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Friday, November 30, 2007

Kinda Knows


by Tracee Sioux

I checked out The Safe Side Stranger Safety video, produced by John Walsh of America's Most Wanted and Julie Clark of Baby Einstein.

I recommend this to every parent of young children. Both my kids, one and six, were mesmerized by the over-the-top Safe Side Superchick who teaches the kids the way to "be on the safe side."

Rather than the word stranger, which is confusing to children, they use Don't Know and Kinda Know.

Mom, Dad and Grandma are Safe Side Adults. Parents give children a list of 3 Safe Side Adults who are always trustworthy and on their Safe Side List. These are the people who can pick them up from school or take them on outings.

Don't Knows include anyone they don't know. Ice cream man, nice stranger in a store, another parent in the park - everyone they don't know. Children are not to speak to them or give them information unless they are in the presence of their Safe Side Adult.

Kinda Knows are anyone the child recognizes, but who are not on the safe side adult list. Kinda Knows include coaches, teachers, church acquaintances, extended relatives, family friends, neighbors and friends' parents. Kids kinda know them, but sometimes people we know might harm us. Kids are told to stay on the safe side by not being alone with them or going anywhere with them without parental permission.

I particularly liked the personal space concept. Too often we don't teach children that they have a right to their own personal space. If someone gets too close on the playground or in a store - the video tells them just to run away. Viewers are taught that they have a right to their personal space of about 10 feet around them. One great example was a car pulling up too close. The children didn't wait to find out why, they just ran.

The focus is on safety over being polite. Which was a great reminder to me, because I often encourage polite interaction with strangers in stores. Children are only expected to be polite if their safe side adult is with them and give permission.

It's a shame, but it's appropriate and necessary for children to be clued in that some adults could hurt them. The information was presented in such a way as to not scare children, but to make them feel more powerful when making quick decisions in the face of danger.

I thought this was a well produced film to teach children safety rules. My kids loved it. Stranger Safety would make a great Christmas gift, with its high-tech equivalentThe Safe Side - Internet Safety.
For more Safe Side Hot Tips visit www.thesafeside.com.

Thursday, November 29, 2007

I Want To Be A Model


Mommy, I'm going to be a model.

Well, you can if you really want to. But, I hope you'll never let anyone treat you like they treat models. I hope you'll expect more respect from any employer.

The thing is Tyra, at some point you became "the industry." You chose to perpetrate the abuse against girls rather than change it.

Fierce.

Wednesday, November 28, 2007

Pro-Ana Cheerleader Barbies


I admit I vacillate like crazy on the issue of allowing Ainsley to have Barbies. It's a grey area for me. I allowed Barbie for a while, then when I found a decapitated and limbless Barbie massacre on Ainsley's bed I silently cheered for joy and vowed not to replace her.

Some people give me crap about it and think I'm being too extreme. I admit, I've been thinking What's the harm in letter her play with those dolls, really?

Then the universe sends me a message to remind me.

First, I was flipping channels and came across Say Yes To The Dress. A wedding dress consultant asks a full grown woman, what do you want to look like on your wedding day?

Like Barbie, the woman says. She wasn't kidding. Click this link to see her say it.

Then my Barbie-defending friend, Violet, sends me this Cheerleader Barbie Inspires Young Girls.

Could those cheerleaders be any more Pro-ana ? Mattel is calling this their model muse body. It makes me want to be sick - but not to lose weight, just to express disgust.

Seriously, what message do these Barbies have for your daughter? You will never measure up unless you quit eating altogether and have a rib or two removed.

Give Barbies for Christmas if you must, but Ainsley's getting the "chubby" knockoffs.

More Barbie Blogs
How Come Zack Gets A Barbi?
Barbi For President
Bob vs. Barbi
Friends With Barbies

Tuesday, November 27, 2007

Discovery Girls Contest


by Tracee Sioux

Discovery Girls is a magazine created for girls, by girls ages 8 and up. I reviewed a couple of issues with Ainsley, who is granted only 6, but precocious.

It's full of about fashion trends, beauty and style, crushes on boys, and teen movie stars. I don't know why I expected that girlhood today would be different than girlhood when I was growing up. I guess I thought there would be more evolution in girlness.

That said, I totally love it and can't stop reading. I am even taking the quizzes. I totally forgot how much fun magazine quizzes are.

All the talk about boys and crushes would seem premature and inappropriate, if Ainsley hadn't already informed me who she's crushing on (I'm so not telling) and if I didn't remember being completely and utterly in love with a boy myself at her age. I would be incensed about the focus on boys if she hadn't opened the magazine and said, Oh wow, Zac Efron is in this. I was comforted when the advice column told a girl that the 5th grade was way too young to have a boyfriend. Fwhew.

The articles about Frenimies and Mean Girls are particularly useful.

Discovery Girls also recently released a series of books which I thought were entertaining and gave relevant advice.

The Fab Girls Guide to Friendship Hardship seems like a gold mine for mothers - oh, right and daughters too. At the beginning of the book girls take a quiz about their friendships and see whether they rank as good or bad. If you're friends with Poisonous Patti, she's mean, untrustwrothy and may actually be trying to make you feel bad. . . Nope, it's not your imagination, this girl is not your friend -- she's a frenemy wearing your BFF necklace, girls are advised to find better friends.

The book lists 8 frenemy behaviors: The User, The Gossip, The Part-Time Bully, The Cling-On, The Snob, The Drama Queen, The Hidder, and The Backstabber. Ah, brings back memories - not the good kind. The book tells girls what they're getting out of being friends with her.

It doesn't stop there. It addresses what to do if the girl, herself, is the mean girl. Yeah, you!, it says.

The book defines what you should expect out of a true friend and outlines how you can be one. It gives great advice on how to find friends when you are in need of new ones.

The Fab Girls Guide to Sticky Situationsis both helpful and hilarious. The really funny part is that you'll relate to lots of these sticky situations.

What should you do if your friend's mom bursts into the room and starts screaming about her D - time to slip out of the room.

What should you do if you're at school and you get period on your pants? Make a temporary pad out of toilet paper or a sock, tie a sweater or jacket around your waste and see the school nurse. Don't worry, this has happened to every girl.

The sticky situations include relevant information about what to do if you're approached by online predators too.

Other books in the series are Fab Girls Guide to Getting Your Questions Answered and Fab Girls Guide to Getting Through Tough Times.

You can buy the whole set of Fab Girls books for $29.95 or separately for $9.95 at discoverygirls.com.

Or

You can win a set of the books right here by posting a comment. If you share a sticky situation you found yourself in, you will be entered to win. The winner will be the one who made me laugh hardest. I will post the results next Tuesday.


This contest is officially closed. For announcement of the winner please go to Discovery Girls Prize Goes To . . .

Monday, November 26, 2007

Bob vs. Barbie


by Tracee Sioux

In a focus group carried out by toy manufacturer, Martin Yaffe, where children were invited to put this year’s top Christmas toys through their paces, seven out of 10 girls chose to play with toys designed for boys over the girls’ alternatives.

Around 70% of girls under six admit that boys’ toys are what they really want, according to a press release put out by the manufacturer of Bob the Builder toys.

Kristian Johnson, Marketing Manager at Martin Yaffe, said: It seems that stereotypes applied to toys in the past such as dolls for girls and cars for boys no longer apply – opening up a whole new element of choice for parents when shopping for their daughters this Christmas!

We wanted to hear directly from children exactly which toys will be at the top of their Christmas lists this year, and surprisingly found that the majority of girls preferred playing with the toys designed with boys in mind, from Bob the Builder to Fireman Sam.

The girls were given their choice between Bratz and Barbies and Bob and other toys marketed to boys. The study was done in the United Kingdom, but it stands to reason that American girls might feel similarly.

The top five picks were:
No.1 – Bob the Builder Snaptrax Garage & Car Wash set (picture of electronic sounds vehicle wash) – Girls loved working the working carwash and dryer.

No.2 – Oddbodz – The girls enjoyed playing with the colourful characters and vehicles that could be dismantled to create crazy new ones.
No 3 – Remote Control Scrambler – Girls particularly enjoyed mastering this easy to operate Scrambler, from hit pre-school TV show Bob the Builder.
No.4 – Bob the Builder Tool Bench – This was a surprising favourite with the girls who enjoyed emulating their hero Bob.
No.5 – Fireman Sam Remote Control Jupiter – This toy held its own, proving that kids still love traditional role models such as fire-fighters.

Read the whole press release. Keep in mind, this study was conducted by the manufacturer of Bob the Builder, so the boy toys were all made by Martin Yaffe.

I think we should test the theory though. Giving traditionally male toys to our daughters certainly can't hurt them.

Friday, November 23, 2007

Two Birds


by Tracee Sioux

Be kind to your children. They will pick your nursing home.

When my mentoring group was looking for a service project and the idea to visit a nursing home came up, I took the group to see my children's great-grandfather. There is a sign on Grandpapa's wall that says Be kind to your children, They will pick your nursing home.

Children record everything we do, it's vital to teach them how to treat those older than them and those more vulnerable. If you can show the more vulnerable they have the power to cure loneliness in the elderly. . . well, that's two birds.

I don't just want my children to want to help people. I want them to feel powerful enough to do something to improve things.

As faith without action is dead, empathy and compassion without action is both painful and useless.

It does no one any good to feel bad about the situations girls face if we're not going to do anything about it. It's little help to feel sad for the elderly if you're not going to do visit them.

