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Showing posts with label empower girls. Show all posts
Showing posts with label empower girls. Show all posts

Monday, September 1, 2008

Bikini Waxing Tweens & Early Puberty

B2962CC3-8CB8-4905-A154-A349918CBF6F.jpg

There was a story on MSNBC.com Today Show, Too young? Preteen girls get leg, bikini waxes, about how 20% of bikini wax customers at one Hollywood salon are tweens - pre-teen children.

"Nearly 20 percent of the clients that Nance Mitchell sees for bikini waxes in her Beverly Hills, Calif., salon are tweens, she says. . . 12 is the new normal."

"But nothing prepared her for being asked by one client to book a bikini wax appointment for her 8-year-old daughter."

{{{{{GASP}}}}}

Did you share my first reaction?

But, then I thought - wait, why is it the waxing that is making me gasp in shock?

Isn't it more alarming that 8 year olds have enough pubic hair to wax?

The sub head of the story is inaccurate: Moms are bringing daughters to spas for hair removal before puberty

The fact is that 50% of girls are getting their periods by age 10 and doctors now consider it within the "range of normal" for girls to develop outward signs of puberty, including breasts and pubic hair, by age 8. It's not that even medically alarming for 6 or 7 year olds to begin puberty, and many do begin developing breast buds or pubic hair.

Isn't it more emotionally alarming and worthy of a {{{{gasp}}}} that we're seeing a dramatic shift in girls' puberty development and no public health official is coming on the nightly news declaring,

"We're going to find an answer to this most disturbing development in girls, who hold the future reproductive burden for our entire species. In the meantime, don't let your daughters drink the water full of pharmaceuticals. Stop injecting milk and meat cows and other animals with hormones. Be wary that extra weight causes girls to make estrogen and develop pubic hair and boobs early. Avoid plastics. We're going to outlaw high fructose corn syrup in foods directly marketed to children. We understand the reproductive future of our entire nation depends on it!"

Instead, we hear about the early pubic hair trend in the fashion and beauty section of MSNBC's Today Show with a sexualization of girls slant.

Shouldn't those mothers be ashamed of themselves? the story basically asks.

Should they?

The story includes a quote by Philadelphia aesthetician Melanie Engle who says the 8 year old request for a bikini wax, "was about the mother's obsession with her daughter being a supermodel."

OK. I can buy that. I've seen mothers primp their daughters as a photographer and photographer's assistant. There is definite maternal beauty pressure.

Yet, if there was nothing to wax, if she were hairless, then her mother wouldn't be thinking her daughter needed to have anything removed to "look like a supermodel." Right?

Last year I did a story about Nair directly marketing to tween and teen girls with a "new" line of hair removal cream, Nair Pretty.

"It's profoundly disturbing," I wrote. It's also disturbing that Nair caught onto this early pubic hair trend and marketed to it, before I, as a parent, caught up with it.

I also went off on some radio DJ who was bashing Lordes, Madonna's young daughter, for having a unibrow and a slight mustache. I was appalled at the DJ's lack of class and placing all this beauty pressure on a young girl.

One brave mother, Athena of 1001 Petals, wrote in the comments section of that post, "I feel kind of bad now for telling my husband yesterday that if our daughter turned out to be as hairy as me, I'd start taking her to an esthetician for waxing as soon as it became evident -- unless she said she didn't care for it. This is because if you wax regularly at such a young age, you're saved a lifetime of regular waxing later on down the road. I had to take myself starting at 12 yrs of age, and now at 30 it is still practically a daily maintenance routine. . .I spend hundreds a year and a lot of time bothering with it."

Athena's right. The more I consider this hairy subject, the more I realize that I will likely assist my daughter, in some way, with her pubic hair and if she developed a mustache or side burns, for goodness sake, I'd help her eradicate it. Like I'm going to throw her to the Mean Girls and hope she survives?

Swim suits are not designed to cover the pubic area. They haven't been for about 40 years.

In "Clean" Bikini Line I wrote about my own struggle since my teen years with various methods of shaving, Nairing, one excruciating episode with Neet and a vicious chemical burn.

I'm amused by Campaign for Unshaved Snatch (CUSS), but I still keep my bush rather trimmed, as a courtesy to my husband. I wear swim shorts rather than show off my all my private hairs when we go swimming. The itching always gets to me mid-grow.

But, is my daughter really going to be into wearing one of these modest suits that would cover her bikini area? Am I going to make her be the only kid at the swim party or pool to do so?

I shave my pits and my legs. I pluck my eyebrows. I search for stray hairs on my chin and pluck them immediately.

It is only my budget that keeps me from getting all this hair waxed off. When I lived in NYC there was hair & waxing salon on every corner and it was a mere $30 to get my bikini and eyebrows done. I did it whenever I could afford it.

It's the least painful than other methods, it lasts longer and it was the ONLY thing that prevented razor or chemical burn - in other words waxing was the only solution that I didn't trade unwanted hair for an unwanted rash.

It seems to me a young daughter growing early pubic hair is an even bigger motivator for waxing.

Certainly, the minute girls develop breasts or pubic hair society treats her with less respect and she hears more negative and sexual comments about her body. The more she looks like a teenager or woman, the sooner she will be seen as an object for male entertainment, instead of the three-demensionable little girl, the young child, she really is.

What bigger incentive is there to hide pubic hair, keep it as private as possible, or have it removed?

Does the removal of hair further sexualize girls, because the latest fashion is for adult women to remove hair and get a Brazillian wax? Ironically (and a little disturbingly) making them look more like children.

Or does the removal of a symptom or sign of puberty buy a little girl some more time to be a child?

Please comment, I really am interested in exploring this issue further.

Empowering Girls: Hootchy Clothes

Second Generation Mean Girl

Empowering Girls: Ho'oponopono for Girl Fights

Empowering Girls: Breast Cancer Risks

Empowering Girls: Early Puberty

Precocious Puberty

Image Source: Ohana Swimwear

Friday, August 8, 2008

Empowering Girls: Hootchy Clothes

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If you are using words like hootchy, skank, slut, whore or any other sexually derogatory word to describe the clothing (whether inappropriate or not) of any girl you are an active participant in further sexualizing girls.

If you are teaching your daughter (or sons) to use sexually derogatory words to describe other girls' clothing you are actively coaching her in mean girl behavior.

If you call a young girl's outfit "skanky," you've just taught your daughter that it's okay to call another girl a "skank" if she doesn't like her clothes. If you describe an outfit as "hootchy mama," you've just taught your daughter that if she makes the slightest clothing error, it's okay for others to call her a "hootchy mama."

You're basically making a judgement about whether a girl is sexually active or promiscuous by her clothing.

I'm hearing people say such things about 3-5 year olds. Think about it - are those words you really want to apply to children?

Children should be immune to our sexuality. When you apply sexually derogatory words to children, you sexualize them. You open them up to a sexual context that others can use against them.

If there is any group of people on the planet earth who should be entitled to wear less clothing it is children. Children should be immune to the sexual implications of all skin exposure.

There are some inappropriate clothing choices available to girls. We can tell our daughters why they shouldn't wear such things without being sexually derogatory about their friends, classmates, neighbors, family or their own secret selves that also wish to wear that clothing.

"I don't think that's appropriate," is generally sufficient explanation for why your daughter isn't allowed to wear something.

Regardless of what a girl is wearing she is deserving of respect.
It is impossible to demand more respect for girls by being disrespectful to girls.

Empowering Girls: Ho'oponopono for Girl Fights

Girl Fight

Second Generation Mean Girl

Monday, March 31, 2008

Empowering Girls: Princess Culture Examined

Ever wonder how and why the Disney Princess Culture distorted and minimized girlness, leaving girls as the extra character or one that desperately needs to be saved?

My film-maker friend, Aaron Lea, sent me this rejection letter to a Mary V. Ford from Disney dated 1938. It states that she should not bother sending her portfolio because the creative talent is, by company policy, men.

Which does help explain how the Disney Princess Girl Culture became so distructive and minimizing to girls.

Dear Miss Ford:

. . . .

Women do not do any of the creative work in connection with preparing the cartoons for the screen, as that work is performed entirely by young men. For this reason girls are not considered for the training school.

The only work open to women consists of tracing the characters on clear celluloid sheets with India ink and filling in the tracings on the reverse side with pain according to directions.

In order to apply for a position as "Inker" or "Painter" it is necessary that one appear at the Studio, bringing samples of pen and in and water color work. It would not be advisable to come to Hollywood with the above specifically in view, as there really are very few opeinings in comparison with the number of girls who apply.

Yours very truly,

Walt Disney Productions, LTD.



Aaron explained how during World War II Disney was put in a position, like most companies, to need women artists, which is how one of his creative idols was given some creative power. Here is a story on Mouseplanet about how women came to work at Disney.

"Mary Blair was an art supervisor and designer at Disney when they were at their highest level of brilliancy. Disney optioned to use her artwork for storybooks versions of certain films in place of stills, said Lea.

"Blair's influence can still be found today (she inspires a lot of us creative types). The opening credits for Monsters, Inc. is definitely an homage to her, as well as Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends," Lea pointed out.

To illustrate Blair's influence Lea shares a sample of Blair's work and a sample of his own.
blair art.jpg I Can Fly illustration Mary Blair.

aaron pink carriage.jpgClaudia Carey illustration Aaron Lea.

There is an article In New York Entertainment examining whether things are that much different at Disney in 2008 than they were in 1938. "The IMDb credits for Disney's latest No. 1 movie, Ratatouille, list 26 separate animators — of whom exactly zero appear based on first names to be women," they cite. To check the fact, here is a link to the entire credits. Two female story participants were given the glorious titles of "additional story material," indicative of their involvement.

Over a rainy weekend my daughter and I rented Enchanted. Disney's newest version of it's own princess tales. Tune in tomorrow for analysis of Disney's new generation of Princess film.

The main premises of the Geena Davis Institute is that when there are more women involved in the creative process of film and television it results in more empowering girl characters.

What can YOU do to ensure more girls are included in children's media?

  • Make a video. The GDIGM has a YouTube project asking for people to get behind a camera and notify the film and media industry,

    I Want To See Jane! 

  • Donate money to the GDIGM so they can wine, dine and educate the film makers who do influence our daughters.
  • GDIGM is running a contest for girls. They invite all girls/women 13-26 to make a Video Ad citing the organizations research points. Someone has to win - why not your daughter? Go to the < site to learn more.

Cinderella Should Have Saved Her Self

Ariel - The Little Mute

Belle - Battered Codependent

Over a rainy weekend my daughter and I rented Enchanted. Disney's newest version of it's own princess tales. Tune in tomorrow for analysis of Disney's new generation of Princess film.
Image of Mary Ford's Disney rejection letter.

Tuesday, March 4, 2008

Fishy Dad

When raising a strong, confident daughter it is helpful to have a good dad to
teach her how to cast a line.

Wednesday, January 2, 2008

Collectors Items


The Iowa Caucus is only days away.

Get your custom-designed Hillary 2008 Bumper Stickers now for only $5. Email me at traceesioux@yahoo.com to place your order. (More designs in the left side bar.)

Friday, December 7, 2007

First Crush


Hey Ainsley, remember when I told you that if Austin was hitting you that meant he liked you?

Yeah.

Well, I was wrong to tell you that. I don't ever want you to think anyone, ever has any right to treat you with disrespect. I want you to always expect respect, especially from boys who like you. A boy never, ever has any right to hit you, slap you or call you names.

