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Thursday, December 13, 2007

Forbidden Prayers, Wishes & Dreams


by Tracee Sioux

Yesterday we went walking, the kids and I, to get our exercise and take a break what seemed to be a downward spiral of bickering and frustration at home.

There's a prayer sanctuary near our house that's open to the public with some wishing wells out front. It's about a mile so we ventured forth.

Let's go in and pray. We can show God our gratitude for our blessings.

Not me. I'm praying for a Barbie.

Stupid Freaking Barbie! When she had one she dismembered and beheaded it. Now, it's her heart's desire.

Is it only because it's forbidden? I got her a Barbi-like knock off - do you think she'll be satisfied?

We made our wishes in the fountain, on penny at a time and then we had some more so we moved onto the nickels, dimes and quarters. Then Ainsley tried to fish them out because she was out of money but still had more wishes.

You can't steal other people's wishes Ainsley. And if you get your wishes back they might not come true.

So, in we went to pray. I knelt and prayed out loud (it's uncomfortable for me, but I try to teach by example) for all the wonderful gifts we've been given.

She went over to the spiral notebook and started writing.

Please bless that mom and dad will love each other all the time. Please let my brother be nice, she wrote.

Then we came home and she wrote a letter to Santa.

Mom how do you spell Barbie?

How do you spell Sleeping Beauty Princess Dress?

Okay now how to I write Barbie Computer?

Do you think he could really fit a tree house in a present?

A few days ago we were making a Dream Board, you know a collage of our dreams that we hope to come true. A visual representation of our goals, if you will.

She cut out a Bratz bedspread.

You don't want that, I tried convincing her.

I do want it.

Like every mother, my hearts desire is to make all her dreams come true at Christmas. But, you'll notice that I have a moral objection to nearly every toy on her list?

Is it irony, karma or a case of wanting the forbidden only because it's forbidden? Or is it the mass marketing to girls today telling them they must want these things?

I've my theories but I'd really, truly love to hear yours.

Pro-Ana Cheerleader Barbies
How Come Zack Gets A Barbie?
Bob vs. Barbie
Friends With Barbies
Go Bratz Go!
No Bratz No! Tantrum Or Go With The Flow?
Princess Ban
Cinderella Should Have Saved Herself
Ariel - The Little Mute
Belle - Battered Codependent

9 comments:

Violet said...

Wow, that's hard. The forbidden has always seemed sweeter to me, to my own mother's dismay. Don't you remember back when you defied everything your mother wanted for you? When you wanted to do things your way? I think Ainsley is a lot like you.

I support whatever you choose to do, but honestly? I think you should compromise and get her the Barbie. Pick one that has a career and modest clothes, and let this battle go. There will be others.

Tracee said...

Of course I totally get it. I spent half my life conflicting with my mother - wanting the opposite of what she wanted for me.

I was thinking of a semi-Barbie compromise. Perhaps a High School Musical doll set with Gabrielle and Zac Afrons character? They are very Barbie-like, but not Mattel Barbies.

mom said...

Yes, ma'am -- love to have you visit my blog and click on "princess" - I think I have 14 or 15 princess posts. Crazy.

If you already read me, you know I'm all about the shade of grey. I work really hard to steer her to other choices, but decided in the end that if it's important to her that I end op making them a bigger deal than they deserve by forbidding. So far we own only one snow white toothbrush from the dentist (whole post on that too), but I just bought one princess gift. It was hard, but my thinking is that between the guitar, trampoline, arts and crafts, and books, they are just one choice -- it's all about choice. Plus, I can play with her and shape the story -- the figurine set, after all, doesn't even have princes. There is something interesting in there.

Anonymous said...

Maybe you should ask her directly why she wants those things. Find out what she likes about them so you can find something with those qualities that you don't downright object to.
Also, you could try telling her, in age-appropriate language, why you don't think that those are the best toys. See if she'll agree with your reasoning. She sounds like she's smart for her age, she might understand.

Tracee said...

Mom, I appreciate your grey position. I don't think I'm too extreme or rigid about it. (Except for Bratz which really are outright forbidden).

