I'm sorry. I just can not feel like Tracee Sioux with plain brown hair.

It's the single brown tone that's making me feel un-me when I look in the mirror. Drab. Dull. Boring. Not on you. Just on me.

None of those words describe me. I'm fun, happy and exciting. My hair should reflect that.

Last night I spent $9.99 for a box of Loreal Chunking Blond Highlights. I put about 10 blond streaks back around my face and feel like myself again. They're a little orangey - but I do not care.

Ainsley asked for some blond streaks in her dark blond/light brown hair and I couldn't think of a reason to tell her no.

I can think of lots of reasons other mothers might give their daughters,
You're too young. You're hair is perfect like it is. You don't need lighter blond to be pretty. What will people think if I let my 6-year-old color her hair?

I respect all those reasons as valid and legitimate. But, none of those ring true for me, as I've already allowed red streaks and pink streaks - depending on what I was doing to my own hair. Who is a little blond going to hurt? No one. It's fun. That's all it is. It's instantly gratifying to change the color of one's hair. It's a hobby. It's a harmless distraction.

I'm a feminist, but not the natural kind. I think the beauty industry has gotten too extreme and makes many women feel like crap about themselves, I abhor their marketing tactics. But, I am happy when they invent a product that really works.

I use beauty products. I shave my legs, pits and groom my vajayjay. I pluck my eyebrows into a high arch. I wear make-up, apply sun screen and foundation. I get excited about my mascara. I try to control my acne with prescription medication. I'm willing to pay a lot of money for a product that makes melasma vanish and never return. Mind you - I get this stuff on the cheap so I'm not hurting myself financially in this quest for beauty. I got this rotating scrub brush and a chemical peel at a retiring Avon Lady's garage sale for a quarter.

And I love blond highlights. I'm a feminist who feels her best self with blond-highlights.

In December's O Magazine I read this quote from Nancy Etkoff, PhD, author of Survival of the Prettiest: The Science of Beauty, If we say, "Get rid of the advertisement and tell companies to stop making products, and no one will care about beauty - this is all just a creation that we can wipe away," we are denying who we are. People do care about how they look. They have adorned themselves since Paleolithic times. This is not a vanity issue or a women's issue or a United States issue. It is human nature.

by Tracee Sioux

When you write about issues effecting daughters, you put a lot of thought into personal action that might not have carried much meaning before.

For instance, having written that women should consider how their daughters will feel before reconstructing perceived flaws through surgery in My Face/Her Face I have to wonder how far I must take the you're beautiful the way God made you message.

Does that make it wrong for me to color my hair? Am I now restricted to only allow myself my natural color? Am I making Ainsley feel bad about her light brown hair (which is my natural color) by bleaching and coloring my hair? Am I harming her self esteem?

I was a natural blond as a child. I'm not over it. Okay? I'm just not. I want to be a blond. My hair got darker around the 5th or 6th grade and I wasn't thrilled when I saw myself in a picture. I've pretty much been bleaching it since the 7th grade. Blonds have more fun. Blonds are prettier. Blonds are younger. Blonds are more exciting. I think you look great as a brunette. But I, my inner self or my own internal picture of me, is a blond.

I don't feel as pretty if I don't have blond streaks. Sometimes I like to put red in it. Sometimes I really enjoy the contrast between the dark brown and the sun-streaked blond. Last Spring I loved my pink streaks amidst the blond. I like the feeling I get when I make a big change, but I like it most when there is blond involved.

I'll probably never develop a deep satisfaction in my natural color. For one thing, by now it's probably got some grey in it and I'd color it anyway. I may never get over it - and why should I? There is nothing permanent about hair.

However, after reading my friend Jennifer's blog A Free Haircut is Always a Super Cut arguing that professional hair color is an expensive luxury. I decided I could give up my blond - for a little while - to free up the $60 it costs me to have it done. We're buying a house and that 60 bucks, as well as the gym membership, can go to the mortgage.

I went for my natural Light Golden Brown first. Boring. Boring. Boring. I went back for the Dark Auburn last night - I can at least give myself a hint of drama.

And Ainsley, I've already colored her hair twice - once with pink streaks and once with red. She even had pink extensions glued in for a while. She asked for it and I couldn't think of a reason not to.

So, if Ainsley is going to get a message I hope it's this, You have the freedom to have whatever color of hair you want. You can reinvent yourself every season if you feel like it. But, keep it in perspective - if it's between buying a house or being a blond - the house should win every time.

Who knew I had this much to say about hair:

• Beauty & Reality
• Pink Hair Fiasco
• Pink Hair Fiasco Take 2
• Curl Maintenance
• The Meaning of Hair