I want my children to feel compassion and empathy. But, not if it's only futile pain in their hearts. I want them to know and understand that the power to change the world rests in their hands.

Wednesday, November 21, 2007

It. Is. Sick.


by Tracee Sioux

Our friends Jen and Aaron are in a health insurance nightmare. It's a predicament millions of American's face. They are middle-class. They work hard, they live within their means and are very frugal. Their situation merits attention because they are doing everything right, yet they find themselves in an impossible situation.

One of their twins has cerebral palsy and a seizure disorder. On Jlogged Jen talks about the nightmare she's been living in as a mother trying to advocate for her son. For a while they have benefited from SCHIPS, but now they make too much money to qualify for any programs. They've been being bounced back and forth between public programs due to clerical errors.

Too much to qualify doesn't equal ability to pay for the excessively high costs of health care. That's the rub.

My son is uninsurable. No insurance company will touch him with a ten foot pole. We make too much to get help, but not enough to cover catastrophic costs of health care. We aren’t poor enough. If my husband can find a job with group health insurance it will help, but it is still far from a perfect solution. Until then we are stuck. Our options are limited and all of them suck: a) get a divorce, b) lie, c) put my son in a state nursing home facility d.) go without insurance risking bankruptcy, and going without care that will effect my son for the rest of his life. None of these are acceptable, and this is what the richest country in the world has to offer the disabled children of America. It. Is. Sick.

There is a disconnect in this country about healthcare. I think those who are against universal care haven't received a true medical bill in quite some time. They are under the illusion that healthcare has remained reasonably affordable.

That, or they are insulated from the astronomical costs of healthcare. They are insulated either by good health or unusually high incomes.

If you think any American family could afford to carry the costs of a medical needs child on $50,000 ($12,000 higher than the median income) a year try this: Get out your budget. Add in $300 a month in maintenance medications. Add in $125 every week each for speech therapy and physical therapy. (Lucas is 5 and isn't speaking yet, whether or not he gets speech therapy now has a big impact on whether he will ever speak.) Then add in one life flight and hospital visit at $150,000.

The costs of medical care have exceeded the means of American families if they carry the burden alone. Yet, there is enough resources and wealth as a whole to provide care.

Go over to Jlogged to read more about her family's predicament.

Monday, November 19, 2007

Right to Representation


Our daughters have a right to see women in the picture too. I think they deserve to have all opportunities open to them, including that of President of the United States. Women have yet to be represented.

To ignore the white maleness of power is to deny daughters the reality of their gender.

Housekeeping Paraphernalia


by Tracee Sioux

Mommy, can I have that Kid's Washer & Dryer by Little Colorado for Christmas?

No way. You don't need to pretend to do laundry. If you want to do laundry, you can do it for real. I promise there will be plenty of opportunities for laundry when you grow up.

I don't know if I'm right about this or not. It's just gut instinct, but these toys piss me off.

On one hand, I can't get over how much my life looks exactly like my mother's life did. I don't know what I was thinking, but I absurdly expected feminism to do away with the drudgery of housework. Now I realize it's not feminism that will banish housework from my life - it's money to pay the housekeeper. Duh.

Sometimes - usually while I'm doing the perpetually defeating job of cleaning the house - I come to the realization that housekeeping really was a full time job in the first place. It was a falacy that housewives did nothing all day. All the feminist revolution got me was more work. Too much work. More work than I can do.

I'm pissed off about these toys and the expectation that my daughter will grow up to be a housewife or a housekeeper. But, why shouldn't she?

I do want motherhood for her. I don't necessarily want her to miss out on being home with her children for several years.

There's also a big part of me that believes these toys should be marketed to BOYS for a few decades to see if we can even out the housework load still being heavily born by women. To be fair, several of the commercials and ads are inclusive of boys this Christmas season.

I realize that my life might have been easier, better organized and cleaner, had I accepted that keeping house was going to be an inevitable part of it. Especially while raising young children.

But, still my gut instinct is to ignore requests for these kinds of toys and steer her in less stereotypical "housewife" direction.

Why does she want cleaning supplies as toys anyway?

What is your stance on housekeeping paraphernalia as play?

Saturday, November 17, 2007

Not Nameless Faceless Kids - Hers

I read this blog about a mother's struggle to insure her special needs children - the real kind - in our current insurance system. Her child is being dropped because the insurance company isn't making any money off insuring her.

Basically once they are in the high risk pool, normal insurance will never cover them again, even if they "outgrow" their issues. They are a health risk, and insurance companies can't really make money off of those kids.

Did you know that our state provides an SCHIP program through the very company that KayTar currently has insurance through? With identical benefits? Did you know that we are eligible for this program if you use our net income, but if you go by our gross income we are just over the line? Just over the line! We don't even receive any of that money! Do you know where it goes? Taxes. We are paying the government to provide services like this for people in need and the TINY bit of money that we give is what keeps us from not being eligible for the programs ourselves. How can that be right?

The bill President Bush recently vetoed would have provided insurance for my kids. Not some faceless huddled masses. These kids. MY kids.

Read the full HealthCare is a Bitch.

But for the grace of God, there go I.

We've always been about $60 gross over the income limit for the Pre-K, free lunch and SCHIPS. The only major difference is our children are healthy and we have corporate health insurance.

My prayers are with you Kyla.

Friday, November 16, 2007

Balancing Act


by Tracee Sioux

How does this sound?

  • Paid family leave so no mother has to go back to work days after giving birth,

  • Public universal pre-school,

  • Major investments in child care so having a child is no longer the top reason American families have "a poverty spell",

  • After school programs for all kids who need them,

  • Health care for all children,

  • Benefits for part-time workers, and

  • Telecommuting incentives so parents have more flexible work options.

  • While I am a so-called liberal democrat nearly everyone I know and love is a conservative Christian.

    Here's the thing - we all want the same things and share the same basic values.

    Women who describe themselves as "stay-at-home-moms" are working. They are working part-time for low pay and getting no benefits, no security, no acknowledgement or validation from their work, but they ARE working.

    Women who describe themselves as "working mothers" would stay at home more and work fewer hours given the flexibility and choice.

    Then there is a whole class of women who vacillate between the two distinctions and make various compromises depending on age of children and practical economics. Those compromises usually sacrifice health care and benefits for more time. It's not a necessary sacrifice when we could just require employers to offer it up without penalty.

    We, as voters and citizens, need to remember that the government works for us. Not the other way around. In a democracy, we get to decide what the rules are and how the game is played. We do that by writing letters and electing the people that are looking out for our best interests. Let the employer look out for his own best interest - they pay people to lobby for that. The US Constitution wasn't design to protect employers, it was designed to protect We, the People.

    Both the liberal Democrat and the conservative Republican family can see how telecommuting, working from home, benefits for part-time work, paid family leave, after school programs and health care are good for every family in America.

    American families deserve it and Momsrising is demanding it. There is a bill before congress right now called The Balancing Act that makes life easier for families.

    If you want to see the divorce rate go down and more face-time between kids and their parents, it's laws like The Balancing Act that make it possible.

    Follow this link and write your representatives and tell them you expect the American Government to do this for American Families.

    Our daughters deserve better choices than we have. Just as we have better choices than our mothers.

    Thursday, November 15, 2007

    Smoke Out


    by Tracee Sioux

    I can hardly wait for New Year's Eve to come because I never have to put "Quit Smoking - for real this time" on my list of resolutions again. I can move on to getting organized and saving my receipts so I can deduct them.

    The best thing about this year is that I've become a non-smoker. I really and truly quit smoking. Well, maybe the very best thing is that I've encouraged thousands of other smokers, to become non-smokers with the breakout success of one BlogFabulous post about the miracle drug Chantix (around 957 comments). It got so difficult to load up I started a new quit smoking support site at Quit Coping. It feels fantastic to effect the soul of the world in such a positive way.

    If you still smoke here's what I want you to know:

    You've been underestimating the tole smoking is taking on your emotional life.

    The chronic sense of failure, guilt and shame is effecting everything you say, think and do. You've been doing it so long that you think it's who you are.

    It's not.

    You'll have to take my word for it, but after a few months you'll discover a deeper person underneath all those negative surface emotions and that person is worth knowing.

    It's liberating and confidence-boosting to be without that sense of shame, guilt and failure.

    Smoking undermined every relationship in my life. If you always leave a conversation to smoke you rob yourself of the full relationship - usually the healing, reconciliation and understanding that comes at the end of conversations.

    You think you can't find the emotional strength to deal with people because you've been mentally checking out as soon as conflict comes up by thinking about how you'll escape to smoke.

    That you can't deal with stress is a fiction created by your addiction to cigarettes. Period. It's a fiction and it will take some pain and a lot of practice - but you deserve to know that you can deal with everything you think you can't deal with. You can learn to deal with stress, loss, pain, trauma, anxiety, insomnia, conflict, boredom and every other emotion you've avoided by smoking.

    You'll need to dedicate yourself to finding new coping strategies for every instance where you previously smoked. That's seriously uncomfortable. It's painful sometimes. It's overwhelming. I promise you - it's worth it.

    There is no way to quit smoking with total ease and comfort. But, Chantix will take the edge off. And if you're a smoker, I know you understand that by edge I don't mean a slight discomfort, I mean the depths of hell. Chantix will elevate you to purgatory levels of discomfort which almost feels like heaven if you've ever been to the depths of hell.

    Today is the Great International Smoke Out. Ten years ago I ended up on the front page of a Lithuanian newspaper for smoking it up on the street on this day. It's embarrassing to be held up as the epitome of stupidly continuing to smoke.