And if a Austin likes you he needs to find a better, nicer way to express himself. You always deserve that. Do you understand?

Yes. Well, we were just playing tag ball and the ball hurts when you get tagged so we had to take some time outs.

Okay. When is a boy allowed to hit you or call you names?

Never.

What are you going to do if it happens?

Tell him to stop and come get you or the teacher.

Okay then. Good.


Read the original exchange at He's Always Hitting Me.

Monday, November 12, 2007

Tuesday, October 2, 2007

Nickelodeon Day of Play

Hey kids this is the Nickelodean Day of Play. Go outside and play. We're not showing any television shows until after 3 o clock today so unless you want to be bored listening to this message you shoudl just get up and go play. Go swing, ride your bike, skate board, jump on the trampoline, hang out with your friends. Get up off the couch and go play.

Hey kids, this is the Nickelodean Day of Play. Go outside and play.

I turned on the tv and it actually took me about three recorded loops to get it. They had really stopped showing television on a Saturday (I think) to encourage kids to go outside and play.

Virtual High Five Nickelodean!

Thursday, September 20, 2007

Genderizing Infants


by Tracee Sioux

Which of these babies is a boy and which is a girl?

Before I had children I thought it would be easy enough to avoid genderizing my babies. Numerous studies provide evidence that baby boys and baby girls are treated in a vastly different way. (Growing A Girl, PAP Report on Sexualization of Girls, Dove Campaign for Real Beauty White Paper.)

I won the baby lottery in that I was blessed with one girl and one boy.

I felt it would be easy enough to combat the nature versus nurture gender influence on my babies. What I didn't count on was the immediacy of the nurture genderization that was beyond my control.

I also had the unique perspective of having same-age, opposite-gender cousins to compare treatment in the present sense. More simply: My daughter has a male cousin born 3 weeks after her and my son has a female cousin born 3 weeks after him. Without picking on my mother-in-law, whose influence on my children I consider positive and invaluable, her behavior toward my children is the most marked in its gender-stereotyping so I'll use her to illustrate.

Within days of the birth of my son and his female cousin she could not stop talking about how "all boy" my baby was, as compared to how "all girl" his cousin was. My son, in my opinion, was a pretty as any girl baby. I really believe if we took them to the mall with Zack in a dress and called him Samantha everyone would believe he was a girl and therefore treat him accordingly. She believes he is somehow inherently boy-like.

Babies, whether they are girls or boys, eat, sleep, poop, pee and cry. That's it. There really are no scientific gender characteristics aside from genitalia. Yet, the way they are treated from the very second they pop out of the womb is vastly different.

What I realized is that it's a mute argument because you can't insulate them from gender-stereotyping. Not even for the first five minutes.

Have you ever been in a store with a new mother and someone says, "What a cute little boy."

One mother I was with said, I have her dressed from head to toe in pink, the blanket is pink and the headband is pink and has a bow. How much more obvious can it be that she's a girl?

Mothers feel it's imperative that even strangers understand that their baby boys are boys and their girls are girls.

With my girl the clothes available were pink, ruffled, bearing photos of dolls, teddy bears, bows, and dance emblems. The clothing very often bore some comment on her attractiveness like cute, adorable, sweet.

I think my son wears something with a ball, bat, net or truck picture every single day.

My boy scored some blocks, trucks, puzzles, tools and a video game system for his first birthday. My daughter got some dolls, a stroller, cooking paraphernalia, fake heels and a tea set for hers.

Adjectives used to describe my infant daughter included pretty, sweet, adorable and precious.

Adjectives used to describe my son include tough, big, smart, strong and cute.

What I realized is that you can't stop people from treating your children in different ways due to their gender. Not in reality.

In the real world it's ungrateful and rude to tell people not to buy your daughter girl toys. You sound like an ass if you say please don't call her beautiful, call her smart. You really have little control over what friends and family say to your kids. You can't go around policing every toy, clothing item or word. There's also an argument that you don't really want to criminalize girl toys or positive feedback about girlness. The goal is not to make them boys after all.

My husband and I are as guilty of gender-stereotyping our babies as anyone. My first instinct with my daughter is always to tell her to be nice and get along.
It's not nice to hit.

Yet my son is encouraged by the whole family to flex his muscles and be physically aggressive and growl. My husband likes to show his aggressiveness off to his friends, Get him Zack!

I even gave him a very aggressive masculine hair cut with his spiked Mohawk, while my daughter isn't allowed to cut her hair short.

While I've given up the idea that it's remotely possible to insulate our kids from early gender-stereotyping, I think it's important to be conscientious about applying "masculine" adjectives to our daughters too. It's important that we make a habit of telling our daughters that they too are smart, competent, strong, fast, brave and tough. It's important to expose them to the "masculine toys" like video games, puzzles, math games and the computer.

For that matter, it's pretty funny to watch Zack run around in my red peep-toe pumps and play house with the baby dolls. Sweet and gentle are adjectives I like to use with him.

One of the babies in the picture is a boy. One is a girl. Which is which? What makes you think so? Look to the sidebar to participate in a baby-gender poll.

Tuesday, July 17, 2007

Unrealistic Expectations of Perfection



By Tracee Sioux

I think Hillary Clinton should be the next president because it will change the potential of every girl in America. Changing the potential of every girl is changing the potential of half the population in America. That is not insignificant. I also happen to agree with her politics, but if she were a Republican, say Condoleeza Rice, current National Security Advisor, I would vote for her. I want to vote for a woman in 2008 because I want to empower girls.

The argument against Hillary Clinton I've been hearing from Republican women is upsetting me.

I would love a woman but not Hillary Clinton, she's not a very good role model.

What really irritates me about this argument is that these exact same women are totally fine with George W. Bush as a good role model. Hello, the man did cocaine and is a recovering alcoholic. He got a DUI for heaven's sake. And he's a good role model?

I'm trying to figure out how exactly Hillary Clinton is a negative role model and I'm coming up empty. Yeah, there was White Water, but I'm not clear anymore whether Hillary did anything wrong there. Martha Stewart actually went to prison for her financial scandal, but everyone's willing to let her go on with her career baking and cleaning and decorating.

Her biggest flaw, as far as I can tell, is that she's married to Bill Clinton and stayed even though he cheated on her in a very public and humiliating way. But, she's not the one who did anything wrong in that situation. He was the sleezeball there, all she did was not divorce him.

She had one child. Is it that she worked as a lawyer and made professional strides while mothering Chelsea? Is that the unforgivable as far as conservative women go?

Hasn't every president been professionally ambitious? Haven't they all been fathers with careers that often kept them away from their kids? I imagine Hillary, while being professionally ambitious, was most-likely even more pro-active about parenting Chelsea than any of the ambitious men have been about fathering their children.

Chelsea is not a child and seems to have survived her parents' marriage. She seems to have survived having a professional mother.

Why are the choices Hillary made as a mother getting in the way of her Presidential potential?

Why are women willing to let the work vs. stay-at-home mothering argument get in the way of finally achieving some gender-wide empowerment by being represented at the highest level of government?

I challenged a smart, thinking, former professional woman with why she thought George W. Bush was a good-enough role model, even though he had been an alcoholic with a DUI conviction and had used cocaine. She said she believed in redemption and thought changing his ways was being a good example.

I just wonder why she can't apply the same standard of good-enough to Hillary Clinton. Why can't the forgiveness and redemption extend to a woman candidate? I think it all goes to back to the unrealistic expectations women have for ourselves and each other. If we free ourselves of that burden we might actually be represented in government and therefore be empowered as a whole.

Gender equality is good for every woman and every girl. Whether a woman counts herself as a Conservative Christian Republican Stay-At-Home Mom or she writes her definition as a Liberal Angry Lesbian Childless Activist, empowerment is a good thing. The further one of us gets politically the more options and choices all of us have.

In the end we're all women and I think we can afford to be on the same team to further our collective empowerment. Hillary Clinton may not be the only path to empowerment, but she represents an available and achievable one right now.

Friday, July 13, 2007

Global Democracy Promotion Act


by Tracee Sioux

The American Government participates in legislating morality with unconstitutional things like the Global Gag Rule, which doesn't make us very popular in certain parts of the world.

The Global Gag Rule denies all funding (for every kind of aid including food) to any and every medical professional or organization if they say the word abortion. The Global Gag Rule is blatantly selective moral legislation. Aren't we supposed to be the beacons of free speech and democracy and freedom around the world? It completely contradicts itself. The Global Gag Rule is blatantly unconstitutional because we supposedly believe in the principle of freedom of speech, yet we deny funding to anyone who practices it. I question whether other countries hate us because we believe in freedom or because we insist on enforcing two-faced International policy like this.

It is absolutely not America's place to go around telling the rest of the world what the boundaries of morality are. We shouldn't go around demanding that every country on the planet adopt "right to life" policies. It's not our place to legislate their cultures. They are not so stupid as to believe it is our right - which is why it pisses them off.

It's anti-woman and anti-girl selective morality to ignore mass rape via ethnic cleansing and the selling of millions of girls and women for prostitution around the world, but then drawing a moral line at abortion. Perhaps if the United States wants to legislate morality we might decide to step in on behalf of women before the abortion is in question? You know, before they are beaten, raped and sold and become pregnant and infected with HIV and other STDs. Since we're not going to claim the human rights of women as our responsibility, we should just stay out of the morality legislation business all together.

The Global Gag Rule requires women and girls to carry their rapists' babies to term.
Population Control, a watchdog group monitoring reproductive freedom, sent me an email saying there is currently legislation before congress to finally do away with the Global Gag Rule. Below are the details and a link.

"A new bill, the Global Democracy Promotion Act (S. 1744), has been introduced by Sens. Barbara Boxer (D-CA) and Olympia Snowe (R-ME). This bill sets a simple standard: Restrictions we dare not impose on Americans should not be imposed on those who happen to live outside our borders. It will end the punishment of health care providers that observe the same standards of medical ethics and seek the same freedom of speech that apply in the United States. And it will end the use of American aid as a tool to stifle free speech and undermine medical ethics." via PopulationControl.org.

Do the right thing - Practice your Constitutional right to free speech and Open your mouth to stop the anti-girl, anti-freedom of speech, two-faced and hypocritical International policy of the Global Gag Rule. Sending a letter takes two seconds - just click here.

Read about how certain US Senators wanted to be so anti-girl as to forbid contraception as part of the Global Gag Rule. Then read how letters like yours and voices like yours stopped it from happening. You can and should make a difference.

Global Gag Rule IS Anti-Girl

Thursday, June 28, 2007

Barbie for President?



By Tracee Sioux

So a friend asked me the other day where I stand on Barbie. I have included "no Bratz, Barbies or Princesses" on birthday invitations. But, I also have a hot pink Barbie VW Bug and a Barbie skate board in the house.

I used to be anti-Barbie because Barbie had unrealistic body proportions. Her breasts were gigantic, waist tiny and nothing was in proportion. Perhaps Barbie-lunacy lead to so many women feeling they had inadequate breasts? Maybe Barbie is responsible for the dramatic increase in boob jobs? But, I can't back that up scientifically.

Besides I'm not against boob jobs or plastic surgery on principle. I'm against women being perpetually dissatisfied with their bodies and passing that onto their daughters on principle. Barbie may have contributed to that feeling of dissatisfaction by making little girls feel like growing up to look like Barbie was the ideal.

