfish to want it, believed if I got it someone else would have to go without, believed that I would face disappointment if I allowed myself to want it. I didn't really feel that I was worthier than anyone else, now I realize that EVERYONE is worthy, including myself.

My new year's resolution was to control my thoughts and emotions better. This was before I knew The Secret. I was reading The Seven Habits of Highly Successful People and realized I was constantly focusing on what was outside my own circle of concern - things that I can't change. And worse, I was focusing on what I didn't want for others. For instance, I spent quite a bit of time focusing on my mother-in-law's pain. According to The Secret focusing on her pain created more pain for her. What I should have done and will now start doing is focusing on comfort and peace and feelings of physical pleasure for her, thus helping her to create more of that.

I've been a negative thinker for most of my life - thinking about what I don't want instead of what I do want.

This is a bizarro example: I left all my journals and letters and memorabilia and souvenirs and photographs and negatives in my cousin's basement in Connecticut three years ago when we left New York. I often thought about my stuff, wanting to send for it and never having the money to ship it back to me. But, I was also kind of afraid of it, like it might bring back some of the terribleness of some of my past experiences, so I never made sure there was enough money to get it back. When I thought about this stuff I would always think of a flood in her basement, like I was warding off a flood. Like, oh I hope there is never a flood that will destroy my stuff in her basement. So, today I pop on my email and there are all these forwarded emails from my cousin. So I email her and ask about my stuff.

FLOOD!

For real, there was a flood that destroyed all the papers from my past, all of it.

According to The Secret what I should have done is visualize all my stuff safe and sound and cozy in her basement. But, then I wouldn't be completely and totally freed from my past would I?

What I truly want is to be a hugely successful writer, helping women empower themselves and their daughters. I truly want a family that is so stinking happy and affectionate all the time that we make people crave it. I want a marriage that's passionate and affectionate. I want a big beautiful home and a fantastic car and I want money that comes frequently and easily so I am empowered to give lots of it away to others who need it.

It feels so good to me to just be allowed to want this stuff.

And just watch, I know I'm going to get it. For God has given me this word personally,

Neglect not the gift that is in thee, which was given thee by prophecy, with the laying on of hands by the presbytery.

Meditate upon these things, give thyself wholly to them; that they profiting may appear to all.

Take heed unto thyself, and unto the doctrine; continue in them: for in doing this thou shalt both save thyself, and them that hear thee. I Timothy 4:14-16

Buy The Secret - you'll be glad you did.
http://shop.thesecret.tv/Shops/DVD_Offer.php

Read The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen R. Covey.
www.franklincovey.com

Thursday, February 8, 2007

Go Bratz Go!

by Tracee Sioux

I signed my daughter up for indoor soccer this season. The coach called me to invite me to a meeting of the parents and girls to determine the team colors and discuss when and where practices would be. As an after-thought she mentioned the team's new name would be "The Bratz."

"What?"
"Bratz, you know like the dolls."
"Are you kidding?"
"Well, no, it's called the Bratz."
"Do we have to call them the brats?"
"Well, we have to have a name."
"Well, can't we pick something positive? I would prefer about any other name than the Bratz. I mean, do we want to be yelling to our preschoolers, "Go Brats Go, be the best little brats you can be? I mean, I don't even let my daughter play with those Bratz dolls and I certainly don't want to encourage her to act like a brat or be a brat."
"Well, no one else has looked at it like that, we can discuss it at the meeting and talk to the commissioner about changing the name."

Okay, so I was a little apprehensive about going to the meeting yesterday. I even thought it might be easier to not let my daughter play soccer than face that poor coach who got an ear full of my anti-Bratz propaganda.

Really, I was concerned that this fellow mother would hate me for making such a big deal about this. I was also more than a little worried that I would handle the situation very poorly and look hysterical and crazy because they wanted to brand my daughter a brat. Then who would look like a brat? Me. And all the other parents would band against me and decide that I was just the trouble-maker who wouldn't let anyone have any fun at all.

So, I go up to this strikingly beautiful woman at the meeting and introduce myself and the baby. Of course, hoping that the cute, fat baby would endear me to her. I even start up a banal conversation about whether or not she has to wear heals to work. Stupid and awkward.

The meeting starts and she says, "Okay, who hear objects to the name Bratz?"

I alone raised my hand high. Everyone looks around and I feel like caving to avoid this confrontation with every other parent on the team."

"Look," I said. "I'm very uncomfortable with this name because I don't think we should be yelling Go Brats Go, Be the best little brat you can be. Brats Rule. I try all week long to NOT encourage my daughter to be a brat. I don't want her to act like those dolls and I don't let her dress like those dolls and I don't even let her play with the dolls. I'm just very uncomfortable with the name."

I was so grateful that I avoided saying they looked like whores who grew out of their clothes, which is what I usually say about those attrocious little beasts. And I didn't get into the symbolism of why their heads are so freakishly large - to fit their self-absorbed massive egos inside. Little battles for maturity inside myself.

Several people had warned me that I had better come up with a better name to substitute and I so wish I had. Frankly, the entire rest of the meeting was awkward with parents trying to think up a better name - I suggested Kickers but it wasn't cute enough. Someone suggested the Shortcakes, and I was agreeable. Then I suggested the Pink Panthers, but then it looked like there were several other teams with pink shirts and so we thought we should go with purple.

Every now and then some parent would glare at me and say, "Are you sure you don't like the name Bratz?"

And I would shrug and say, "yeah, I just don't think that's a great name for our girls."

A few parents wanted to point out that they don't let their daughters wear the make-up or dress like that - they're "just dolls."

But, I guess that's my problem, I don't think they are just dolls. I think they're a negative message about who the girls should emulate.

In the end we settled, quite unenthusiastically on Butterflies. Okay, nothing great about that, but nothing horrible about it either. Butterflies are nice, they embrace change and they are pretty and all the little four- and five-year-olds like butterflies.

Of course, the girls weren't as enthusiastic about butterflies as they had been about the Bratz. But, then I figure the girls are enthusiastic about what Matel, or in this case MGA Entertainment markets to them, which doesn't necessarily make it a good thing.

I did volunteer to arrange all the snacks for the season and we'll see if the other parents will hold a grudge or cooperate with my efforts.

I have to give props to the coach however. She was very nice when I went up and thanked her for volunteering to change the name. After all I am only one parent and they could have just shunned me. Hopefully the season will be a good experience for my daughter.

I do feel triumphant, if a little embarrassed, for standing up for what I believe even though it's hugely unpopular and I want my daughter to learn to do that.