    This year, when I see smokers on the street, I want to tell you: You don't have to smoke anymore.

    Stop by Quit Coping and I'll hang with you every step of the way while you give up this self-loathing, self-defeating habit. You deserve to be a non-smoker.

    Family Visit and Maturity
    Blog Fabulous/Chantix (1,000 comments)
    I suck
    Addiction Off

    Wednesday, November 14, 2007

    So Totally Ana


    by Tracee Sioux

    I'm reading this little book called Bergdorf Blonds by Plum Sykes where I'm seeing the word ana. As in you're looking totally ana, you must be deliriously happy. Ana is short for anorexia and is considered the best thing to be.

    It's not just appearing in trashy hip-chick lit, it's appearing on social networking sites where the lines are being blurred between recovering from eating disorders and glamorizing being so thin they're near death.

    Worlds Largest Pro Anorexia site is where girls go to support each other in keeping their anorexia or bulimia.

    Comments samples on Pro-ana and Pro-mia sites:

    after a two day fast, i f*ed up. and had six slices of bread and butter :'( plus a bowl of spaghetti. i tried to purge but i couldn't. then i spent ages crying. how sad can i get.

    i love stepping on the scale and seeing the numbers go lower. i really do. it feels like a high-- but sometimes i actually get scared for my own healtha nd well being. my BMI is 15. im scared sometimes that i wont wake up. i tell myself i will eat healthy nad maintain my weight but then in contrast i get scared to eat TOO much. so i cycle on eating too much, maintaining weight, losing weight, freaking out, eating too much... over and over again.

    Xanga, Facebook and Myspace all have pro-ana and pro-mia sites. Those who participate in these sites defend their "right to their lifestyle choice."

    They exchange purging tips, ways to avoid eating when they are in social situations, how to hide weight loss from doctors and parents, and what pills and laxatives work best. These strategies are quaintly known as thinspiration.

    According to a 2006 survey of eating disorder patients at Stanford Medical School 35.5% had visited pro-ana/pro-mia web sites; of those, 96% learned new weight loss or purging methods from such sites.

    They post ultra-thin photos of themselves and long to be, not their own thin selves, but someone thinner and better.

    This pro-ana and pro-mia and thinspiration trend is a cry for help from the girls who internalized all our self-loathing jokes and indulged in all the girl-hating media.

    Oh mothers. What would we do to protect our daughters from this outcome?

    Would we stop complaining about our own bodies and appearance?

    It's a tangible and effective place to start. It's not meaningless and without consequence to joke about our own fatness, ugliness, lack of beauty perfection. It doesn't only lower our self-esteem, it lowers theirs too.

    Would we take the time to write advertisers?

    Is it worth monitoring their Internet use and television exposure?

    It is to me.

    The mother who radiates self-love and self-acceptance vaccinates her daughter against low self-esteem. Naomi Wolf

    Self-Loathing Sin Bank

    Tuesday, November 13, 2007

    Seven Random and Weird Things


    In response to a meme by Marjorie at 280 Main Street. A meme is what bloggers do if they like you - yea! It's like blogger approval. I'm digging that.


    • I was on the front page of the newspaper in Lithuania. I was teaching English there. It was considered improper for women to smoke on the street. A photographer caught me smoking on the street during the International Smoke Out. Due to the language barrier, I didn't know about the smoke out. I would've done it anyway. It wasn't a good photo - I had burned my bangs while trying to light my smoke on a gas stove and they were mid-grow out. I quit smoking this year.

    • I used to wimp-out when people would say, "It's too competitive." There are several moments in my life where I wish I hadn't chickened out of opportunities. I'm learning to say, "Well, maybe I'm that good."

    • I'm actively testing Biblical promises and the Law of Attraction to get what I really want. It's working. Especially for garage sale where I found four already hemmed jeans with the exact right waste, leg, brand and sizes.

    • I love being in my 30s - I feel so much more powerful and validated now. I'm starting to love cliches, because they are true like, "youth is wasted on the young."

    • I feel freed from my biological clock now that I'm done having children. I'm feeling a sense of sanity that was never there before. Like all my thoughts and actions were somehow biologically skewed to make sure I got married and had children. Now that I'm done I feel free to be more authentically me, only censored.

    • I'm resistant to organization and new technology. I get frustrated learning new things and avoid them until I can't avoid them anymore (just got a cell phone this year - actually three, since my kids destroyed my first two). I finally had to start keeping a weekly calendar and a password spreadsheet.

    • I have hemochromatosis. It's a rare hereditary condition where my body doesn't process iron correctly. Iron is poisonous in high doses so they bleed me. About 8% of the population has it. I was extremely lucky to find out about it in my 20s, so it is unlikely to effect my health or life expectancy. However, it does make me uninsurable through private insurance. Thank Goodness my husband has a corporate job which is required to insure me. I've been denied life insurance too.

    I'm going to tag Jlogged, Queen of Violets, Mrs. Blogoway, The Wardrobe Miser, Babylune, and Black Market Beauty (this chick is conjuring up her own make up recipes.) and Blue Milk.

    Monday, November 12, 2007

    Carnival of Feminists and the Radical Kind Too

    Don't miss the 47th Carnival of Feminists (really? 47? Wow, that's a lot). Proud to be included. Thanks for hosting it Ornamenting Away.

    Angry for a Reason is hosting Carnival of Radical Feminists. Again, very honored to be included.

    Blond Ambition


    by Tracee Sioux

    When you write about issues effecting daughters, you put a lot of thought into personal action that might not have carried much meaning before.

    For instance, having written that women should consider how their daughters will feel before reconstructing perceived flaws through surgery in My Face/Her Face I have to wonder how far I must take the you're beautiful the way God made you message.

    Does that make it wrong for me to color my hair? Am I now restricted to only allow myself my natural color? Am I making Ainsley feel bad about her light brown hair (which is my natural color) by bleaching and coloring my hair? Am I harming her self esteem?

    I was a natural blond as a child. I'm not over it. Okay? I'm just not. I want to be a blond. My hair got darker around the 5th or 6th grade and I wasn't thrilled when I saw myself in a picture. I've pretty much been bleaching it since the 7th grade. Blonds have more fun. Blonds are prettier. Blonds are younger. Blonds are more exciting. I think you look great as a brunette. But I, my inner self or my own internal picture of me, is a blond.

    I don't feel as pretty if I don't have blond streaks. Sometimes I like to put red in it. Sometimes I really enjoy the contrast between the dark brown and the sun-streaked blond. Last Spring I loved my pink streaks amidst the blond. I like the feeling I get when I make a big change, but I like it most when there is blond involved.

    I'll probably never develop a deep satisfaction in my natural color. For one thing, by now it's probably got some grey in it and I'd color it anyway. I may never get over it - and why should I? There is nothing permanent about hair.

    However, after reading my friend Jennifer's blog A Free Haircut is Always a Super Cut arguing that professional hair color is an expensive luxury. I decided I could give up my blond - for a little while - to free up the $60 it costs me to have it done. We're buying a house and that 60 bucks, as well as the gym membership, can go to the mortgage.

    I went for my natural Light Golden Brown first. Boring. Boring. Boring. I went back for the Dark Auburn last night - I can at least give myself a hint of drama.

    And Ainsley, I've already colored her hair twice - once with pink streaks and once with red. She even had pink extensions glued in for a while. She asked for it and I couldn't think of a reason not to.

    So, if Ainsley is going to get a message I hope it's this, You have the freedom to have whatever color of hair you want. You can reinvent yourself every season if you feel like it. But, keep it in perspective - if it's between buying a house or being a blond - the house should win every time.

    Who knew I had this much to say about hair:

    Friday, November 9, 2007

    Gender Bias In Science


    There are very few women in science and technology fields because:

    A) Girls can't do well in math and science subjects.

    B) Science and Tech Fields are misogynistic Good Old Boys Clubs.

    C) All men hate women.

    D) Women just don't care about math and science - they care about fashion and babies.

    E) Teachers, professors and employers don't understand how they shut girls out and they need some education.

    A recent National Academies report, Beyond Bias and Barriers: Fulfilling the Potential of Women in Academic Science and Engineering, found that women repeatedly face biases in academia in the science fields, and that these barriers to success discourage them from careers in these areas. In response to this report, Rep. Eddie Bernice Johnson (D-TX) recently introduced the Gender Bias Elimination Act (H.R. 3514).

    Women are capable of contributing more to the nation's science and engineering research enterprise, but bias and outmoded practices governing academic success impede their progress almost every step of the way, said Donna E. Shalala, president of the University of Miami, former secretary of the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, and chair of the committee that wrote the report. Fundamental changes in the culture and opportunities at America's research universities are urgently needed. The United States should enhance its talent pool by making the most of its entire population.

    This important piece of legislation directly addresses concerns raised in the National Academies report by authorizing workshops that educate university department chairs, agency program officers, and others on reducing and eliminating gender bias for women in science, technology, engineering, and mathematics (STEM) fields. Under this act, agencies that fund scientific research-like the National Institute of Health and the National Science Foundation-will also be directed to better enforce existing federal anti-discrimination laws (including Title IX), assess the workplace climate, publish demographic and funding data for grant applications, and extend grant support for researchers on leave for caregiving duties.