"Estimates have put the doll's life-size bust between 38 and 40 inches, her waist at 18-24 inches, and her height between five and a half and an outlandish more than seven feet, with a weight of 110. Picture Anna Nicole Smith's breasts, suspended above Kate Moss' waist (after a fast) all resting comfortably on Cheryl Miller's frame (after a mid-life growth spurt). Reported a MotherJones article.


Then Barbie went and got a little-publicised maker-over. Her boobs shrunk and her waist got a little wider and her hips narrower.

"Our intention is for her to have more of a teenage physique," says Mattel spokesperson Lisa McKendall. "In order for hip-huggers [the new doll's debut outfit] to look right, Barbie needs to be more like a teen's body. The fashions teens wear now don't fit properly on our current sculpting."

Of course, they didn't take the average proportions of the average American teenage girl and mold Barbie to those. That would be way to healthy of Mattel.

Still I have conflicted feelings about Barbie. She's such a consumer and I don't like that. She gets the dream house and dream car, dream boat, dream everything. She doesn't appear to have a job or children, but she's guess she's not that dependent on Ken.

Maybe I'm just jealous of Barbie. How come Barbie got everything? Why does Barbie get to have such a freaking dream life? (It's kind of how I feel about Elisabeth Hasselhoff on The View, so easy to make judgements when you're sitting in a dream life.)

Then, a friend sent me an ebay auction Barbie for President, where Barbie was wearing a red powersuit and holding her own election sign. With Hillary running for President in 2008, I kind of wanted to buy that and give it to Ainsley. (Or keep it for myself.)

But, that's because I love the idea of a female president of the United States. Not because I think Barbie would make a good one.

So, I don't have a hard and fast rule about Barbie. The dream car is allowed because she was the only one selling a pink VW Bug at the time, the skate board got in because it was a garage sale find.

Ainsley used to have some Barbies and Barbie knock-offs, but I was thrilled when I found a Barbie graveyard on her bed one evening. It seemed to be a promising symbol of her emotional development. While, I can't back that up scientifically. I do remember being inexplicably proud that she had ripped the head and all the limbs from her little Barbie-like dolls.

There is hope for you yet, grasshopper.

Tuesday, June 26, 2007

Fit-Buff Carnival

Fit-Buff's new blog Total Mind and Body Fitness Blog Carnival is out, you know I love this one. I'm in it, three times due to a typo, not complaining. Maybe that will net me three times the readers? One can hope.

You know I love TherapyDoc, funny and thoughtful stuff about the therapists' "party-line" concerning drinking, drugs and seduction.

As far as your patients are concerned, You don't drink, and you don't use drugs, and you'll probably live longer for it (you hope).Now, seduction is something we can talk about. Like drinking, it's safest in moderation and at home with somebody you love, preferably a committed partner, not a blood relative. And talking in code is good, assuming both of you know the code, that is.

Brain Power
Anne-Marie presents An Interview with Nordine Zouareg, author of Mind Over Body: The Key to Lasting Weight Loss Is All in Your Head posted at A Mama's Rant.
Kendra presents Escaping ?Uterine Rupture? Fears posted at vbacadventure.com.
Caroline Latham presents Pattern Recognition Brain Teaser - The Empty Triangle posted at SharpBrains.
Meredith Mathews presents T spheres posted at Lemonade Stand.
Silicon Valley Blogger presents Cheap Ways To Learn And Feed Your Brain posted at The Digerati Life.
Exercise
therapydoc presents Alcohol and Your Therapy Doc posted at Everyone Needs Therapy.
Midnight Raider presents Weightlifting On Any Budget posted at Refrigerator Raid.
Lynda Lippin presents Pilates & Reiki In Paradise Blog: Supreme Pilates®–Be Very Afraid! posted at Pilates & Reiki In Paradise Blog.
baiguai presents Getting Off the Couch posted at Kung Fu Artistry.
Anmol Mehta presents Core Abdominal Power Yoga Exercises posted at Mastery of Meditation, Enlightenment & Kundalini Yoga.
Shane Magee presents Warming up before running or doing exercise. posted at Sri Chinmoy Races Blog.
April Kerr presents Improve your Immune System with Exercise posted at Natural Health Remedies.
Family
Tracee Sioux presents Second Generation Mean Girl posted at So Sioux Me.
Tracee Sioux presents Second Generation Mean Girl posted at So Sioux Me.
Grooming
Tracee Sioux presents Pur Perfection for Pregnancy Mask posted at Blog Fabulous.
Nutrition
Dean Carlson presents The 3 P's of a Healthy Diet posted at New Hampshire Fitness Personal Trainer NH.
Be sure to tune in every Monday for the next Total Mind and Body Fitness Blog Carnival, and if you want to submit your own article for inclusion, click here before midnight (eastern time) on Sunday.
Discuss this post on the FitBuff.com Forums. Did you find this article or site helpful? Why don't you Subscribe to the Free FitBuff.com Newsletter packed with even more useful news and tips to help you achieve total mind and body fitness.

Monday, June 25, 2007

The Meaning of Hair


By Tracee Sioux

The kids got new haircuts. Ainsley got a long bob and Zack, a mohawk. Both haircuts beg the issue of the meaning of hair. How much do we use our hair to create our identity and to identify with our children?

The first time Ainsley ever got more than a trim is a very sore spot in our family. It was unhealthy, had a bunch of split ends and was without shape or form. She was three-years-old and for some reason it seemed rebellious to cut her baby hair. I had known lots of mommies with a no-cutting-of-the-baby-hair rule, not even allowing toddler daughters to cut bangs to allow basic vision. I wondered, Who is she, Samson? Does her hair have special powers I don't know about? If we cut her hair, will she lose her special girlness?

I then made a huge blunder. I dropped my 3-year-old daughter off at my mother-in-law's with permission to give her a "long bob, long enough for a ponytail." She came back with a short Dorothy Hamill pixie cut. When my husband saw it, he got so upset he nearly cried and then left furious about what I had done.

A. This was not the haircut I had asked for. Why was he angry at me rather than his mother?

B. Why was he putting so much meaning into a bad haircut? Did he know how many bad haircuts she's likely to have throughout her life? Why was he making it into such a big thing?

C. Why was he making her girlness all about the length of her hair?

Ainsley loved having short hair and has asked, since then, to have her hair cut short. A short bob is what she asked for this year. She was forbidden, I was forbidden, his mother was forbidden. Internet sites with long bobs were perused by all three of us (me, husband and his mother) to decide exactly what style and length Ainsley's hair would be. Ainsley was asked, after everyone else had agreed, whether she could live with that haircut.

At the same time my husband likes my pink highlights, is totally fine with me putting pink streaks in Ainsley's hair and thinks Zack's mohawk is baby-cool.

It's an enigma. One that seems to have everything to do with girls having long hair.


More posts on Dove's Campaign for Real Beauty
Beauty & Reality
Self-Loathing Sin Bank
More posts on hair:
Pink Hair Fiasco
Pink Hair Fiasco Take 2
Curl Maintenance
The Meaning of Hair

Tuesday, June 19, 2007

Second Generation Mean Girl



By Tracee Sioux

Just who is running the school clothes fashion show?

A reader's (Janet) comment on my column Kindergarten Fashion Show really provided some clarity about who is driving the fashion show in elementary school. Mommy, obviously.

Mean Girls are driving the whole thing. But, it’s Second Generation Mean Girls now. It’s the Mean Girls in our memory actually. Now that we’ve become mothers we’re trying to heal our own fashion wounds through our daughters. Or if you were the Mean Girl, perhaps you’re afraid your own Karma will work itself out on your kid. Perhaps you’ve developed a new empathy, or you just want to make sure your kid becomes a Mean Girl versus a picked-on Dork.

Mothers are really the only ones in the family ecosystem with enough power to drive the whole thing. Little girls can have a sense of taste and style of their own, my daughter certainly does. Yet, they don’t have jobs and therefore no money to make any actual decisions about what they wear. Dads couldn’t care less. Nor could they be trusted with something so important. It is also the mother who will be judged if her children look sloppy, unclean or trampy. Duh, all mothers know this. We take this seriously.

All perspective about the importance of a child's clothing is lost by Kindergarten. Which is why I feel like I’m sending my daughter into some hot bed of fashionistas in September. But, I now realize it’s not those innocent little five-year-olds. It’s their mothers.

I have had many in-depth conversations about the issue of kids clothes with women and every single conversation goes back to the mother’s empathy for her child. She remembers what it felt like to be wrong, out of place, not cool enough, not pretty enough, not stylish enough.

I have yet to meet a woman, whether she had been a Mean Girl herself or not, who hasn’t considered the issue in depth. It would seem parentally irresponsible not to consider the feelings of our children when it comes to clothing.

Wouldn’t it? Wait, what? Is the assumption that our parents just didn’t give a crap? Or that they didn’t understand? Or that they didn’t even know we were tortured at school for not having the Guess Jeans or the Swatch Watch? Were they that oblivious to our reality? Is it even possible they didn't know Gloria Vanderbilt jeans could make or break us?

I think the answer is in disposable income. Our grandmothers had none and went to school in dresses made of feed sacks and dealt with it. Our parents had some, but the importance of school clothes never took the place of a retirement plan. My parents, I called and asked, said they had a budget and weren't going to put the overall picture in jeopardy by paying twice the jeans budget. My dad then recalled that he bought his own clothes in junior high because he had a job by then. I probably should have been grateful that I didn't have to ride my bike three miles to wash dishes in a Chinese restaurant like he did. But, I just didn't have that kind of perspective yet.

Today I know a ton of parents who willy nilly charge school clothes on credit cards. The importance of the fashion show has taken on an emotional significance in their memories. It trumps a retirement plan. I can think of quite a few families who talk about being in precarious financial positions with big things like their mortgage or the failure of a business, but their 12-year-old daughters carry THE Dooney and Burke Purse. That’s just wrong.

I don’t really know the answer to this dilemma yet myself. I do know this: if we try to heal our fashion wounds through our children then we will create wounds were there were none. A Second Generation Mean Girl is, I imagine, about 1,000 times meaner with more electronic weapons than the Mean Girl of my day. First Generation Mean Girl passed a note calling me a "slut," her daughters are snapping pictures of girls in the gym locker room with their cell phone, posting them on My Space with the words, "Porn Star" and an ugly guy photoshopped in.

Am I the only mother who worries that my own daughter has the potential to become a Mean Girl? Am I the only mother who wants to keep her daughter out of Mean Girl status and out of picked-on Dork status, without blending into the wallpaper? Not a single one of those are empowering places to be for a girl.

School uniforms would be one solution and lots of public schools are going that way. Myself, I would like to see all the mommies step back and rein it in. Maybe a national school clothes boycott would be my fantasy. But, that could have unforeseen repercussions, like economic backlash or even more viciousness from those who refuse to participate. If not a boycott of fashion all together, I would at least like to generate a discussion.

What do you think is the answer?

Sunday, June 10, 2007

Love Thy Neighbor, Love Thy Self

By Tracee Sioux

I was on the john reading this little devotional. It was a scripture pretty much everyone has memorized, even if they aren't Christian.

Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thy self. Gal. 5:11

And I thought, How many people hate themselves? Women and girls especially. Cutting on themselves, saying "I hate myself' over and over, not allowing themselves to eat, or any number of other destructive behaviors.


The devotional was saying it's hard to love other people when they are so flawed. Boo Hoo. I think it's harder to love yourself if you perceive so many flaws and won't cut yourself any slack.


