My blog has moved!

You should be automatically redirected in 5 seconds. If not, visit
http://thegirlrevolution.com
and update your bookmarks.

Monday, November 10, 2008

Inevitable Arguing

2reunited.jpg

I heard about a mother who believes mothers should pick one thing to intentionally argue with their daughters about.

She chose clothes. If her daughter liked a shirt she would scrunch up her nose and call it too short. If her daughter said the color was beautiful, she would grimace and say it was hideous. They argued about it all the time.

Her belief was that mothers and daughters will inevitably argue about something so this mother's best strategy was to consciously choose what they would fight over.

I have to agree that Ainsley is looking for something to argue with me about.

This mother chose clothes to avoid fighting about boys or curfews or school work.

Could this work as an effective parenting strategy?

If so, which is the least detrimental thing for mothers and daughters to quibble about?

12 comments:

Lisa @ Corporate Babysitter said...

Wow, this doesn't feel right to me. What happens when it is important to fight about something and you've used up your fighting quota?

When mine starts the intentional fighting -- just to fight -- I either diffuse it with humor or have her sit on my lap and tell me what's wrong (usually nothing she can articulate but being close helps). These two strategies work about 80 percent of the time. The other 20 percent she usually ends up in her room.

Tracee said...

It sounds so wrong it could be GENIUS.

I'm considering this as a strategy. Not with clothes because I'd have to fake that and I've already set a precedent.

But, maybe her "tone."

Would that backfire considering she got her tone from me?

kaybee + rnb said...

could it be??? i am thinking of possible scenarios right now!!! my girl and i usually argue over most everything, so why not try to "pick" my fights. but then, it sounds like the advice to pick your battles, which i have never been good at because i pick them all!!! please let us know if you try this strategy!
and regarding your "tone" tracee, yes, she most definitely got it from you....:)

Violet said...

I think mothers and daughters should just argue about what they naturally disagree about - there will be plenty to choose from!

Jen said...

Not feelin' it. Lol!

mrs. blogoway said...

We argue about food all the time. Bill & Maddie want to live on processed junk like chips and crackers. They buy their own pop tarts and keep hidden in the car so they can eat them on the way to school. It drives me crazy!

Lynnie said...

Interesting question! Gosh, everything I think of ends up sounding destructive down the road.....and yet, what an interesting idea. Tell us what you come up with!

Tracee said...

Foods a good one - I mean she doesn't eat "organic" and "raw" to rebel. Most of America doesn't either, right?

Marinka said...

This sounds so wrong, but if I had to pick one thing, I'd argue with my daughter about TV. Because it doesn't really matter. And because I've argued with my mother about clothes for so long, that I don't think I can take another generation of it.

Tracee said...

True that Marinka. Ainsley can generally wear whatever she wants because it was so unpleasant the first time around.

TV is a good one. Thus justifying my Hannah Montana ban.

Ellen Gerstein said...

I think you have to pick something that matters. I've always said I would not argue about clothes when there was sex, drugs and alcohol to be reckoned with down the pike. Take a stand on those, but not things that don't affect her life. It's an interesting theory you have tho...anything is worth a try.

Tracee said...

Ellen, I think her logic was that she didn't want her daughter to argue about boys, drugs, school because those were too important to be "arguing for the sake of arguing."

If I understood her theory correctly she figured that if her daughter got her "need to argue" out on something irrelevant - clothes - then she wouldn't need to argue with her mom over really crucial stuff.

She said it worked for her.

Monday, November 10, 2008

Inevitable Arguing

2reunited.jpg

I heard about a mother who believes mothers should pick one thing to intentionally argue with their daughters about.

She chose clothes. If her daughter liked a shirt she would scrunch up her nose and call it too short. If her daughter said the color was beautiful, she would grimace and say it was hideous. They argued about it all the time.

Her belief was that mothers and daughters will inevitably argue about something so this mother's best strategy was to consciously choose what they would fight over.

I have to agree that Ainsley is looking for something to argue with me about.

This mother chose clothes to avoid fighting about boys or curfews or school work.

Could this work as an effective parenting strategy?

If so, which is the least detrimental thing for mothers and daughters to quibble about?

12 comments:

Lisa @ Corporate Babysitter said...

Wow, this doesn't feel right to me. What happens when it is important to fight about something and you've used up your fighting quota?

When mine starts the intentional fighting -- just to fight -- I either diffuse it with humor or have her sit on my lap and tell me what's wrong (usually nothing she can articulate but being close helps). These two strategies work about 80 percent of the time. The other 20 percent she usually ends up in her room.

Tracee said...

It sounds so wrong it could be GENIUS.

I'm considering this as a strategy. Not with clothes because I'd have to fake that and I've already set a precedent.

But, maybe her "tone."

Would that backfire considering she got her tone from me?

kaybee + rnb said...

could it be??? i am thinking of possible scenarios right now!!! my girl and i usually argue over most everything, so why not try to "pick" my fights. but then, it sounds like the advice to pick your battles, which i have never been good at because i pick them all!!! please let us know if you try this strategy!
and regarding your "tone" tracee, yes, she most definitely got it from you....:)

Violet said...

I think mothers and daughters should just argue about what they naturally disagree about - there will be plenty to choose from!

Jen said...

Not feelin' it. Lol!

mrs. blogoway said...

We argue about food all the time. Bill & Maddie want to live on processed junk like chips and crackers. They buy their own pop tarts and keep hidden in the car so they can eat them on the way to school. It drives me crazy!

Lynnie said...

Interesting question! Gosh, everything I think of ends up sounding destructive down the road.....and yet, what an interesting idea. Tell us what you come up with!

Tracee said...

Foods a good one - I mean she doesn't eat "organic" and "raw" to rebel. Most of America doesn't either, right?

Marinka said...

This sounds so wrong, but if I had to pick one thing, I'd argue with my daughter about TV. Because it doesn't really matter. And because I've argued with my mother about clothes for so long, that I don't think I can take another generation of it.

Tracee said...

True that Marinka. Ainsley can generally wear whatever she wants because it was so unpleasant the first time around.

TV is a good one. Thus justifying my Hannah Montana ban.

Ellen Gerstein said...

I think you have to pick something that matters. I've always said I would not argue about clothes when there was sex, drugs and alcohol to be reckoned with down the pike. Take a stand on those, but not things that don't affect her life. It's an interesting theory you have tho...anything is worth a try.

Tracee said...

Ellen, I think her logic was that she didn't want her daughter to argue about boys, drugs, school because those were too important to be "arguing for the sake of arguing."

If I understood her theory correctly she figured that if her daughter got her "need to argue" out on something irrelevant - clothes - then she wouldn't need to argue with her mom over really crucial stuff.

She said it worked for her.