We do have a pink Barbie dream bug that is Zack's favorite toy. We have a Barbie skate board. We have dress up dresses from bride to princess. We have a Cinderella movie that was a gift. We have a big book of Disney Princess Fairy Tales, also as a gift I didn't want to withhold. She plays on Disneyland.com and I allow it.

I allowed all the princess, barbie girl paraphernelia to be gifted to her without reservation or limits for 3 years. I just realized it might be having a negative impact when all her fantasizing and role playing included "being saved" by a prince. I hated that lesson.

Then as you suggest Anonymous, I did sit her down and tell her in both age-appropriate language and quite adult language what my issues are. She understands and agrees, I really think she does.

You know what? I think, maybe, just maybe she's screwing with me! HAHAHAHA. I think she might be pushing my buttons just for fun, in a gentle sense of humor non-confrontational way. Just to see my reaction.

I also think it's an easy way for her to declare her independence of me.

I'm not upset about it. I'm really not. I think in some way, it's a healthy and kind of funny declaration of "I'm not you. I'm different. I'm me."

Which, is exactly what I strive for in parenting. A clear sense of independent self.

Violet said...

The High School Musical set sounds like a great compromise. I think all your love and positive messages will be what resonates with her in the end, despite what toys she plays with.

Mrs. Blogoway said...

They just want what all the other kids have or are talking about. I think she'll be o.k. She's got a great Mom & Dad and whatever you decide, just remember that today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.

Tracee said...

I just saw that Mattel does make the High School Musical Set - damn it!

I think I'll let it slide though.

I tried to find a Tracy Turnblad and Link Larkin Hairspray doll set - but they don't make those. Hmm. Wonder why? Is it too cynical to assume it's because Tracy it's a size 0?

I went to mom's site outside the (toy) box and she is going with a grey approach to princesses. She hates them, but is allowing a limited number of them so that they don't become an obsession by being forbidden. It seems wise.

I think High School Musical set is the way to go. I got her some other knock-offs with normal body size too.

Violet said...

They do make Hairspray dolls including Tracy! I saw them at Target.

Thursday, December 13, 2007

Forbidden Prayers, Wishes & Dreams


by Tracee Sioux

Yesterday we went walking, the kids and I, to get our exercise and take a break what seemed to be a downward spiral of bickering and frustration at home.

There's a prayer sanctuary near our house that's open to the public with some wishing wells out front. It's about a mile so we ventured forth.

Let's go in and pray. We can show God our gratitude for our blessings.

Not me. I'm praying for a Barbie.

Stupid Freaking Barbie! When she had one she dismembered and beheaded it. Now, it's her heart's desire.

Is it only because it's forbidden? I got her a Barbi-like knock off - do you think she'll be satisfied?

We made our wishes in the fountain, on penny at a time and then we had some more so we moved onto the nickels, dimes and quarters. Then Ainsley tried to fish them out because she was out of money but still had more wishes.

You can't steal other people's wishes Ainsley. And if you get your wishes back they might not come true.

So, in we went to pray. I knelt and prayed out loud (it's uncomfortable for me, but I try to teach by example) for all the wonderful gifts we've been given.

She went over to the spiral notebook and started writing.

Please bless that mom and dad will love each other all the time. Please let my brother be nice, she wrote.

Then we came home and she wrote a letter to Santa.

Mom how do you spell Barbie?

How do you spell Sleeping Beauty Princess Dress?

Okay now how to I write Barbie Computer?

Do you think he could really fit a tree house in a present?

A few days ago we were making a Dream Board, you know a collage of our dreams that we hope to come true. A visual representation of our goals, if you will.

She cut out a Bratz bedspread.

You don't want that, I tried convincing her.

I do want it.

Like every mother, my hearts desire is to make all her dreams come true at Christmas. But, you'll notice that I have a moral objection to nearly every toy on her list?

Is it irony, karma or a case of wanting the forbidden only because it's forbidden? Or is it the mass marketing to girls today telling them they must want these things?

I've my theories but I'd really, truly love to hear yours.

