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Thursday, November 6, 2008

Sibling Envy

1post-it.jpg

The only cure for sentiments like this is extra attention.

So, I put aside my own need to lie in bed with a book all day on Sunday and took her to town where we went window shopping.

Left Zack with Daddy.

What do you do when your kids get jealous? I wonder how Moms like Kate from Jon and Kate + 8 gives each kid "enough" attention? My aunt Stephanie had 10 kids - how do mother's manage that?

Are girls more insatiable than boys for attention?

9 comments:

kaybee + rnb said...

that note is so sweet!!! i find my son needs/wants more cuddle time, although i think he is just more vocal about it--he asks, i give. when i initiate the cuddle w/my girl, she is very much for it, but really won't ask for it on her own....

Jen said...

No, boys are the same. I have to make sure to give all my kids special time alone, and if I don't do this often enough it manifests in acting out behavior. My middle child is the quintessential attention seeker.

Violet said...

I'm grown and married, but I still feel that way sometimes! Yes, we all have days when we need a little extra attention. I think it is cool that she is in touch with her feelings and willing to share them with you.

One-on-one time is important. I have fond memories of that every once in a while my mom would let me skip school and go shopping and out to lunch with her alone. Those were special days.

Tracee said...

Yes, my boy is quite the snuggly in the evenings watching TV.

He and Ainsley have been fighting over my lap. They used to be more willing to share my lap.

I try to convince them there is enough Mommy to go around.

My toddlers have come in for snuggles in the early, early morning and usually I just LOVE the extra touching, smooshed together smell their heads in my half-sleep time.

Christine Fugate said...

I deal with this every day-the fighting between my girls. I am so tired of it. It drives me nuts. Everyone recommends the book Sibling Rivalry, so far I can't get anything out of it.

Mim said...

You know, I've never had to deal with this particular manifestation of sibling rivalry. We have plenty of other issues but none of the kids has ever questioned whether or how much I love them. Huh. I'd never even thought about it.

I just asked Tom and Caitlin if they'd ever thought about it, they both looked at me blankly and Tom said "Well, I know you love me."

Tracee said...

Christine - maybe they aren't jealous of each other - maybe they are jealous of your work and are taking it out on each other.

I think Ainsley's jealousy has more to do with time I take away from family by being distracted (writing in my head) or working too much (being on the computer evenings and weekends) than any negative feelings about her brother.

Extra attention is still the cure I imagine. And trying to stay "present" when I'm with them.

Shaping Youth said...

Poignant visual, Tracee...

I'm going to 'go global' here and take it beyond siblings (I have an 'only' which is a dynamic in itself!) and send you to humanist Alice Aspen March and her site/book called "The Attention Factor."

I wrote about Alice's work here on Shaping Youth:

http://www.shapingyouth.org/blog/?p=1345

...and was honored to present with her at the CCFC summit last spring. She really traces some of it back to 'the basics' and credits her son's drug-use as a profound 'wake up call' to move her focus toward empowerment on this agenda for all ages and stages.

That visual moved me sooooo much that I think I'm going to alter my plans this weekend and mandate some 'alone time' w/my 13-year old, even though she's been 'friend-focused' fully.

I may get the power whine, but something tells me it's preventive Rx. ;-)

Tracee said...

Thank you so much for that Amy. She's right, I think we all just need more one-on-one attention from those we love. And I really need to stay out of my head and focus on her when it's our time and make sure she's getting enough. I truly don't think it's about her brother. I think it's about her need for attention.

Calling a halt to friend-time and taking the kid to dinner sounds like a great plan. Kids, even teens, need it.

Thursday, November 6, 2008

Sibling Envy

1post-it.jpg

The only cure for sentiments like this is extra attention.

So, I put aside my own need to lie in bed with a book all day on Sunday and took her to town where we went window shopping.

Left Zack with Daddy.

What do you do when your kids get jealous? I wonder how Moms like Kate from Jon and Kate + 8 gives each kid "enough" attention? My aunt Stephanie had 10 kids - how do mother's manage that?

Are girls more insatiable than boys for attention?

9 comments:

kaybee + rnb said...

that note is so sweet!!! i find my son needs/wants more cuddle time, although i think he is just more vocal about it--he asks, i give. when i initiate the cuddle w/my girl, she is very much for it, but really won't ask for it on her own....

Jen said...

No, boys are the same. I have to make sure to give all my kids special time alone, and if I don't do this often enough it manifests in acting out behavior. My middle child is the quintessential attention seeker.

Violet said...

I'm grown and married, but I still feel that way sometimes! Yes, we all have days when we need a little extra attention. I think it is cool that she is in touch with her feelings and willing to share them with you.

One-on-one time is important. I have fond memories of that every once in a while my mom would let me skip school and go shopping and out to lunch with her alone. Those were special days.

Tracee said...

Yes, my boy is quite the snuggly in the evenings watching TV.

He and Ainsley have been fighting over my lap. They used to be more willing to share my lap.

I try to convince them there is enough Mommy to go around.

My toddlers have come in for snuggles in the early, early morning and usually I just LOVE the extra touching, smooshed together smell their heads in my half-sleep time.

Christine Fugate said...

I deal with this every day-the fighting between my girls. I am so tired of it. It drives me nuts. Everyone recommends the book Sibling Rivalry, so far I can't get anything out of it.

Mim said...

You know, I've never had to deal with this particular manifestation of sibling rivalry. We have plenty of other issues but none of the kids has ever questioned whether or how much I love them. Huh. I'd never even thought about it.

I just asked Tom and Caitlin if they'd ever thought about it, they both looked at me blankly and Tom said "Well, I know you love me."

Tracee said...

Christine - maybe they aren't jealous of each other - maybe they are jealous of your work and are taking it out on each other.

I think Ainsley's jealousy has more to do with time I take away from family by being distracted (writing in my head) or working too much (being on the computer evenings and weekends) than any negative feelings about her brother.

Extra attention is still the cure I imagine. And trying to stay "present" when I'm with them.

Shaping Youth said...

Poignant visual, Tracee...

I'm going to 'go global' here and take it beyond siblings (I have an 'only' which is a dynamic in itself!) and send you to humanist Alice Aspen March and her site/book called "The Attention Factor."

I wrote about Alice's work here on Shaping Youth:

http://www.shapingyouth.org/blog/?p=1345

...and was honored to present with her at the CCFC summit last spring. She really traces some of it back to 'the basics' and credits her son's drug-use as a profound 'wake up call' to move her focus toward empowerment on this agenda for all ages and stages.

That visual moved me sooooo much that I think I'm going to alter my plans this weekend and mandate some 'alone time' w/my 13-year old, even though she's been 'friend-focused' fully.

I may get the power whine, but something tells me it's preventive Rx. ;-)

Tracee said...

Thank you so much for that Amy. She's right, I think we all just need more one-on-one attention from those we love. And I really need to stay out of my head and focus on her when it's our time and make sure she's getting enough. I truly don't think it's about her brother. I think it's about her need for attention.

Calling a halt to friend-time and taking the kid to dinner sounds like a great plan. Kids, even teens, need it.