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Monday, December 15, 2008

Truth About Rape

4patch.jpg

The other day I sat watching a talk show on "rape prevention."

"Don't let your daughter go to Frat parties and get drunk while wearing a short skirt or they will get raped," was the advice.

And I thought,

Why have I never, not one single time, seen a show or read an article or book about how to avoid turning a boy into a rapist?

That might actually be effective and place responsibility where it belongs - on the rapist.

As it stands, I'm letting my son snuggle so close to me in my bed at night that I can't sleep. He rolls 360 degrees at least once every two seconds.

He's 2 and seems to need the physical closeness. Since I have absolutely no scientific evidence or even maternal advice on how to ensure that my son does not grow up with a rapist's mentality, I don't send him back to his own bed. What if withholding that snuggle-time is the crucial misstep? I define a rapist's mentality as a pathological inability to recognize a girl in a skirt, even a drunk girl, as a whole human being worthy of his respect, to be valued as more important than his penis.

It's not too much to expect from the male gender.

I'm guessing withholding of maternal and paternal love, physical closeness, disallowing or punishing feelings, yanking the doll out of their hands and replacing it with guns, teasing them for crying, and making jokes about their manhood and sexuality - turns some boys into rapists. The less pathological ones just turn into bad dates and worse husbands.

The truth about rape is that rapists and child pornographers would invent turtleneck porn and turtleneck fetishes if we all made our daughters wear turtlenecks to protect them from bad men. We believe its a lot easier to put a girl in a turtleneck (we can make her do it) and hope for the best, than it is to hold men accountable for their pathological and distorted thinking about girls (we have far less control over them), right?

The problem with this strategy is that it's 100% ineffective.

I'd like to see Dr. Phil or Oprah so a show along these lines:

Prevent Rape - Teach your son not to be a rapist.

13 comments:

Anlina S. said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Tracee said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Rural Writer said...

I think this post is amazing for the most part. I would love to link to it.

Anlina S. said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Tracee said...

Links are always appreciated rural Writer.

Tracee said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
mrs. blogoway said...

Very interesting topic... especially since I watched the movie "The Accused" starring Jodi Foster last night. I've seen it before, but watched it again because her performance as a rape victim was so touching and tragic. You're right about rapists. They are disconnected during the act and don't think of the victim as a mom, sister, mother, etc.

I say "right on!" to allowing more snuggle time. I've always done the same thing.

ConverseMomma said...

This post was very well-written. There are organizations that do this. I used to work for C.O.R.S.A in buffalo. They went into high schools and gave talks that explained what rape was and all the things that GUYS should and should not do to respect women. As a victim of sexual assualt, it was very empowering for me.

Tracee said...

I'm going to look up C.O.R.S.A ConverseMoma.

MBR said...

A very brave proposition which carries merit on its on validity and weight of such a heavy issue.

As a father of two girls, I'm raising and teaching them to defend themselves and protect themselves. They're learning jiu jutsu (to be able to fight on their back with leverage and wrist locks) kenpo (to fight on their feet) along with self defense - eye gouging, throat chops, groin pulls/kicks, etc.

I do agree that there is a huge ownership on the man a woman can be just as responsible and held to a level of accountability. I say this as a victim of violence myself wherein I was in the wrong place at the wrong time without anyone with me. One must always be aware of their surroundings.

at all times

Tammie said...

Your post on rape is great. It made me realize that I.have succeeded in my goal not to raise a rapist, however, Ivolunteered at a Rape Crisis Center. Yep, the whole deal. The hotline, meeting victims (acting as their advocate, comforting them or trying, explaining hospital and police procedures. I took 6 weeks of intense volunteer training. Therefore, I know you are right. However, if I had a girl, I'd also teach her no frat parties in short skirts . After seeing what I've seen, I think All prevention is important. Rape is a horrible crime!

Tracee said...

"a woman can be just as responsible and held to a level of accountability."

If we continue this thinking rape will never ever stop. This thinking perpetuates rape.

Tammie said...

If one goes alone into a high crime neighborhood wearing lots of expensive jewelry, is it their fault they get robbed? No, however, I think safety and self defense are important, that's all I was trying to get across. I can see how I didn't word it well at all & it was misunderstood. Sorry.