Pro-Ana Cheerleader Barbies
How Come Zack Gets A Barbie?
Bob vs. Barbie
Friends With Barbies
Go Bratz Go!
No Bratz No! Tantrum Or Go With The Flow?
Princess Ban
Cinderella Should Have Saved Herself
Ariel - The Little Mute
Belle - Battered Codependent

9 comments:

Violet said...

Wow, that's hard. The forbidden has always seemed sweeter to me, to my own mother's dismay. Don't you remember back when you defied everything your mother wanted for you? When you wanted to do things your way? I think Ainsley is a lot like you.

I support whatever you choose to do, but honestly? I think you should compromise and get her the Barbie. Pick one that has a career and modest clothes, and let this battle go. There will be others.

Tracee said...

Of course I totally get it. I spent half my life conflicting with my mother - wanting the opposite of what she wanted for me.

I was thinking of a semi-Barbie compromise. Perhaps a High School Musical doll set with Gabrielle and Zac Afrons character? They are very Barbie-like, but not Mattel Barbies.

mom said...

Yes, ma'am -- love to have you visit my blog and click on "princess" - I think I have 14 or 15 princess posts. Crazy.

If you already read me, you know I'm all about the shade of grey. I work really hard to steer her to other choices, but decided in the end that if it's important to her that I end op making them a bigger deal than they deserve by forbidding. So far we own only one snow white toothbrush from the dentist (whole post on that too), but I just bought one princess gift. It was hard, but my thinking is that between the guitar, trampoline, arts and crafts, and books, they are just one choice -- it's all about choice. Plus, I can play with her and shape the story -- the figurine set, after all, doesn't even have princes. There is something interesting in there.

Anonymous said...

Maybe you should ask her directly why she wants those things. Find out what she likes about them so you can find something with those qualities that you don't downright object to.
Also, you could try telling her, in age-appropriate language, why you don't think that those are the best toys. See if she'll agree with your reasoning. She sounds like she's smart for her age, she might understand.

Tracee said...

Mom, I appreciate your grey position. I don't think I'm too extreme or rigid about it. (Except for Bratz which really are outright forbidden).

We do have a pink Barbie dream bug that is Zack's favorite toy. We have a Barbie skate board. We have dress up dresses from bride to princess. We have a Cinderella movie that was a gift. We have a big book of Disney Princess Fairy Tales, also as a gift I didn't want to withhold. She plays on Disneyland.com and I allow it.

I allowed all the princess, barbie girl paraphernelia to be gifted to her without reservation or limits for 3 years. I just realized it might be having a negative impact when all her fantasizing and role playing included "being saved" by a prince. I hated that lesson.

Then as you suggest Anonymous, I did sit her down and tell her in both age-appropriate language and quite adult language what my issues are. She understands and agrees, I really think she does.

You know what? I think, maybe, just maybe she's screwing with me! HAHAHAHA. I think she might be pushing my buttons just for fun, in a gentle sense of humor non-confrontational way. Just to see my reaction.

I also think it's an easy way for her to declare her independence of me.

I'm not upset about it. I'm really not. I think in some way, it's a healthy and kind of funny declaration of "I'm not you. I'm different. I'm me."

Which, is exactly what I strive for in parenting. A clear sense of independent self.

Violet said...

The High School Musical set sounds like a great compromise. I think all your love and positive messages will be what resonates with her in the end, despite what toys she plays with.

Mrs. Blogoway said...

They just want what all the other kids have or are talking about. I think she'll be o.k. She's got a great Mom & Dad and whatever you decide, just remember that today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.

Tracee said...

I just saw that Mattel does make the High School Musical Set - damn it!

I think I'll let it slide though.

I tried to find a Tracy Turnblad and Link Larkin Hairspray doll set - but they don't make those. Hmm. Wonder why? Is it too cynical to assume it's because Tracy it's a size 0?

I went to mom's site outside the (toy) box and she is going with a grey approach to princesses. She hates them, but is allowing a limited number of them so that they don't become an obsession by being forbidden. It seems wise.

I think High School Musical set is the way to go. I got her some other knock-offs with normal body size too.

Violet said...

They do make Hairspray dolls including Tracy! I saw them at Target.