I had a similar epiphany moment when I heard something else I've heard a million times.


You teach people how to treat you.


I had always thought that meant that if you allow people to keep crossing your boundaries they will keep doing it until you stop accepting that behavior. And it totally does mean that.


But, one day I heard someone use it in a different context. How can you expect anyone on earth to treat you better than you treat yourself?


Of course, she was talking about the way women will sacrifice virtually everything and never even take care of their own physical bodies or mental health. Then women wonder why everyone takes advantage of us and treat us like crap. Well, obviously it's because we treat ourselves with a lack of respect.


I'm a word lover. I love a paradigm shift from a phrase or scripture I've heard a million times and an epiphany about how I'm living my life.


I've started treating myself in a kinder way by taking yoga, exercising, eating better, stopping smoking. I couldn't really say I "love myself" as much as "I love my neighbor" if I'm eating like crap, smoking and running my body into the ground and not taking care of my mental and emotional health. I'm treating my neighbor way better than that, because obviously I'm not actively trying to kill my neighbor with neglect and bad habits.


I've also come to a place where I'm not accepting behavior from friends and family that I used to accept. I'm going to be kind enough to myself to say, "no, you may no longer treat me that way," when someone disregards my boundaries or takes advantage of me or takes my generosity for granted.


I'm not longer going to treat my neighbor better than I treat me. Nor am I going to allow my neighbor to treat me as badly as she treats herself. Because that's not what the verse requires of me.


I hope you'll do the same for yourself and model that for your daughter. Already I've heard the words I hate myself come out of my 5-year-old's mouth when she was upset, frustrated or disappointed that she wasn't perfect the first time she tried something. She can only be getting that from me, because I am the person she emulates. I don't have to verbalize it for her to know it's true.


My task is to make it untrue and make sure she knows it's untrue.

Thursday, June 7, 2007

Subscribe by EMAIL!

Dear Readers,

I am more likely to read blogs and newsletters if they appear in my email inbox. Therefore, my wonderful genius of a webmaster/husband has added an email subscription service via Feedburner in the upper-right corner.

Please subscribe!

Thanks,
Tracee Sioux

Wednesday, June 6, 2007

Becoming Mommy, PPD or Identity Crisis?

By Tracee Sioux

I know a few new moms who are finding the transition to Mommy difficult. I can totally relate. I suffered Post-Partum Depression pretty severely after the birth of my first child. I had just witnessed 9-11 which was traumatic and that most likely contributed to the severity of my PPD. I've written a little bit about it in my article Fear Not, if you want to know more details about my extremely difficult transition into Mama.

What baffles me is that we are still lying to our little girls about the whole process of becoming a mother. I say things like, One day you'll grow up and have babies of your own and you'll be so happy. This may turn out to be part of the truth, but what about the rest of it? I've shown the crowning pictures of Ainsley coming out of me to some of my friends and it is quite literally shocking to adult women what exactly happens during birth. No, I do not plan to post pictures of my own vajayjay on the Internet. However, I heard you can see the crowning of a baby on a giant movie screen in Knocked Up. I think it's great and I plan to see it. If my daughter were a teenager I would take her to see it too.

I've had a second child since then and I have had five years to reflect on the massive overhaul of identity that happens when independent and empowered women become mothers and I've never felt like the reality of what becoming a whole new entity gets any validity.

So allow me to rant about becoming Mommy. Maybe, if you're a new mom and feeling not at all like yourself and kind of depressed, you can relate. And hopefully, actually my prayer is, that if you find yourself relating this will bring you a little bit of peace about what you're going through. Also, I hope it will encourage you to be more honest with your daughters or other girls you know about what the experience was like for you.

In America we totally minimize birth and the real trauma of the whole ordeal. One minute you're You. A woman who gets things done. Maybe you order underlings around at work or earn the respect of coworkers with your skills. You have money to play around with, gets to wear clothes you like, cash a paycheck and invest in whatever. You make deals or writes articles or manage a business or do whatever you do in your career. You communicate with adults frequently and daily on an intellectual level.

Your body was yours and you shared it when you felt like it and didn't when you didn't want to. You had a regular cycle and hormones that had been predictable. Therefore you'd learned how to manage your monthly issues since you were 12.

Now BAM you're body has experienced this traumatic violent event - birth. Personally, I thought it was about as violent as being hit by a car. You wouldn't emotionally bounce back from that in six weeks, I don't understand why Americans expect women to bounce back from birth in a month and a half. The event changed your hormones, shape, vajayjay and everything else about you. You gave up your body for nine months to grow a foreign life and told yourself you'd be back to normal after birth. Dream On. Now you're a milk machine. Now you smell of puke. Now you never sleep.

You feel like you are no longer YOU anymore. Your whole entire identity has gone through a dramatic and intense transformation. That's takes more than six weeks or twelve weeks or four months or a year to adjust to. You don't do the things that used to define You as You.

If you're staying at home not working means you're not getting any outside validation for the job you're doing. You're getting no paycheck. You're only getting poopy diapers and the occasional smile or giggle, but it's hard to cash that at the bank. You have to cut costs as expenses rise and you kind of resent not having your hair done like you used to.

Your husband thinks you're doing fandiddly-taskic - so obviously he's not very tuned in to what is actually going on with you. Which equals even less validation. But, there's no way he can really understand because becoming Dad may be an awesome journey for him, but he's still going to work, cashing a check and gets a lot of time away from the needy baby. And no one is sucking on his body half the day.

So what I'm saying is that what you are going through is NORMAL. It sucks but it's normal. You are doing everything right. What you are doing does matter in the long run and it's a valid and legitimate thing to be doing right now. You just have to realize that you are never ever going to get the same emotional kick-back from diapers and naps that you used to get cutting a massive deal in pharmaceuticals or whatever you did. The pay-off is different and there's not a lot of instant gratification staying home with a baby. It takes time and practice to get used to.

I now believe that being a stay-at-home-mom is a craft. Just like writing or any other profession. You have to learn how to do it. You have to make a structure for yourself. If you wake up everyday and just wander around and only do whatever you feel like doing then you will become clinically depressed. Period. You used to look forward to weekends cause it was Your time-off. But, now what do you look forward to? I can tell you the answer - you look forward to your husband coming home from work and you look forward to his time off.

I know you don't want to, but you really have to get out of the house every single day for something - anything. A walk. A neighbor's house. A grocery store trip. A mommy-baby sign language class. You have to leave the house daily.

You also have to "accomplish" at least one thing every day so you don't feel like a total loser. Laundry is something. Cleaning the bathroom is something. Doing a budget is something. Find something every day that you can accomplish and then feel proud of yourself for doing it.

And really you must ditch that baby! If you are taking the baby on your dates with hubby, that's ridiculous! You must leave the baby sometimes or you will lose Self. If You lose You all is lost, because the baby needs You to be You and not some drone who smells like puke and feels like crap. Go out with other women without the baby. Supplement with formula or pump, it's not that big of a deal. Join a book club. Go to a movie. Go out to dinner. Join a gym and leave her in the nursery for an hour while you work out or take a yoga class. You can not become only mom. You must also be You who has other interests outside the home. Otherwise you're just the weird crazy lady who believes the baby will die if she goes out to lunch. That's the definition of insanity! The baby can be without you for a few hours. The baby should be without you for a few hours or she will have attachment issues in only a few short months and that will not be fun for you or her.

Stop reading parenting magazines. They should all be titled "How many ways can you accidentally kill your baby." They induce anxiety and you do not need that much information. They are full of crap most of the time. Too much information is just scaring you can creating anxiety. You don't need to know about every freak accident that might possibly happened to a kid. Throw them away, stop your subscription and buy Secrets of the Baby Whisperer: How to Calm, Connect, and Communicate with Your Baby. She'll give sound advice without making you a panicked mess.

Honestly, physiologically and psychologically, you need to exercise. You just have to force yourself to do it. The endorphins you get from exercise are worth any anti-depressant on the market. Your poor body just went through a massive hormonal surge with way to much estrogen and then almost none overnight. Be kind to your new body and feed your brain some endorphins.

You probably don't want to follow this advice if you're suffering from PPD, but get off your butt and do it anyway.

If you are having compulsive thoughts about hurting yourself or your baby, which now that my child is five, I will admit to having had them. You need to tell your OB/GYN that you're having brief flickering thoughts of hurting your self (really, I think that's enough information to give him a picture of what's going on without getting any authorities involved) and get some medication. The Le Leche League has a list of anti-depressants that you can take while breast feeding.

That said, I wonder if what new moms are really experiencing is a full-blown identity crisis resulting from adding MOM to the mix of SELF.

Monday, June 4, 2007

Open the Universe for Girls

Once when my mother-in-law pointed to a play vacuum as a great gift for my daughter, I responded, Great, so she can grow up to be a maid. She gave it to my niece rather than my daughter. Good. Kids learn through toys and they learn about our expectations of them through toys as well. Science toys for girls open doors for their future.

In this case, this nifty little gadget meade my sky">My Sky Personal Video Planetarium at , opens up the whole universe, literally. It's an interactive telescope that identifies the stars, planets, comets, black holes, etc. It will identify 30,000 celestial objects on its LCD screen. But, it's a bit pricey at over $300. Lots of people spend that for Christmas though.

Daughters should see astronomer or astronaut as achievable goals.

Follow this Pay Per Post link to find out more: http://www.opticsplanet.net/meade-mysky-personal-guide-sky-exploration.html">meade my sky

Thursday, May 31, 2007

Girls Next Door


Talk about Parents Behaving Badly, I was watching The Girl’s Next Door, the reality show about Hugh Hephner’s harem. and I saw a very bad mother.

The girls were signing autographs and this woman had brought her two daughters, one about six-years-old and the other maybe 11 or 12. The three of them were so excited to meet their favorite TV personalities. The six-year-old was like, “Kendra is my favorite!” The nine-year-old was totally into Bridget and the mother enjoyed Holly.

What the hell is wrong with that mother? Does she not understand that these are PORNO reality stars she’s holding up as role models to her little girls? Playboy is still considered pornography right? If Playboy is the ambition of these young girls, is it such a far leap to full blown porn movies?

I also watched this stupid show called Sunset Tan briefly. (Nothing I really want to watch on Wednesday nights.) It’s another profession reality series about a tanning salon in LA.

This rediculously superficial mother brought her 3rd-grade daughter in to get the best tan in the class. She literally spent $1,300 to have her daughter fry in a cancer-causing tanning bed and then get a spray tan. She bought every oil they sold because the sales guy told her This is the package Lindsay Lohan comes in for.

Do you want to look just like Lindsay Lohan, Mom kept saying. Make sure you get her cheeks really good, we want her to look as pretty as Lindsay Lohan. We need for her to be the prettiest girl in the class for her school pictures.

At the last minute the eight-year-old is standing in her bikini in front of some 30ish dude with a spray gun and she says, Mommy, I don’t think I want to do this.

Well, you have to. You have to be the prettiest girl in the class, Mom said, as she pushed her towards the gun.

That poor kid looked like a burned pumpkin when she was finished.

These are NOT empowering messages for our daughters. Young girls should not be so competitive about their prettiness in elementary school. Porn stars/Hugh Hephner's kept women shouldn’t be held up as role models. DUH!

Get some perspective ladies.

P.S. I'm watching this trash - but my daughter is in bed.
Showing posts with label empower girls. Show all posts
Showing posts with label empower girls. Show all posts

Monday, September 1, 2008

Bikini Waxing Tweens & Early Puberty

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There was a story on MSNBC.com Today Show, Too young? Preteen girls get leg, bikini waxes, about how 20% of bikini wax customers at one Hollywood salon are tweens - pre-teen children.