    Declining interest in science and a shortage of American scientists is a threat to American competitiveness on a national scale, problems that are exacerbated by the low numbers of women and girls from STEM fields. The Commission on Professionals in Science and Technology's report Professional Women and Minorities states that women now comprise 25 percent of the labor force in STEM fields. If women and members of other traditionally underrepresented groups joined the STEM workforce in proportion to their representation in the overall labor force, the shortage of STEM professionals would disappear.

    Join the American Association of University Women in supporting, promoting and strengthening STEM education, especially for women and other underrepresented populations in the fields. AAUW believes this legislation remove barriers to success and encourage more women to choose careers in STEM fields.

    Be a Two-Minute Activist by following this link to write your legislatures to support this bill.

    Our daughters deserve to have all choices open and available to them.

    Thursday, November 8, 2007

    Bad Word


    by Tracee Sioux

    Mommy, Kinsey called me a bad word!

    Oh no. What did she call you?

    Tracee!


    So this is what bad mother Karma feels like. I so wish I had been nicer to my mother. Where once my main goal in life was to not become my mother, I now realize there are WAY worse people to be. I'd be lucky to be as kind, generous and loving and together as my mother.

    The other day someone said, That must have been hard for you.

    We were discussing how my mother actually taught me real homemaking skills like sewing, cooking and cleaning that I thought were passe. I believed feminism would save me from that fate.

    I guess, as a kid I didn't appreciate that some mothers leave. Some mothers beat their kids. Some mothers work three jobs and are never home. Some mothers involve a litany of different father-figures in their kids' lives. Some mothers don't care if you do your homework or graduate. Some mothers give you their cigarettes instead of punishing you for smoking.

    I actually do sew. Sometimes for fun. My friends are jealous that I have this antiquated and exotic feminine skill. They bring me their favorite clothes and beg me to fix them. They ask me to teach them these nearly-dead feminine arts. They ask for my recipes.

    My parents were right - I just didn't know how good I had it. I really thought every kid got it as good as me.



    Now if only I could convince Ainsley - There are way worse names to be called than Tracee.

    Wednesday, November 7, 2007

    Girl Drama


    by Tracee Sioux

    Am I the only mother who actually cried when I realized my daughter would have to experience the trauma of junior high school?

    I now realize that was silly of me - girl drama starts much earlier now.

    In preschool I got my first taste of it when her BFF Maddy didn't want to play with Caitlin with a C and Kaytlin with a K on the playground. I never could understand why, but I think it came down to Maddy wanting to play with only Ainsley all the time.

    Finally, one day Ainsley told Maddy, I've played with you all the time for the whole year. I've had enough. I'm playing with them now.

    Which, of course, devastated poor Maddy.

    In Kindergarten there are more girls involved.

    The reports I get from her teacher are glowing, Ainsley's popular and has a close group of friends. She gets along well with the other children. She's is not bullied and does not bully others. She's a perfect student. Very helpful.

    Which is inconsistent with what Ainsley tells me about her day.

    It seems every single day she fights with Taylor or Aaron about who is going to play "The Mom" or swing on the swings. And everyday it ends with these words,

    Fine. I'm not your friend anymore. I'm never playing with you again.

    Every time she seems to resolve her issues with her classmates Taylor and Aaron, BFF Maddy's class comes out for recess. They get upset when Ainsley abandons them to play with her BFF. Maddy apparently has no interest, once again, in being friends with Taylor and Aaron and Taylor and Aaron don't really like Maddy, says Ainsley.

    Pre-Kindergarten it was my easily-held belief that ALL bullying and mean girl behavior should be punished harshly in the early years to prevent such nastiness from culminating in junior high.

    Obviously, there is some mean girl behavior going on on the playground. But, the stories are so involved that I'm not sure exactly who should be punished or even if punishment would accomplish anything.

    I'm thrilled that Ainsley is coming to me for advice, but frankly I haven't much.

    I never really did learn to win with girls in school.

    Tuesday, November 6, 2007

    How Do You Spell Zac Efron?


    by Tracee Sioux

    I found myself facing a modern-day dilemma when my 6-year-old daughter, Ainsley, started surfing the net.

    I suppose in my mind it I thought it would go something like this:

    My 10-year-old daughter would come to me and say, Mom, I need to do a report in school. Is it okay if I learn to Google now?

    Of course, Darling, but you know the Internet has a lot of issues with inappropriate content, so we need to go over a list of rules about opening email and files and what pages are off-limits.

    Yeah okay. Here's how that went in real life.

    Mom. Log me on to Disney.com.

    I obeyed.

    How do you spell Zac Efron?

    Z-A-C - space - E-F-R-O-N

    After 15 minutes of watching Oprah and folding laundry, I look over at the computer screen and realize my 6-year-old daughter has been randomly clicking entertainment gossip blogs and tabloid websites (read: soft porn). It's only a matter of time before Zac Efron's girlfriend, Vanessa Hudgens, appears naked on our computer screen. Not to mention all those nasty text ads advertising the actual sale of girls, she might randomly click.

    Ainsley, I think you should go read a book or something.

    After the kids are in bed,Honey, I think it's time to install the Internet Safety software, immediately. Ainsley learned to Google today.

    Hop on over to the Internet Safety Advisor for Parental Safety Tips for guidelines on how to allow children to safely navigate their first movie-star crush.

    And please, leave all the advice you've got on good software and effective rules.

    Monday, November 5, 2007

    Commercial Free Childhood


    Have you been over to the Campaign for a Commercial Free Childhood? It's a non-profit activist organization on the side of NOT selling our kids out.

    Which, until recently I thought was a given, but apparently that was naive. Now, I pretty much think that unless people get LOUD in the face of advertisers they'll sell every girl or boy child as long as they can pay their amortized mortgage and their fancy limited-edition, financed Tahoe.

    I would love to attend the upcoming conference in Boston, Consuming Kids, The Sexualization of Children and other Commercial Calamities.

    I'll invite any attendee of the conference to guest-post what they learned on So Sioux Me.

    I love a site that lets me take real action in less than 5 minutes. While I was over there I got to write a letter to Scholastic to tell them to stop marketing The Bratz in my daughter's school.

    You can also send a letter to McDonalds demanding they stop selling sex with a side of fries with their sexualized My Scene Barbies as a Happy Meal prize. More on these toys at Queen of Violets.

    I understand that, as a parent, one of my jobs is to teach my children to decipher advertising and teach them to resist it.

    Really, I don't think it would be reasonable to stop marketing to kids completely. But, do they have to be so deranged and disgusting about it? Could they perhaps apply an ethical boundary here and there? At a marketing meeting deciding to market toys that look more like hookers than business women is it insane to think the marketing professionals, presumably also parents, might ask "What kind of long-term effect might this have on kids?"

    Is that really too much to ask?

    Thursday, November 1, 2007

    Kardashians & Girls Gone Wild

    By Tracee Sioux

    Keeping Up With the Kardashians is another E! television series which makes me want to . . . what? It's so depraved, I'm at a loss.

    Lets start with worst mother on the planet (at least on television) - Kris Kardashian. This woman has phone conversations with the Girls Gone Wild President, who happens to be in jail for violating and exploiting little girls, both to get off and to sell a lot of child porn. "I can't believe you're in jail, we really should drive up there and get you out somehow," she whimpers at him.

    This guy is pretty much the superhero for pedophiles, but whatever. Kris feels it would be a good career move to sell her model/actress teenage daughters to him. She doesn't understand why anyone would let a little "stigma" of sexual exploitation of children bother them when this is obviously a "classy" swim wear collection.

    So she takes the girls, lying to her husband, and poses for Girls Gone Wild. Brilliant motherhood/management move.

    Father finds out and goes off to find Kris. He leaves their pre-pubescent daughters with adult brother Brody. This is where the show takes a Nambla tone - and I'm sure all members of Nambla recorded the episode and will watch it over and over with their pants down.

    Kendal, 11, and Kylie, 9, start taunting their brother Brody about Girls Gone Wild and lifting up their shirts. He invites his adult male friend over to join in the fun. Even joking that he's invited "girls" over to play with. The tween girls dance around a stripper pole - why do these people have a stripper pole in their home? Lifting their tops singing Girls Gone Wild! Girls Gone Wild! Girls Gone Wild! These Elementary School students grab a belt and play a game of whipping and chasing these men who are babysitting them screaming their sexual taunt.

    A video camera is gotten out and the babysitting adult male friend tapes the girls dancing around the stripper pole singing Girls Gone Wild and flashing their bare stomachs joking about putting it on You Tube. Finally, brother Brody walks in the room and puts a stop to it. But instead of punching his friend in the face, he thinks it's all really funny.

    At the end of the episode the 3 older girls joke about being Charlies Angels with the imprisoned pornographer who jokes about wanting to screw them and which of them is hottest.

    Their father "accidentally" finds the video of his youngest daughters flashing and screaming Girls Gone Wild around a stripper pole and it's obvious who's in trouble - the pre-teen girls. How dare they act like that?

    We see Mother, feigning shock that this kind of porno-fun is going on.

    What, Mrs. Kardashian? Did you think maybe they should wait until they are 12 or 13 before selling them to the highest-bidding child pornographer? (Which, in this case, happens to be E!)

    Previews for next week involve Hugh Hefner and Mrs. Kardashian trying to convince her daughter to take her bra off. E!'s website is featuring Kardashian parental advice about how to raise responsible children and get girls to dress age-appropriately.

    This is the new normal.

    Friday, November 30, 2007

    Kinda Knows


    by Tracee Sioux

    I checked out The Safe Side Stranger Safety video, produced by John Walsh of America's Most Wanted and Julie Clark of Baby Einstein.