Monday, December 15, 2008

Truth About Rape

4patch.jpg

The other day I sat watching a talk show on "rape prevention."

"Don't let your daughter go to Frat parties and get drunk while wearing a short skirt or they will get raped," was the advice.

And I thought,

Why have I never, not one single time, seen a show or read an article or book about how to avoid turning a boy into a rapist?

That might actually be effective and place responsibility where it belongs - on the rapist.

As it stands, I'm letting my son snuggle so close to me in my bed at night that I can't sleep. He rolls 360 degrees at least once every two seconds.

He's 2 and seems to need the physical closeness. Since I have absolutely no scientific evidence or even maternal advice on how to ensure that my son does not grow up with a rapist's mentality, I don't send him back to his own bed. What if withholding that snuggle-time is the crucial misstep? I define a rapist's mentality as a pathological inability to recognize a girl in a skirt, even a drunk girl, as a whole human being worthy of his respect, to be valued as more important than his penis.

It's not too much to expect from the male gender.

I'm guessing withholding of maternal and paternal love, physical closeness, disallowing or punishing feelings, yanking the doll out of their hands and replacing it with guns, teasing them for crying, and making jokes about their manhood and sexuality - turns some boys into rapists. The less pathological ones just turn into bad dates and worse husbands.

The truth about rape is that rapists and child pornographers would invent turtleneck porn and turtleneck fetishes if we all made our daughters wear turtlenecks to protect them from bad men. We believe its a lot easier to put a girl in a turtleneck (we can make her do it) and hope for the best, than it is to hold men accountable for their pathological and distorted thinking about girls (we have far less control over them), right?

The problem with this strategy is that it's 100% ineffective.

I'd like to see Dr. Phil or Oprah so a show along these lines:

Prevent Rape - Teach your son not to be a rapist.

13 comments:

Anlina S. said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Tracee said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Rural Writer said...

I think this post is amazing for the most part. I would love to link to it.

Anlina S. said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Tracee said...

Links are always appreciated rural Writer.

Tracee said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
mrs. blogoway said...

Very interesting topic... especially since I watched the movie "The Accused" starring Jodi Foster last night. I've seen it before, but watched it again because her performance as a rape victim was so touching and tragic. You're right about rapists. They are disconnected during the act and don't think of the victim as a mom, sister, mother, etc.

I say "right on!" to allowing more snuggle time. I've always done the same thing.

ConverseMomma said...

This post was very well-written. There are organizations that do this. I used to work for C.O.R.S.A in buffalo. They went into high schools and gave talks that explained what rape was and all the things that GUYS should and should not do to respect women. As a victim of sexual assualt, it was very empowering for me.

Tracee said...

I'm going to look up C.O.R.S.A ConverseMoma.

MBR said...

A very brave proposition which carries merit on its on validity and weight of such a heavy issue.

As a father of two girls, I'm raising and teaching them to defend themselves and protect themselves. They're learning jiu jutsu (to be able to fight on their back with leverage and wrist locks) kenpo (to fight on their feet) along with self defense - eye gouging, throat chops, groin pulls/kicks, etc.

I do agree that there is a huge ownership on the man a woman can be just as responsible and held to a level of accountability. I say this as a victim of violence myself wherein I was in the wrong place at the wrong time without anyone with me. One must always be aware of their surroundings.

at all times

Tammie said...

Your post on rape is great. It made me realize that I.have succeeded in my goal not to raise a rapist, however, Ivolunteered at a Rape Crisis Center. Yep, the whole deal. The hotline, meeting victims (acting as their advocate, comforting them or trying, explaining hospital and police procedures. I took 6 weeks of intense volunteer training. Therefore, I know you are right. However, if I had a girl, I'd also teach her no frat parties in short skirts . After seeing what I've seen, I think All prevention is important. Rape is a horrible crime!

Tracee said...

"a woman can be just as responsible and held to a level of accountability."

If we continue this thinking rape will never ever stop. This thinking perpetuates rape.

Tammie said...

If one goes alone into a high crime neighborhood wearing lots of expensive jewelry, is it their fault they get robbed? No, however, I think safety and self defense are important, that's all I was trying to get across. I can see how I didn't word it well at all & it was misunderstood. Sorry.