"Nearly 20 percent of the clients that Nance Mitchell sees for bikini waxes in her Beverly Hills, Calif., salon are tweens, she says. . . 12 is the new normal."

"But nothing prepared her for being asked by one client to book a bikini wax appointment for her 8-year-old daughter."

{{{{{GASP}}}}}

Did you share my first reaction?

But, then I thought - wait, why is it the waxing that is making me gasp in shock?

Isn't it more alarming that 8 year olds have enough pubic hair to wax?

The sub head of the story is inaccurate: Moms are bringing daughters to spas for hair removal before puberty

The fact is that 50% of girls are getting their periods by age 10 and doctors now consider it within the "range of normal" for girls to develop outward signs of puberty, including breasts and pubic hair, by age 8. It's not that even medically alarming for 6 or 7 year olds to begin puberty, and many do begin developing breast buds or pubic hair.

Isn't it more emotionally alarming and worthy of a {{{{gasp}}}} that we're seeing a dramatic shift in girls' puberty development and no public health official is coming on the nightly news declaring,

"We're going to find an answer to this most disturbing development in girls, who hold the future reproductive burden for our entire species. In the meantime, don't let your daughters drink the water full of pharmaceuticals. Stop injecting milk and meat cows and other animals with hormones. Be wary that extra weight causes girls to make estrogen and develop pubic hair and boobs early. Avoid plastics. We're going to outlaw high fructose corn syrup in foods directly marketed to children. We understand the reproductive future of our entire nation depends on it!"

Instead, we hear about the early pubic hair trend in the fashion and beauty section of MSNBC's Today Show with a sexualization of girls slant.

Shouldn't those mothers be ashamed of themselves? the story basically asks.

Should they?

The story includes a quote by Philadelphia aesthetician Melanie Engle who says the 8 year old request for a bikini wax, "was about the mother's obsession with her daughter being a supermodel."

OK. I can buy that. I've seen mothers primp their daughters as a photographer and photographer's assistant. There is definite maternal beauty pressure.

Yet, if there was nothing to wax, if she were hairless, then her mother wouldn't be thinking her daughter needed to have anything removed to "look like a supermodel." Right?

Last year I did a story about Nair directly marketing to tween and teen girls with a "new" line of hair removal cream, Nair Pretty.

"It's profoundly disturbing," I wrote. It's also disturbing that Nair caught onto this early pubic hair trend and marketed to it, before I, as a parent, caught up with it.

I also went off on some radio DJ who was bashing Lordes, Madonna's young daughter, for having a unibrow and a slight mustache. I was appalled at the DJ's lack of class and placing all this beauty pressure on a young girl.

One brave mother, Athena of 1001 Petals, wrote in the comments section of that post, "I feel kind of bad now for telling my husband yesterday that if our daughter turned out to be as hairy as me, I'd start taking her to an esthetician for waxing as soon as it became evident -- unless she said she didn't care for it. This is because if you wax regularly at such a young age, you're saved a lifetime of regular waxing later on down the road. I had to take myself starting at 12 yrs of age, and now at 30 it is still practically a daily maintenance routine. . .I spend hundreds a year and a lot of time bothering with it."

Athena's right. The more I consider this hairy subject, the more I realize that I will likely assist my daughter, in some way, with her pubic hair and if she developed a mustache or side burns, for goodness sake, I'd help her eradicate it. Like I'm going to throw her to the Mean Girls and hope she survives?

Swim suits are not designed to cover the pubic area. They haven't been for about 40 years.

In "Clean" Bikini Line I wrote about my own struggle since my teen years with various methods of shaving, Nairing, one excruciating episode with Neet and a vicious chemical burn.

I'm amused by Campaign for Unshaved Snatch (CUSS), but I still keep my bush rather trimmed, as a courtesy to my husband. I wear swim shorts rather than show off my all my private hairs when we go swimming. The itching always gets to me mid-grow.

But, is my daughter really going to be into wearing one of these modest suits that would cover her bikini area? Am I going to make her be the only kid at the swim party or pool to do so?

I shave my pits and my legs. I pluck my eyebrows. I search for stray hairs on my chin and pluck them immediately.

It is only my budget that keeps me from getting all this hair waxed off. When I lived in NYC there was hair & waxing salon on every corner and it was a mere $30 to get my bikini and eyebrows done. I did it whenever I could afford it.

It's the least painful than other methods, it lasts longer and it was the ONLY thing that prevented razor or chemical burn - in other words waxing was the only solution that I didn't trade unwanted hair for an unwanted rash.

It seems to me a young daughter growing early pubic hair is an even bigger motivator for waxing.

Certainly, the minute girls develop breasts or pubic hair society treats her with less respect and she hears more negative and sexual comments about her body. The more she looks like a teenager or woman, the sooner she will be seen as an object for male entertainment, instead of the three-demensionable little girl, the young child, she really is.

What bigger incentive is there to hide pubic hair, keep it as private as possible, or have it removed?

Does the removal of hair further sexualize girls, because the latest fashion is for adult women to remove hair and get a Brazillian wax? Ironically (and a little disturbingly) making them look more like children.

Or does the removal of a symptom or sign of puberty buy a little girl some more time to be a child?

Please comment, I really am interested in exploring this issue further.

Empowering Girls: Hootchy Clothes

Second Generation Mean Girl

Empowering Girls: Ho'oponopono for Girl Fights

Empowering Girls: Breast Cancer Risks

Empowering Girls: Early Puberty

Precocious Puberty

Image Source: Ohana Swimwear

Friday, August 8, 2008

Empowering Girls: Hootchy Clothes

A26E5A2A-EE4E-4F66-AC40-5BA0D09ED2B6.jpg

If you are using words like hootchy, skank, slut, whore or any other sexually derogatory word to describe the clothing (whether inappropriate or not) of any girl you are an active participant in further sexualizing girls.

If you are teaching your daughter (or sons) to use sexually derogatory words to describe other girls' clothing you are actively coaching her in mean girl behavior.

If you call a young girl's outfit "skanky," you've just taught your daughter that it's okay to call another girl a "skank" if she doesn't like her clothes. If you describe an outfit as "hootchy mama," you've just taught your daughter that if she makes the slightest clothing error, it's okay for others to call her a "hootchy mama."

You're basically making a judgement about whether a girl is sexually active or promiscuous by her clothing.

I'm hearing people say such things about 3-5 year olds. Think about it - are those words you really want to apply to children?

Children should be immune to our sexuality. When you apply sexually derogatory words to children, you sexualize them. You open them up to a sexual context that others can use against them.

If there is any group of people on the planet earth who should be entitled to wear less clothing it is children. Children should be immune to the sexual implications of all skin exposure.

There are some inappropriate clothing choices available to girls. We can tell our daughters why they shouldn't wear such things without being sexually derogatory about their friends, classmates, neighbors, family or their own secret selves that also wish to wear that clothing.

"I don't think that's appropriate," is generally sufficient explanation for why your daughter isn't allowed to wear something.

Regardless of what a girl is wearing she is deserving of respect.
It is impossible to demand more respect for girls by being disrespectful to girls.

Empowering Girls: Ho'oponopono for Girl Fights

Girl Fight

Second Generation Mean Girl

Monday, March 31, 2008

Empowering Girls: Princess Culture Examined

Ever wonder how and why the Disney Princess Culture distorted and minimized girlness, leaving girls as the extra character or one that desperately needs to be saved?

My film-maker friend, Aaron Lea, sent me this rejection letter to a Mary V. Ford from Disney dated 1938. It states that she should not bother sending her portfolio because the creative talent is, by company policy, men.

Which does help explain how the Disney Princess Girl Culture became so distructive and minimizing to girls.

Dear Miss Ford:

. . . .

Women do not do any of the creative work in connection with preparing the cartoons for the screen, as that work is performed entirely by young men. For this reason girls are not considered for the training school.

The only work open to women consists of tracing the characters on clear celluloid sheets with India ink and filling in the tracings on the reverse side with pain according to directions.

In order to apply for a position as "Inker" or "Painter" it is necessary that one appear at the Studio, bringing samples of pen and in and water color work. It would not be advisable to come to Hollywood with the above specifically in view, as there really are very few opeinings in comparison with the number of girls who apply.

Yours very truly,

Walt Disney Productions, LTD.



Aaron explained how during World War II Disney was put in a position, like most companies, to need women artists, which is how one of his creative idols was given some creative power. Here is a story on Mouseplanet about how women came to work at Disney.

"Mary Blair was an art supervisor and designer at Disney when they were at their highest level of brilliancy. Disney optioned to use her artwork for storybooks versions of certain films in place of stills, said Lea.

"Blair's influence can still be found today (she inspires a lot of us creative types). The opening credits for Monsters, Inc. is definitely an homage to her, as well as Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends," Lea pointed out.

To illustrate Blair's influence Lea shares a sample of Blair's work and a sample of his own.
blair art.jpg I Can Fly illustration Mary Blair.

aaron pink carriage.jpgClaudia Carey illustration Aaron Lea.

There is an article In New York Entertainment examining whether things are that much different at Disney in 2008 than they were in 1938. "The IMDb credits for Disney's latest No. 1 movie, Ratatouille, list 26 separate animators — of whom exactly zero appear based on first names to be women," they cite. To check the fact, here is a link to the entire credits. Two female story participants were given the glorious titles of "additional story material," indicative of their involvement.

Over a rainy weekend my daughter and I rented Enchanted. Disney's newest version of it's own princess tales. Tune in tomorrow for analysis of Disney's new generation of Princess film.

The main premises of the Geena Davis Institute is that when there are more women involved in the creative process of film and television it results in more empowering girl characters.

What can YOU do to ensure more girls are included in children's media?

  • Make a video. The GDIGM has a YouTube project asking for people to get behind a camera and notify the film and media industry,

    I Want To See Jane! 

  • Donate money to the GDIGM so they can wine, dine and educate the film makers who do influence our daughters.
  • GDIGM is running a contest for girls. They invite all girls/women 13-26 to make a Video Ad citing the organizations research points. Someone has to win - why not your daughter? Go to the < site to learn more.

Cinderella Should Have Saved Her Self

Ariel - The Little Mute

Belle - Battered Codependent

Over a rainy weekend my daughter and I rented Enchanted. Disney's newest version of it's own princess tales. Tune in tomorrow for analysis of Disney's new generation of Princess film.
Image of Mary Ford's Disney rejection letter.

Tuesday, March 4, 2008

Fishy Dad

When raising a strong, confident daughter it is helpful to have a good dad to
teach her how to cast a line.

Wednesday, January 2, 2008

Collectors Items


The Iowa Caucus is only days away.

Get your custom-designed Hillary 2008 Bumper Stickers now for only $5. Email me at traceesioux@yahoo.com to place your order. (More designs in the left side bar.)

Friday, December 7, 2007

First Crush


Hey Ainsley, remember when I told you that if Austin was hitting you that meant he liked you?

Yeah.

Well, I was wrong to tell you that. I don't ever want you to think anyone, ever has any right to treat you with disrespect. I want you to always expect respect, especially from boys who like you. A boy never, ever has any right to hit you, slap you or call you names.

And if a Austin likes you he needs to find a better, nicer way to express himself. You always deserve that. Do you understand?