    I recommend this to every parent of young children. Both my kids, one and six, were mesmerized by the over-the-top Safe Side Superchick who teaches the kids the way to "be on the safe side."

    Rather than the word stranger, which is confusing to children, they use Don't Know and Kinda Know.

    Mom, Dad and Grandma are Safe Side Adults. Parents give children a list of 3 Safe Side Adults who are always trustworthy and on their Safe Side List. These are the people who can pick them up from school or take them on outings.

    Don't Knows include anyone they don't know. Ice cream man, nice stranger in a store, another parent in the park - everyone they don't know. Children are not to speak to them or give them information unless they are in the presence of their Safe Side Adult.

    Kinda Knows are anyone the child recognizes, but who are not on the safe side adult list. Kinda Knows include coaches, teachers, church acquaintances, extended relatives, family friends, neighbors and friends' parents. Kids kinda know them, but sometimes people we know might harm us. Kids are told to stay on the safe side by not being alone with them or going anywhere with them without parental permission.

    I particularly liked the personal space concept. Too often we don't teach children that they have a right to their own personal space. If someone gets too close on the playground or in a store - the video tells them just to run away. Viewers are taught that they have a right to their personal space of about 10 feet around them. One great example was a car pulling up too close. The children didn't wait to find out why, they just ran.

    The focus is on safety over being polite. Which was a great reminder to me, because I often encourage polite interaction with strangers in stores. Children are only expected to be polite if their safe side adult is with them and give permission.

    It's a shame, but it's appropriate and necessary for children to be clued in that some adults could hurt them. The information was presented in such a way as to not scare children, but to make them feel more powerful when making quick decisions in the face of danger.

    I thought this was a well produced film to teach children safety rules. My kids loved it. Stranger Safety would make a great Christmas gift, with its high-tech equivalentThe Safe Side - Internet Safety.
    For more Safe Side Hot Tips visit www.thesafeside.com.

    Thursday, November 29, 2007

    I Want To Be A Model


    Mommy, I'm going to be a model.

    Well, you can if you really want to. But, I hope you'll never let anyone treat you like they treat models. I hope you'll expect more respect from any employer.

    The thing is Tyra, at some point you became "the industry." You chose to perpetrate the abuse against girls rather than change it.

    Fierce.

    Wednesday, November 28, 2007

    Pro-Ana Cheerleader Barbies


    I admit I vacillate like crazy on the issue of allowing Ainsley to have Barbies. It's a grey area for me. I allowed Barbie for a while, then when I found a decapitated and limbless Barbie massacre on Ainsley's bed I silently cheered for joy and vowed not to replace her.

    Some people give me crap about it and think I'm being too extreme. I admit, I've been thinking What's the harm in letter her play with those dolls, really?

    Then the universe sends me a message to remind me.

    First, I was flipping channels and came across Say Yes To The Dress. A wedding dress consultant asks a full grown woman, what do you want to look like on your wedding day?

    Like Barbie, the woman says. She wasn't kidding. Click this link to see her say it.

    Then my Barbie-defending friend, Violet, sends me this Cheerleader Barbie Inspires Young Girls.

    Could those cheerleaders be any more Pro-ana ? Mattel is calling this their model muse body. It makes me want to be sick - but not to lose weight, just to express disgust.

    Seriously, what message do these Barbies have for your daughter? You will never measure up unless you quit eating altogether and have a rib or two removed.

    Give Barbies for Christmas if you must, but Ainsley's getting the "chubby" knockoffs.

    More Barbie Blogs
    How Come Zack Gets A Barbi?
    Barbi For President
    Bob vs. Barbi
    Friends With Barbies

    Tuesday, November 27, 2007

    Discovery Girls Contest


    by Tracee Sioux

    Discovery Girls is a magazine created for girls, by girls ages 8 and up. I reviewed a couple of issues with Ainsley, who is granted only 6, but precocious.

    It's full of about fashion trends, beauty and style, crushes on boys, and teen movie stars. I don't know why I expected that girlhood today would be different than girlhood when I was growing up. I guess I thought there would be more evolution in girlness.

    That said, I totally love it and can't stop reading. I am even taking the quizzes. I totally forgot how much fun magazine quizzes are.

    All the talk about boys and crushes would seem premature and inappropriate, if Ainsley hadn't already informed me who she's crushing on (I'm so not telling) and if I didn't remember being completely and utterly in love with a boy myself at her age. I would be incensed about the focus on boys if she hadn't opened the magazine and said, Oh wow, Zac Efron is in this. I was comforted when the advice column told a girl that the 5th grade was way too young to have a boyfriend. Fwhew.

    The articles about Frenimies and Mean Girls are particularly useful.

    Discovery Girls also recently released a series of books which I thought were entertaining and gave relevant advice.

    The Fab Girls Guide to Friendship Hardship seems like a gold mine for mothers - oh, right and daughters too. At the beginning of the book girls take a quiz about their friendships and see whether they rank as good or bad. If you're friends with Poisonous Patti, she's mean, untrustwrothy and may actually be trying to make you feel bad. . . Nope, it's not your imagination, this girl is not your friend -- she's a frenemy wearing your BFF necklace, girls are advised to find better friends.

    The book lists 8 frenemy behaviors: The User, The Gossip, The Part-Time Bully, The Cling-On, The Snob, The Drama Queen, The Hidder, and The Backstabber. Ah, brings back memories - not the good kind. The book tells girls what they're getting out of being friends with her.

    It doesn't stop there. It addresses what to do if the girl, herself, is the mean girl. Yeah, you!, it says.

    The book defines what you should expect out of a true friend and outlines how you can be one. It gives great advice on how to find friends when you are in need of new ones.

    The Fab Girls Guide to Sticky Situationsis both helpful and hilarious. The really funny part is that you'll relate to lots of these sticky situations.

    What should you do if your friend's mom bursts into the room and starts screaming about her D - time to slip out of the room.

    What should you do if you're at school and you get period on your pants? Make a temporary pad out of toilet paper or a sock, tie a sweater or jacket around your waste and see the school nurse. Don't worry, this has happened to every girl.

    The sticky situations include relevant information about what to do if you're approached by online predators too.

    Other books in the series are Fab Girls Guide to Getting Your Questions Answered and Fab Girls Guide to Getting Through Tough Times.

    You can buy the whole set of Fab Girls books for $29.95 or separately for $9.95 at discoverygirls.com.

    Or

    You can win a set of the books right here by posting a comment. If you share a sticky situation you found yourself in, you will be entered to win. The winner will be the one who made me laugh hardest. I will post the results next Tuesday.


    This contest is officially closed. For announcement of the winner please go to Discovery Girls Prize Goes To . . .

    Monday, November 26, 2007

    Bob vs. Barbie


    by Tracee Sioux

    In a focus group carried out by toy manufacturer, Martin Yaffe, where children were invited to put this year’s top Christmas toys through their paces, seven out of 10 girls chose to play with toys designed for boys over the girls’ alternatives.

    Around 70% of girls under six admit that boys’ toys are what they really want, according to a press release put out by the manufacturer of Bob the Builder toys.

    Kristian Johnson, Marketing Manager at Martin Yaffe, said: It seems that stereotypes applied to toys in the past such as dolls for girls and cars for boys no longer apply – opening up a whole new element of choice for parents when shopping for their daughters this Christmas!

    We wanted to hear directly from children exactly which toys will be at the top of their Christmas lists this year, and surprisingly found that the majority of girls preferred playing with the toys designed with boys in mind, from Bob the Builder to Fireman Sam.

    The girls were given their choice between Bratz and Barbies and Bob and other toys marketed to boys. The study was done in the United Kingdom, but it stands to reason that American girls might feel similarly.

    The top five picks were:
    No.1 – Bob the Builder Snaptrax Garage & Car Wash set (picture of electronic sounds vehicle wash) – Girls loved working the working carwash and dryer.

    No.2 – Oddbodz – The girls enjoyed playing with the colourful characters and vehicles that could be dismantled to create crazy new ones.
    No 3 – Remote Control Scrambler – Girls particularly enjoyed mastering this easy to operate Scrambler, from hit pre-school TV show Bob the Builder.
    No.4 – Bob the Builder Tool Bench – This was a surprising favourite with the girls who enjoyed emulating their hero Bob.
    No.5 – Fireman Sam Remote Control Jupiter – This toy held its own, proving that kids still love traditional role models such as fire-fighters.

    Read the whole press release. Keep in mind, this study was conducted by the manufacturer of Bob the Builder, so the boy toys were all made by Martin Yaffe.

    I think we should test the theory though. Giving traditionally male toys to our daughters certainly can't hurt them.

    Friday, November 23, 2007

    Two Birds


    by Tracee Sioux

    Be kind to your children. They will pick your nursing home.

    When my mentoring group was looking for a service project and the idea to visit a nursing home came up, I took the group to see my children's great-grandfather. There is a sign on Grandpapa's wall that says Be kind to your children, They will pick your nursing home.

    Children record everything we do, it's vital to teach them how to treat those older than them and those more vulnerable. If you can show the more vulnerable they have the power to cure loneliness in the elderly. . . well, that's two birds.

    I don't just want my children to want to help people. I want them to feel powerful enough to do something to improve things.

    As faith without action is dead, empathy and compassion without action is both painful and useless.

    It does no one any good to feel bad about the situations girls face if we're not going to do anything about it. It's little help to feel sad for the elderly if you're not going to do visit them.