Yes. Well, we were just playing tag ball and the ball hurts when you get tagged so we had to take some time outs.

Okay. When is a boy allowed to hit you or call you names?

Never.

What are you going to do if it happens?

Tell him to stop and come get you or the teacher.

Okay then. Good.


Read the original exchange at He's Always Hitting Me.

Monday, November 12, 2007

Carnival of Feminists and the Radical Kind Too

Don't miss the 47th Carnival of Feminists (really? 47? Wow, that's a lot). Proud to be included. Thanks for hosting it Ornamenting Away.

Angry for a Reason is hosting Carnival of Radical Feminists. Again, very honored to be included.

Tuesday, October 2, 2007

Nickelodeon Day of Play

Hey kids this is the Nickelodean Day of Play. Go outside and play. We're not showing any television shows until after 3 o clock today so unless you want to be bored listening to this message you shoudl just get up and go play. Go swing, ride your bike, skate board, jump on the trampoline, hang out with your friends. Get up off the couch and go play.

Hey kids, this is the Nickelodean Day of Play. Go outside and play.

I turned on the tv and it actually took me about three recorded loops to get it. They had really stopped showing television on a Saturday (I think) to encourage kids to go outside and play.

Virtual High Five Nickelodean!

Thursday, September 20, 2007

Genderizing Infants


by Tracee Sioux

Which of these babies is a boy and which is a girl?

Before I had children I thought it would be easy enough to avoid genderizing my babies. Numerous studies provide evidence that baby boys and baby girls are treated in a vastly different way. (Growing A Girl, PAP Report on Sexualization of Girls, Dove Campaign for Real Beauty White Paper.)

I won the baby lottery in that I was blessed with one girl and one boy.

I felt it would be easy enough to combat the nature versus nurture gender influence on my babies. What I didn't count on was the immediacy of the nurture genderization that was beyond my control.

I also had the unique perspective of having same-age, opposite-gender cousins to compare treatment in the present sense. More simply: My daughter has a male cousin born 3 weeks after her and my son has a female cousin born 3 weeks after him. Without picking on my mother-in-law, whose influence on my children I consider positive and invaluable, her behavior toward my children is the most marked in its gender-stereotyping so I'll use her to illustrate.

Within days of the birth of my son and his female cousin she could not stop talking about how "all boy" my baby was, as compared to how "all girl" his cousin was. My son, in my opinion, was a pretty as any girl baby. I really believe if we took them to the mall with Zack in a dress and called him Samantha everyone would believe he was a girl and therefore treat him accordingly. She believes he is somehow inherently boy-like.

Babies, whether they are girls or boys, eat, sleep, poop, pee and cry. That's it. There really are no scientific gender characteristics aside from genitalia. Yet, the way they are treated from the very second they pop out of the womb is vastly different.

What I realized is that it's a mute argument because you can't insulate them from gender-stereotyping. Not even for the first five minutes.

Have you ever been in a store with a new mother and someone says, "What a cute little boy."

One mother I was with said, I have her dressed from head to toe in pink, the blanket is pink and the headband is pink and has a bow. How much more obvious can it be that she's a girl?

Mothers feel it's imperative that even strangers understand that their baby boys are boys and their girls are girls.

With my girl the clothes available were pink, ruffled, bearing photos of dolls, teddy bears, bows, and dance emblems. The clothing very often bore some comment on her attractiveness like cute, adorable, sweet.

I think my son wears something with a ball, bat, net or truck picture every single day.

My boy scored some blocks, trucks, puzzles, tools and a video game system for his first birthday. My daughter got some dolls, a stroller, cooking paraphernalia, fake heels and a tea set for hers.

Adjectives used to describe my infant daughter included pretty, sweet, adorable and precious.

Adjectives used to describe my son include tough, big, smart, strong and cute.

What I realized is that you can't stop people from treating your children in different ways due to their gender. Not in reality.

In the real world it's ungrateful and rude to tell people not to buy your daughter girl toys. You sound like an ass if you say please don't call her beautiful, call her smart. You really have little control over what friends and family say to your kids. You can't go around policing every toy, clothing item or word. There's also an argument that you don't really want to criminalize girl toys or positive feedback about girlness. The goal is not to make them boys after all.

My husband and I are as guilty of gender-stereotyping our babies as anyone. My first instinct with my daughter is always to tell her to be nice and get along.
It's not nice to hit.

Yet my son is encouraged by the whole family to flex his muscles and be physically aggressive and growl. My husband likes to show his aggressiveness off to his friends, Get him Zack!

I even gave him a very aggressive masculine hair cut with his spiked Mohawk, while my daughter isn't allowed to cut her hair short.

While I've given up the idea that it's remotely possible to insulate our kids from early gender-stereotyping, I think it's important to be conscientious about applying "masculine" adjectives to our daughters too. It's important that we make a habit of telling our daughters that they too are smart, competent, strong, fast, brave and tough. It's important to expose them to the "masculine toys" like video games, puzzles, math games and the computer.

For that matter, it's pretty funny to watch Zack run around in my red peep-toe pumps and play house with the baby dolls. Sweet and gentle are adjectives I like to use with him.

One of the babies in the picture is a boy. One is a girl. Which is which? What makes you think so? Look to the sidebar to participate in a baby-gender poll.

Tuesday, July 17, 2007

Unrealistic Expectations of Perfection



By Tracee Sioux

I think Hillary Clinton should be the next president because it will change the potential of every girl in America. Changing the potential of every girl is changing the potential of half the population in America. That is not insignificant. I also happen to agree with her politics, but if she were a Republican, say Condoleeza Rice, current National Security Advisor, I would vote for her. I want to vote for a woman in 2008 because I want to empower girls.

The argument against Hillary Clinton I've been hearing from Republican women is upsetting me.

I would love a woman but not Hillary Clinton, she's not a very good role model.

What really irritates me about this argument is that these exact same women are totally fine with George W. Bush as a good role model. Hello, the man did cocaine and is a recovering alcoholic. He got a DUI for heaven's sake. And he's a good role model?

I'm trying to figure out how exactly Hillary Clinton is a negative role model and I'm coming up empty. Yeah, there was White Water, but I'm not clear anymore whether Hillary did anything wrong there. Martha Stewart actually went to prison for her financial scandal, but everyone's willing to let her go on with her career baking and cleaning and decorating.

Her biggest flaw, as far as I can tell, is that she's married to Bill Clinton and stayed even though he cheated on her in a very public and humiliating way. But, she's not the one who did anything wrong in that situation. He was the sleezeball there, all she did was not divorce him.

She had one child. Is it that she worked as a lawyer and made professional strides while mothering Chelsea? Is that the unforgivable as far as conservative women go?

Hasn't every president been professionally ambitious? Haven't they all been fathers with careers that often kept them away from their kids? I imagine Hillary, while being professionally ambitious, was most-likely even more pro-active about parenting Chelsea than any of the ambitious men have been about fathering their children.

Chelsea is not a child and seems to have survived her parents' marriage. She seems to have survived having a professional mother.

Why are the choices Hillary made as a mother getting in the way of her Presidential potential?

Why are women willing to let the work vs. stay-at-home mothering argument get in the way of finally achieving some gender-wide empowerment by being represented at the highest level of government?

I challenged a smart, thinking, former professional woman with why she thought George W. Bush was a good-enough role model, even though he had been an alcoholic with a DUI conviction and had used cocaine. She said she believed in redemption and thought changing his ways was being a good example.

I just wonder why she can't apply the same standard of good-enough to Hillary Clinton. Why can't the forgiveness and redemption extend to a woman candidate? I think it all goes to back to the unrealistic expectations women have for ourselves and each other. If we free ourselves of that burden we might actually be represented in government and therefore be empowered as a whole.

Gender equality is good for every woman and every girl. Whether a woman counts herself as a Conservative Christian Republican Stay-At-Home Mom or she writes her definition as a Liberal Angry Lesbian Childless Activist, empowerment is a good thing. The further one of us gets politically the more options and choices all of us have.

In the end we're all women and I think we can afford to be on the same team to further our collective empowerment. Hillary Clinton may not be the only path to empowerment, but she represents an available and achievable one right now.

Friday, July 13, 2007

Global Democracy Promotion Act


by Tracee Sioux

The American Government participates in legislating morality with unconstitutional things like the Global Gag Rule, which doesn't make us very popular in certain parts of the world.

The Global Gag Rule denies all funding (for every kind of aid including food) to any and every medical professional or organization if they say the word abortion. The Global Gag Rule is blatantly selective moral legislation. Aren't we supposed to be the beacons of free speech and democracy and freedom around the world? It completely contradicts itself. The Global Gag Rule is blatantly unconstitutional because we supposedly believe in the principle of freedom of speech, yet we deny funding to anyone who practices it. I question whether other countries hate us because we believe in freedom or because we insist on enforcing two-faced International policy like this.

It is absolutely not America's place to go around telling the rest of the world what the boundaries of morality are. We shouldn't go around demanding that every country on the planet adopt "right to life" policies. It's not our place to legislate their cultures. They are not so stupid as to believe it is our right - which is why it pisses them off.

It's anti-woman and anti-girl selective morality to ignore mass rape via ethnic cleansing and the selling of millions of girls and women for prostitution around the world, but then drawing a moral line at abortion. Perhaps if the United States wants to legislate morality we might decide to step in on behalf of women before the abortion is in question? You know, before they are beaten, raped and sold and become pregnant and infected with HIV and other STDs. Since we're not going to claim the human rights of women as our responsibility, we should just stay out of the morality legislation business all together.

The Global Gag Rule requires women and girls to carry their rapists' babies to term.
Population Control, a watchdog group monitoring reproductive freedom, sent me an email saying there is currently legislation before congress to finally do away with the Global Gag Rule. Below are the details and a link.

"A new bill, the Global Democracy Promotion Act (S. 1744), has been introduced by Sens. Barbara Boxer (D-CA) and Olympia Snowe (R-ME). This bill sets a simple standard: Restrictions we dare not impose on Americans should not be imposed on those who happen to live outside our borders. It will end the punishment of health care providers that observe the same standards of medical ethics and seek the same freedom of speech that apply in the United States. And it will end the use of American aid as a tool to stifle free speech and undermine medical ethics." via PopulationControl.org.

Do the right thing - Practice your Constitutional right to free speech and Open your mouth to stop the anti-girl, anti-freedom of speech, two-faced and hypocritical International policy of the Global Gag Rule. Sending a letter takes two seconds - just click here.

Read about how certain US Senators wanted to be so anti-girl as to forbid contraception as part of the Global Gag Rule. Then read how letters like yours and voices like yours stopped it from happening. You can and should make a difference.

Global Gag Rule IS Anti-Girl

Thursday, June 28, 2007

Barbie for President?



By Tracee Sioux

So a friend asked me the other day where I stand on Barbie. I have included "no Bratz, Barbies or Princesses" on birthday invitations. But, I also have a hot pink Barbie VW Bug and a Barbie skate board in the house.

I used to be anti-Barbie because Barbie had unrealistic body proportions. Her breasts were gigantic, waist tiny and nothing was in proportion. Perhaps Barbie-lunacy lead to so many women feeling they had inadequate breasts? Maybe Barbie is responsible for the dramatic increase in boob jobs? But, I can't back that up scientifically.

Besides I'm not against boob jobs or plastic surgery on principle. I'm against women being perpetually dissatisfied with their bodies and passing that onto their daughters on principle. Barbie may have contributed to that feeling of dissatisfaction by making little girls feel like growing up to look like Barbie was the ideal.

"Estimates have put the doll's life-size bust between 38 and 40 inches, her waist at 18-24 inches, and her height between five and a half and an outlandish more than seven feet, with a weight of 110. Picture Anna Nicole Smith's breasts, suspended above Kate Moss' waist (after a fast) all resting comfortably on Cheryl Miller's frame (after a mid-life growth spurt). Reported a MotherJones article.


Then Barbie went and got a little-publicised maker-over. Her boobs shrunk and her waist got a little wider and her hips narrower.

"Our intention is for her to have more of a teenage physique," says Mattel spokesperson Lisa McKendall. "In order for hip-huggers [the new doll's debut outfit] to look right, Barbie needs to be more like a teen's body. The fashions teens wear now don't fit properly on our current sculpting."

Of course, they didn't take the average proportions of the average American teenage girl and mold Barbie to those. That would be way to healthy of Mattel.

Still I have conflicted feelings about Barbie. She's such a consumer and I don't like that. She gets the dream house and dream car, dream boat, dream everything. She doesn't appear to have a job or children, but she's guess she's not that dependent on Ken.

Maybe I'm just jealous of Barbie. How come Barbie got everything? Why does Barbie get to have such a freaking dream life? (It's kind of how I feel about Elisabeth Hasselhoff on The View, so easy to make judgements when you're sitting in a dream life.)

Then, a friend sent me an ebay auction Barbie for President, where Barbie was wearing a red powersuit and holding her own election sign. With Hillary running for President in 2008, I kind of wanted to buy that and give it to Ainsley. (Or keep it for myself.)

But, that's because I love the idea of a female president of the United States. Not because I think Barbie would make a good one.

So, I don't have a hard and fast rule about Barbie. The dream car is allowed because she was the only one selling a pink VW Bug at the time, the skate board got in because it was a garage sale find.

Ainsley used to have some Barbies and Barbie knock-offs, but I was thrilled when I found a Barbie graveyard on her bed one evening. It seemed to be a promising symbol of her emotional development. While, I can't back that up scientifically. I do remember being inexplicably proud that she had ripped the head and all the limbs from her little Barbie-like dolls.

There is hope for you yet, grasshopper.

Tuesday, June 26, 2007

Fit-Buff Carnival

Fit-Buff's new blog Total Mind and Body Fitness Blog Carnival is out, you know I love this one. I'm in it, three times due to a typo, not complaining. Maybe that will net me three times the readers? One can hope.

You know I love TherapyDoc, funny and thoughtful stuff about the therapists' "party-line" concerning drinking, drugs and seduction.

As far as your patients are concerned, You don't drink, and you don't use drugs, and you'll probably live longer for it (you hope).Now, seduction is something we can talk about. Like drinking, it's safest in moderation and at home with somebody you love, preferably a committed partner, not a blood relative. And talking in code is good, assuming both of you know the code, that is.

Brain Power
Anne-Marie presents An Interview with Nordine Zouareg, author of Mind Over Body: The Key to Lasting Weight Loss Is All in Your Head posted at A Mama's Rant.
Kendra presents Escaping ?Uterine Rupture? Fears posted at vbacadventure.com.
Caroline Latham presents Pattern Recognition Brain Teaser - The Empty Triangle posted at SharpBrains.
Meredith Mathews presents T spheres posted at Lemonade Stand.
Silicon Valley Blogger presents Cheap Ways To Learn And Feed Your Brain posted at The Digerati Life.
Exercise
therapydoc presents Alcohol and Your Therapy Doc posted at Everyone Needs Therapy.
Midnight Raider presents Weightlifting On Any Budget posted at Refrigerator Raid.
Lynda Lippin presents Pilates & Reiki In Paradise Blog: Supreme Pilates®–Be Very Afraid! posted at Pilates & Reiki In Paradise Blog.
baiguai presents Getting Off the Couch posted at Kung Fu Artistry.
Anmol Mehta presents Core Abdominal Power Yoga Exercises posted at Mastery of Meditation, Enlightenment & Kundalini Yoga.
Shane Magee presents Warming up before running or doing exercise. posted at Sri Chinmoy Races Blog.
April Kerr presents Improve your Immune System with Exercise posted at Natural Health Remedies.
Family
Tracee Sioux presents Second Generation Mean Girl posted at So Sioux Me.
Tracee Sioux presents Second Generation Mean Girl posted at So Sioux Me.
Grooming
Tracee Sioux presents Pur Perfection for Pregnancy Mask posted at Blog Fabulous.
Nutrition
Dean Carlson presents The 3 P's of a Healthy Diet posted at New Hampshire Fitness Personal Trainer NH.
Be sure to tune in every Monday for the next Total Mind and Body Fitness Blog Carnival, and if you want to submit your own article for inclusion, click here before midnight (eastern time) on Sunday.
Discuss this post on the FitBuff.com Forums. Did you find this article or site helpful? Why don't you Subscribe to the Free FitBuff.com Newsletter packed with even more useful news and tips to help you achieve total mind and body fitness.

Monday, June 25, 2007

The Meaning of Hair


By Tracee Sioux

The kids got new haircuts. Ainsley got a long bob and Zack, a mohawk. Both haircuts beg the issue of the meaning of hair. How much do we use our hair to create our identity and to identify with our children?

The first time Ainsley ever got more than a trim is a very sore spot in our family. It was unhealthy, had a bunch of split ends and was without shape or form. She was three-years-old and for some reason it seemed rebellious to cut her baby hair. I had known lots of mommies with a no-cutting-of-the-baby-hair rule, not even allowing toddler daughters to cut bangs to allow basic vision. I wondered, Who is she, Samson? Does her hair have special powers I don't know about? If we cut her hair, will she lose her special girlness?

I then made a huge blunder. I dropped my 3-year-old daughter off at my mother-in-law's with permission to give her a "long bob, long enough for a ponytail." She came back with a short Dorothy Hamill pixie cut. When my husband saw it, he got so upset he nearly cried and then left furious about what I had done.

A. This was not the haircut I had asked for. Why was he angry at me rather than his mother?

B. Why was he putting so much meaning into a bad haircut? Did he know how many bad haircuts she's likely to have throughout her life? Why was he making it into such a big thing?

C. Why was he making her girlness all about the length of her hair?

Ainsley loved having short hair and has asked, since then, to have her hair cut short. A short bob is what she asked for this year. She was forbidden, I was forbidden, his mother was forbidden. Internet sites with long bobs were perused by all three of us (me, husband and his mother) to decide exactly what style and length Ainsley's hair would be. Ainsley was asked, after everyone else had agreed, whether she could live with that haircut.

At the same time my husband likes my pink highlights, is totally fine with me putting pink streaks in Ainsley's hair and thinks Zack's mohawk is baby-cool.

It's an enigma. One that seems to have everything to do with girls having long hair.


More posts on Dove's Campaign for Real Beauty
Beauty & Reality
Self-Loathing Sin Bank
More posts on hair:
Pink Hair Fiasco
Pink Hair Fiasco Take 2
Curl Maintenance
The Meaning of Hair

Tuesday, June 19, 2007

Second Generation Mean Girl



By Tracee Sioux

Just who is running the school clothes fashion show?

A reader's (Janet) comment on my column Kindergarten Fashion Show really provided some clarity about who is driving the fashion show in elementary school. Mommy, obviously.

Mean Girls are driving the whole thing. But, it’s Second Generation Mean Girls now. It’s the Mean Girls in our memory actually. Now that we’ve become mothers we’re trying to heal our own fashion wounds through our daughters. Or if you were the Mean Girl, perhaps you’re afraid your own Karma will work itself out on your kid. Perhaps you’ve developed a new empathy, or you just want to make sure your kid becomes a Mean Girl versus a picked-on Dork.

Mothers are really the only ones in the family ecosystem with enough power to drive the whole thing. Little girls can have a sense of taste and style of their own, my daughter certainly does. Yet, they don’t have jobs and therefore no money to make any actual decisions about what they wear. Dads couldn’t care less. Nor could they be trusted with something so important. It is also the mother who will be judged if her children look sloppy, unclean or trampy. Duh, all mothers know this. We take this seriously.

All perspective about the importance of a child's clothing is lost by Kindergarten. Which is why I feel like I’m sending my daughter into some hot bed of fashionistas in September. But, I now realize it’s not those innocent little five-year-olds. It’s their mothers.

I have had many in-depth conversations about the issue of kids clothes with women and every single conversation goes back to the mother’s empathy for her child. She remembers what it felt like to be wrong, out of place, not cool enough, not pretty enough, not stylish enough.

I have yet to meet a woman, whether she had been a Mean Girl herself or not, who hasn’t considered the issue in depth. It would seem parentally irresponsible not to consider the feelings of our children when it comes to clothing.

Wouldn’t it? Wait, what? Is the assumption that our parents just didn’t give a crap? Or that they didn’t understand? Or that they didn’t even know we were tortured at school for not having the Guess Jeans or the Swatch Watch? Were they that oblivious to our reality? Is it even possible they didn't know Gloria Vanderbilt jeans could make or break us?

I think the answer is in disposable income. Our grandmothers had none and went to school in dresses made of feed sacks and dealt with it. Our parents had some, but the importance of school clothes never took the place of a retirement plan. My parents, I called and asked, said they had a budget and weren't going to put the overall picture in jeopardy by paying twice the jeans budget. My dad then recalled that he bought his own clothes in junior high because he had a job by then. I probably should have been grateful that I didn't have to ride my bike three miles to wash dishes in a Chinese restaurant like he did. But, I just didn't have that kind of perspective yet.

Today I know a ton of parents who willy nilly charge school clothes on credit cards. The importance of the fashion show has taken on an emotional significance in their memories. It trumps a retirement plan. I can think of quite a few families who talk about being in precarious financial positions with big things like their mortgage or the failure of a business, but their 12-year-old daughters carry THE Dooney and Burke Purse. That’s just wrong.

I don’t really know the answer to this dilemma yet myself. I do know this: if we try to heal our fashion wounds through our children then we will create wounds were there were none. A Second Generation Mean Girl is, I imagine, about 1,000 times meaner with more electronic weapons than the Mean Girl of my day. First Generation Mean Girl passed a note calling me a "slut," her daughters are snapping pictures of girls in the gym locker room with their cell phone, posting them on My Space with the words, "Porn Star" and an ugly guy photoshopped in.

Am I the only mother who worries that my own daughter has the potential to become a Mean Girl? Am I the only mother who wants to keep her daughter out of Mean Girl status and out of picked-on Dork status, without blending into the wallpaper? Not a single one of those are empowering places to be for a girl.

School uniforms would be one solution and lots of public schools are going that way. Myself, I would like to see all the mommies step back and rein it in. Maybe a national school clothes boycott would be my fantasy. But, that could have unforeseen repercussions, like economic backlash or even more viciousness from those who refuse to participate. If not a boycott of fashion all together, I would at least like to generate a discussion.

What do you think is the answer?

Sunday, June 10, 2007

Love Thy Neighbor, Love Thy Self

By Tracee Sioux

I was on the john reading this little devotional. It was a scripture pretty much everyone has memorized, even if they aren't Christian.

Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thy self. Gal. 5:11

And I thought, How many people hate themselves? Women and girls especially. Cutting on themselves, saying "I hate myself' over and over, not allowing themselves to eat, or any number of other destructive behaviors.