    I want my children to feel compassion and empathy. But, not if it's only futile pain in their hearts. I want them to know and understand that the power to change the world rests in their hands.

    Wednesday, November 21, 2007

    It. Is. Sick.


    by Tracee Sioux

    Our friends Jen and Aaron are in a health insurance nightmare. It's a predicament millions of American's face. They are middle-class. They work hard, they live within their means and are very frugal. Their situation merits attention because they are doing everything right, yet they find themselves in an impossible situation.

    One of their twins has cerebral palsy and a seizure disorder. On Jlogged Jen talks about the nightmare she's been living in as a mother trying to advocate for her son. For a while they have benefited from SCHIPS, but now they make too much money to qualify for any programs. They've been being bounced back and forth between public programs due to clerical errors.

    Too much to qualify doesn't equal ability to pay for the excessively high costs of health care. That's the rub.

    My son is uninsurable. No insurance company will touch him with a ten foot pole. We make too much to get help, but not enough to cover catastrophic costs of health care. We aren’t poor enough. If my husband can find a job with group health insurance it will help, but it is still far from a perfect solution. Until then we are stuck. Our options are limited and all of them suck: a) get a divorce, b) lie, c) put my son in a state nursing home facility d.) go without insurance risking bankruptcy, and going without care that will effect my son for the rest of his life. None of these are acceptable, and this is what the richest country in the world has to offer the disabled children of America. It. Is. Sick.

    There is a disconnect in this country about healthcare. I think those who are against universal care haven't received a true medical bill in quite some time. They are under the illusion that healthcare has remained reasonably affordable.

    That, or they are insulated from the astronomical costs of healthcare. They are insulated either by good health or unusually high incomes.

    If you think any American family could afford to carry the costs of a medical needs child on $50,000 ($12,000 higher than the median income) a year try this: Get out your budget. Add in $300 a month in maintenance medications. Add in $125 every week each for speech therapy and physical therapy. (Lucas is 5 and isn't speaking yet, whether or not he gets speech therapy now has a big impact on whether he will ever speak.) Then add in one life flight and hospital visit at $150,000.

    The costs of medical care have exceeded the means of American families if they carry the burden alone. Yet, there is enough resources and wealth as a whole to provide care.

    Go over to Jlogged to read more about her family's predicament.

    Monday, November 19, 2007

    Right to Representation


    Our daughters have a right to see women in the picture too. I think they deserve to have all opportunities open to them, including that of President of the United States. Women have yet to be represented.

    To ignore the white maleness of power is to deny daughters the reality of their gender.

    Housekeeping Paraphernalia


    by Tracee Sioux

    Mommy, can I have that Kid's Washer & Dryer by Little Colorado for Christmas?

    No way. You don't need to pretend to do laundry. If you want to do laundry, you can do it for real. I promise there will be plenty of opportunities for laundry when you grow up.

    I don't know if I'm right about this or not. It's just gut instinct, but these toys piss me off.

    On one hand, I can't get over how much my life looks exactly like my mother's life did. I don't know what I was thinking, but I absurdly expected feminism to do away with the drudgery of housework. Now I realize it's not feminism that will banish housework from my life - it's money to pay the housekeeper. Duh.

    Sometimes - usually while I'm doing the perpetually defeating job of cleaning the house - I come to the realization that housekeeping really was a full time job in the first place. It was a falacy that housewives did nothing all day. All the feminist revolution got me was more work. Too much work. More work than I can do.

    I'm pissed off about these toys and the expectation that my daughter will grow up to be a housewife or a housekeeper. But, why shouldn't she?

    I do want motherhood for her. I don't necessarily want her to miss out on being home with her children for several years.

    There's also a big part of me that believes these toys should be marketed to BOYS for a few decades to see if we can even out the housework load still being heavily born by women. To be fair, several of the commercials and ads are inclusive of boys this Christmas season.

    I realize that my life might have been easier, better organized and cleaner, had I accepted that keeping house was going to be an inevitable part of it. Especially while raising young children.

    But, still my gut instinct is to ignore requests for these kinds of toys and steer her in less stereotypical "housewife" direction.

    Why does she want cleaning supplies as toys anyway?

    What is your stance on housekeeping paraphernalia as play?

    Saturday, November 17, 2007

    Not Nameless Faceless Kids - Hers

    I read this blog about a mother's struggle to insure her special needs children - the real kind - in our current insurance system. Her child is being dropped because the insurance company isn't making any money off insuring her.

    Basically once they are in the high risk pool, normal insurance will never cover them again, even if they "outgrow" their issues. They are a health risk, and insurance companies can't really make money off of those kids.

    Did you know that our state provides an SCHIP program through the very company that KayTar currently has insurance through? With identical benefits? Did you know that we are eligible for this program if you use our net income, but if you go by our gross income we are just over the line? Just over the line! We don't even receive any of that money! Do you know where it goes? Taxes. We are paying the government to provide services like this for people in need and the TINY bit of money that we give is what keeps us from not being eligible for the programs ourselves. How can that be right?

    The bill President Bush recently vetoed would have provided insurance for my kids. Not some faceless huddled masses. These kids. MY kids.

    Read the full HealthCare is a Bitch.

    But for the grace of God, there go I.

    We've always been about $60 gross over the income limit for the Pre-K, free lunch and SCHIPS. The only major difference is our children are healthy and we have corporate health insurance.

    My prayers are with you Kyla.

    Friday, November 16, 2007

    Balancing Act


    by Tracee Sioux

    How does this sound?

  • Paid family leave so no mother has to go back to work days after giving birth,

  • Public universal pre-school,

  • Major investments in child care so having a child is no longer the top reason American families have "a poverty spell",

  • After school programs for all kids who need them,

  • Health care for all children,

  • Benefits for part-time workers, and

  • Telecommuting incentives so parents have more flexible work options.

  • While I am a so-called liberal democrat nearly everyone I know and love is a conservative Christian.

    Here's the thing - we all want the same things and share the same basic values.

    Women who describe themselves as "stay-at-home-moms" are working. They are working part-time for low pay and getting no benefits, no security, no acknowledgement or validation from their work, but they ARE working.

    Women who describe themselves as "working mothers" would stay at home more and work fewer hours given the flexibility and choice.

    Then there is a whole class of women who vacillate between the two distinctions and make various compromises depending on age of children and practical economics. Those compromises usually sacrifice health care and benefits for more time. It's not a necessary sacrifice when we could just require employers to offer it up without penalty.

    We, as voters and citizens, need to remember that the government works for us. Not the other way around. In a democracy, we get to decide what the rules are and how the game is played. We do that by writing letters and electing the people that are looking out for our best interests. Let the employer look out for his own best interest - they pay people to lobby for that. The US Constitution wasn't design to protect employers, it was designed to protect We, the People.

    Both the liberal Democrat and the conservative Republican family can see how telecommuting, working from home, benefits for part-time work, paid family leave, after school programs and health care are good for every family in America.

    American families deserve it and Momsrising is demanding it. There is a bill before congress right now called The Balancing Act that makes life easier for families.

    If you want to see the divorce rate go down and more face-time between kids and their parents, it's laws like The Balancing Act that make it possible.

    Follow this link and write your representatives and tell them you expect the American Government to do this for American Families.

    Our daughters deserve better choices than we have. Just as we have better choices than our mothers.

    Thursday, November 15, 2007

    Smoke Out


    by Tracee Sioux

    I can hardly wait for New Year's Eve to come because I never have to put "Quit Smoking - for real this time" on my list of resolutions again. I can move on to getting organized and saving my receipts so I can deduct them.

    The best thing about this year is that I've become a non-smoker. I really and truly quit smoking. Well, maybe the very best thing is that I've encouraged thousands of other smokers, to become non-smokers with the breakout success of one BlogFabulous post about the miracle drug Chantix (around 957 comments). It got so difficult to load up I started a new quit smoking support site at Quit Coping. It feels fantastic to effect the soul of the world in such a positive way.

    If you still smoke here's what I want you to know:

    You've been underestimating the tole smoking is taking on your emotional life.

    The chronic sense of failure, guilt and shame is effecting everything you say, think and do. You've been doing it so long that you think it's who you are.

    It's not.

    You'll have to take my word for it, but after a few months you'll discover a deeper person underneath all those negative surface emotions and that person is worth knowing.

    It's liberating and confidence-boosting to be without that sense of shame, guilt and failure.

    Smoking undermined every relationship in my life. If you always leave a conversation to smoke you rob yourself of the full relationship - usually the healing, reconciliation and understanding that comes at the end of conversations.

    You think you can't find the emotional strength to deal with people because you've been mentally checking out as soon as conflict comes up by thinking about how you'll escape to smoke.

    That you can't deal with stress is a fiction created by your addiction to cigarettes. Period. It's a fiction and it will take some pain and a lot of practice - but you deserve to know that you can deal with everything you think you can't deal with. You can learn to deal with stress, loss, pain, trauma, anxiety, insomnia, conflict, boredom and every other emotion you've avoided by smoking.

    You'll need to dedicate yourself to finding new coping strategies for every instance where you previously smoked. That's seriously uncomfortable. It's painful sometimes. It's overwhelming. I promise you - it's worth it.

    There is no way to quit smoking with total ease and comfort. But, Chantix will take the edge off. And if you're a smoker, I know you understand that by edge I don't mean a slight discomfort, I mean the depths of hell. Chantix will elevate you to purgatory levels of discomfort which almost feels like heaven if you've ever been to the depths of hell.

    Today is the Great International Smoke Out. Ten years ago I ended up on the front page of a Lithuanian newspaper for smoking it up on the street on this day. It's embarrassing to be held up as the epitome of stupidly continuing to smoke.

    This year, when I see smokers on the street, I want to tell you: You don't have to smoke anymore.

    Stop by Quit Coping and I'll hang with you every step of the way while you give up this self-loathing, self-defeating habit. You deserve to be a non-smoker.

    Family Visit and Maturity
    Blog Fabulous/Chantix (1,000 comments)
    I suck
    Addiction Off

    Wednesday, November 14, 2007

    So Totally Ana


    by Tracee Sioux

    I'm reading this little book called Bergdorf Blonds by Plum Sykes where I'm seeing the word ana. As in you're looking totally ana, you must be deliriously happy. Ana is short for anorexia and is considered the best thing to be.

    It's not just appearing in trashy hip-chick lit, it's appearing on social networking sites where the lines are being blurred between recovering from eating disorders and glamorizing being so thin they're near death.

    Worlds Largest Pro Anorexia site is where girls go to support each other in keeping their anorexia or bulimia.

    Comments samples on Pro-ana and Pro-mia sites:

    after a two day fast, i f*ed up. and had six slices of bread and butter :'( plus a bowl of spaghetti. i tried to purge but i couldn't. then i spent ages crying. how sad can i get.

    i love stepping on the scale and seeing the numbers go lower. i really do. it feels like a high-- but sometimes i actually get scared for my own healtha nd well being. my BMI is 15. im scared sometimes that i wont wake up. i tell myself i will eat healthy nad maintain my weight but then in contrast i get scared to eat TOO much. so i cycle on eating too much, maintaining weight, losing weight, freaking out, eating too much... over and over again.

    Xanga, Facebook and Myspace all have pro-ana and pro-mia sites. Those who participate in these sites defend their "right to their lifestyle choice."

    They exchange purging tips, ways to avoid eating when they are in social situations, how to hide weight loss from doctors and parents, and what pills and laxatives work best. These strategies are quaintly known as thinspiration.

    According to a 2006 survey of eating disorder patients at Stanford Medical School 35.5% had visited pro-ana/pro-mia web sites; of those, 96% learned new weight loss or purging methods from such sites.

    They post ultra-thin photos of themselves and long to be, not their own thin selves, but someone thinner and better.

    This pro-ana and pro-mia and thinspiration trend is a cry for help from the girls who internalized all our self-loathing jokes and indulged in all the girl-hating media.

    Oh mothers. What would we do to protect our daughters from this outcome?

    Would we stop complaining about our own bodies and appearance?

    It's a tangible and effective place to start. It's not meaningless and without consequence to joke about our own fatness, ugliness, lack of beauty perfection. It doesn't only lower our self-esteem, it lowers theirs too.

    Would we take the time to write advertisers?

    Is it worth monitoring their Internet use and television exposure?

    It is to me.

    The mother who radiates self-love and self-acceptance vaccinates her daughter against low self-esteem. Naomi Wolf

    Self-Loathing Sin Bank

    Tuesday, November 13, 2007

    Seven Random and Weird Things


    In response to a meme by Marjorie at 280 Main Street. A meme is what bloggers do if they like you - yea! It's like blogger approval. I'm digging that.


    • I was on the front page of the newspaper in Lithuania. I was teaching English there. It was considered improper for women to smoke on the street. A photographer caught me smoking on the street during the International Smoke Out. Due to the language barrier, I didn't know about the smoke out. I would've done it anyway. It wasn't a good photo - I had burned my bangs while trying to light my smoke on a gas stove and they were mid-grow out. I quit smoking this year.

    • I used to wimp-out when people would say, "It's too competitive." There are several moments in my life where I wish I hadn't chickened out of opportunities. I'm learning to say, "Well, maybe I'm that good."

    • I'm actively testing Biblical promises and the Law of Attraction to get what I really want. It's working. Especially for garage sale where I found four already hemmed jeans with the exact right waste, leg, brand and sizes.

    • I love being in my 30s - I feel so much more powerful and validated now. I'm starting to love cliches, because they are true like, "youth is wasted on the young."

    • I feel freed from my biological clock now that I'm done having children. I'm feeling a sense of sanity that was never there before. Like all my thoughts and actions were somehow biologically skewed to make sure I got married and had children. Now that I'm done I feel free to be more authentically me, only censored.

    • I'm resistant to organization and new technology. I get frustrated learning new things and avoid them until I can't avoid them anymore (just got a cell phone this year - actually three, since my kids destroyed my first two). I finally had to start keeping a weekly calendar and a password spreadsheet.

    • I have hemochromatosis. It's a rare hereditary condition where my body doesn't process iron correctly. Iron is poisonous in high doses so they bleed me. About 8% of the population has it. I was extremely lucky to find out about it in my 20s, so it is unlikely to effect my health or life expectancy. However, it does make me uninsurable through private insurance. Thank Goodness my husband has a corporate job which is required to insure me. I've been denied life insurance too.

    I'm going to tag Jlogged, Queen of Violets, Mrs. Blogoway, The Wardrobe Miser, Babylune, and Black Market Beauty (this chick is conjuring up her own make up recipes.) and Blue Milk.

    Monday, November 12, 2007

    Carnival of Feminists and the Radical Kind Too

    Don't miss the 47th Carnival of Feminists (really? 47? Wow, that's a lot). Proud to be included. Thanks for hosting it Ornamenting Away.

    Angry for a Reason is hosting Carnival of Radical Feminists. Again, very honored to be included.

    Blond Ambition


    by Tracee Sioux

    When you write about issues effecting daughters, you put a lot of thought into personal action that might not have carried much meaning before.

    For instance, having written that women should consider how their daughters will feel before reconstructing perceived flaws through surgery in My Face/Her Face I have to wonder how far I must take the you're beautiful the way God made you message.

    Does that make it wrong for me to color my hair? Am I now restricted to only allow myself my natural color? Am I making Ainsley feel bad about her light brown hair (which is my natural color) by bleaching and coloring my hair? Am I harming her self esteem?

    I was a natural blond as a child. I'm not over it. Okay? I'm just not. I want to be a blond. My hair got darker around the 5th or 6th grade and I wasn't thrilled when I saw myself in a picture. I've pretty much been bleaching it since the 7th grade. Blonds have more fun. Blonds are prettier. Blonds are younger. Blonds are more exciting. I think you look great as a brunette. But I, my inner self or my own internal picture of me, is a blond.

    I don't feel as pretty if I don't have blond streaks. Sometimes I like to put red in it. Sometimes I really enjoy the contrast between the dark brown and the sun-streaked blond. Last Spring I loved my pink streaks amidst the blond. I like the feeling I get when I make a big change, but I like it most when there is blond involved.

    I'll probably never develop a deep satisfaction in my natural color. For one thing, by now it's probably got some grey in it and I'd color it anyway. I may never get over it - and why should I? There is nothing permanent about hair.

    However, after reading my friend Jennifer's blog A Free Haircut is Always a Super Cut arguing that professional hair color is an expensive luxury. I decided I could give up my blond - for a little while - to free up the $60 it costs me to have it done. We're buying a house and that 60 bucks, as well as the gym membership, can go to the mortgage.

    I went for my natural Light Golden Brown first. Boring. Boring. Boring. I went back for the Dark Auburn last night - I can at least give myself a hint of drama.

    And Ainsley, I've already colored her hair twice - once with pink streaks and once with red. She even had pink extensions glued in for a while. She asked for it and I couldn't think of a reason not to.

    So, if Ainsley is going to get a message I hope it's this, You have the freedom to have whatever color of hair you want. You can reinvent yourself every season if you feel like it. But, keep it in perspective - if it's between buying a house or being a blond - the house should win every time.

    Who knew I had this much to say about hair:

    Friday, November 9, 2007

    Gender Bias In Science


    There are very few women in science and technology fields because:

    A) Girls can't do well in math and science subjects.

    B) Science and Tech Fields are misogynistic Good Old Boys Clubs.

    C) All men hate women.

    D) Women just don't care about math and science - they care about fashion and babies.

    E) Teachers, professors and employers don't understand how they shut girls out and they need some education.

    A recent National Academies report, Beyond Bias and Barriers: Fulfilling the Potential of Women in Academic Science and Engineering, found that women repeatedly face biases in academia in the science fields, and that these barriers to success discourage them from careers in these areas. In response to this report, Rep. Eddie Bernice Johnson (D-TX) recently introduced the Gender Bias Elimination Act (H.R. 3514).

    Women are capable of contributing more to the nation's science and engineering research enterprise, but bias and outmoded practices governing academic success impede their progress almost every step of the way, said Donna E. Shalala, president of the University of Miami, former secretary of the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, and chair of the committee that wrote the report. Fundamental changes in the culture and opportunities at America's research universities are urgently needed. The United States should enhance its talent pool by making the most of its entire population.

    This important piece of legislation directly addresses concerns raised in the National Academies report by authorizing workshops that educate university department chairs, agency program officers, and others on reducing and eliminating gender bias for women in science, technology, engineering, and mathematics (STEM) fields. Under this act, agencies that fund scientific research-like the National Institute of Health and the National Science Foundation-will also be directed to better enforce existing federal anti-discrimination laws (including Title IX), assess the workplace climate, publish demographic and funding data for grant applications, and extend grant support for researchers on leave for caregiving duties.