The devotional was saying it's hard to love other people when they are so flawed. Boo Hoo. I think it's harder to love yourself if you perceive so many flaws and won't cut yourself any slack.


I had a similar epiphany moment when I heard something else I've heard a million times.


You teach people how to treat you.


I had always thought that meant that if you allow people to keep crossing your boundaries they will keep doing it until you stop accepting that behavior. And it totally does mean that.


But, one day I heard someone use it in a different context. How can you expect anyone on earth to treat you better than you treat yourself?


Of course, she was talking about the way women will sacrifice virtually everything and never even take care of their own physical bodies or mental health. Then women wonder why everyone takes advantage of us and treat us like crap. Well, obviously it's because we treat ourselves with a lack of respect.


I'm a word lover. I love a paradigm shift from a phrase or scripture I've heard a million times and an epiphany about how I'm living my life.


I've started treating myself in a kinder way by taking yoga, exercising, eating better, stopping smoking. I couldn't really say I "love myself" as much as "I love my neighbor" if I'm eating like crap, smoking and running my body into the ground and not taking care of my mental and emotional health. I'm treating my neighbor way better than that, because obviously I'm not actively trying to kill my neighbor with neglect and bad habits.


I've also come to a place where I'm not accepting behavior from friends and family that I used to accept. I'm going to be kind enough to myself to say, "no, you may no longer treat me that way," when someone disregards my boundaries or takes advantage of me or takes my generosity for granted.


I'm not longer going to treat my neighbor better than I treat me. Nor am I going to allow my neighbor to treat me as badly as she treats herself. Because that's not what the verse requires of me.


I hope you'll do the same for yourself and model that for your daughter. Already I've heard the words I hate myself come out of my 5-year-old's mouth when she was upset, frustrated or disappointed that she wasn't perfect the first time she tried something. She can only be getting that from me, because I am the person she emulates. I don't have to verbalize it for her to know it's true.


My task is to make it untrue and make sure she knows it's untrue.

Thursday, June 7, 2007

Subscribe by EMAIL!

Dear Readers,

I am more likely to read blogs and newsletters if they appear in my email inbox. Therefore, my wonderful genius of a webmaster/husband has added an email subscription service via Feedburner in the upper-right corner.

Please subscribe!

Thanks,
Tracee Sioux

Wednesday, June 6, 2007

Becoming Mommy, PPD or Identity Crisis?

By Tracee Sioux

I know a few new moms who are finding the transition to Mommy difficult. I can totally relate. I suffered Post-Partum Depression pretty severely after the birth of my first child. I had just witnessed 9-11 which was traumatic and that most likely contributed to the severity of my PPD. I've written a little bit about it in my article Fear Not, if you want to know more details about my extremely difficult transition into Mama.

What baffles me is that we are still lying to our little girls about the whole process of becoming a mother. I say things like, One day you'll grow up and have babies of your own and you'll be so happy. This may turn out to be part of the truth, but what about the rest of it? I've shown the crowning pictures of Ainsley coming out of me to some of my friends and it is quite literally shocking to adult women what exactly happens during birth. No, I do not plan to post pictures of my own vajayjay on the Internet. However, I heard you can see the crowning of a baby on a giant movie screen in Knocked Up. I think it's great and I plan to see it. If my daughter were a teenager I would take her to see it too.

I've had a second child since then and I have had five years to reflect on the massive overhaul of identity that happens when independent and empowered women become mothers and I've never felt like the reality of what becoming a whole new entity gets any validity.

So allow me to rant about becoming Mommy. Maybe, if you're a new mom and feeling not at all like yourself and kind of depressed, you can relate. And hopefully, actually my prayer is, that if you find yourself relating this will bring you a little bit of peace about what you're going through. Also, I hope it will encourage you to be more honest with your daughters or other girls you know about what the experience was like for you.

In America we totally minimize birth and the real trauma of the whole ordeal. One minute you're You. A woman who gets things done. Maybe you order underlings around at work or earn the respect of coworkers with your skills. You have money to play around with, gets to wear clothes you like, cash a paycheck and invest in whatever. You make deals or writes articles or manage a business or do whatever you do in your career. You communicate with adults frequently and daily on an intellectual level.

Your body was yours and you shared it when you felt like it and didn't when you didn't want to. You had a regular cycle and hormones that had been predictable. Therefore you'd learned how to manage your monthly issues since you were 12.

Now BAM you're body has experienced this traumatic violent event - birth. Personally, I thought it was about as violent as being hit by a car. You wouldn't emotionally bounce back from that in six weeks, I don't understand why Americans expect women to bounce back from birth in a month and a half. The event changed your hormones, shape, vajayjay and everything else about you. You gave up your body for nine months to grow a foreign life and told yourself you'd be back to normal after birth. Dream On. Now you're a milk machine. Now you smell of puke. Now you never sleep.

You feel like you are no longer YOU anymore. Your whole entire identity has gone through a dramatic and intense transformation. That's takes more than six weeks or twelve weeks or four months or a year to adjust to. You don't do the things that used to define You as You.

If you're staying at home not working means you're not getting any outside validation for the job you're doing. You're getting no paycheck. You're only getting poopy diapers and the occasional smile or giggle, but it's hard to cash that at the bank. You have to cut costs as expenses rise and you kind of resent not having your hair done like you used to.

Your husband thinks you're doing fandiddly-taskic - so obviously he's not very tuned in to what is actually going on with you. Which equals even less validation. But, there's no way he can really understand because becoming Dad may be an awesome journey for him, but he's still going to work, cashing a check and gets a lot of time away from the needy baby. And no one is sucking on his body half the day.

So what I'm saying is that what you are going through is NORMAL. It sucks but it's normal. You are doing everything right. What you are doing does matter in the long run and it's a valid and legitimate thing to be doing right now. You just have to realize that you are never ever going to get the same emotional kick-back from diapers and naps that you used to get cutting a massive deal in pharmaceuticals or whatever you did. The pay-off is different and there's not a lot of instant gratification staying home with a baby. It takes time and practice to get used to.

I now believe that being a stay-at-home-mom is a craft. Just like writing or any other profession. You have to learn how to do it. You have to make a structure for yourself. If you wake up everyday and just wander around and only do whatever you feel like doing then you will become clinically depressed. Period. You used to look forward to weekends cause it was Your time-off. But, now what do you look forward to? I can tell you the answer - you look forward to your husband coming home from work and you look forward to his time off.

I know you don't want to, but you really have to get out of the house every single day for something - anything. A walk. A neighbor's house. A grocery store trip. A mommy-baby sign language class. You have to leave the house daily.

You also have to "accomplish" at least one thing every day so you don't feel like a total loser. Laundry is something. Cleaning the bathroom is something. Doing a budget is something. Find something every day that you can accomplish and then feel proud of yourself for doing it.

And really you must ditch that baby! If you are taking the baby on your dates with hubby, that's ridiculous! You must leave the baby sometimes or you will lose Self. If You lose You all is lost, because the baby needs You to be You and not some drone who smells like puke and feels like crap. Go out with other women without the baby. Supplement with formula or pump, it's not that big of a deal. Join a book club. Go to a movie. Go out to dinner. Join a gym and leave her in the nursery for an hour while you work out or take a yoga class. You can not become only mom. You must also be You who has other interests outside the home. Otherwise you're just the weird crazy lady who believes the baby will die if she goes out to lunch. That's the definition of insanity! The baby can be without you for a few hours. The baby should be without you for a few hours or she will have attachment issues in only a few short months and that will not be fun for you or her.

Stop reading parenting magazines. They should all be titled "How many ways can you accidentally kill your baby." They induce anxiety and you do not need that much information. They are full of crap most of the time. Too much information is just scaring you can creating anxiety. You don't need to know about every freak accident that might possibly happened to a kid. Throw them away, stop your subscription and buy Secrets of the Baby Whisperer: How to Calm, Connect, and Communicate with Your Baby. She'll give sound advice without making you a panicked mess.

Honestly, physiologically and psychologically, you need to exercise. You just have to force yourself to do it. The endorphins you get from exercise are worth any anti-depressant on the market. Your poor body just went through a massive hormonal surge with way to much estrogen and then almost none overnight. Be kind to your new body and feed your brain some endorphins.

You probably don't want to follow this advice if you're suffering from PPD, but get off your butt and do it anyway.

If you are having compulsive thoughts about hurting yourself or your baby, which now that my child is five, I will admit to having had them. You need to tell your OB/GYN that you're having brief flickering thoughts of hurting your self (really, I think that's enough information to give him a picture of what's going on without getting any authorities involved) and get some medication. The Le Leche League has a list of anti-depressants that you can take while breast feeding.

That said, I wonder if what new moms are really experiencing is a full-blown identity crisis resulting from adding MOM to the mix of SELF.

Monday, June 4, 2007

Open the Universe for Girls

Once when my mother-in-law pointed to a play vacuum as a great gift for my daughter, I responded, Great, so she can grow up to be a maid. She gave it to my niece rather than my daughter. Good. Kids learn through toys and they learn about our expectations of them through toys as well. Science toys for girls open doors for their future.

In this case, this nifty little gadget meade my sky">My Sky Personal Video Planetarium at , opens up the whole universe, literally. It's an interactive telescope that identifies the stars, planets, comets, black holes, etc. It will identify 30,000 celestial objects on its LCD screen. But, it's a bit pricey at over $300. Lots of people spend that for Christmas though.

Daughters should see astronomer or astronaut as achievable goals.

Follow this Pay Per Post link to find out more: http://www.opticsplanet.net/meade-mysky-personal-guide-sky-exploration.html">meade my sky

Thursday, May 31, 2007

Girls Next Door


Talk about Parents Behaving Badly, I was watching The Girl’s Next Door, the reality show about Hugh Hephner’s harem. and I saw a very bad mother.

The girls were signing autographs and this woman had brought her two daughters, one about six-years-old and the other maybe 11 or 12. The three of them were so excited to meet their favorite TV personalities. The six-year-old was like, “Kendra is my favorite!” The nine-year-old was totally into Bridget and the mother enjoyed Holly.

What the hell is wrong with that mother? Does she not understand that these are PORNO reality stars she’s holding up as role models to her little girls? Playboy is still considered pornography right? If Playboy is the ambition of these young girls, is it such a far leap to full blown porn movies?

I also watched this stupid show called Sunset Tan briefly. (Nothing I really want to watch on Wednesday nights.) It’s another profession reality series about a tanning salon in LA.

This rediculously superficial mother brought her 3rd-grade daughter in to get the best tan in the class. She literally spent $1,300 to have her daughter fry in a cancer-causing tanning bed and then get a spray tan. She bought every oil they sold because the sales guy told her This is the package Lindsay Lohan comes in for.

Do you want to look just like Lindsay Lohan, Mom kept saying. Make sure you get her cheeks really good, we want her to look as pretty as Lindsay Lohan. We need for her to be the prettiest girl in the class for her school pictures.

At the last minute the eight-year-old is standing in her bikini in front of some 30ish dude with a spray gun and she says, Mommy, I don’t think I want to do this.

Well, you have to. You have to be the prettiest girl in the class, Mom said, as she pushed her towards the gun.

That poor kid looked like a burned pumpkin when she was finished.

These are NOT empowering messages for our daughters. Young girls should not be so competitive about their prettiness in elementary school. Porn stars/Hugh Hephner's kept women shouldn’t be held up as role models. DUH!

Get some perspective ladies.

P.S. I'm watching this trash - but my daughter is in bed.