    Declining interest in science and a shortage of American scientists is a threat to American competitiveness on a national scale, problems that are exacerbated by the low numbers of women and girls from STEM fields. The Commission on Professionals in Science and Technology's report Professional Women and Minorities states that women now comprise 25 percent of the labor force in STEM fields. If women and members of other traditionally underrepresented groups joined the STEM workforce in proportion to their representation in the overall labor force, the shortage of STEM professionals would disappear.

    Join the American Association of University Women in supporting, promoting and strengthening STEM education, especially for women and other underrepresented populations in the fields. AAUW believes this legislation remove barriers to success and encourage more women to choose careers in STEM fields.

    Be a Two-Minute Activist by following this link to write your legislatures to support this bill.

    Our daughters deserve to have all choices open and available to them.

    Thursday, November 8, 2007

    Bad Word


    by Tracee Sioux

    Mommy, Kinsey called me a bad word!

    Oh no. What did she call you?

    Tracee!


    So this is what bad mother Karma feels like. I so wish I had been nicer to my mother. Where once my main goal in life was to not become my mother, I now realize there are WAY worse people to be. I'd be lucky to be as kind, generous and loving and together as my mother.

    The other day someone said, That must have been hard for you.

    We were discussing how my mother actually taught me real homemaking skills like sewing, cooking and cleaning that I thought were passe. I believed feminism would save me from that fate.

    I guess, as a kid I didn't appreciate that some mothers leave. Some mothers beat their kids. Some mothers work three jobs and are never home. Some mothers involve a litany of different father-figures in their kids' lives. Some mothers don't care if you do your homework or graduate. Some mothers give you their cigarettes instead of punishing you for smoking.

    I actually do sew. Sometimes for fun. My friends are jealous that I have this antiquated and exotic feminine skill. They bring me their favorite clothes and beg me to fix them. They ask me to teach them these nearly-dead feminine arts. They ask for my recipes.

    My parents were right - I just didn't know how good I had it. I really thought every kid got it as good as me.



    Now if only I could convince Ainsley - There are way worse names to be called than Tracee.

    Wednesday, November 7, 2007

    Girl Drama


    by Tracee Sioux

    Am I the only mother who actually cried when I realized my daughter would have to experience the trauma of junior high school?

    I now realize that was silly of me - girl drama starts much earlier now.

    In preschool I got my first taste of it when her BFF Maddy didn't want to play with Caitlin with a C and Kaytlin with a K on the playground. I never could understand why, but I think it came down to Maddy wanting to play with only Ainsley all the time.

    Finally, one day Ainsley told Maddy, I've played with you all the time for the whole year. I've had enough. I'm playing with them now.

    Which, of course, devastated poor Maddy.

    In Kindergarten there are more girls involved.

    The reports I get from her teacher are glowing, Ainsley's popular and has a close group of friends. She gets along well with the other children. She's is not bullied and does not bully others. She's a perfect student. Very helpful.

    Which is inconsistent with what Ainsley tells me about her day.

    It seems every single day she fights with Taylor or Aaron about who is going to play "The Mom" or swing on the swings. And everyday it ends with these words,

    Fine. I'm not your friend anymore. I'm never playing with you again.

    Every time she seems to resolve her issues with her classmates Taylor and Aaron, BFF Maddy's class comes out for recess. They get upset when Ainsley abandons them to play with her BFF. Maddy apparently has no interest, once again, in being friends with Taylor and Aaron and Taylor and Aaron don't really like Maddy, says Ainsley.

    Pre-Kindergarten it was my easily-held belief that ALL bullying and mean girl behavior should be punished harshly in the early years to prevent such nastiness from culminating in junior high.

    Obviously, there is some mean girl behavior going on on the playground. But, the stories are so involved that I'm not sure exactly who should be punished or even if punishment would accomplish anything.

    I'm thrilled that Ainsley is coming to me for advice, but frankly I haven't much.

    I never really did learn to win with girls in school.

    Tuesday, November 6, 2007

    How Do You Spell Zac Efron?


    by Tracee Sioux

    I found myself facing a modern-day dilemma when my 6-year-old daughter, Ainsley, started surfing the net.

    I suppose in my mind it I thought it would go something like this:

    My 10-year-old daughter would come to me and say, Mom, I need to do a report in school. Is it okay if I learn to Google now?

    Of course, Darling, but you know the Internet has a lot of issues with inappropriate content, so we need to go over a list of rules about opening email and files and what pages are off-limits.

    Yeah okay. Here's how that went in real life.

    Mom. Log me on to Disney.com.

    I obeyed.

    How do you spell Zac Efron?

    Z-A-C - space - E-F-R-O-N

    After 15 minutes of watching Oprah and folding laundry, I look over at the computer screen and realize my 6-year-old daughter has been randomly clicking entertainment gossip blogs and tabloid websites (read: soft porn). It's only a matter of time before Zac Efron's girlfriend, Vanessa Hudgens, appears naked on our computer screen. Not to mention all those nasty text ads advertising the actual sale of girls, she might randomly click.

    Ainsley, I think you should go read a book or something.

    After the kids are in bed,Honey, I think it's time to install the Internet Safety software, immediately. Ainsley learned to Google today.

    Hop on over to the Internet Safety Advisor for Parental Safety Tips for guidelines on how to allow children to safely navigate their first movie-star crush.

    And please, leave all the advice you've got on good software and effective rules.

    Monday, November 5, 2007

    Commercial Free Childhood


    Have you been over to the Campaign for a Commercial Free Childhood? It's a non-profit activist organization on the side of NOT selling our kids out.

    Which, until recently I thought was a given, but apparently that was naive. Now, I pretty much think that unless people get LOUD in the face of advertisers they'll sell every girl or boy child as long as they can pay their amortized mortgage and their fancy limited-edition, financed Tahoe.

    I would love to attend the upcoming conference in Boston, Consuming Kids, The Sexualization of Children and other Commercial Calamities.

    I'll invite any attendee of the conference to guest-post what they learned on So Sioux Me.

    I love a site that lets me take real action in less than 5 minutes. While I was over there I got to write a letter to Scholastic to tell them to stop marketing The Bratz in my daughter's school.

    You can also send a letter to McDonalds demanding they stop selling sex with a side of fries with their sexualized My Scene Barbies as a Happy Meal prize. More on these toys at Queen of Violets.

    I understand that, as a parent, one of my jobs is to teach my children to decipher advertising and teach them to resist it.

    Really, I don't think it would be reasonable to stop marketing to kids completely. But, do they have to be so deranged and disgusting about it? Could they perhaps apply an ethical boundary here and there? At a marketing meeting deciding to market toys that look more like hookers than business women is it insane to think the marketing professionals, presumably also parents, might ask "What kind of long-term effect might this have on kids?"

    Is that really too much to ask?

    Thursday, November 1, 2007

    Kardashians & Girls Gone Wild

    By Tracee Sioux

    Keeping Up With the Kardashians is another E! television series which makes me want to . . . what? It's so depraved, I'm at a loss.

    Lets start with worst mother on the planet (at least on television) - Kris Kardashian. This woman has phone conversations with the Girls Gone Wild President, who happens to be in jail for violating and exploiting little girls, both to get off and to sell a lot of child porn. "I can't believe you're in jail, we really should drive up there and get you out somehow," she whimpers at him.

    This guy is pretty much the superhero for pedophiles, but whatever. Kris feels it would be a good career move to sell her model/actress teenage daughters to him. She doesn't understand why anyone would let a little "stigma" of sexual exploitation of children bother them when this is obviously a "classy" swim wear collection.

    So she takes the girls, lying to her husband, and poses for Girls Gone Wild. Brilliant motherhood/management move.

    Father finds out and goes off to find Kris. He leaves their pre-pubescent daughters with adult brother Brody. This is where the show takes a Nambla tone - and I'm sure all members of Nambla recorded the episode and will watch it over and over with their pants down.

    Kendal, 11, and Kylie, 9, start taunting their brother Brody about Girls Gone Wild and lifting up their shirts. He invites his adult male friend over to join in the fun. Even joking that he's invited "girls" over to play with. The tween girls dance around a stripper pole - why do these people have a stripper pole in their home? Lifting their tops singing Girls Gone Wild! Girls Gone Wild! Girls Gone Wild! These Elementary School students grab a belt and play a game of whipping and chasing these men who are babysitting them screaming their sexual taunt.

    A video camera is gotten out and the babysitting adult male friend tapes the girls dancing around the stripper pole singing Girls Gone Wild and flashing their bare stomachs joking about putting it on You Tube. Finally, brother Brody walks in the room and puts a stop to it. But instead of punching his friend in the face, he thinks it's all really funny.

    At the end of the episode the 3 older girls joke about being Charlies Angels with the imprisoned pornographer who jokes about wanting to screw them and which of them is hottest.

    Their father "accidentally" finds the video of his youngest daughters flashing and screaming Girls Gone Wild around a stripper pole and it's obvious who's in trouble - the pre-teen girls. How dare they act like that?

    We see Mother, feigning shock that this kind of porno-fun is going on.

    What, Mrs. Kardashian? Did you think maybe they should wait until they are 12 or 13 before selling them to the highest-bidding child pornographer? (Which, in this case, happens to be E!)

    Previews for next week involve Hugh Hefner and Mrs. Kardashian trying to convince her daughter to take her bra off. E!'s website is featuring Kardashian parental advice about how to raise responsible children and get girls to dress age-appropriately.

    This is the new normal.